... a breakup.
It's unfortunately not my first one I've talked about here.

There was when I left my long time partner the diplomat. A slew of new shoes ensued. (We're still firends).

There was the time a rebound boyfriend left me using my Too many clothes as an excuse. (To my defense this was an extreme case, a true artist who traveled the world and kept exactly 2 tee-shirts in his closet). You guys comforted me beautifully back then. Out of the spite from this demise, a couple of new workhorses were born in my wardrobe: Page flares; Citizens high-rise skinnies; a pair of culottes.

I was wearing the culottes, which had been approved by you that morning, when my now soon to be ex and I kissed for the first time against the door of my car one night in 2014. This time the seperation really stings. We had a passionate, super romantic connection. We love each other deeply, did therapy together to nurse our wounds from our baggage (everybody has baggage at our age). I really thought he was "the one". The only trouble is, he ended up deciding I wasn't. I mean, one. Number one. It's a problem of (lack of) engagement on his part, something a few divorced older men experience, apparently. He says he loves me, but he can't commit, because he lives in fear from his first separation. He's too fearful of loosing his money. Of course I'm not out to get him and had I been after money I would not have chosen him. However last year I moved in to his home. He has me pay rent and half the food, which is fine to me, but then I learned that without some kind of legal recognition, I could loose everything, my things including my son's things, should something happen to him.

I have done everything to reassure him in 4 years, no avail. It has come to a point where if I stay I am disrespecting myself. We both have grown children but his are very bitter about their dad's divorce, which is normal... however as a result they are outwardly disrespectul of me, stealing and breaking into locked bedroom etc. and BF and I disagree on how to handle it. He tells me I'm inflexible. I should pt up with it and even hide twenties in my pockets for them to find. Whereas I refuse to be an enabler and I tell him we should save to offer his son a most urgent rehab intervention (His son is the worst offender, including stealing my son's bicycle, which was stored here while he's working oversees, and then when we found it sitting in a garage down the street, wrote on facebook that it was "To teach her a lesson") . All my rehab and therapy suggestions have been rejected. In such a climate we had fights. He now says he wants to quit because he can't handle the fights and my crying. He makes me feel like I'm all over the place when I'm just very hurt and heartbroken, that's why I cry. I don't cry loudly. Often when I'll open my mouth in a conversation he'll immediately interrupt me before I can even utter a word with Shhhhh, hands pushing down on the air, and a face that say "Please, don't start", when in reality I'm not "starting" anything at all, and my tone of voice is normal, and I'm not interrupting. But this puts me in a place where it looks that I don't have it together right from the get-go, and anything that comes out of my mouth will be perceived as foolish.

Also, his mom is his queen and no one else.

All and all, I need that a man puts me first like I put him first. We both cry, but it's over, and I'll be moving out soon.

Soooooo, back to my wardrobe interest. I start realizing that breakups seem to generate new pieces for me. I am visiting Montreal soon and am thinking of a denim shopping trip. I am thinking of cropped whide high rises and straight legs. I am thinking washed out blue and white. I want a clean slate.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for allowing this space on the forum so we can confide our woes and hopefully grow from them.

Love.

PS: a friend cheered me up in a popular vegetarian hang out in my city last night. Smiling, but you can see my eyes are still destroyed from too much crying. Ironically, I'm wearing a heart on my shirt but mine is completely crushed.