How "seen" do you want to be? - YouLookFab Forum

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About: Casual Chic & Colourful in Haarlem

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How "seen" do you want to be?

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I especially loved Greetje's first outfit. It might or might not be flattering on me. But as I considered wearing something like that, I noticed I felt a little anxious, a little exposed. I'm breathing through it while pondering. I would feel much more comfortable in her other outfits. And I reacted the other way about the last one, nice but a little safe. But maybe that's also because it isn't a great color on me. I can see myself wearing versions of the other outfits. But there is something that stays with me about the first outfit.

On to you. Are you ever attracted to and scared by something, wardrobe wise? Do you push your comfort level? Are you comfortable or uncomfortable standing out? I'm going to keep exploring this myself.

Dressing

61 replies

Latest reply was from Barbara Diane

Diana

Veteran

Depends on the day/situation. I'm an introvert so sometimes I don't want anyone looking at me, in which case I just wear all black or something. However, sometimes I like to have a memorable outfit because then it does the talking for me, and people remember who I am.

Plus the older I get the less I care about what other people think, particularly about my appearance.

I was actually just chatting about this with my husband. He has taken to wearing bow ties to important events because people remember "Asian lawyer with bow tie" whereas nobody remembers "random Asian lawyer in generic dark suit and tie." I on the other hand wear all sorts of weird things and feel like nobody remembers me anyway, so yeah. On the other hand I need all the help I can get as "random Asian scientist" is about the most generic thing you can get. =P

always trying

Veteran

Since I am old and sometimes there are a lot of older women there also, i feel I will stand out if i wear all dark or black as most older women tend to wear more bright colors. I feel color is what most people notice much more than style or what you are actually wearing, unless you are dressed in something more extreme, out of place, or inappropriate or something. Also since I stopped dying my hair and let it get all white I seem to be noticed and remembered more.

Anonymous

I am shy and have never been comfortable standing out. In fact, my goal is to blend in. Hence, rarely do I push the envelope.

delurked

Veteran

There are times I want to blend in, but that’s usually when I’m not feeling my best. I have picked up clothing in a store and asked myself if it’s too much. My answer to myself is usually that nothing is too much for me - a belief I can carry anything off if I find it flattering and like it enough. So, I have had clothes that are more showstoppers, but not that many with my currently casual life. I think things can stand out due to garment design, color, or pattern.

JAileen

Veteran

Yesterday I wore a thrifted pink jacket and an old man said to me several times how much he liked it on me. It would have disturbed me except I think he's harmless and lost his filter. With my very grey hair I think people think I'm older than I am, but look young for my age.

Diana, my father wore bow ties to work every day and my husband wears them for festive occasions.

Laura G

Veteran

I don't mind standing out, maybe even prefer it. I wear a lot of color, so probably I do stand out most of the time in the sea-of-black.

Anonymous

I'm always attracted to things that scare me - but I rarely, if ever push the envelope. Which could be why I am bored/boring . It's why I read and look at fashion and design blogs/magazines constantly - to know what is out there, even if I can't wear it myself. But to use clothing to attract attention ? no.

That said, I don't care to blend in- that's never been my mantra. I dislike looking "ordinary" (whatever that means) or like everyone else (except at the gym, where I would like to blend in with the floor) . I don't know what that means, exactly - well, I do know, and it's not very flattering nor desirable. Whatever.

rachylou

Veteran

I don’t mind being seen. Or crazy. Heck, I wore a plastic tiara to meet my grandma’s nurse and her children for the first time. BUT I really have a thing about being too sharp and too fashionable. Noticeable style is one thing in my mind, but I loathe the idea of being dressed up with nowhere to go. I also have a thing about being accessible and seeing unseen people. I do see ‘London Below’, always have and always will and that does involve fashion that the Above world slides its gaze from...

kkards

Veteran

it's funny what we think of as attracting attention....I had to go back to the blog post to double check which outfit was 1st, because to ME, that was/is the least attention attracting outfit, on the other hand, I loved the pink poncho outfit, but for ME that would be the attention attracting outfit....

rachylou

Veteran

I had that thought too, kkards...

cindysmith

Veteran

Most days I desire to be as "seen" as the Invisible Man. However, I am fairly certain that my dystopian sensibility has the opposite effect. I'm probably very seen; hopefully, it's in a way that doesn't make random strangers want to come up and talk to me for fear I'll throw something at them or something lol

approprio

(website)

Veteran

This may sound arrogant, but I actually want to be seen. I live in the centre of a city overrun with tourists and it's important to me that I'm not invisible. I live here, dammit, so acknowledge me, respect me, connect with me or get out of my way. Some days I'm low key about it, other days more assertive, but either way I hate being ignored.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Diana, standing out with a bow tie-that makes sense to me.
Always Trying, I never considered that you can stand out by wearing black, but that makes perfect sense. And white hair can make black look amazing.
Sterling, thanks for the insight. I'm trying to figure out my boundaries. I think I want to be slightly noticeable, but not too much. I'm trying to figure out why/where that comes from.
Delurked, that's interesting about what factors can make an outfit stand out. I think I feel a little envious that you are comfortable standing out.
JAileen, the man had an eye for color, and knew you looked good. It is sad what can happen with aging.
Laura G, thanks for sharing. I love color too, and am gradually adding it back into my wardrobe.
lisa p, what a balancing act. Not wanting to attract attention, and not wanting to look ordinary. I think of anything that is out of the norm as standing out. For whatever the norm is where you are. Lol about the gym.
Rachylou, thanks for explaining your limits to me. I knew that you had no problem standing out, but I hadn't quite gotten what you are adverse to. Bad grammar, but..
I also like that you pay attention to the looked over.
Kkards and Rachylou, I think the black, white, yellow and latte colored tunic over pants would stand out much more where I live, and would read quite fashion forward. The pink poncho, the color stands out, but it would not read as outside of the norm. And truth be told, I was imaging wearing that look with a not as bright purple poncho.

I also remembered that I would not wear the multi-print dress. Trying to imagine if I would wear it if it was black and white or tonal.

Christina F.

Veteran

I like to wear standout colors and prints, less so standout shapes shapes.

On the other hand, don't like standing out in any kind of sexy way, though. I chalk this up to unpleasant encounters with men when I was younger (nothing traumatic, but near constant stares and street harassment from age 11 till my early 30's, when I moved away from where I went to grad school; I also got older and heavier.)

I guess this means I like to stand out among people I know, but perhaps not among strangers. Or that I don't mind if I stand out for my personality and taste in clothes rather than my body. This definitely gives me food for thought, Barbara Diane!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Cindysmith, I think you are seen.
approprio, you too. I've had that feeling of wanting to be seen as a local, but not with your intensity.

Diana

Veteran

I should point out that I'm wearing a bright orange dress and definitely NOT blending into the woodwork today. I've already had one person comment on it and I'm sure others have noticed. heh, it's a grey day and i wanted some color.

The person who commented is someone I've worked with for 8 years, so he's used to my weird clothes and I'm used to his teasing. =P I'm not planning on meeting a lot of strangers or any other public-facing activity today. Would I wear this dress to give a conference talk? Probably not (but I'd totally wear it for, say, lab meeting), because I'd want people to focus on the content and not my dress. But I do usually choose to wear something a little more interesting for things like that, so people remember me.

3style

Veteran

After I wrote up the following post, I realized that it should probably be it's own new thread. However, I am on iPhone and don't want to risk losing my write up on the mobile clipboard. So apologies in advance if this hijacks the thread....

My pet peeve is when people comment negatively about my handbag. Sometimes they act as if I must be a slob if I carry such a big bag that I must not bother to ever clean it out. It’s made me resentful to the point that I’ve come to the conclusion that I might as well prove them right. I feel like if that’s what people are going to say anyway, just on account of the size, then why should I bother trying to switch to a handbag which is more flattering to the outfit, just for the sake of social norms and at the expense of my time and convenience.

Then there is my mother in law who always complements on my one patent leather purse and has been asking me if that one same purse is new several times a year for the last decade. It's like she is out to prove that I am profligate.

People in my part of the world seem much more judgemental about handbags than outfits and the results are everyone walking around in lululemon clothing and fancy bags, but if you have a normal street clothing outfit and happen to be carrying an athletic bag, people feel free to disparage.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Christina F, I only considered standing out for my style. For my body is unthinkable, except as a negative. Especially having only received negative comments about my body. But there is a danger in my mind about being noticed for your body. More deep diving to do.

Christina F.

Veteran

Barbara Diane, I am thinking about how the clothes I choose affect how secure I feel in how much of my body is shown. If that makes sense.

And yet! In grad school, I used to get harassed when I wore baggy sweats with greasy hair to run an errand. So "sexy clothes" aren't always a factor. It's something to think about, especially with everything in the news these days (which we don't need to delve into too much.) It does seem like it was a shame for me to temper how I dressed because I just didn't want to be bothered on the street, and that was the only aspect of it I potentially had control over.

Anyway, since I like to stand out in other ways, this is what came to mind for me when you asked about comfort levels.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

How rude that people feel free to comment negatively about your body!This sort of thing makes me mad.They obviously haven't been brought up properly otherwise they would know this.I suggest that you feel very sorry for them and wear what the heck you like.Your body is your own property and no body else s business.I hope that you have managed to put their comments where they belong ,in the mental trash can.

Christina F.

Veteran

Hear hear, Cardiff girl! I hit post before I commented on that aspect of things, but you did it for me. (I also didn't quite mean for things to quite take this tangent!)

Kate

Veteran

Even though I’m somewhat of an introvert, I like being seen. In fact, I enjoy it. Like Approprio, I live in a vibrant city full of tourists and foreign visitors—Washington, DC—and I want to claim my city with my visible presence. What Christina wrote, “I like to wear standout colors and prints, less so standout shapes,” made me realize that I love standout shapes, but do not particularly care for standout colors, and prints not at all. Is it odd that I do not consider bright orange a standout color? I love that particular shade, and am always happy to wear it. It is the only color I wear that anyone would call standout. I’m just choosing to call it a personal neutral!

Anonymous

you read my mind this morning! I don't like to stand out nor do I want the eye to go to one standout item I'm wearing. Whatever I wear, I like a certain cohesion and peace about it. What makes me anxious is wearing something that pushes the envelope in a way that doesn't form a conversation with whatever else I'm wearing. That make sense. An example -- yesterday I bought the Felicia Born Boots I've seen highlighted on this blog. I love the fit, so comfortable on my fussy feet. I thought I wanted burgundy and then I tried on the grey (a nice shade of grey). With my wardrobe, the grey is more versatile and goes with more of what I have. The burgundy would have been gorgeous but doesn't go with my closet of clothes. But I CAN wear burgundy in a top and/or scarf with the grey boots and still get the color.

in the store I have this dialogue going in my head -- oh, go for it, get the burgundy! and I loved the grey color in this boot and it clearly called out to me more. Not because I'm afraid and anxious but because I just know . . . plus color near my face is a good thing and it's the face I would rather folks look at and not my feet. not that my face is gorgeous at 70 but that's where the light shines through and my outfit supports what I feel about myself.

Joyce B

Veteran

For me, standing out or not depends very much on the occasion, the location, the weather, what the plan is and how I feel in that particular day. I think I mostly blend but there are times I don’t care if it seems I stand out.

Greyscale

Veteran

I want to be seen, and considered interesting, but not talked about, if that makes sense.

DonnaF

Veteran

I absolutely feel uncomfortable and self-conscious in body con clothing, including ponte pants and skinny jeans, even though they don’t really make me stand out. But I am fine with quirky items of clothing and accessories. Go figure.

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Gaylene

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OK, to bring this thread around again to your original question, there’s noticeable and there’s noticeable. I enjoy being “seen” when my outfit is ME because it reflects how I’m feeling at that particular moment of my life. It’s a way of introducing myself to others. My outer and my inner are meshed and I feel happy when others see me as unique and independent. A negative comment or look gets swatted away like a pesky mosquito because I truly don’t care about random evaluations—those looks and comments belong to others and have nothing to do with me.

I’m less fond of being “seen” when I feel like what I’m wearing is about my trying to “fit in” or meet outside expectations. Being noticed—and evaluated—under those circumstances arouses emotions which can lead to my feeling awkward, anxious, defensive, defiant, or imitative. Whatever I’m wearing decreases my confidence and happiness so negative reactions hit home. I’m inclined to interpret even vague looks and careless remarks as personal attacks. When I feel exposed like this, the world is a threatening place and I want to put on my armour.

I think growing older has given me more perspective about taking risks with my outfits. I worry less about “fitting in” and others’ judgements so I’m unlikely to be scanning my environment for others’ reactions—good and bad. Being more daring with my clothing choices, and possibly suffering a few judgemental looks in the process, seems rather minor in the scheme of things these days. There are much bigger things which frighten me than a pursed mouth or snarky comment.

bj1111

Veteran

what greyscale said.

Style Fan

Veteran

I like what greyscale said. I am very introverted but I dress to be seen. I wouldn't want to be invisible.

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