I am generally comfortable being seen, but it does depend on the scenario, the type of seeing, etc. I have always had a strong desire to present as a bit outside the local norm/against the grain, but I also appreciate Approprio's comment about wanting to present as a local. I think I dress with an eye to balancing those two impulses, trying to find the right degree of "standing out" vs "fitting in". The term liminal comes to mind -- I'm always more interested in exploring the edges of local scenes, rather than the centers.

Oh, yes, exactly what La Ped said. And since my local community is fairly unconventional, it leads to some interesting conflicts for me. I don't want to look just like them but I want to be part of the tribe. (E.g., Burning Man attire is always complicated for me because I'm just not very whimsical or costume focused not do I like the fetishy looks on myself. But those types of looks are what everyone around me appreciates.)

I love delurked's comment -- "I have picked up clothing in a store and asked myself if it’s too much. My answer to myself is usually that nothing is too much for me - a belief I can carry anything off if I find it flattering and like it enough."
As for for being seen, sometimes, at 59, I feel that making any kind of effort at all means getting noticed, however, I don't get dress with that in mind.

I like to be 'seen'. I relate to Greyscale's comment also. I don't like to 'restrain' my style for fear of being noticed or of what people might think. I know I am not an 'out there' dresser but I do dress quite differently to what would be the norm in my town.

This is a fascinating topic Barbara Diane - I would love to meet you - you always write such insightful things.

There are a lot of things to tap into here with my first thoughts being,

1) Are people seeing the body, the clothes or the person - or are they the same thing?
2) Why do we want to be seen - and what does that mean?

For me I have a contrary streak that means I do not want to be the same as others, or a walking cliche. Yet I am a relatively conventional dresser in many ways.

I am happy to be the dressiest person or brightest person in the room - or to be different to others. As long as I like what I wear I don't think too often about what others think - unless I am having a particularly bad day.

For me, it's really situation-dependent. I'm always going to dress neatly, but if I'm just going to the grocery store or running errands, what others think is a non-factor in my attire choice. At a company party (for work), let's say, then yes I will dress to be seen within the bounds of looking professional for my industry, so that I come to mind for a promotion, etc. If I'm on a date, I will consider my date's likes and dislikes. I want to look as nice as I can without being inappropriate for our activities, as how one looks does communicate non-verbally to their significant other how much they are glad to be on that date. I want to communicate that I genuinely want to be there...yet, on that one, I seem to be in a minority, but that is not part of this discussion.

I wonder if my Pinterest boards may help you with some ideas:

http://pinterest.com/FashionPhotographs

http://pinterest.com/DressesPhotographs

More photographs are added continuously, so it is growing.

I like attention, but for things other than how I look

I am also an introvert, but highly noticeable with my somewhat dramatic grey hair and, very often, large hat. I also live in a very "approachable" culture, as in people rarely hesitate to approach each other for any reason. What I wear, even when it is a bit out there, is all secondary to these factors. So, in short, I am used to being seen and will probably miss it when it stops.

I like what La Ped said, and I relate to Sal’s comments about having a rebellious streak and not wanting to wear what everyone else is wearing.

Another introvert here, who generally likes to be seen. A great patterned bag or fab boots or a distinctive jacket are conversation starters, and I think these more “visible” elements help convey the creative part of my personality. Dressing a bit more visible helps me come out of my shell a bit more, so I always try to wear something distinctive when I go to art events and networking functions. People do seem to remember me, so I guess I’m doing something right?

But there is a time and place for everything, and I have limits. I feel way too conspicuous in head-to-toe bright color. The day you see me in red pants and a red top is the day I’m wearing some sort of costume. It would be the wrong kind of visible for me. But put me in my big crazy patina leather vest and I’m happy, as long as the occasion is appropriate. There are few things more uncomfortable to me than being dressed all wrong for my environment, especially if I’m underdressed. So THAT kind of visibility I would like to avoid.:-)

I like what Gaylene said. As I get older, I want to be noticed if I feel good about what I am wearing. The worst is to be invisible. Some items take some time before I am comfortable in them...over the knee boots, orange blazer, wide cropped pants..but after wearing them a few times, the fear is gone. Now I dress most often top lease myself. Still I have those black trousers for when I want to fit in.

If you are shy/introverted but dress to be noticed, how do you prefer for people to interact with you? I know some folk like this but always hesitate to comment on their outfits.

Depends on whom I want to be noticed by. Or if I want to be noticed and when, and if it is capital F fashion that I want to be noticed for. So not one answer I guess!

At my conservative work environment, 70-100% not noticeable. Which does not mean nondescript or drab. It means appropriate and respectful and groomed, etc. Notice me for a job well done.

In non work life, I've been weird for 59 years. I realized by elementary school that there will always someone with a boost or critique, or a flat out meanness. Internally, I'm like Judy Garland in Good Old Summer Time, flailing my arms and singing, "I don't care.". Or think I am.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y8dNvgLFTc8
Only I look nothing like her haha.

Elpgal, I dress more to be *remembered* than noticed. So it's not that I want people to come up and talk to me, it's that I want people to remember who I am. Because I'm not outgoing or loud, I think it's easy for people to forget about me. Hence the visual cue of interesting clothing.

That said I always appreciate a compliment! Just "I like your outfit" or whatever. I'd recommend NOT saying, "whoa, your dress is so bright, I think I just went blind!" (Which someone said to me today! It was a joke but still.)

ETA : on a general note (not directed at you, elpgal) I feel like this whole discussion makes me (and maybe some of you?) sound way more calculating about this than I am ... yes I do dress to be remembered, but it's more of a nice bonus than the reason why I wear what I do. The real reason is that I like memorable clothes and I want to have fun with fashion as Angie says. At the heart of it I am an emotional dresser and the sociological aspects are secondary.

That’s an interesting comment/point, Diana.

In the interest of openness, I’m quite a manipulative dresser... I mean, I don’t hide my personality... but I certainly do lots of calculations to try and make it come across. My personality and my positions and my place...

Epigal, I dress so that I am not invisible which I feel is different. I am also not a conservative person and move in an artistic circle. My way of dressing reflects that. Fashion and the way I dress is one of the ways I express my creativity. I enjoy discussing this with people and love for people to approach me about the way I dress. I can not speak for all introverts though.
My work did not demand a conservative style of dress and I could be creative in what I wore to some extent. My work colleagues and I would comment on each other's outfits for fun.

I dress to please myself. Fitting in is not a priority for me at all, in fact I prefer not to fit in. I would say, I dress to be noticed and seen without it being particularly loud. If my clothing is very conservative, I do feel a bit lost, like I am wearing a uniform that does not belong to me. I do like my clothing (or accessories) to make some sort of statement.

Gaylene said it for me!

Hmm..some very interesting posts on this thread.

I dress to please myself, and I can safely say that no-one I see dresses like me. The brands of clothing I usually wear are not sold in the geography I work (parts of three states)...so there's that. Plus I do not dress in a conventionally feminine fashion (local dressing style #1, nor a cowboy boot-western kind of style (#2 common style).

One time I was wearing my EF Harem Pants, and I had a nurse ask me "what the hell I was wearing"...I guess that makes me memorable LOL. I think I get more comments on my shoes and boots than any other garments.

I was personality tested at a meeting one time and the results were an "expressive introvert"...nailed it.

I like how Bijou put it: "I dress to please myself ... to be noticed and seen without it being particularly loud." I do like being complimented on my outfit choices but I am uncomfortable if my outfit is really blaring to the world. I like to stand out but not TOO far. Jeez, just writing that stresses me out. Thinking about it this carefully exposes the high-wire act.

Oh, I definitely want to be seen. I want to feel like myself (navy, not black, silver, not gold, good leather, not cheap vinyl, simple, not fussy) but I am learning to use accessories and lipstick to draw attention so I don't look like every other overweight 57 year old woman who shops at JJill. I'm about due for a new pair of glasses and I'm hoping to find something that makes me memorable (not crazy or trying TOO hard, and there's a fine line, I think). When I walk into work I keep my Ray Bans on because I definitely look cooler with them than without them, and I like clients to see that particular edge in my look. That's about how "seen" I want to be - "look at Miss Nancy, she looks cool!" It was easier when I was younger!

This is a fascinating discussion. I am not really an introvert but I am shy and would say usually dress to not stand out. However, as many of you have commented, I also want to look like me and be a little different. I find that in comfortable situations, like family gatherings or close friends, I push it a little more. At things like formal parties, where I am less comfortable, I tend to be more low-key because I don't want to be over or under-dressed. It's a balancing act for sure.

Wow everyone, this discussion has really helped me think about things. I was busy a lot of yesterday, and again today, and I type about 20 wpm, so I might not comment on each post today, but I appreciate each and every one.

To clarify, the mean body comments are from my early childhood, and I should loosen their power over me. Until this moment they have been a strong part of my narrative, and I think had a tremendous influence on me. I never thought about just releasing them before, so thank you. Already breathing a bit easier.

I am mulling over everyone's comments and trying to figure out exactly where I want to fit on this "seen" spectrum. Where I have been and where I want to be.

Must go drink some more water and eat breakfast.

Very interesting conversation, to which I now feel the need to add another two cents. The sense in which I want to be seen is Gaylene's and Thirkellgirl's sense: I want people to see exactly who I am, to the extent that clothes can do that. I love Gaylene's comment: "It's a way of introducing myself to others."

The more time and energy I put into this wardrobe-building thing, the more I'm coming to see that it's not enough for an outfit to be current and high quality and flattering to my body type and coloring. It also has to express the "inner" me in some way.

Oh, and Barbara Diane -- I think outfit #1 provokes anxiety because those stripes are a bit wide for her frame. You see them instead of her. I don't ever want people seeing my clothes before they see me.

Thanks for this thread; it's very interesting to read the comments.

I don't dress to be seen per se, but I do not mind wearing an attention-getting outfit. I go to a ballroom dance studio four or five times a week, and I have had several of the regulars tell me that they enjoy my outfits. So they're certainly memorable. I don't "tone down" my outfits to fit in unless I feel that there is something inappropriate about what I'm wearing based on the venue.

I have sometimes pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone. The last time was actually with some makeup rather than clothing. I wore a navy blue lip color to dance class. I had bought the lippie purely for myself, because it was fun, and I decided I was just going to enjoy myself and not worry about what people thought.

Well, several people told me that evening how much they enjoyed the lip color. In fact, one of the other students wore a sequined top the next day because she said I had inspired her to be dramatic after wearing the navy lippie. The instructor also told me that it made his day. So you never know whose day you might brighten when you wear something unusual!

I used to dress very much to blend in. But I felt drawn to more dramatic clothing. So I started changing things up one piece at a time. My first experiment was wearing leopard print booties. People who already knew me were very surprised and a little shocked, which was kind of disheartening; people who didn't know me really liked the booties and complimented me on them. I kept trying out dramatic pieces here and there, and eventually I got used to wearing more interesting outfits. I do think a lot of the reason my comfort level changed is that I was attending a ballroom dancing studio regularly, and people who dance tend to be more fashion conscious and more willing to experiment artistically.

Interesting thread.

While I don't dress to attract attention, I don't mind being seen either. And if I feel good, I'll be comfortable even though my outfit might be different from others'.

Barbara Diane, I have not been on the forum for days but wanted to thank you for this fascinating thread. I don't have anything to add except I like what Sal said -- it would be lovely to meet you because you add so much to the discussions.

Thanks Suz and Sal. I'd love to meet you also. We're in three different countries, but if you come to California let me know. I'd love to meet you. And other Fabbers too.

Everyone, I'm still pondering all of this. The most amazing thing has been letting go of the stuff from my childhood about my body/size.

Also, today I drove a friend who always finds something to compliment me on-clothing, jewelry, etc. And I realize that she is the only one in my life who has/does do this about any aspect of my appearance. I don't think we were complimented about our looks as kids, although we were praised for achievement. So I don't think it comes that naturally to me either. And I don't think my husband was complemented either. Lots to think about.

I do like the progress I'm making in fine-tuning my appearance, figuring out why two very similar outfits do not produce the same satisfaction/comfort, etc. A big thanks to Angie and everyone on the forum.

So, I have this desire I to be noticeable, to the extent that someone would see me and think, I'd like to meet that person, she looks interesting. And yet I don't imagine I would want much attention. So confusing. I think I would like people to come up to me, instead of me feeling anxious about initiating conversations. I guess I need to work on my social skills.

However, it is also true that one of my very favorite outfits was my first big splurge after getting my colors done. I fell in love with a dress in a small boutique - I didn't even know that word then, and bought it. It was very noticeable, but perfect for me, so I didn't mind that I stood out.

And perhaps some of this is a reaction to my mousy gray hair. I felt more visible when my hair was dark, and some of the colors I could wear before I can't wear anymore without feeling washed out.

Perhaps more naval gazing to come.

Diana, an orange does mean you will be seen, but maybe not as much today as in the past. It feels like orange is very in, compared to most of my life. I like what you said about it varies how noticeable you want your clothes to be.
3style, how rude can people be! I do get comments from people I know on how big and heavy my bag is. I have the zippered nylon Longchamp and I have been known to fill it up with books, water bottles, sweaters, etc. I should empty it more often. But nothing like what happens to you.
Christina F, that behavior is beyond. Ugh! Me, I was certainly not brought up to show skin or wear anything figure-hugging. But again, I didn't see it around me.
Kate, I love your personal neutral. It's so interesting to see the variance in what makes us stand out.
CJ, I like the inner dialogue, the clear logic for putting gray on your feet and color by your face, but I love your comment about how your face is where the light shines through. I think maybe what would make me feel seen would happen naturally if I focused a bit more on letting the light shine through. wow. I think it did much more when I was younger and more exuberant, but I can work to cultivate that now. That would definitely increase the joy.
Joyce B, taking many factors into account makes sense to me. It does vary by situation.
Greyscale, that makes perfect sense to me.
Donna F, that makes sense to me. You are standing out for your choices and not your body, if I'm reading you right.
Gaylene, Amen to the end of your response. And I do know what you mean about if you love how you look the comments don't bug so much, but if you don't.....And that we should let it go. I'm working on letting things go. I think there are certain situations where I feel more insecure. Mostly when I am with people who are both more successful professionally and financially. And thin. Yes, working on separating size and self confidence.
BJ1111, thanks for commenting.
Style Fan, I like your comment about wanting to be seen verses being invisible. And I guess for me I am trying to think, if I am with 10 women, do I want to stand out, or be seen the same degree that they are seen. Pondering the difference between standing out, being seen, and being invisible. And where do I want to fall.

I do want to be seen. I want women to notice my clothes since I spent so much time thinking about style etc. I mean, it would be kind of an epic fail if nobody noticed!

I will say this: at my new workplace, I noticed the women wearing terrible outfits. By terrible, I mean, they made no effort in trying to look good. I mean, wearing company-branded polyester fleece. But you know, these are WOMEN. Some of them don’t care, but I can tell, some of them DO care.

ANYWAY, I wear nice clothes (I think) and I think I have actually managed to get women looking and dressing better at this new workplace just by setting an example of somebody who cares.

It’s not like I’m that great a dresser but I do care and people take notice, I think.

"On to you. Are you ever attracted to and scared by something, wardrobe wise? Do you push your comfort level? Are you comfortable or uncomfortable standing out? I'm going to keep exploring this myself."

I loved this thread so much I had to come back to ponder the questions a bit more.

With respect to #1, yes indeed, I'm often attracted to yet scared by certain types of clothing -- usually in silhouettes that have not worked for me in the past. And yes, I do push my comfort level, for example, trying leggings and tunics because I love the look on others. This is (similar to Greetje's outfit) a look that many people would find made them "blend in." But for me, because I feel self-conscious in it, it makes me uncomfortable, even if it is an all - neutral non-body conscious look. The proportions are very tricky for me with tunics. And proportion seems to be key to a feeling of "rightness" for me, much more so than other factors. For example, I will wear a nicely fitting body conscious item without a qualm assuming the other elements are all in place. Or a short jacket/ top with slim jeans, something many people on the forum think is a "no-no" but which I think works with my personal proportions (again, assuming good overall fit, not super-tight.)

I'm a sociable introvert. Which means that, like Diana, I actually enjoy clothing that starts conversations. It saves me the work! I like a whimsical print on a top, or a really interesting or high-fashion shoe, or a new cut of denim, or a colour that flatters the heck out of me to the point where people are bound to say something. It is all good. And gives me an opportunity to compliment them on their outfit!

On the other hand, I am not comfortable dressing too far outside the environmental norm. I'll stretch it, but don't want to break it, if that makes sense. So, if I am out with my artsy friends, I'm usually in my jeans, not in a office-ready shift or sheath dress. But I might wear a different style or wash of jeans and might wear a blazer with my jeans even if they'd choose a moto jacket or a t-shirt or a boho blouse. I might wear a silk top instead of a t-shirt. I'd wear my chunky classic jewellery vs. their pile on of weird collector pins. And so on.

Similarly, if I am teaching, I'm probably more "fashiony" or "trendy" than the typical teacher but only to the point where people say, "Wow, you have the neatest fashion sense," vs. saying "Well, does she think about anything besides clothes?"

Of course, you all here know I only think about clothes, LOL.