I do not think grey hair is always aging. Suz, I think you would be absolutely beautiful with grey heir. I say, wear it for a year and see how you like it. A year sounds reasonable to me because then you will have time to adjust your wardrobe and makeup to bring out the best in your new color.

Suz, I have to echo Nicole based on a friend who grayed naturally and suddenly, early in her 40's. Her lively personality had difficulty adjusting to others' perceptions based on her gray-and-then white hair. She felt like people perceived her like she was old, and she hadn't had much time to adjust, so it was a shock.

Your appearance is full of verve and I always look forward to seeing what you wear. If you decide to go gray, shiny, swingy hair and fresh skin with color will showcase your personality.

I hope you try it and see what you think! I bet it would look great. I know I'm enjoying not having roots at 2 weeks and needing to color every 3-4 weeks. The maintenance was killing me. And my hubby who hates change loves my new hair.

Not a fan of gray hair in general. There are a few younger women who can pull it off - but, in my opinion, most women's features fade and become very low contrast with gray hair (when they are in their 50's and 60's.) Also, like someone else said, why go gray when you really don't have to do much to it now to keep it blonde? Also, I think that women with beautful thick hair look much better with gray hair, than women with thin hair. The gray and the thin-hair is an instant "ager." So, I say keep it blonde as long as it looks natural on you - which it still does.

I did just this, this past year. My hair was light brown with golden highlights, and now it is quite silvery white in front and top, and a little darker in the back. It took eight months to grow out. My stylist highlighted with peroxide for the first few months so the growout wasn't so awful looking.

I can't believe the number of people who told me they think I look younger now. It's seems counterintuitive to me, but whatever. I've only had two people tell me they preferred the brown - everyone else loves the silvery white. I am adjusting the colors I wear a little bit. Tan and khaki are not very good. And I have a lot of those colors. As I said on Rae's thread, taupe is a new favorite of mine.

Since you're blonde now the transition should be fairly easy. If you or your husband don't like it you can always go back. I have to say though, that I love the fact that everyday my hair looks better instead of worse.

I would try it! I think you'd be stunning in silver!

You have similar coloring to my mother and she was closing in on 60 before her hair really looked grey. I think she looked better with her blond though the grey does work for her. There is a certain shade of blond that I think of as 50s blond and it can be aging. I don't think your is that shade of ashy blond so it works well for you.

I'm not sure how grey can not be aging though given that it is a natural result of the aging process. That does not mean it can't be attractive but I think it is very rare for grey hair to not give the impression of age.

If you have always wanted to give it a try, then you should, It isn't as though the decision is permanent.

Go for it! If you don't like it or feel it's flattering you can color it again. Give it a shot you may love it!!!

I think you would look fantastic. My dh said the same but is ok now. For me, it has been the best thing I have done and I went from dark brown to white. Check out going grey looking great site. You can sign in and go through with a cohort of others. There ARE personal adjustments along the way such as dealing with looking different to dh, sense of self, how others see you esp if you do public work etc...

Perhaps if you get a close-up photo now and after, we can all give you an honest opinion on what we think?
I suspect though it is like all aged-related things- when we love someone we see the inner beauty, and in the end it only matters how you yourself feel about your hair.

I think you should try it! With your short hair it won't take long to grow it out to see how it looks. I personally don't think grey hair has to make you look older - considering hen most women go grey it's very obvious that a big percentage of them has dyed hair, so I don't think the argument of giving it away is a valid one. And hair can be dyed very well, but IMO you can always see it isn't natural IRL (not that it's a bad thing!).
My godmother went grey/white in her early twenties and both my mum and me only know her with white hair. She's a learned hair stylist herself, but decided to embrace the grey when it came so early. She always had a very sharp pixie cut and takes care to do very regular upkeep of the cut and also uses product. She's sixty years old now and you see it, but not because of her hair. She looks thirty in thirty year old pictures even with white hair.

Of course I have to see what color my hair will be, but I don't think I will start dying it when I start to go grey.

Nay. It never even occurred to me that you were not a completely natural blond. You look gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. The color suits you perfectly and you wear it well.

I haven't read the other responses yet, so here is my gut reaction. I think you look great with your current hair color. Going grey can be tricky...some people can pull it off with a great cut, and a current, stylish wardrobe does help a lot. To my eye it then looks deliberate, as opposed to "I gave up." However, I never stress too much about hair changes. They don't have to be permanent, so why not try it and see where it takes you?

Thanks, everyone, for your perspectives! It's really interesting to see. As usual, opinions about grey hair are mixed and I expected that. We all have complicated associations, both personal and more broadly cultural. And what we feel will depend a lot on the models we've seen in our lives.

Gabrielle, thank you for the compliment. I am a natural blonde -- but there's been help of various kinds from the bottle since I was in my early 20s. Mostly just highlights, but in the last six years or so I have also needed to deal with root growth. In my 30s, I dyed it red for a few years for a change. That was fun, and actually suited me, but the red faded pretty fast and that kind of upkeep drove me mad. Plus, I had to change the colours I wore.

Lyn, I love the idea of a close up before and after picture. I am going to arrange for that. In the light, if I can ever catch any!

And I don't mind going back to blonde if the grey doesn't work. I actually don't think my blonde hair "fools" anybody, except on the most superficial level, from a distance, perhaps. My face has lines -- not extreme, but lines. I do not look like a 20 year old. Most women in their 50s do not have naturally blonde hair. In fact, very, very few do.

Here's my guess, based on what I know of myself. Right now, people who don't know me and who only see me from a distance probably do assume I am a lot younger than my years. But since I don't really care about that -- so what?

Meanwhile, if I go grey, those same people will probably begin to guess my age correctly.

But...I move quickly, firmly, and decidedly. I have a lot of animation in my face, gestures, and voice. My hair is thick -- super, super thick -- not at all thin and wispy. (My mother's hair is still so thick at 88 that her hairdresser sometimes despairs; it always, always needs to be thinned out.) I have a fab, modern hair style, and thanks to YLF, fab modern clothes. I'm also pretty fit. In short, I do not feel old.

So if people begin to guess that I'm my actual age -- what is the problem with that, exactly?

I think there is "aging" in the sense that suggests shows your true age....and "aging" in the sense that it makes you look older, drawn, less attractive, and less appealing. Most of us can accept the first. Few of us can accept the second. And we all worry that if we allow ourselves to go grey, that's what we'll get.

Here are a few possible role models that I pinned last night. To me, they look vibrant and alive -- at any age (because there are a mix of ages here.)

You know, what the heck is wrong with looking older? That is something that was on my mind when I found this forum. I want to age gracefully, because Lord willing, we are all going to age and there is really no way to fight it. The quickest way to age is to not stay fit and active. It shows in your skin, hair, muscle tone and how you carry yourself. It is the foundation for everything else. If that is crumbling everything else will follow. Then the exterior covering can enhance or detract. Meaning if you dress like an old lady you will be perceived as an old lady. If you still wear a bouffant hair style with old fashion eyeglasses people will probably assume you are even older than you are. I don't think this is Suz issue at all. She is fit, active and on trend with her clothing, hairstyle, glasses,etc. I think the grey hair plays into the juxtaposition idea. I personally enjoy mine for that reason!
If you are worried that your greys are mousy,you stylist can always add lowlights/highlights to bring more dimension into your natural color.

ETA: should I just say ditto to what Suz just said? Cross posted:-)

I say nothing ventured, nothing gained. It will be easily undone if you just despise it. Grey hair may be aging on some, but fear of trying new things definitely ages us!

I have nothing against people who want to dye their hair or get plastic surgery or whatever to look how they like. I just hope that there is an equal number of people who choose to age "naturally" because I think our perception of aging needs to change and be more inclusive.

It's such an individual decision, I can't even begin to consider telling someone else what to do. Suz, I think you would look stunning with grey hair, but I also don't think it would be a huge departure, since your hair is already light. As has been pointed out, this tends to be a more dramatic change for those of us with dark hair, and I know someday I'm going to have to make a decision (for now, I'm sticking with the plan of holding onto my dark hair as long as my sister, who is 10 years my senior, keeps dyeing hers! ;-).

I don't think it necessarily makes someone look older, but it can. It totally depends on the individual. For better or for worse, people do associate grey with older. If that doesn't bother you, and you're ready for a change, then I say go for it. You will look gorgeous either way!

I love your pin board. Annie Lennox! She was my idol as a teenager! Some of those pins look platinum blonde to me...I guess there's a gradient. My fave one is the lady with steel grey in the back and white bangs. It's amazing when natural hair colour looks irreproducible. Something I marvel about daily when I look at my kids' gorgeous natural highlights and hair colour tones.

I have very mousy hair, and I am not yet grey, but I stopped colouring my hair a few years ago, when I became fed up with stylists not being able to get a colour "right" on me. It was always either too dark, or too brassy or too warm, and never felt "just right". I much prefer my natural colour now. It just works. It is effortless, and it matches me. I like to maintain a hairstyle, and I've found my hair feels a lot more "drab" if I let it grow too long or grow out of a style, but if I keep it styled well, it takes minimal effort to look and feel right.

Embrace it! I doubt you will look back, but if you do, the nearest pot of colour is only a hair stylist away

Go for it! You may find it liberating. I found this book helpful early on - Going Gray by Anne Kreamer.

Oh Suz, I am so glad that you started this conversation. I am also going through the same debate in my mind - on one hand I am so tired of colouring my hair but nervous about going grey. I just recently went from a dark brunette to a much lighter blondish brown with the hope that I will have the courage to eventually let the grey grow out. I will be watching and cheering for you from the sidelines!!

My reply is similar to Janet's (but I haven't read all of the others). This is a hugely personal decision. People have very strong opinions about it, but really you have to do what you want to do. I know that's not helpful, but I would go with your gut on this. And the great thing is that whatever you choose is reversable ; )

As a 54 year old woman, I am not trying to look younger, just "my" best. For me, having grey hair would not be my best. So to answer your question, I would need to know what you want to achieve by going grey. Personally, I think you look darling & very attractive with your blonde hair which is not to say you would not look darling & attractive with grey hair.

Suz, it sounds like you're emotionally ready for a change...so going grey might be just the ticket. It could look fabulous and striking, having the same huge effect on your style as getting your hair cut in a pixie did. On the other hand, it might not be as flattering as you hope.

I say it's definitely worth a try. See how you feel with the grey and how it works with your growing lovely wardrobe. You can always go back to highlighting in the future if you don't like it.

Suz, you asked "what's the problem if people begin to guess my actual age?"

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but honestly, there is still a lot of discrimination in our society against older women. I know you do a lot of speaking and teaching and I think a youthful appearance is a career asset. It isn't fair, it isn't right, but it is a reality.

Just another something to throw into the mix.

Signed,

Team Blonde

I'm firmly of the opinion that the only way assumptions will change is if we take it into our own hands to change them. The more fit gorgeous grey-haired women there are, the more the paradigm will shift. Look at Jamie Lee Curtis - she rocks a silver pixie! Judi Dench too. At a certain point owning what may hold you down is the key to real empowerment IMHO.

That said, I agree this is personal and the decision is going to be based on each woman's feelings and sense of self-identity, and that choice should be valued whatever it is. That is true empowerment!

I agree with that in theory. But I've been blonde and I've been gray, and people treat me better when I'm blonde. Same with thin vs. fat. The question is how much crap one is willing to take while waiting for the paradigm to shift...

ETA: And also? I am always up front about my age. I don't pretend to be younger, ever. I like to echo Gloria Steinem: "This is what [insert your age here] looks like." But if looking more youthful than people expect will help level the playing field, I'll take it.

Of course, MaryK! That is the current reality of our society.

For me it hasn't always been a choice - I can't stop being brown, nor would I want to... My option is to let people underestimate me at their peril.

I also think certain professions respect age and experience. But I totally understand the balancing act!

What a great discussion! I pinned this quote from Tyne Daly a long time ago:

"You know, my hair is very upsetting to people, but it's upsetting on purpose. It is important to look old so that the young will not be afraid of dying. People don't like old women. We don't honor age in our society, and we certainly don't honor it in Hollywood." - Tyne Daly

Probably a little extreme, but it resonated with me in that age is not honored in our society.

All that aside, any way you choose, Suz, you will be beautiful!