Humiliating or just honest? - YouLookFab Forum

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Humiliating or just honest?

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Not sure if this belonged in the main thread, or OT- so please feel free to move it, if you wish. My DH has known about my love for YLF and it's members for awhile, and he's neutral about it, but I recently told a friend and my sister about it and both had the reaction of ' do you REALLY think you can look/feel good about yourself and your so-called style at this size, even with their help?' 'you are not in their league, etc' Are they just being harsh, or am I kidding myself that I can learn by example? I would love to post pics myself, but dont know how and am trying to go by the advice given w/those members whose body type is closest to mine. I love the 'vibe' and the kindness and wisdom here, even if I cant be helped personally.

General

60 replies

Latest reply was from Transcona Shannon

catgirl

Veteran

I think those comments are not only untrue, but totally hurtful and unsupportive. Frankly it makes me want to smack them both upside the head.

The whole point of YLF is that you CAN look good at any age and size, and we have so many examples of that here. Without seeing pictures and WIWs, it is really hard to offer help or advice if wanted, but I can tell you that no one here will EVER say anything like that to you.

Anonymous

You are not kidding yourself. You can look FAB at any size and you can learn a lot from the strategy you are using. It might speed things up for you if you posted pics, but not the only way to learn.

Ignore them....it was mean for them to be so blunt and un-supportive.

JennyK (NC)

I am really bothered that people who should be supportive of you would say something like that. I haven't been active here in a while but I have never, ever known this community to be anything but 100% supportive of everyone! Every single person deserves to feel good about themselves and the way they look. The idea that you aren't "in their league" is beyond ridiculous.

IMHO they aren't just being harsh. They are tearing you down and that's never ok. If you need help figuring out how to take and upload pictures, there are lots of people here who can help, and we would LOVE to see you!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Of course you can be stylish! Style does not have a size. I have seen people of all shapes and sizes who look cool and stylish. Or not.

What IS true -- and people can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong -- is that if your shape and size fall too far outside the average, it can be hard to find clothes that fit. And fit is key to looking and feeling stylish. I acknowledge that this can be a problem, but that's what tailors are for.

But I absolutely think that YLF can help. For one thing, what you're doing -- looking at what other members who resemble you are wearing -- must be good for inspiration. Also, there's lots of advice on *where* to find items that you like and that will look good on you.

Try not to judge yourself harshly. Of course you can learn! Nobody gets good at anything without practice, and a good attitude.

ETA I'm quelling the urge to give your friend and sister a smack upside the head.

Echo

Veteran

That is absurd and meant ONLY to be hurtful. A community like this isn't about competing; it is about each of us being the best we can be. Women are beautiful and stylish at ALL sizes and at ALL ages. The idea that if we cannot all be a size 2 we should give up instead is ridiculous and untrue. We can ALL be helped with style, IMO, and we can ALL improve ourselves. Your friend and your sister don't sound like friends to me at all. You should never stand for anyone putting you down that way because you are worth so much more.

Anonymous

IGNORE THEM. I'm speechless. I can't even begin to tell you how rude and WRONG they are.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I need to sign off quickly (have an appt, but *thank you* all so much!) Will write more when I have time

Anonymous

With all due respect to your dear ones, but that has to be the most stupid remark I have read in a while.

I so wish I could take a picture of my dear friend, who is next to me right now, wearing the most amazing cashmere sweater, wideleg pants ( with perfect PPL, if I might add) and almost flat, black, pointy toe booties. She is about 80 pounds overweight and has no qualm telling you she is.

Pleaseeee......

ETA: And what is "our league" exactly? Everyday people doing everyday things, that's who we are. Nothing special.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Wow I can't imagine saying something like that to someone - where are their heads?

I agree with the others we can all look & feel great about ourselves whatever our size/age/shape.

Please don't let their rudeness & lack of respect prey on you. Their attitudes are their problem not yours:)

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Feel sorry for ignorant and rude people, BM. They don't know what they don't know.

Thankfully, you know better than that

Chin up! There are always style solutions. xoxo

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What everyone else has said. This is their problem, not yours.

And they don't know this community. Maybe they should read it for a while before they pass judgement on it!

My husband was completely floored when he saw the birthday messages I got from this group. He will NEVER say that this is not a real community after that.

rachylou

Veteran

Wait, wait. I can't remember, are you of German-American extract too, biscuitsmom? I was just joking on another thread how the *German* in me can't feel loved unless I'm being criticized...

Anyways, it's the third option: Uninformed. But that is what YLF is here to do. Inform the world that you can look good at any age, size, or shape and that it's fun and good for you!

MsMary

Veteran

Anybody who would say such a thing is just being mean. My suggestion is to learn from this exchange and just not discuss it with them in the future, because honestly you would be volunteering for abuse, and who needs it?

Anonymous

Please ignore those mean-spirited, ignorant comments! You can look fab at any age and at any size, and we YLFers are here to support you.

Anonymous

I just want to echo what everyone else has said really and to add that as a custom dressmaker I have worked for all shapes and sizes. I recently made a sequinned tunic for a plus sized lady and she looked fab in it (though I do say so myself ;)) She has fun with fashion and looks great. Don't ever let anyone tell you you should do otherwise.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I removed all the swear word so there's not much post left.

What a stupid, mean, awful thing to say.

cciele

Veteran

My first reaction was, WTF???

YLF is for everyone who wishes to participate and is interested in style. You most definitely belong here!

bj1111

Veteran

hey, that's why you're on ylf in the first place. body positive feedback with style at whatever size and price.

you belong here.

Jyoti

(website)

Veteran

That is horrendous. Being stylish and fashionable has NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING to do with your size and absolutely no one is automatically barred from being fashionable.

I'm sorry for saying something bad about your sister and friend but that is not OK that they said that to you.

I don't know a whole lot about your personal style or style journey, but that's really what it is-- I don't think anyone is automatically stylish and it takes work for everyone to learn what works for them. Please don't exclude yourself from learning on this forum because of these comments that I think are totally WRONG.

Thistle

Veteran

I am just flabergasted. How people who are supposed to be there for you, be your support network, could say such mean and untrue things is beyond me.

Embrace who you are. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them can be dressed fabulously. Yes, it can be harder to find well made clothes that fit in "non-standard" sizes. But never compromise. You don't need to and you don't deserve to.

Remember Angie's post that the average American woman is a size 14 (something that explains why my size sells out so darn fast!)

Laurinda

Veteran

Hugs to you BM, no matter their intent, that sounds hurtful!

MNsara

Veteran

That was just mean and intended to 'put you in your place' -- a place where they want to exert control over you and feel superior because they know better than you (which they obviously DON'T!!!)

Are these the same meanies who gifted you the oversized, then undersized, shirts for gifts? If it is, this is consistent with their previous behaviours.

It really speaks about their own insecurities too.

Chin up, you KNOW there's lots to be learned and gained here whether you post photos or not! And you know there's always support for you too

Atlantia

Veteran

Oh, what a terribly hurtful remark!
I believe that it is harder to be stylish when your size is larger/smaller/taller/shorter than what retailers are carrying. It is very hard to look stylish when you can't shop! Is it impossible? Of course not.
It is the "in their league" part of the comment I don't like. What does that even mean? One of the best things about YLF is that even though not all styles are in immediate evidence, all are appreciated.

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry but you have some seriously toxic people in your life. That was nothing but mean and abusive.

I may be fat but I won't let anyone tell me I'm not fabulous. That isn't just lip service. I'm a size 20/22 and I have a pretty heaping dose of self confidence.

Please don't let them get to you.

christieanne

Veteran

I can't understand why someone would be so hurtful! Please keep coming back to ylf whether or not you post pics (I don't - can't seem to find the angles, the time, the right camera....excuses maybe lol!) as long as ylf makes you feel good.
Beauty and style are not sizes You always seem to contribute a positive tone and have such a big heart - I hope those two meanies can someday see that.

Mochi

Veteran

Hi, biscuitsmom. First off, hugs hugs hugs. Ditto to what everyone else said. That was hurtful and cruel and I'm sorry these are people so close to you (including a sister! and a so-called friend!)

Just show these people my pic, okay? I'm pretty overweight and a weird body shape all around, and that gives me even more reason to appreciate the advice and support I get here.

I hope you can ignore the passive-aggressive (or is it just plain aggressive?) remarks and move forward with confidence here. I would love to start seeing some of your WIWs, whenever you're ready to post them.

unfrumped

Veteran

I'm floored, as well. Friend? SISTER?

I have a bad habit of trying to psychoanalyze people and remarks when in fact it's hopeless, and easy to be wrong. But, I also deal with a lot of people and families trying to manage relationship issues and health problems and that runs the gamut and can include medical care for specific diseases plus weight, exercise, healthy diet, smoking, drugs, you name it. Often a family member will have strong feelings about what someone else "ought" to do and will be surprised (and angry) if I tell them that's not the best approach.

I'll bet these poor folk think somehow they know what's good for you, and if you deviate from that, they're miffed and have to get in their shot. Plus they may be getting a sense that if you are successful in your style journey, that will somehow upset the relationship cart and put them on a different footing with you, that can be very threatening to some people--but it's not your problem!

You go girl! Have fun aiming to look your best and feel your best in what you wear. It's a great start to the day or week and it's what we are all trying to do here, after all.

abc

Veteran

This is just plain mean. Besides, like Suz said, have they ever bothered to come onto YLF to see what it is all about?

Don't let their words hurt you. You and YLF are fab.

Isabel

Veteran

Unless, they are talking of a "league" under the sea, they are being silly ( I am trying to be nice, LOL ).

BM, this is a very special place. It is not "just" about dressing. It is a soft place where women treat each other as sisters and not "competition". Everyone is equal and loved and admired. We all appreciate self-adornment as an expression of our self worth. How is that wrong or hierarchical ? It is not.

The concept of YLF is a very difficult one to grasp indeed. I went to Shoptoberfest, from MA to CA...the first thing that I have really done for myself since having my kids 11 years ago. When I told my best friend, I thought she was going to choke on the spot. Hahaaa.

There is something naughty and delicious and extravagant about bonding with these women over the internet .......don't expect others to understand fully.

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