I'm in sartorial mourning- not sure what to do. - YouLookFab Forum

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I'm in sartorial mourning- not sure what to do.

Anonymous

I seem to have lost my absolute favourite, best, and the most personal piece I have ever owned: my beloved silk chiffon Alexander McQueen classic skull scarf. It makes me sad just to type this.

I've owned this piece for probably 10 years, and it was a carefully thought-out, planned for and EXPENSIVE item. It became my signature, and I wore it every winter and with almost everything I owned. It went to formal and casual occasions and if I was out in a restaurant , I never took it off for fear of losing it. I babied that thing, making sure it didn't catch in a zipper, hung it up to air out and rarely cleaned it (which sounds grosser than it is).

And now it's gone. I have not totally torn the house apart quite yet - thinking that as long as I haven't done that, it might still be around somewhere, but I have faced the fact that it's likely been taken or I dropped it somewhere. I have looked everywhere it should be - and now it's been a few weeks. So what do I do ? Replacing it will cost even more now that it did 10 years ago, and somehow feels mercenary and impersonal . There is one on eBay that has been preworn (and that is making me uneasy) and new ones are not sold everywhere (Nordstrom doesn't stock it, for example). I also have this fear of ordering it, wearing it, and then promptly finding my original.

I have never felt this way about an item of clothing or an accessory before - this was truly *my*scarf. What would you do?

eta: I have no experience buying off of eBay. Other than checking the seller's score and comments, how can I make sure I'm getting what I'm paying for? This particular seller is offering a pre-worn "authentic" McQueen scarf the same as mine, but how do I know it's the real thing? And yes, that absolutely matters in this case. Any ebay tips and tricks most welcome here.

Saks Fifth Avenue

Alexander McQueen Classic Skull Silk Chiffon Scarf

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61 replies

Latest reply was from DonnaF

JAileen

Veteran

I'm so sorry. I know how that is to lose/wreck a beloved item. I've wrecked more things than I've lost, though.

Re used: buy it on ebay and dry clean it. I thrift a lot and used doesn't bother me at all.

ETA: In fact, I feel better with a used item, because I don't worry about it as much.

Sal

Veteran

Oh dear - I do know the feeling. I have however had things turn up within my house that I had misplaced and a scarf could be tucked under a jacket or cushion or somehow ended up folded in the linen cupboard - or left with a client or friend...

So I would be racking my brains and back tracking when I last wore it, where and trying that angle. That has worked for me with sunglasses, credit cards and earrings...

As to replacing or not, I would hold off just a bit longer - and then, I don't know....I am not sure that I would duplicate exactly but everyone is different.

I lost an heirloom gold chain with a heart pendant that was a gift from my Grandmother, that I wore on my wedding day....I lost it swimming in a pool during a difficult time when Jon's Mum was in hospital about 17 years ago. I felt sick about it as I should have taken it off. I still feel angry and upset when I think about this.

Commiserations though - it is hard!!

Greyscale

Veteran

Oh no! I lost my all time favorite skirt (no idea how) and I still mourn it even though my style has moved on.

I think that unfortunately those awesome McQueen scarves are one of the more often faked things on eBay. It was a bigger problem at the height of the scarf's popularity - maybe they've improved. I wouldn't rule out eBay but it's worth messaging the seller to find out where they got it.

Runcarla

Veteran

Have you checked the sleeves of all your jackets and the inside of all your purses? If it rolls up small, check pockets too. Closet hangers including under other people's coats. Also, check your car, including all the nooks and crannies in the doors, and dash. Check the lost and founds of places you've been, once you are sure you've worn it to that place. Check inside your suitcases and travelling bags.

Brew a pot of tea (or cup of joe) and sit down when you can be very quiet, and trace when you last wore it...even to the point of miming putting it on, etc.

I hope you find it.

Anonymous

That's sad. When you lose something like that you almost feel like you lost all the experiences and good feelings you had while it was yours.

If you really can't find it yet, maybe buy something different? I understand how important this particular scarf seems but I'm not sure you can relive the attachment with a replacement . You can start a new story and if it turns up it wasn't duplicated.

Look in the places where it shouldn't be. In the sleeve of a coat, bunched up in a bag you don't use, your glove compartment, etc., etc.

karen13

Veteran

So sorry to hear this. I hope you find it. It will be in an incredibly unlikely place like the freezer. If you replace it, it will turn up immediately.

But if it doesn’t and it means that much to you, by all means replace it. See if the EBay seller accepts returns so if it isn’t what you expected, you are only out shipping. It clearly brings you such joy.

I lost my mom’s Bulova watch about 10 years ago. It wasn’t expensive Or fancy, and was a pain as it it needed setting and winding every time I wore it. Later I’ve been thinking about finding a replacement somewhere. It wouldn’t be my mom’s, but it would still evoke the same memories.

Echo

Veteran

For an item like this, I wouldn't go e-bay. There are just too many fakes masquerading as the real thing, and it can be incredibly hard to know the difference. I adore McQueen scarves (both the classic and different styles), and I've ordered from Zappos (back in the day, before they were sold), FarFetch, and Neiman Marcus. IMO, this IS an item worth replacing, though you might want to replace it with a different colour pattern. I wear mine (I have four) with regular outfits, coats, etc. They wash well and go the distance. Don't buy used; the other had a long and full life, and you deserve something new. Be kind to yourself; these things happen. The scarf is well worth the price.

SandyG

Veteran

Losing a favorite feels awful. It's happened to me several times, mostly traveling. My approach varies. I've both replaced each item and moved on to new, other statement pieces, and the mileage varies with each individual item. Some of the replacements didn't have the same 'magic' if the original had been purchased someplace special, and some new items became even bigger workhorses than former favorites.

I gravitate now toward The New .... I can't stay heartbroken and moping forever.

Anonymous

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear this. Maybe the real real is a better place to look since I think they have staff who authenticate the items.

I would be tempted to make something else a signature. Hard to know what though.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh no! That’s a knife to the heart. Wait a little bit. I like the idea of something like The Real Real.

Deborah

Veteran

Lisa, my i feel your pain! My situation is a little different in that I have recently ruined a pair of sandals that I love and are integral to my style. I searched everywhere for a similar style, purchased and returned, and then miraculously found another pair (the real deal, and new) (the design is about 2 years old) and snapped them up. Just waiting for them to arrive.

I now sure where or how, but if this item is so significant for you then I would definitely try to source another. Sending good vibes your way.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear this. Isn’t it frustrating!

Re replacing it, that’s a tough one. Are you more frustrated with losing it, or sad that you don’t have it to wear? If you see the difference... has it run it’s course in your wardrobe? If you had it, are you still going to reach for it as much as you have?

I would hang on a month or two before replacing if you decide you want to. When you’ve got all your winter things out, who knows... as others have said, it may be in a sleeve or something. . You’re lucky they are still available.

Is anyone struggling with a Christmas gift idea for you?

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I am sorry, but it may still turn up.

Since second hand shopping is my thing I will jump right to practical advice. Regarding ebay, remember you will always have the right to return if the item is not authentic or in the condition the seller claims. Paypal weighs heavily toward the buyer in such cases and can get your money back without the consent of the seller if need be.

Read the comments - what is the seller's rating?

Look at other second hand sources:
https://www.therealreal.com/pr.....n-skull-pr
The RealReal is guaranteed authentic and has frequent sales. Let me know if you want more info or this is more than enough .

Anonymous

I am sad that I don't have it to wear - as I was wearing it already this winter. It will never lose its appeal to me - as it was an integral piece of my wardrobe. I never viewed it as trendy - it was iconic, and it meant a lot to me. I'm wondering if replacing it will feel the same - and holy crap am I somewhat ashamed at even having such a first world problem.

SandyG - losing the magic is what I worry about - my original held my perfume, and was all mine...... Maybe it is time to move forward with something else.

Good suggestions to avoid ebay . It's available at Neiman Marcus, but I'm having trouble pulling the trigger because of the cost. Sigh. Thanks for all of your thoughtful suggestions and commiserations - only fashion people "get" what this kind of thing means.

Anonymous

Thanks Shevia - I checked the realreal, but stopped at the point of having to set up an account. I'll go back to it in the morning. oh oh, I just looked at your link and it's an OLIVE GREEN one! Ack! Not the same as my black one, but very interesting. Where do they get their stock from ? It's described as "feels like silk" - which is a lame assessment if there ever was one. The price is right tho.......

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

That sucks, I'm sorry. And yes it was very you.

Peri

Veteran

Did you travel any with it? If so, check the pockets of suitcases. I once lost my favorite pair of earbuds (not even the slightest comparison, I know) for well over a year. Turns out they were in a pocket of a suitcase I thought I had carefully unpacked. Don't know if that helps any.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

What size was it? The Vestaire Collective, basically international version of TheRealReal, they have a neckerchief version for $135 US

https://www.vestiairecollectiv.....alexander-
It says blue, but looks black

Stole, so different
https://www.vestiairecollectiv.....-alexander

This seems to be the closest, but in the close up there's some damage

https://www.vestiairecollectiv.....-scarf-ale

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

This looks better

https://www.vestiairecollectiv.....-scarf-ale

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Poshmark has one NWT for $170.
used $160 and $150

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*SOBBING*

YES. Iconic. Agreed.

Ooooh. How annoying. I vote get another. Merry Christmas Lisa, from Lisa.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

If you do buy one, maybe a slightly different colorway. That way if you do find the original you'll have two different ones

Style Fan

Veteran

Sob. I vote to get a new one in a different colour just in case you find the old one. I know the feeling. Mr SF #1 bought me a gorgeous skeleton watch that I loved. It went missing. I never lose things. Never. I think it got stolen.

Mr SF #1 lost his wedding ring. He had another one made. Two or three years later (maybe more) the original one turned up at the bottom of someone's woodpile. He wore two wedding rings for a while.

gryffin

Veteran

Lisa - so. Eye very sorry to hear this. We have all lost something precious. It hurts, horribly. This is a signature. It's incredibly you. My best advice, it's still available. Get an exact duplicate. If the old one turns up, wear it and keep the new one for dress wear or back up. You will always regret it if you don't get another. When affordable I always build redundancy into the system. The money will youch but your happiness factor is more important.

Sisi

Veteran

Sorry sorry sorry. I understand very well. As the big specialist of disappeared things that I am, I suggest wait a little longer, then get another one. Rest assured that the old one will pop out after a while.

skylurker

Veteran

Oh, no. It might turn up yet. And it CAN be replaced (unlike Sal’s necklace for instance). In that case, I’d buy it new, because a second hand might always feel, well, like a second best, to the lost one.

Bijou

Veteran

Once again Angie is 100% right!

You found a scarf that was you and wore it, this is one item that you must duplicate. My vote is buy a new one. The old one on a $ per wear basis was a bargain. You will miss this scarf, it needs to be replaced. The RealReal is a good place to get an authentic second hand one, I would trust this over eBay.

If you find the old one, you must give it, or the new one, to your daughter. Even if it is not her style now (but how could it not be - it is iconic and fab), she will treasure it because it will always remind her of you.

Chris987

Veteran

I can "hear" how down you are about this.....so sad to lose a beloved item. Let yourself grieve as long as you need to and then think about all the great suggestions here and decide what to do. Oh yeah and if you are beating yourself up for it......get beyond that too you are only human like the rest of us!

I lost the diamond studs that DH gave me for my 50th birthday. They were modest in size but he presented them to me on a weekend in Montreal and they had huge sentimental value. I had a second pierced hole added to my earlobes and wore them daily. I lost them inside my hotel room in Barcelona last summer and still have no idea how it happened. I'm Still not sure what I want to do but they are a lot easier to replace than your scarf, maybe pricier but certainly more available . Hugs to you

Glory

Veteran

Oh that is terrible! I vote to buy another, new, just the exact same. You know you will love it and wear it! 10 years of wearing is a long time so I think you took wonderful care of it and should not be so hard on yourself.

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