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H.S. graduation gift ?

kellygirl

Veteran

It seems cash is king these days when it comes to graduation gifts. I did a little research on line to check to see what is appropriate for nieces and nephews (and confirmed with DH) but heard through the grapevine that it wasn't enough. What do you do at this point? Send a check for the balance or forget about it and make it up to the next graduating sibling? I'm a little embarrassed. WWYD?

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37 replies

Latest reply was from texstyle

AviaMariah

Veteran

I think a gift should be whatever you choose. I don't put a lot of stock in what one is "supposed" to give. My niece is graduating this year and I bought her a matching overnight bag and cosmetic bag. Not overly expensive but something she can use for awhile. The only thing I'll try to be mindful of is to keep the gifts to the rest of the kids as they graduate close to the same.

Glory

Veteran

Hi KG - being the mom of 3 teens and with 1 graduating in a couple of weeks I agree that cash is king.
For me personally I would write a cheque for the balance with a little note that you did some research. I can promise they will remember it forever and think it is the absolute best!
My nephews and nieces still remember the cash I gave them at grad and it was over 12 years ago.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think it would depend on how many nieces and nephews one has, what budget you have, how close you are to them, and how much financial assistance they already have. I had a grandma who used to send me $10 for my birthday - every year the same amount until I was in my 20's! It was sweet and I appreciated it. Other financial gifts just weren't part of my upbringing so for a long time I didn't know what was considered appropriate either.

Now I suppose I do help the nieces and nephews who have little financial support at home a little more than the ones who have plenty of financial support. It may not be fair but it feels like the right thing to do.

JAileen

Veteran

For my son's friends I gave itunes gift cards for high school graduation. You could up it a little for your nieces and nephews by including a check.

viva

Veteran

I think the difficult part is that you "heard through the grapevine" that it wasn't enough. That might make me want to send more too, although I don't think you have to, and I would hope that if I were in your position I would get over the urge and not send more.

I am sure that what you sent was absolutely respectable, and I am also sure that they received a variety of amounts from different people. I come from a large family and so does DH, and I know that we don't give as big gifts (cash or otherwise) as some other family members do, nor as small as others do. We give what we feel is appropriate and what we can give. It may sound hokey but I really believe the emphasis should be on the giving and not on the gift. Sounds like that is where you placed your energy, and you gave your gift with love. I'd leave it at that.

kellygirl

Veteran

Thank you for your thoughts! I have to admit that I was a little flabbergasted to hear that the mom was expecting $1-2K for high school which made our check for $100 severely lacking. The family is very wealthy though so I guess it's a little different.
@AM and Tex: I had similar thoughts. I don't remember getting very much cash for high school or college. I was grateful for whatever I did get but there were certainly no expectations.
@Glory: I will talk to DH. I think he will be amenable to sending more now that we know. I just thought it was surprising that we had to hear this from his brother rather than from his sister directly. Oh well. At least now I know. Won't make this mistake again.
@Jaileen: I like the gift card ideas for the graduates friends. I will file that away for when DD graduates.

viva

Veteran

Oh, yeesh! I would fail big-time as a gift-giver in that family.

Anonymous

Good gravy, I would consider $100 cash to be an incredibly generous gift from an aunt or uncle!

JAileen

Veteran

You're not in the Mafia are you? That sounds a little like the scene from The Godfather! Wait, that was a wedding.

I've given nieces and nephews $100 for graduation. I gave $25 itunes gift cards to my son's friends. They all appreciated it, so they told me. If your relatives don't like the money you gave them, let them know they can give it back!

kellygirl

Veteran

@Viva: thanks! You hit on a couple of my annoyances--the grapevine and the expectation. I also think I would feel differently if there was a financial need. Makes me worry what we are going to have to pony up for college graduation. I'm going to have to get a part time job! Lol!

kellygirl

Veteran

@Stacey: thanks! That make me feel better.
@Jaileen: lol! No, no mafia affiliations but they definitely have a different set of standards than what I'm used to!

rabbit

Veteran

Um, yeah, I didn't even get that amount from my parents for my wedding.... (although I did get a much appreciated hand me down car, I don't think it was worth that much though.)

Different families have different traditions, but I haven't known anyone who gives more than token cash for graduations (i.e. 100$ max), for any of them. I don't think I got any graduation gifts besides a nice dinner out and I was #2 in my class. I think for a family where different members have different levels of wealth, I'd hope for the parents to be understanding and sensitive to that.

Glory

Veteran

wow that is quite a bit! I think yours quite respectable!

kellygirl

Veteran

@rabbit: Lol. Me either. I've never received that kind of cash gift. period.
@Glory: Thanks for the affirmation.

Gaylene

Veteran

Sounds more like extortion than a gift. Maybe if you were very wealthy and said niece or nephew was having to work his/her way through college to pay for it, 1-2K might be a nice gesture, but that doesn't sound like the situation here. I have some seriously well-off friends who would be appalled at someone gifting their high school grad that sum so I doubt that income level comes into the picture.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

1 to 2k is definitely not what I expected (nor received) from my relatives or my parents. I think the largest cash gift I received was from a wealthy aunt who gave me $100. I thought this was wonderful and very generous of her. The other gifts I received were in the $20-50 range, which I thought was remarkable already.

I'm sorry, but $1000? For graduating high school? That's nuts.

My godfather gave me a plane ticket to come visit him (about $1200) for graduating medical school - and that was by far the most generous gift that I had received for a graduation. Most of my relatives didn't give me a call, and just said congratulations next time they saw me at a family event.

Elle

Veteran

I think your gift was a perfect amount and wouldn't send more. A gift is your choice not theirs. It's a good idea to be consistent in the future if you have other nieces and nephews but that's another story. Families can be challenging....

kellygirl

Veteran

@Gaylene: thanks for chiming in. It sounds exorbitant to me too. I'm not sure what we are going to do yet. I guess I could bring a checkbook to the next major event and ask her in person what she thinks is fair. Lol!
@lyn: lol! I guess high school is much tougher these days!
@elle: yes, some families are challenging. I appreciate your thoughtful response.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

My first gut reaction is WTF? Seriously. And if they are well off, then it really makes no sense why they would expect other, extended family, to pony up such a large sum. I've never had that much cash in my life. I'm middle aged.
I got a black coral necklace from Belize from my dad when I graduated. It wasn't really my style, but I appreciated the thought behind it. I still have the necklace, though I lost my father 17 years ago now. Cash disappears. Tangible gifts don't. I can guarantee I would have long forgot how much cash, had my dad gifted me in that manner. I do not forget the necklace.

Anonymous

My DD is graduating hs in 3 weeks amd we are not expecting a red cent from anyone..and I would be mortified if she is. She is the oldest on both sides of cousins/ neice/ nephews so I can't speak for experience.

I do have step- neice graduating next year and her brother amd 2 nephews 2 year after....I honestly haven't thought of sending them something.

Dd went on a big trip when she turned 16, my brother sent her $$ for that amd I was thinking of sending his boys the same.

I bought her a Michael Kors purse (on huge discount) and a charm but I am. Gob smacked at $1000 dollars ...no words

kellygirl

Veteran

@Mo: That's pretty much verbatim--what came out or my mouth. I was at a loss for words--which doesn't happen very often. Not sure that a gift would have been any more appreciated honestly.
@A: I'm in your camp. A gift is a gift and is not expected. I know I'm always pleasantly surprised when relatives are thoughtful enough to send a card or a text!

bella

(website)

Veteran

1k? Thinking of all the money I could have made having completed high school, college, two masters and a PhD!!!!:)))

jennifer

Veteran

Let's put it in perspective. Niece is getting ( has) $100 already. There are other kids coming along down the line too . Are you going to be able to give The Same Amount to Each and Every One that is a High School graduate? What about years that have HS AND College graduations?!?!?
I got a cedar hope chest ( quite useful for sweater off season storage) from my parents . Family members = nada . Local friends of the family gave a cheapo Walmart set of serged edge country flowered roses on mint green placemats and napkins. ( Blech!) (It's the thought that counts...It's the thought that counts....It's the thought that counts. Never mind .Still Blech!)
And either mom or the friends thought that Dr Seuss's " Oh the Places You'll Go" was cute and appropriate.( not a winning gift. And Do Not Recommend. Memorable ,yes. Kept it only because of the inscription,must have been mom.Barely read it once-ish).
I'd say that IF you and hubby do more for the ingrates,that it be a gift item of your choice . Preferably something that can also be done similarly for other nieces and nephews down the line. Ideas might be a nice but not too extravagant watch( works for both genders ) a purse for girls, luggage( another both genders appropriate ) a set of navy towels for going to dorm( wash with jeans to even the load out and not leave weird lint or crazy color towels) toiletry bag for dorm life . Cleaning supplies for their dorm room. Leather Passport cover and stationary/ stamps if they are " taking the year off" .
Come to think of it thank you cards and stamps would be So useful for after graduation. You'd be saving them the money that they must " desperately" need for college frat parties and new clothes for every evening out.( I tend to see a LOT of college girls shopping Tons. Every weekend. And they need it for Tonight! For This Weekend ! In my sorority or school colors ( that haven't and won't change for generations) , and they Can't ( gasp) Order! It!
Oh my.
Because the free shipping takes 4-8 days( usually3-4). And then I see them Next weekend with the Same sartorial problem.
Makes my eyes hurt from rolling them.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

kellygirl - wow, I didn't know the amount before and now that I do, and the circumstances, I think I'd just stick with feeling that you gave a very satisfactory gift for niece/nephew graduating and move on with it.

Echo

Veteran

$100 is more than generous, IMO. My family/social circle has always felt that graduating high school was a given, expected. A gift is nice, yes, but it is just that: A GIFT, and something to be grateful for. I didn't even get a party until I graduated University! If you start trying to compete with monetary gifts like that, what will inflation bring for the next child? I cannot afford to pretend I am something I am not when it comes to gifting cash.

Kari

Veteran

Good grief! When I graduated from college I was beyond grateful for gifts of $50-100 and was kind of floored at the gift in the first place. EXPECTING $1000 seems so strange (and, in my opinion, selfish.) I get turned off by the entitlement mentality towards receiving gifts, period, let alone of a certain value. You sound like a very generous aunt, and I think you should just let it be with what you chose to give.

Isis

Veteran

Count me in the camp of those have never heard of $1000 gifts for high school graduation before; wow! I gave $100 to my nieces and nephews. Later learned that one of my other brothers gave $200, (only when my own kids graduated), but I don't really think anyone commented on the difference. A gift is a gift, without price tag.

I also gave $100 for a niece for college, and I fee fine about that amount. All of my siblings have kids in college; we are all in similar financial straits!

Not sure what I would do in your circumstance with different family expectations..but I would not "make it up" to the next sibling as it is not fair to the first sibling....I'd probably give the same amount to all, even if they thought it was puny...arghh.

Lucy

Veteran

Woah! This doesn't seem to be a tradition in Australia, I've never heard of it for University, let alone high school! I'm pretty sure when I graduated from my PhD, I got a couple of bottles of wine, and my parents bought my academic robes! No cash at all.

But either way, I think $1000 is too much for a gift for ANYTHING! The only thing I can imagine is if my son bought a house, I might give a generous donation! Though as he is only nine, I have a while to think about that! I don't think you should have to get a job to subsidise others!

Laurinda

Veteran

Wow, $1000 ???
We usually give $25-$50 for nieces & nephews HS or college graduations, $50 to $100 for a wedding, depending on the recipients' financial state. Those that save more get more.

ETA: I do remember the car full of 4 older relatives that came to my college graduation party and all signed one card with a $5 bill inside. I was more amused than upset; it brings a smile to my face to remember it 30 years later.

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