Well, that's kind of interesting, Emily. I don't know. I mean, I agree that Sophia and Eva are not laughable in most of those pics... but I do think Eva's in over her head in a couple of them. Also, I think I'd probably feel both Sophia and Eva were overdone and overwrought if saw some of those outfits and poses in real life.

I think the heart of this is finding our own comfort level within sexy, as we define it. What feels sexy to me might be dowdy to a bombshell, or trashy to a very modest dresser.

I agree that I don't want to look like a cartoon version of trashy, but on the other hand, my closet has veered too far into the practical at the expense of romantic and alluring. That's why I posted a thread a while ago about date night outfits, for inspiration from you all to fix this problem.

Besides pleasing myself, I want to care most about what the one person I care most about thinks and he's got a lot of class. If I like it and he likes it and nothing's falling out of where it should be, maybe I should get over myself and have some fun with my clothes for once.

Good on you Aziraphale for owning 4" red heels.

I do not think I have ever looked sexy, deliberately or not. It is just not me.

Huh, another way I veer away from the forum. I don't mind do sexy every so often. But I know it's not popular here. I'm completely single, so that may color matters. I figure I'm not actively harming anyone.

Uh, I wear pencil skirts and high heels to work almost every day. I feel like that combination is a tiny bit sexy and I am okay with that.

And I am more than okay with dressing to look sexy for a night out. Even at my advanced age.

I like to think I always look sexy. Whether I look sexual is a different matter.

I'm okay with sexy...but then I think a great trench coat cinched at the waist and classic pumps is sexy, as is a great LBD, or a tuxedo (pencil legs or loose and flowy a la 'smoking'). Bias cut silk is sexy. Velvet is sexy. Leather jackets are sexy.

Yah! I'm okay with sexy.

I am with Anna, I am fine with sexy for the right occasion. Not for work, and not in many other places, but I like the look for going out/dancing etc.

Well, I do wear chokers. But I'm clear that puts me in the scary camp. Hehe.

I don't think I've ever sported a look that might be considered conventionally sexy; it's just not me. Generally nothing bodycon (unless my weight is up a bit!); I sized up on the VC tube skirt. Nothing very revealing -- the unwrinkled, unspotted skin on my chest is proof. Actually, I never had cleavage until earlier this year when I bought a bra style that gave me some, so now at the age of 61 I have cleavage for the first time ever. With my pancake behind, pencil skirts don't have much bomb to shell, actually. And my feet have never been able to tolerate much height in heels.

But really? I think it was the militant feminism of my youth combined with insecurity with my imperfect body that kept me from *sexy* looks, plus none of my friends dressed that way. Gotta be taken seriously, ya know, and admired for my mind and not my body.

Hmm, I've never thought of sexy as being a dirty word.
I seem to be in the minority here, but I've pretty much aways thought of myself as sexy. Not in a blatant, overt sort of way, but in a way that I expect that I'm attractive to men, and I'm OK with it. And I'm OK with dressing in a way that shows that I'm a woman. I don't think that means being an "object" at all. I'm very much a feminist, and I don't see that as being in conflict with being sexy.

Maybe it's strange to say now that I'm in my 60s, but truly I still feel sexy, (at least my husband thinks so!) and I'm happy to dress in a way that looks attractive, in a tasteful way.
Now, I'm definitely not talking about trashy, streetwalker type outfits, but more along the lines of the pictures that Carla posted: more well-groomed and elegant, really.

I just reread all the comments and it appears there are various thoughts on what sexy is. I do not consider men finding me attractive as sexy. Am I missing something?

This thread has veered off course.

Of course I want to BE sexy, if sexy = attractive. I just feel uncomfortable in outfits that make me feel like I'm trying hard to look sexy.

To all of you who say that lots of different looks can be sexy, or that you feel sexier when wearing x, y or z (basically anything that is not bodycon and traditionally feminine): Yes. Absolutely. I fully agree. I personally feel sexiest in slim jeans and rock n' roll booties, actually.

But I'm sure you must agree that red 4" pumps, paired with a slim pencil skirt and a black bodycon (sleeveless) top fits the description for the traditional sexy garb for a woman. And even though I know this look works on me, I feel goofy in it. As if I LOOK like I'm trying too hard. (MsMary, you can wear a pencil skirt and pumps to work and of course it doesn't look like you're trying too hard, because a pencil skirt and pumps is perfectly standard office attire. I'll wager your top isn't skin-tight, though, and your heels are not bright red. Oh, and my pencil skirt has a giant snake printed on it. That probably doesn't help. There's no way I'd wear that outfit to an office! You know, I should post a pic of the outfit, and you'll see what I mean).

Sexy is not a dirty word. I didn't mean it that way. Sexy does not equal hoochie, or trashy or whatever. And I think the vast majority of women on this forum, even if they aim for a traditionally sexy look (although it sounds like relatively few of us do), would still like it to be tasteful.

Perhaps I should have used the word "bombshell" instead.

I agree, Deb. I think it seems to mean different things to different people.

Yeah. Bombshell I don't do. Can't do without feeling ridiculous.

Subtly alluring I will do. (Like Carla's examples -- great visuals, Carla). Or strong and sexy (an androgynous version).

Nothing wrong with being or feeling sexy. But I don't feel sexy in "conventionally sexy bombshell" looks. I feel a bit silly.

Thanks for the backup, Suz.

I think to look sexy you need to look approachable in some sense and this is something I have always found very difficult.

I think confidence is sexy! So feeling great in an outfit can translate as sexy. If your outfit feels too much like a costume, you won't be comfortable, or confident.

Though I am a fan of body con, I was slow to warm up to leather (sexy!) and even now I evade the too sexy feel by owning coloured leather (cognac, aubergine) vs black. So, there you go! Thank goodness for variety in fashion and in life.

Maybe a spinoff thread should be "what (clothes/outfit) makes you feel sexy?"

Well, my style moniker is Business Bombshell so your caveat hasn't helped me out much! LOL

I think when you say "trying too hard to be sexy," you will get pretty much unanimous agreement that nobody wants to look like that. The "too hard" implies that you got it wrong somehow. Just plain "trying hard to be sexy?" Maybe under the right circumstances I would be down with that...

I think I understand what you mean. I equate it to makeup. Makeup can be a wonderful tool to help a woman highlight her best features and feel particularly attractive, but doing a heavy eye, prominent blush and a dark lip all at the same time takes it into a whole new realm. To me the issue is one of focus. If you highlight everything, then nothing is highlighted. High heels, lots of cleavage, and super tight bottoms all together equals a sort of sexy free-for-all, and one doesn't know where to look. I think a truly sexy look would be one that calls attention to one specific wonderful feature, and lets the rest fade into the background a little. If you have that many sexy features to highlight, then God bless you! But then you get some variety in choosing which one to highlight at any given moment.

OK, I think I get the picture: An outfit consisting of 4" red heels, a pencil skirt with a giant snake on it, and a body con sleeveless black top does have a lot of connotations attached to it, especially if you have curves in all the right places. I can see why you chose to dial it back a bit to avoid spending the evening swatting away members of the male sex.

It is interesting, though, how certain items of clothing get caught in such a tangle of connotations that just putting them on can cause people to see only the stereotype instead of the individual. The "sexy" uniform, as it were, where you become a commodity instead of a real person.

OF COURSE you are Business Bombshell, Mary! That is a perfect moniker for you.

But I still think we're not on the same page. I certainly don't want to look like I'm trying too hard -- you're right, no one does -- but if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to look like I'm trying very hard at all. I'd rather look "accidentally" sexy. Does that make sense? I think Gaylene might be on the right track -- the red shoes + bodycon skirt and top made the outfit feel like the media caricature of sexy, which is too obvious for my comfort zone.

Rachylou, your comments always make me giggle. Good luck with the gold digging.

Rambling Ann, high five. Red shoes are the best.

SarahtheWhite, yes! The makeup analogy is perfect. Conspicuous, heavy makeup looks like you're really trying. Or goth, maybe, but that's a whole different ball of wax. (Mind you, I wouldn't say that I have "that many sexy features to highlight" -- I mean, we all have legs and boobs! I don't think I have any body part that's particularly fantastic. But there's nothing that's especially bad, either. I guess I'm kind of medium. Very girl-next-door).

Oh my god, Gaylene, no. I've never been in the position where I have to "swat them away like flies". Hahahaaaaa

Bodycon outfits with high heels do make me look much more hourglassy, though. Rectangles have to wear bodycon to show curves.

Haven't you heard? Girl-next-door is supposed to be the best possible kind of sexy!

Not if she's dressed like Jessica Rabbit!

LOL!!!

By the way, thanks everyone for posting such great replies -- it is so interesting to read everyone's perspective! So many thoughtful responses. So much wisdom

*chuckle* a very interesting topic! Although I wouldn't look sexy even if I tried (more like trashy!) I would love to do subtle sexy. The problem is I have never had an occasion to do so. Lol! That explains the backless dress hanging in my closet for like 3 years now ... Without having seen the light of the day even once! .... Obviously I don't want to look sexy to strangers! I would like to wear that on a posh fine dining kind of date night with DH. But that never seems to happen O_O with my two little ones around all the time.

So, guess what I am saying is, I do like to do sexy (or try to look sexy .. Alluring) for the right person for the right occasion. But for regular day to day life ... Nope ... Not when I was working .... Not when I was single ... Not now!

I have my fair share of "deliberately sexy" outfits: body cons dresses & skater skirts. I do wear them basis my mood, so not to office but at least once a week when meeting friends or out for coffee/movies with DH. I am fairly happy & confident in them. I never feel like I am pretending to be "sexy" though. I know I am when I want to be!
I think most women who know what styles they like make deliberate outfit choices - sexy or otherwise. Some may choose to deliberately dress in a manner that makes them appear "trendy"/ "serious" / "pretty" or else "laid-back".. some may dress for their current lifestyle. It all is deliberate. But sometimes there is a lot more of judgement on someone who may "deliberately" choose to dress sexy.