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Guilt Buying

Debora

Veteran

I'm embarrassed to say that I was guilted into buying a top and it's less than perfect. I have an acquaintance who is selling CAbi clothes. For those of you who aren't familiar with this line, CAbi (Carol Anderson By Invitation) is a clothing line for women that is sold exclusively via in-home shopping parties.

This woman has donated countless volunteer hours over the past two years helping me with a committee that I chair at my son's school. I am relying on her to help me again next year. She has started her own home business as a CAbi consultant, and I felt obligated to purchase from her. I bought the top shown below and was dismayed to see that the quality was not what I'd expected. Particularly, it really irks me that the stripes on the sides don't match up (a pet peeve of mine). I would return it but I don't want to create hard feelings, especially since I am dependent upon her for help.

I often get invitations to home parties where friends are selling everything from jewelry to kitchen items to home decor. I am able to decline in most cases, but sometimes get stuck making a purchase as in the above example.

Do any of you find yourselves in similar situations? What would you do about the top? I apologize for the long post, but any advice would be appreciated.

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37 replies

Latest reply was from Di

JuliaInGermany

Debora, that's a tricky situation. I don't like home parties for the same reason. I just don't want to spend money on something I don't need/want, just to make someone else feel better.

I would keep the shirt and wear it with a cardi/jacket if you are bothered with the mismatched stripes. I bet it would look cute with a red cardi on top. It would irk me, too, though probably most people won't even notice.

I would make sure to have an answer ready for the next invitation. Tell your friend you are currently shopping your closet or something.

The shirt looks really nice in the photo, so don't let it get you down!

MsMary

Veteran

I think Julia has great advice. All those volunteer hours would make me give her a Mulligan this once. It's an adorable top and with a jacket or cardi it will be great. And from now on you can be busy when she is having her parties.

Oh, and what do I do? I NEVER go to things like that. Like, never ever. If I'm asked I say "Sorry, I never go to home sales parties."

But then I'm probably not nearly as nice a person as you are.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You are a honey to support your friend, Debora. Super striped tee if it makes you feel any better

taylor

Veteran

Sticky situation! I avoid these type of parties too
It is a great layering piece:)

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I hate those parties for exactly the same reason. If the stripes on the side bother you, maybe a cardi over top or a vest would hide the stripes? I do that to hide the pills on the side, but hopefully this won't be your problem

MNsara

Veteran

Oh dear, I do know about the party thing! It has to be someone pretty special before I'll go to one because I know full well I have to buy something and it is never what I have ever even considered buying.

But I also feel that if I have gone once, I do not need to go again. If I am ever invited again, I can sincerely say "I'm still trying to make good use of . . . . (whatever it was I bought last time), so I think I better pass. But thank you for checking with me."

This top is very cute and the mismatched stripes would bug me, but the cardi/jacket idea is brilliant. I'dd add denim vest or khaki/cargo vest to those ideas too. . .

Steph

Veteran

I agree that I try to avoid these parties as well. But your situation is different because she donates so much of her time to you, so buying a small something at her parties every once in awhile is kind of your way to repay her for what she does. The stripes would irritate me as well, but the shirt is pretty cute otherwise. I think it would be great with a blazer or cardigan--it is perfect for Angie's Chanel-inspired capsule. It could also look cute under the right sleeveless dress. If you can't make it work, donate it and take the tax deduction.

Lisa

Veteran

I like this as a layering top. For future, perhaps you can purchase an item and give it as a gift? Then you are not stuck with something you don't love, but still helped with giving a sale.

tarzy

Veteran

At least the top looks great on you! I think we've all bought Girl Scout cookies or band candy from a friend or colleague at some time - and at least you got a nice shirt out of it, minus unnecessary calories. It's not like you bought a time share in Costa Rica. I think you can give yourself a break on the guilt!

Scarlet

Veteran

I would probably eat the shirt in this case. The stripes are cute, though. I am surprised by how many people say they have been in the same situation getting invited to these parties all the time. Is this something that has really picked up in the last few years?

Alecia

Veteran

Hmmm. Now I feel guilty. I've gone to some of these parties and not bought anything.

lynne

Veteran

Interesting thread. I don't always buy anything at these parties, but in your situation I probably would have, too. I once had to return a pizza stone I bought at a home party. It was a little uncomfortable, but hey, the thing broke! Like everyone else has said, the top looks cute on you, and will be a good layering piece. Think of how pleased your friend will be when she sees you wearing the shirt.

Beth

Veteran

Ooh, this is a tough one (said as I consider the twelve boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my pantry). I usually just say I have another engagement; if I do go, I buy something small.

That said, I love the top on you (I do understand about the stripes...grr). Use it as a layer and you're good to go:)

At least it was clothes. The ones I dislike the most are the giftwrap/peanut/pizza kit sales drives. I'd rather just give them the money. :O

Anonymous

I must be a complete grumpus. I never go to those parties, and I have to love the honoree dearly to consent to a baby or wedding shower.

Debora

Veteran

Thanks for the excellent suggestions. I bought it with Angie's Chanel girl-on-the-go look in mind and will most likely layer it under a jacket or cardigan. I guess I'm feeling just a little peeved because the darned tee shirt was $60! This isn't the first time she has had a party. I bought a $50 tank from her in the fall, and I know there will be a summer line coming out, with a fall line to follow.

What makes it all the much harder to say no is that she is a wonderful person who always steps up whenever I need her help. I guess this is a small price to pay for that kind of dedication. And to be fair, I did get a lot of use out of the previous piece.

Tarzy, I hear you! As a band mom, I've pushed my fair share of over-priced band candy and fruit on friends and neighbors. I have to say, though, a time share in Costa Rica sounds good to me!

Scarlet, these parties seem to come in spurts. For a while, Pampered Chef was all the rage. Now Silpada jewelry party invitations are popping up in my in-box.

Beth, I can't resist those adorable little Girl Scouts when they come to my door, either. I can go through half of box of Thin Mints in a day!

Beth

Veteran

LOL! How did you know most of those boxes were Thin Mints?

I'd buy candy and fruit from you any day:)

Debora

Veteran

Thanks Beth!!! You are a kindred spirit!

Queen Mum

Veteran

I do think the shirt is cute on you and you should get some use out of it as a layering piece.
Home parties are a pet peeve of mine. I avoid them like the plague, but also like Alicia, i have been known to go and not purchase anything. I figure if I'm allowed to browse a store without making a purchase, I'm equally allowed to browse a "home shop" under the same rules.
In the future I would bless this friend with a gift to thank her for her volunteer work rather than gift her by supporting her business.

Queen Mum

Veteran

gasp! I just read your latest reply... $60!?!? I'd be tempted to return for that price. yikes!

Kristine

Veteran

Ugh, I hate home parties! I find an excuse not to go. It's easier to deal with the guilt on the front end. $60 is quite a bit but it's cute top and you could consider it a favor. I wouldn't buy anything more though, particularly if the quality isn't good. I think two overpriced items are enough to show your appreciation.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Wow! Home parties are never cheap; are they? If I spent $60 on a top, I'd expect the sides to line up. They line up even on my $15 sweater.

YIKES. I say invite the friend out to lunch to show your thanks; and return the top.

Vix

Veteran

I have a friend who buys/wears CABI so I get that the more intimate nature of the buying -- especially when this is a woman who does a lot for you -- is tricky.

That said, I'd call her and tell her that the stripe alignment is driving you wild and you'd like to swap the shirt out for another item or a credit to use next season...because let's face it, sounds like you will probably be attending these parties for a while.

Better to have a useful piece you bought for complicated reasons than one with which you'll always find fault. [IMO CABI has some nice leather belts; any need of those?]

Good luck!

MsMary

Veteran

Uh, isn't the serving size for Girl Scout Cookies a "sleeve?"

Beth

Veteran

Mary, that's the definition in our house.:)

Debora

Veteran

Thanks ladies, it's helped to vent my frustrations. I probably should return it, but will most likely end up keeping it because I do owe her and want to show appreciation for all her help. Even though it was a lot to spend on a top, and was one of the cheapest items available, I am actually feeling a little guilty about complaining.

MaryK and Beth - yes! A 'sleeve' of Thin Mints is a serving in my house, too.

Isabel

Veteran

I competely agree with Steph. I won't do home parties either, unless there is a VERY good reason - I would say that attending one and buying one thing from a dedicated friend who is starting a business falls into that category.

The only party I will go to now is for a terrific single mom that I have known since I was in kindergarten. I buy a couple of things I don't want or need ( she doesn't know this ) and then I donate them to the Salvation Army after she has seen me use them a couple of times. I love her and it gives me great pleasure to do this for her.

The whole business plan behind these things IS guilt. Look at it as a goodwill gesture for someone is who good to you and your son.

And yes, that would drive me nuts too, you could even throw a vest over it !

elpgal

Veteran

I haven't read what the others have suggestion but this would irk me and my unhappiness with the top would spill over and turn into irritation for the said friend.

I would tell the friend about the mismatched stripes and offer to get something else so you can allay your guilt. Perhaps an accessory or some basics.

Since she has just started out as a consultant, maybe she doesn't know enough to assess clothing quality.

All that said, it is easier to give advice than to follow it. I am currently being guilted by a friend to book a photo session with her I haven't thought of a way out.

Sara

(website)

I try to think up any excuse not to go to those kind of parties, and if I do end up going, I usually buy one of the cheapest items.

I can appreciate that the stripes bother you (and you are right, for $60 they should definitely line up), but even without a layering piece, your arms will probably cover the seam most of the time. A striped tee is a great basic to have, and it will work well with a lot of items you may already have in your closet. I'd wear it with black skinny ankle length pants, flats and a pop of red. Or try the tee with a printed scarf that has some navy in it. It would also look nice layered under a black sheath dress, and I whole-heartedly second the suggestion of wearing it under a blazer. Try to have as much fun with it as you can and associate the shirt with the memories of your friend's help and support rather than it's high price.

Carole

Veteran

You are a sweety! I completely relate to your dilemma. However, the top is really nice on you and so "of the moment" according to Angie's "must have spring/summer list". At least you can check the strip top off your list!

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