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Has your childhood influenced your wardrobe/shopping habits?

Summer

Veteran

I was born shortly after WW2 (oops, I've given my age away!) when many things, including clothing, were rationed. My mother and grandmother had to learn to be thrifty and resourceful, though I suspect these traits may have been hard-wired in them already.

My sister and I were always well-dressed, but we had very few clothes, as did all my friends and cousins.
We had:

Our school uniform - 1-3 items depending on laundering needs
2 or 3 outfits for after school and weekends
A warm winter coat
A party dress

That, apart from shoes, underwear, nightwear and a swimsuit, was about it.

Fast-forward to 2015, and my wardrobe is still very small, partly down to budget, but also by choice. I enjoy buying clothes and planning my wardrobe, but I have never craved the latest thing, in clothing or in anything else. As long as I have a reasonable selection of appropriate, functional and attractive things, I am happy.

So, does this come down to personality, learned behaviour or genes? Maybe it's a mixture of all, but I can't be sure.

Has your childhood influenced your attitude to clothes? Have you, perhaps, rebelled against it? I'd love to hear your experiences.

General

40 replies

Latest reply was from deb

Dimity

My mum was born just before the war and she's a total hoarder; I suspect it's because they didn't have much growing up. So yes, I think it does affect you.

crutcher

Veteran

I grew up with the neatness, pressed, clean, perfect instilled into my bones...I guess that being put together...not running out of the house in pi's has stayed with me all my life...
My current style also is based along those lines of neatness, etc. but with my current life stage thrown in...
If I could tell the little girl me one thing, it would be have more fun with this style business...Enjoy it more...smile..

Astrid

Veteran

I grew up with hand me downs, few clothes and parents who were students, had no money and didn't care about fashion or clothes. Which resulted in an absolute cluelessness when it came to dressing myself. I had to learn that here on the forum. And I still have quite the aversion to neatness, polish and so on... I feel horribly uncomfortable in those clothes. I definitely prefer worn in, soft and relaxed. Oh and clothes were always kept just in case and taken out when needed again until they weren't wearable anymore (in the sense of being worn out, not because of something like "out of style"). My mum still thinks me irresponsible when she sees that I'm letting go of things she thinks I could still wear.

Anonymous

My parents went through the war and were frugal, but had a lot more $ (due to scrimping and saving) by the time I (the youngest child) came along. I learned how to be frugal, as they instilled that in each and every one of their 6 children. My mother also sewed our clothes. This translated into a larger wardrobe for less $. My mother taught me how to shop the clearance sales, but she also said, "There's no economy in buying cheap stuff." By cheap, she was referring to things that are cheap both in price and in quality.

Neatness was also something my parents were big on. Clothes had to be ironed, mended, etc. The house was tidy and clean. Shoes were always polished and shined. Beds had to be made every morning.

Ann in New England

In my house, jeans were never appropriate for church, work, or special occasions. This means I still can't bring myself to wear jeans to work, even if everyone else is including the CEO -- even if I dress them up with a blazer etc. I have no problem with jeans at work in concept, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm trying ... Maybe I'll get there one day.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh absolutely. My parents were children of the Depression (dad fought in WWII and Korea), so they were from a hard-working generation that saved everything. However, like bettycrocker mentioned about her parents, mine were in a good place in life by the time I came along in the 60s -- dad had worked his way up in his company and they had a nice house and a solid middle-class income. I was one of only two children. So mom was in a position to buy pretty things she liked, and because of the way she grew up, she was a bit of a hoarder. So she had a shopping habit. It never exceeded the available budget -- she was also a careful budgeter -- but she rarely got rid of her older, unworn clothes when she bought something new. She was very attached to her belongings and struggled to let things go.

So yes, I shop for recreation too, and like my mom, never to a degree that would adversely affect our finances. However, I have learned to edit my closet, as I've trained myself out of the hoarding tendencies. I've always been a person who thrives on organization and neatness, so keeping our belongings in check helps me feel more calm and not overwhelmed. I'm currently working on the "clutter behind the doors" that my mom and I were guilty of. You know, the house that looks clean and neat, but every closed bit of storage is crammed, albeit neatly, with stuff. I was strangely satisfied when our guest room closet was clear of everything except spare pillows, a blanket, and hangers, all for guests.

Windchime

Veteran

I identify with Bettycrocker's post, the only difference being that money was tight, as my parents were paying private school tuition for two on a school teacher's salary.

When my sister and I were young, our grandmother sewed a lot of our clothes; as we got older, we wore a lot of hand me downs from other families with older kids. I spent the first 45 years of my life feeling vaguely guilty about spending money for new clothes. I finally decided that, as a middle aged professional, it was essential to invest in my appearance. Like Crutcher, I regret that I didn't find the fun in dressing much sooner.

Anonymous

I grew up having a mum who always sewed for herself and for a living (I do the same now). For many of my informative years I would go with mum when she bought fabrics for herself and sometimes for clients and I got used to the feel of quality materials. My mum would often make clothes for herself which were perhaps a little too dressy and sometimes they didn't always get worn (shopping for fantasy life) I have found myself doing similar things through past years and YLF has helped me to be more realistic and buy or make for my 'real' life. I still use my knowledge of good fabrics and fit though and I still appreciate great tailoring. My mum still sews and knits on a machine at 85!

celia

Veteran

Definitely. I guess many aspects of my life were influenced by my two grandmothers. They were opposites in every single thing.
While one liked to dress up , bright colors and found it perfectly reasonable to have a clothing budget( eve if she did the odd sewing job), the other one thought it was a waste of money, dressed with the same dark clothes for years and repurposed them until they were threadbare.
Both of them were very budget conscious and had very strong personalities. Until today when I shop I have both of them talking in my head. I have to say that it makes for a very crowded changeroom.

Elly

Veteran

My grandmother on my mother's side (who I am the closest to) is of the WWII generation, where my grandfather lived through the depression. My grandma keeps a neat house and will sometimes hold onto things in good condition that she can't otherwise use. My grandfather will keep (and wear) things that are just dismally worn. My mom grew up in the 60s and 70s on strict budgets and had most of her clothing home-sewn until she was in college or later. Then she was on a strict budget again with my dad in early married life. She doesn't know much about dressing, feels the deprivation of not being able to buy, but isn't a good shopper-- and she hoards like my grandfather.

My dad's mom and dad lived through both the Depression and WWII, and my grandmother in later life was a big shopper who participated in binge-purge. My grandfather rarely bought anything for himself and lived almost a spartan existance, but was extremely generous with others. He did, however, always own at least one nice car, probably because he couldn't afford one until he was well into adulthood and it represented something to him. My dad often goes without, but will buy whatever he wants if he think he can afford it, and any wear and condition issues are more about showing he "doesn't care" than about the money.

I grew up entirely on hand-me downs. We had plenty of clothes, but none of the items (except one or two a year) were new or stylish. The girls I got hand-me downs from were 10 years older than me, at least, so the clothes were a decade outdated. Something always didn't fit right or was a bit shabby. Sometimes they were boys clothes. I was tall and thin in childhood, so as a result I HATE having my pants be too short. When I got taller than all the ladies we were getting gifts from, we started shopping at thrift stores and at places like Ross--- other than tees and jeans I wore a lot of polyester for a few years, and for a long time could stand polyester. Like I say, plenty of clothes, but often not the best fit/fabrics/right ones. Plus, I live some where rural, so it was always done on "flying shopping trips" to the big city for a day or overnight.

As a result I like to have a small closet of clothes in excellent condition that cover all my bases and are somewhat stylish-- or at least more classic than outdated.

trekkiegirl

Veteran

It's so interesting to read these perspectives. I might be a bit younger than some of you (34) but I'm no stranger to hardship either. My clothes growing up were either thrifted, hand me downs, or made by my mother. I grew up on the edge of poverty in a strange subculture of sorts - in Alaska, in what I now consider a religious cult. We always had just enough, but barely that. I was not allowed to wear anything "immodest" i.e. no pants, skirts had to be below the knee (most were ankle length), sleeves to the elbow, no collar bone showing, no cutting hair, no makeup or jewelry, nothing remotely tight or form fitting. In high school I started sneaking jeans and short dresses to school.

In one sense, this has contributed to my philosophy of thriftiness and disliking waste. If I can fix something myself I will. I would love to sew more, but don't have time.

In other aspects,I realize I sometimes have a skewed perspective of what's appropriate for certain situations. This is also due to the fact that I was severely under socialized as a child/teen - I was home schooled til high school, which I started at age 12 because I was fairly smart and worked ahead, and I wasn't allowed to socialize with anyone outside of the church.

Taffy

My comment runs in a little bit different direction than others.. I've always been very tall and grew up with pants that were continually too short. So I was constantly teased and asked "where's the flood?".
So I have a difficult time getting behind the cropped pants trend (that doesn't seem to be going anywhere!). I appreciate the look on others but whenever I try them on I feel like a kid again and can't help but chuckle.

E

Veteran

Spending money was tight when I was in elementary school, but I never noticed. My mom bought my clothes, which was fine with me; the closest I got to an interest in style was my love for oversized tees, preferably with animals on them. Occassionally we'd get hand me downs, which always felt so exciting to me! My mom didn't make us wear them, so we could just pick what we loved from a big bag, and I knew it used to belong to a cool older girl. Hehe

Once I hit middle and high school, I realised I stuck out from the trends, but I didn't want to wear the tight flares that were in at the time, so I didn't think there was much I could do. My mom took me shopping, and to stretch the clothing budget (although money had gotten less tight) we always looked only at the sale rack or in discount stores like Ross or those cheap teen mall stores (not thrift stores; I didn't discover those until after college unfortunately). My mom is a wonderful person and parent, but she didn't know much about personal style or hair/makeup at the time (now she dresses wonderfully) so she didn't pass any lessons along to me. Like Astrid, I had to learn it myself after I left high school. I think that's why I enjoy reading style books and blogs!

It's taken me a long time to get over the bargain shopping approach: my health issues made me start spending on good, sturdy shoes, so that was the beginning. So many years of thrifting, and reading about fabric/clothes, taught me how to find good quality pieces, but at thrift store prices I can still fall into a more is more type of mentality, since there's not the same quality vs quantity trade off. I'm working on this!

Anonymous

Too funny, Taffy! I won't get behind the cropped pants trend, but not because I'm tall. It's because during the '70s, pants were worn long and if they were short, people would ask, "Where's the flood?" That's where the term "high waters" came from.

lyn67

Veteran

To briefly answer your questions, YES-but NOT ONLY! My actual life environment (which I have to keep up with in terms of dressing my body) has a much bigger influence for the moment.

Dee

Veteran

My love of shopping definitely comes from my mother. We used to hit up the discount retailers (TJMaxx, Marshalls, etc) every week or so. And while we rarely bought a lot, we often bought something.

The problem was, it was often pieces that were cheap and good enough but not quite what I wanted. That could be due to fit or style - the clothes were fine but rarely trendy (I think those kinds of stores have gotten better since I was a kid). As a child/teen, what this often led to was a large wardrobe with no real favorites or outfits.

As a student, I had no money so I couldn't shop for many years. Now that I am building up my wardrobe, I am trying to focus on buying the right pieces and not shopping as often, even though I want to.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I love reading these stories! Summer, it sounds as if the legacy of a smaller wardrobe has been a good one for you.

And Celia, I laughed out loud at the image of you and your two grandmas in the change room!

tr3kkie9rl, thanks for sharing that about your past. What a fascinating story.

I do think my childhood experiences with clothing have influenced my style and shopping habits, for sure. My mother grew up with very little during the Great Depression, but she worked for about a decade before I was born and developed a taste for lovely clothing, partly through connection with Montreal friends whose parents were in the industry. She actually got a lot of their hand-me-downs, and bought a few lovely things for herself.

By the time I was born, she was a suburban housewife and she sewed a lot of our clothes from Simplicity and Vogue patterns. Especially the summer clothing, which was easier to manage. My very first remembered item of clothing is a robe she made me when I was about three or four. It was floor length, with princess seams, made of turquoise corduroy, and trimmed with rabbit fur. I LOVED it. Wore it with my red patent leather "dancing" shoes.

She and my dad were very frugal. At that time the Canadian $ was high in relation to the American. Once a year, in late August, we would go to the US and buy my school clothes for the following year. Not a huge wardrobe, but a small capsule. I am sure this has influenced my preference for seasonal shopping and planning in capsules.

Once I entered my teens, I got a (very small) clothing allowance and my parents stopped buying my clothes. The money I got was not enough for me to buy what I wanted, so I also got a job, and my Christmas and birthday requests were always for the big ticket clothing items like winter boots and coats. I learned a lot about money management and wardrobe management from this clothing allowance experience.

Sadly, I also learned from my mother's later example. She stopped sewing and stopped buying herself nice things and for many years has "made do" with less than fab clothing. For a number of years, I treated myself the same way. YLF is a sort of "de-tox" experience for me.

jackiec

Veteran

Absolutely! I wore hand-me-downs from my brother, or my mom made a lot of our clothes. Even now, I am always looking for a sale. We got one new outfit for back to school, and never the cool name brands. Not that this is a bad way to live, but now that I've got a bit more money, it's still taken me a long time to appreciate or even allow myself to purchase something a little pricier. We always bought the cheapest. Even now I feel a little guilty if something I'm wearing cost a bit more (ie if I show my mom). I even feel funny pulling into their house in a more expensive car. Heck, this year was the first time in my life I've walked into a Club Monaco! It just wasn't done when I was growing up.

AM

Veteran

I was raised on alimony checks (always felt like we were counting pennies but we lived well) but with grandparents who tried to instill polish, classic (virginian), conservative, formality. Think navy, kilts, peter pan collars, patent leather shoes with mother of pearl button that you had to use that eye hook tool to take on and off, ugh. But I would say this was always in great taste (it just wasn't always my taste). Both parents and grandparents enjoyed architecture, interior design, dressing and entertaining. And the entire family struggles with weight especially in these formative years.

For college, I went to architecture school and there began my love of black. And it was definitely noticed. "Why are you wearing so much black? Are you going to a funeral?" My grandfather used to ask.

I'm very much a product of this childhood: body issues related to weight, budget conscious, classic (mix of countryside and urban), black, and design. But I don't think I ever quite looked like an art student so my edge might be just before arty -- closer to classic. Still feeling my way upon recent reflection.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

High five, Jackie. You and me both!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Ultimately I think my maternal grandmother had the biggest influence on my style - although she was extremely polished, made up, never seen with a crease in her clothes, always done and in every external way my opposite! Still she loved clothes, had an extremely strong sense of style and loved to shop at flea markets!

Anonymous

I forgot to mention the need for dresses (no pants) for church, funerals, etc. To this day, I don't like to go to church or any other major event (high school graduation, college graduation, wedding, you name it) in anything other than a dress or skirt.

Interestingly, my mother would never make me anything in black or red. She thought black was only for funerals, and red only for street walkers (polite term). She didn't mind black pants or a red sweater, for example, but she never made me a black dress, and the only red dress she ever made for me (after I married) was a coat dress in a fabric that had a matte finish.

Author Linda

Veteran

I was always the worst dressed girl in school, I think. My parents had problems and outfitting their daughters wasn't high on the list of priorities for either money or thought. We were dressed. That would have to do. As a teen I shared a wardrobe with my sister; what she wore one day, I would wear the next, so maybe people wouldn't notice we had two pair of pants or five shirts between us. That sort of thing. I only started shopping for myself when I started working after school and got some money. Then I got a few things of my own. My own pair of jeans that fit me, not her. My own sweater.

My taste was garish and haphazard. I bought on impulse and didn't know what looked good on me or was appropriate for any occasion other than work (in a hospital, so that was easy) or casual (jeans and a tee). If a fashion was current and my friends wore it, I would buy it and often regret it. My marriage introduced me to a whole new social class and world, though, and... boy, did I need to get an education.

After dressing completely wrong for two occasions and feeling completely humiliated, I made a point to study What To Wear. I had money now but no fashion sense at all. However I did have a mentor (she was so nice to me!) and I soon realized the advantages of classic clothing, fabrics, and accessories. I learned what worked with my body, and the difference between cheap and inexpensive (also quality and expensive... not the same thing).

Because of my childhood and painful recovery from it, I have an aversion to taking risks when it comes to clothes. I prefer neutral to wrong. I do very little impulse buying (one of the lessons of being more classic) but occasionally treat myself to something I simply MUST have. My instincts at this point are pretty good, so no misfires lately!

At this point in my life I have a wonderfully versatile wardrobe full of clothing I love, and I'm completely comfortable in social situations, so I guess I've achieved my goal of always having the "right" thing to wear. Yay!

Anonymous

My mother would not buy anything unless it was on sale -- preferably on the "last chance" table. The local discount stores in our area (predating Kmart and Target) were called White Front and The Big A. When I conjure up memories of shopping with her, that's what I see (and smell, since there was always a caramel corn kiosk near the entrance).

She once told me "the greatest day" in her life was when she walked into a Washington DC department store and they were having a mega shoe sale: all pairs for a dollar each (this was in 1946). "I bought 18 pairs!" Twenty years later, in a hot, empty LA suburb, the delight and wonderment were still in her voice. Shoes reminded her of being a young woman, on her own, with a great job in an exciting city.

Unfortunately, I grew to be tall and not slender -- "big" was the kindest word people used, as in (overheard conversation): "Do you think Gauche is fat? (long pause). I guess she isn't really fat. She's just big." So anything we bought had to be larger, longer and more "slenderizing" -- a difficult combo even now. I was phobic about being seen entering Lane Bryant (carrying their shopping bag thru the mall felt humiliating even years later). And they never had decent clothes anyway.

So I was on my own (neither of us sewed, and my mom was busy working, an unusual thing for suburban wives in those days). The elements of panic (about having nothing to wear), frantic searching (I must find something), stockpiling (what if I never find this again?) and sale-splurging (shoes are wonderful and will always fit) entered my shopping life and haven't entirely left.

Summer

Veteran

Fascinating stories, Ladies, thank you.
Dimity, yes, I think the hoarding habit is common in people of that generation. I've witnessed it at first hand with some of my relatives.
crutcher, I identify with the neatness thing. Looking back at photographs of the time, the one thing that stands out is how neat and tidy people were.
Astrid, ah! the first rebel in the camp! It's interesting that you've gone in the opposite direction with you more casual approach.
bettycrocker, it sounds as if you have learned some useful lessons about thrift and quality from your mother. I also relate to the tidy house, polished shoes ethic; it was just the norm at the time. I love your comments on red and black.
Ann in New England, how interesting that this hang-up about jeans in the work place has stayed with you. I hope you come round to it some time!
janet, it's interesting to see that hoarding theme coming through. It was ingrained into that generation that you used things up and didn't waste. Good to know you have stopped yourself from continuing the habit.
Windchime, how sad that you carried that guilt for so long. I'm glad you are enjoying buying nice things now.
DianeG, you have learned some valuable skills, and we've seen the brilliant results here. Interesting that you used to buy for a fantasy life, and good for YLF for getting you out of it.
Celia, so funny about your two very different grandmothers. A crowded changing room, indeed.
Tr3kkie, so interesting to hear of your strict clothing rules as a child. Is that what drives your need for variety now?
Taffy, your comment made me smile. No wonder you're averse to the cropped pants trend!
E, it sounds as if you have learned to go your own way.
Lyn67, you have found your own way, too.
Dee, glad to know that you inherited a love of shopping, and that you are now more discerning about it.
Suz, thank you for your detailed reply. I agree that having an allowance when you're young teaches valuable lessons about money management. Sad to hear that both your mum and you went through a period of denying yourselves.
jackiec, hand me downs from your brother, now that's a good reason to treat yourself in later life.
AM, navy,kilts and patent shoes - I identify with those! I think you've had a good grounding in style. I love your grandfather's thoughts on your black clothes!
shevia, you've definitely inherited the style gene.

Greyscale

Veteran

I was so anti-feminine growing up, and my mother was too, so flannels and jeans were all I really liked wearing. Mostly hand-me-downs. My mother is quite thrifty, though we were fairly well off, so I kept everything as long as I could and shopping was never a priority. It was so great when the grunge 90s happened! By high school I'd developed my own sort of alternative look, but up til then I was a disaster. Or, maybe not a disaster, but just the classic extreme nerd who had no idea how little she fit in.

I still prefer casual clothes but I don't dress like a guy anymore. It's a pretty dramatic shift for anyone who knew me in high school or college. Sometimes I still get surprised comments.

So, now from my happy vantage point, I don't feel like my past really defines how I shop now (finally, after many years). The lasting effects:
1. I am overly modest about skirt lengths. I was way too cautious about what I wore in my teens and 20s. Now that I'm in my mid 30s, I won't force myself to change that, but I wish I'd realized that the people all around me were comfortable with slightly shorter skirts or shorts. Things just somehow seemed more extreme on me than they actually were. Of course, some of that might be cultural changes, too.
2. I am so uncertain and tentative about fit. I spent years wearing clothes that were too big. Now that fluid, looser fits are back in, I have a really hard time distinguishing "too big" from "just fluid enough."

K.M.

Veteran

Summer, what a sweet question. You made me think of my mom and my childhood in a way I hadn't done before. And yes, I owe my style and love of fashion to my mom.

Growing up we didn't have a whole lot of disposable income, but my mom always made sure I had cute and up-to-date outfits, all kept in tip-top shape. And she also dressed herself this way. I remember browsing through her fashion magazines since I was 6 or 7, and going shopping with her both for her and for me. She would always encourage me to try on different things and she had such joy in finding outfits that flattered my body type. She instilled in me a sense of elegance, of finding the right fit, of matching appropriate colors, including tights, footwear, accessories... (She also always gave my dad a hand with that!)

And you know what? My mom still does this! Some of my best clothes right now are gifts from her. And she does the same for my daughter now!

Summer

Veteran

Author Linda, you have definitely had to learn the hard way. I'm so glad you now have your wardrobe sorted, but I can understand your caution.

gauche, a fascinating story. Thank you. I hope the panic is lessening for you since you found YLF.

greyscale, you've had quite a turnaround by the sound of it.

retailgirl

Veteran

I was born in 1949 and my mother lived through the depression, but I never felt deprived and my mother was not super thrifty. She sewed for both of us and always bought nice fabrics,trims and buttons. She would say why spend your time on cheap fabric? She loved fashion and taught me a lot. But in the 1950's, people did not have the abundant wardrobes that many of us have today. I usually had maybe 5 outfits for school, 1 or 2 dresses for church, and some play clothes. One good coat, one school coat, school shoes and play shoes.

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