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How did you develop your personal style? This is hard!

Kristin SF

Veteran

It's just clothes and shouldn't be so hard, but wow - it sort of is, for me at least!

I am just starting out on my style journey. I've filled many of the holes in my closet - jeans of different cuts, tops, black pants, black skirts, a denim jacket, jackets and coats, shoes shoes and more shoes.

But in the morning, I find I reach for the SAME pair of BF jeans and the same few shirts, and the same sandals. Every. Day.

Granted, there are some days when I dress it up, but the outfit is pretty standard - a pair of jeans, a shirt, and then my sandals or my black or brown booties.

My closet is full of new and fun things to wear, but I look at the various components, get a bit overwhelmed, and get stuck. On top of this, I do have 2 small children and I work FT outside of the house. So maybe I don't have the time or energy (or creativity?) to pull together different looks and develop my personal style??

Am I being held back by fear? Maybe it's easier to live inside my standard boring "uniform" box -- I do have a fear and dislike for change and perhaps this is extending into my clothing choices, as well.

This can't be just my problem, right? Is it a problem for most fashion newbies, and if so, how did you get past this? Do I start with a few copycat challenges, religiously try to duplicate some MOTG formulas?

I leave you all with this quote that really resonated with me, found on Wardrobe Oxygen:

What is the difference between fashion and style?
Fashion gives us the individual elements: the colors, shapes, patterns, textures, and genres that strike our collective fancy for a particular period of time. Style is how an individual puts those specific elements together.

It's the style part that is giving me a hard time, here.

Thank in advance for your thoughts!

General

23 replies

Latest reply was from Kristin SF

Anonymous

Try and come up with your rubric, or even as a starting point, the styles or ideas that appeal to you. Then see how you can apply those to your wardrobe.

What does your favourite combos tell you about yourself and what you would like to convey? I suggest you just wade into the closet too and play with combos. Post them even to get comments on what works and what doesn't, or even another set of eyes to isolate what it is style-wise that presses your buttons and makes your heart sing.

catgirl

Veteran

I'm not sure I've gotten there - it's more of a goal than a journey. Two things that really helped were copying people whose style I loved until I learned to wing it on my own, and experimenting madly to figure out what did and didn't work for me. Within that category, I had to decide what I lloved, because not all things that look good are going to feel right. It's been two years now, and I'm just starting to feel confident in my own choices.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun! It's not a competition or a race and there is no finish line, despite my husband's wish that there was.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, how your post resonates with me!

I used to think some people were just lucky and BORN with great style.

And then there were the rest of us.

Now I know that it is normal to need time to develop a personal style, and that our personal style is always evolving. Even if we *think* we are without a style, we have one. And we can always refine it.

I am still fairly early in my own style journey so I am very far from being an expert. But my suggestions, for what they are worth.

1. Angie always recommends: bra fitting, new specs, new haircut as the 3 style starters. I can't say enough about how right she is. If you haven't had changes in these areas for a while, start there before buying any more clothing.

2. It sounds as if you have built up a wardrobe of essentials. That's fantastic! If you are having trouble combining them in new ways, it might help to try one or more of the following:

Spend some time on a weekend creating "capsules" with some of these pieces. Try on potential outfits. Figure out which things work with which other items, Plan your outfits in advance for the week instead of using the "grab and go" philosophy day by day. If you've planned your outfits you will be less likely to rely on the old standbys. Go slowly on the changes if change seems scary; add a scarf, or a jacket but keep those trusty BF jeans. Try a skirt for a change but keep the same booties. Try a new silhouette but in your favourite colour.

Then, take PICS! Show them to us. This is a huge learning tool and really made a difference to me. I felt and still feel a little silly doing it, but it really helps me learn about proportion, which colours work best, what I enjoy and feel most comfortable in.

3. Yes, the challenges we try here can be very instructive and help us all get out of our ruts. I personally have learned a lot from them. Often (like today) I end up wearing outfits that I wouldn't really feel comfortable in as a regular thing. But that's okay; in the process I learn something about my personal likes and dislikes and what works and doesn't work for me.

4. Try one of the "style defining" exercises. There are a few of them around. Angie's 5 adjectives to describe your style. Or you could describe your style by way of negatives (I am NOT this, that or that.) Or use the "style statement" book to narrow in on a phrase to describe your style. Aim to develop a style "rubric" (a few key qualities that your outfits must have to fee like "you.") List mate Aida had a great little list that she made to help refine her own style. Lots of us have used it or some variation to try to nail down our own personal preferences: http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....on-journey

In the end, I think when change is difficult, baby steps are the wisest course of action.

And know that here you are in great company!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

You know, I think this is just a never-ending quest. As soon as many of us think we have our style figured out, we have a shift.

I think this can actually be really fun. I'm still working on figuring my style out. I like a lot of things, but a lot of styles don't love me back. I am always trying to balance "flattering" and "interesting" in my style.

Being here on YLF is a great start. I have also found it very helpful to collect images of outfits and pieces I find inspiring. Pinterest is great for that, but you can also just download images on your computer or cut them out of magazines. Enjoy!

celia

Veteran

How I understand you.When I buy items I think about the various outfits I can do with them and the different ways I can style them, but then in the morning I reach out for the same pair of pants and an easy formula outfit.

But that is not necessarily wrong.

I also thought that style could not be learned but Angie and YLF made me think otherwise. When you know how thinks work and you have the basics of fit and proportion and you get to what feels and looks good on you even if you feel that you are always dressing the same you do it in fabulous style.

And, of course, there are those occasions when you have time to think about what you are going to wear and you know how to do it.

Yes, it does take time and effort,it is a constant try and error, sometimes it feels like you are going nowhere but the simple fact that you are trying means you are getting one step ahead.

And all the advice above is right on.

qfbrenda

Veteran

What Suz said plus Pinterest! Whenever I see an outfit that I really love, I add it to my Pinterest style page. After a while I look through the whole page and pay attention to things that repeat. That has helped me figure out what things I really love.

Sylvie

Veteran

I hear you. I am in a similar style stage. I have filled a lot of wardrobe holes so now I could (hypothetically) put lots of different outfits together, but I reach for the same red ankle boots and blue straight leg jeans every day, only varying what I wear on top.

If you're like me and don't have time in the morning to experiment I think we do need to find some weekend time to "play" in our wardrobe, put together some outfits, write them down and know they are ready to go when we want them.

I tend to wear my more interesting clothes the same way every time (or very similarly) so it takes some work to break out of the rut.

N-Marie

Veteran

Just wanted to chime in and say I feel your pain! I'm at a similar stage- just starting to experiment with new silhouettes but it takes time and I find myself wanting to rest on my laurels of having made some small improvements to my style rather than putting in the effort to be more creative.

I find myself reaching for skinnies plus tall flat boots plus tunic plus jacket and I wonder whether I've just replaced my old uniform of sneakers plus bootcut jeans plus t-shirts with a slightly more stylish but still boring uniform....

So I'll be following this thread closely

Kristin SF

Veteran

Thanks everyone. Yes -- I have been lamenting that I wasn't born stylish. It is good to hear that it can be learned.

And I have always thought, OK great signed up for pinterest now what? Looks like I've found a use for it, after all. Love the idea!

I never really thought about defining my style in a few words. I just pick what I like, even though later it might sit in my closet. I will think about that some more, I like the idea - seems like pinterest should be good for that, as well.

My husband -- who is not used to my newfound interest in fashion -- is like, you're spending an awful lot of time trying on clothes lately. (But, he is appreciating the end result, whenever I do step out of the box, clothing-wise.) SO, it truly sounds like it is an investment of time and effort to develop your own personal style. I will continue on my journey, and try to remember to have fun, too.

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. Pinterest, here I come!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

If you start an account on Pinterest, here's a thread from a couple of months ago in which a bunch of us shared links to our Pinterest boards:

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....-pinterest

JR

Veteran

It is very, very hard to add to the advice already given, because it is excellent, especially Suz's. But I'm going to try... ;o)

Listen respectfully to other people's opinions, but don't be a slave to them. No matter what you wear, somebody will like it and somebody won't. Ultimately, you are the one making the choice. You can learn many valuable things from the women on this forum, but nobody else can tell you who you are and what makes your heart sing.

I have a very simple system to encourage me to think outside the box. I organize my closet according to categories: tops, bottoms, toppers (jackets, cardigans, and such). When I put an item away, it goes to the back of its category. When I plan my outfits, I start with the items at the front and if possible, I combine them. Specialty clothes go in the back, because they're not part of the regular rotation. It's amazing what can work together that I never would have thought of on my own. And this way, nothing is sitting unused for too long. If it gets to the front, and I can't combine it with anything else, or stand the thought of wearing it, it is probably time for it to go.

And do experiment. Push your comfort zone a wee bit (not too much at once, or you'll feel like you're dressed for Halloween). Sometimes all we need is to get used to something in order to like it. And it's just clothes. If it isn't a winner, chances are nobody will remember it anyway.

Finally, take pictures. Even if you never show them to anybody else, you will see things in photos that your eye glosses over looking in the mirror. But don't reject anything on the basis of a single photo. Sometimes it's the lighting or the angle making it look bad. I have a cute (I think) cardigan I like when I see it in the mirror, but I have yet to see a photo of it that makes me happy. This tells me I should probably get rid of it. It just isn't working as well as I thought it would.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

You've received great advice here I just wanted to add that trying to create outfits in the morning if I had small children wouldn't work for me - I'd be reaching for the familiar too. You need to find some me time to play with your clothes to see what combinations work for you - taking photos really helps with this process.
Oh yes & remember Angie's only rule - have fun.

Louise

Veteran

I haven't the foggiest what my style is I just know what I like if that makes sense x

rachylou

Veteran

Hmm... what I hear is that you'd like to use more of your wardrobe... or possibly that you have the proverbial closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.

Maybe a place to start is to list the activities you engage in and then see how your wardrobe matches up?

N-Marie

Veteran

I wanted to add that I use polyvore a lot for planning a week ahead of time - it's painful to get used to using, but once you have built up your closet of "saved items" you can play "paper dolls" with your clothes.

I also use it to identify closet holes and test how a new item I'm considering would match with my current items. Now whenever i buy something online I just click the "clip to polyvore" bookmarklet and it's there waiting for me next time I go to polyvore.

See an attached example- note slipper boots in first outfit since I knew I was home-bound that day

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Kristin SF

Veteran

N-Marie - I downloaded stylebook to my phone last week to see if I could use that app to start playing around with outfits. I didn't realize you can also use polyvore, I will investigate, thanks!!

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

This question is so complex that I actually wrote a whole blog post about it once upon a time!! The rules that worked for me probably don't apply much to others given my blindness, but please know that an adjustment period is normal, as is the desire to change your mind once you think you've got something nailed down. The important thing is never to get too bogged down in this process. Fashion is supposed to be fun. If experimenting wildly stresses you out, then dial it back without guilt or shame. Do what feels right for you.
Here's the post I wrote, just in case it helps, though you absolutely don't have to read if you're not interested.
http://eyeronic.wordpress.com/.....-identity/

sinead

I think you've got some great advice here. I just wanted to add how I first started breaking out of my rut. It was SO hard to start incorporating new looks into my daily wear... I'm naturally shy and didn't like the feeling of drawing attention to myself that a sudden shift in style brings. So I used the season change as a way to sneak in new outfits. Everyone is switching out their wardrobe anyway- so incorporating a few new things doesn't stand out so much.

Kristin SF

Veteran

Michelle, thanks for the link to your blog post. I enjoyed reading it very much!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I did many of these things - the rubric, trying new items in inexpensive iterations until I knew they'd work for me (skinny jeans), identifying what *isn't* my style, choosing some of the challenges to break out of ruts, playing around with a virtual wardrobe to dream up new combinations. Most important for me was the taking of pictures. Even if you don't share them here, having them to look over, especially in a group as a bigger picture sort of thing, is very helpful.
One month of pics can show me that I start the month in a certain color mood and then shift to another by the end maybe. Or that I often wear the same bottoms twice in one week and then not again until next month. Or, I wear that green dress more than I thought I did. Etc, etc.
Also, by keeping your favorite outfit pics together, you can start to see the trends of what you do like on you. Use of textures, or a ladylike touch, or just enough hardware, whatever.
But do be patient with yourself. It's not a race to a finish line. The line keeps moving - you never 'get there' and are done!

Anonymous

You have gotten great advice as to what to do, I would like to comment on what not to do. Angie always reminds us to have fun with this process and she is right. I really try not to take it too seriously. Here is the beauty of this entire thing: If something does not work today, we will have, in all likelihood, a chance to do it all over again tomorrow. Also, in all honesty, the world does not care much whether or not I am wearing a killer outfit today, so a "fail" is only mine, really! We can get too fixated here in terms of trying to push the proverbial envelope and rack those killer ratings. Although that is all great fun, it can get to you. Perhaps you already have a style, and that style is what's making you reach for those pieces over and over again. Those items left behind are perhaps things that fall outside of that aesthetic.

unfrumped

Veteran

I found that I could not rely on my old-mix and match in the morning approach--either I would never branch out, or I would make a fashion bomb and then feel burned.
I had to SYC and come up with some outfits that I at least thought looked good and were a bit more polished or tried something new ( a scarf! a belt! a necklace! a different silhouette), but still comfortable, and then keep it all together and target a day to wear it.

Church is also a good experiment ground for me-I don't wear jeans there by personal choice, but can try all sorts of work-wear (not corporate, but my work trousers or tops, some jackets), or non-jean smart casual, or semi-dressy outfits--no dress code and no harsh judgments, at least not out loud! Sometimes I wear something to church with a plan to wear the exact same thing on Monday, which saves time & energy.

I found a sort of system for SYC and re-mixing--it does take a lot of time, but it works best when I'm already dressed and put together--so maybe 30 minutes after work ( I am empy-nester now, so I realize this won't work well for moms taking care of kids at hungry time) I will try some new things with the things I wore, before changing into lounging gear.

Kristin SF

Veteran

Great advice ladies, thanks!

Mo - love the idea of photos. Not sure I'd ever post a WIW but creating a library of outfits for later analysis is right up my alley. Never thought of that, thanks!