I wore a dress, and apparently I was too dressy... - YouLookFab Forum

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I wore a dress, and apparently I was too dressy...

NK

(website)

Today, to go shopping and later to attend a school carnival, I wore a dress and flat black sandals. Actually, I wore a black boyfriend blazer over it all during the shopping, but took it off in the afternoon once it warmed up, so not during the carnival.

This dress, which I've since shortened:

http://whenlifehandsyouapear.w.....e-today-4/

At the carnival, everyone I know that I saw teased me and asked me why I was so dressed up, in what felt like a negative way.

I ended up feeling kind of silly and overdressed after the comments.

And I have to wonder why people think a child wearing a dress any day of the week is fine, but an adult wearing a dress is too dressed up?

27 replies

Latest reply was from rae

Anonymous

I'm sorry you had this experience because the dress looks attractive on you and casual, but maybe those who made comments felt sloppy by comparison. If they see you in a dress fairly often, they will get used to it. Also, dresses are everywhere this spring. Maybe it's a trend they haven't adjusted to yet.

Maya

Veteran

Angie blogged about this once, and I'm with Joy 100%. Dressing nicely makes people uncomfortable when they realize you look much better than they do, so they try to bring you down and "shame" you into looking as sloppy as they do so that they feel better about themselves. In fact, they are usually the ones who are embarrassed because you look so pretty and they probably did not!

I used to get the same kind of comments from my sloppy friends, but I dismissed them and now no one bothers saying anything to me. In fact, some of them look a lot nicer than they did a few years ago. I like to believe I inspired them

Queen Mum

Veteran

oh, I'm so sorry. That is so disheartening when you go to the trouble of trying to look nice and people have to question why you are doing so.... I think that dress with flats would be a perfect springtime daydress.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Oh Natalie, what a frustrating experience. It drives me mad when people feel the need to be judgmental, particularly about choices like this. I agree with the ladies; your polished, appropriate outfit probably made them a little self-conscious about their own atire. Unfortunately North Americans seem to have an absurd notion of what constitutes a dressy outfit. It's an issue we've talked about on the forum at great length, since many of us have had experiences like yours. Don't bow to such petty pressures; just keep doing your own thing confident in the knowledge that you look great!
And if it keeps up, come here for hoards of sympathetic ears and reassurance.

puffenstuff

(website)

Veteran

You know my first thought was when they asked you "why are you so dressed up" my response would have been "well why arent you?" It's the same in Australia though especially around the area I live in people look sideways at you if you look classy and polished when you're getting the groceries - so what if I've got a dress on arent I allowed to look nicely dressed whenever I leave the house?

You looked fabulous in that dress and I dont think it's too dressy at all. It really suits you!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I agree with the ladies, you look beautifully and appropriately dressed. Shame on the people who made you feel insecure.

stringy

Veteran

Pfft! Your dress and flat sandals is absolutely appropriate for a school carnival. I bet you looked relaxed and comfortable as well as pretty.

People who tease you about what you're wearing are almost always self-conscious about themselves and taking it out on you. If it's someone you like, it might even be worth explaining your choice so they can see that there's more than one way of doing things. But if it's someone who's always negative, let them stew in their own juices while you happily go about your day.

Louise

Veteran

You look fantastic please don't let anyone bring you down. I usually find it's the people who don't make an effort who make this sort of comment so there is probably a bit of jealousy it could also be they are not used to you dressing up give it some time and soon people will take it for granted that is how you dress and not comment (((hugs))) x

Kate

Veteran

I agree completely with all of the above comments.

I do think that people will get used to it if you just keep on dressing the way you want to dress. However, if anyone does give you crap for wearing a dress or skirt again, I've found it helps to point out that it's MUCH cooler than wearing pants or walking shorts. It's starting to get hot in this state, and if they haven't tried wearing a dress in the heat it's about time they started! This explanation of the utility has helped me to inspire some of my female friends to wear skirts and dresses more often, and gotten some of my male friends off my back about why I'm so "dressy"!

chellebrate

I agree with what everyone has said. I'm sorry that happened to you.

With my mouth, I'd have to work very hard not to say something snarky back.

Alecia

Veteran

Grrr. So many ladies here have had similar experiences. It's frustrating. But I couldn't agree more with what's already been said. Just ignore them and make it work for you because you look great!

NK

(website)

Thanks for all the comments and support. I feel better now.

And now that I think about it, I'm probably guilty of doing the same thing to someone else. There was a mother at the park a few years ago who always looked so put together, and I'm pretty sure I asked her where she was going and why she was so dressed up more than once.

I realize now I was kind of jealous of her sense of style, her wardrobe, and even her lifestyle because she just looked like she had something important to do all the time.

And my dress was much cooler (looking, AND temperature-wise) than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt would have been.

Tanya

Veteran

I am so sorry to hear this, and yes we have heard similar stories on the forum quite a few times. I guess people just get defensive when they feel insecure. It says much more about them then it does about you. Like everyone says, just ignore them and keep dressing the way it makes you happy.

Anonymous

You look so nice. Don't let others bring you down from knowing that you looked beautiful.

Patience

Veteran

Please keep wearing dresses. You look beautiful. I'm so sorry people were not so nice.

Debora

Veteran

You look lovely, fresh, and appropriately dressed. I think dresses are the perfect solution for a hot climate. Keep on dressing stylishly!

medusa

Veteran

Here is a poster that nicely summarizes what you should do in response to such comments:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F.....Poster.svg

NK

(website)

That's funny because I actually have a copy of that poster on my family blog.

I appreciate the kind words! I think I'm over it now, I just need to recognize that I will probably be considered 'overdressed' everywhere I go from now on. I live in AZ, and many people wear tank tops, cut offs, and flip flops every day of the week.

yublocka

(website)

Veteran

You look lovely and not too overdressed at all NK. DOn't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

You look just lovely and very appropriately dressed NK. Please don't stop wearing dresses for MOTG looks. As you said, they are so comfy and they look so flattering to you, I think the others just had a touch of the green-eyed monster.

(Or tall-poppy syndrome as we like to call it in Australia (not sure if you use this phrase in the US).. It's where "tall -poppies" are cut down to size so as to be bought back to the same level as the rest of mediocrity.... Seems to be a bit of a national past-time out here sometimes! Guess you've gotta take the good with the bad.)

Who knows, maybe you'll inadvertently start a style revolution at school amongst the mothers who have suddenly become aware of how sloppy their dressing has become. (I'm thinking along the lines of a "Say No to Trackpants and Yes to Style!" type slogan for a start...)

rute

Veteran

You look lovely! A lovely day dress! not overdressed at all! People are jealous and that comment shows just that!

An

I agree with what has already been said. I think the people who commented were perhaps feeling uncomfortable with themselves. You look lovely. Don't let this deter you.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Natalie, I see you've already started to realize why the other women were jealous of you, so I won't say more on that. I do know that Arizona is particularly casual; every time I go out to visit my aunt and her family, my mother always warns, "You know they dress casually there, just tee shirts and shorts." And I always answer with a smile, "I have lots of casual dresses."

Personally, I think a dress is a thousand times cooler than more constricting shorts and tanks, but until someone is wearing one themselves, they don't often get that.

Kristine

Veteran

I think you look great and not too dressy at all! Part of it may be people getting used to you looking nicer. When I first started wearing skirts and dresses to work I had to hear about it everyday. Now everyone is used to it and doesn't comment.

I'm taking a college class also and one of the young women wore a dress the other day. A classmate woudln't let up about it! I felt bad for her, there's something strange about society when you have to be hassled for dressing nicely!

Please keep wearing dresses! You look very pretty and completely appropriate!

shana

Veteran

Natalie, that dress looks great on you! Don't worry too much about what others think - dress for yourself and what makes you feel great.

Isn't it funny that we live in a society where dresses or skirts are considered too dressy for daily wear??? I used to work out at the gym in the mornings (mostly go in the evenings lately) and shower and change there. God forbid I put a dress on (even a simple, casual cotton one) - I'd get asked all sorts of questions about where I was going and what special thing I was doing. I found it better just to pretend I didn't get what the implication was (oh, you're much to dressed up to be just running errands) and just respond simply with "I'm going to the grocery store" or whatever. Most people just stopped asking and I even had a few compliments. I remember one woman (who always wore cargo capris and a t-shirt in the summer) just didn't let it go and I finally had to tell her that I thought throwing on a simple cotton dress was easier, comfier & cooler in the summer than separates.

Isabel

Veteran

you weren't too dressy - everyone was too casual ! ; )

rae

(website)

Veteran

Aw, they probably just weren't used to seeing it... and maybe those people had never thought of wearing a dress to a carnival before. You might have blown some minds out there, lol! Once they figure out that you have a different definition of casual, they won't think twice about it, and everyone will be able to focus on how flattering the outfit is!