Growing out the gray - need encouragement! - YouLookFab Forum

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Growing out the gray - need encouragement!

RobinF

Veteran

Hi All - I know there have been gray hair threads in the past and I have devoured them as I debated whether to keep coloring. Hopefully you don't mind one more!

About two months ago I decided to try letting the gray grow out. I was more curious than anything but also just sick of dying it every month. My dilemma is that I thought it was coming in OK, the stripe isn't too sharp because of my hair texture and I'm not hating it too much. Then last weekend we attended a family wedding and in our family pictures it looks worse than I thought it did. Granted, it was windy and the light wasn't great, but it was a bit of a "oh shoot what have I done" moment.

I don't think I'm ready to give up but I wonder how you all did during the times when you weren't sure you should continue. I haven't had negative comments, in fact almost NO comments - haha (although my mom hasn't seen it and she still colors hers and told me several years ago that I shouldn't let it go gray because it would make me look old - thanks mom). My husband is all for it, my kids don't care.

I'm 57 and it looks like it will be almost totally white and, while I think that it's pretty, it is more white than I expected. I have considered highlights, low-lights, coloring the brown gray, getting a shorter cut etc. but not sure I want to do that since the stripe isn't too bad and I have had shorter hair and like this length better.

Most of my friends and family are not gray so I sort of feel like I am breaking new ground with this.

I guess I am just asking for encouragement, advice, anything that helped you get over the hump.TIA.

Pictures are the family picture I was talking about, one with my daughter that I think is how it actually looks right now, and some close ups in the bright work bathroom.

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52 replies

Latest reply was from RobinF

Joy

Veteran

I never really covered my grey but did have light streaking done to tie it together for a couple of years. It is so freeing not to have to think about coloring and roots. Once I did one of those temporary colors that washes out gradually. It was a dark brown ( my natural color when young) and looked very harsh. It made me all the more determined to keep my grey.
You mother is afraid she will be thought of as older if her daughter has grey/white hair. That happened with my DSIL and her MIL. The MIL kept her hair dyed black until well into her 80’s. It looked awful on her. Another example I saw of what not to do. Hang in there. This will pass.

kellygirl

Veteran

It sort of looks like ombre! I think it's kind of cool how it's coming in at the roots so uniformly--presumably because the color is growing out? It's a pretty white grey too so you're lucky. If your family is for it and you don't mind it, I'd stick it out. You can always color it again later if you change your mind.

Anonymous

Have you read Debby's grey hair journey on Full Life Reflections (formerly of Recovering Shopaholic)? A lot of it's "what not to do" but very interesting.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

You look great! Extremely healthy and vibrant. You are not going to look "old" with grey hair.

Or, as I prefer to call it, silver.

As a short hair-wearer who was confirmed in my shorter style long before I started going grey, I'm probably not the best person to advise, but I would look to Mainelady and ElizabethP for some thoughts on the "how" when you have mid-length hair.

Mainelady's hairdresser is clearly the "silver hair whisperer" because she helped Mainelady make the transition like a boss with those woven through highlights and lowlights. Your hair is shorter than hers so a transition like that wouldn't take as long as it did for her.

I tried something similar for about 6 weeks (the time between cuts) just when I was really fed up with the "stripey" look. My colourist wasn't as good as hers, so the effect wasn't quite the same, but it did allow me to attend a public facing function feeling a little better than I might have, otherwise. The drawback is that it then takes longer to grow it out. Which is why I opted for doing it only once, and then going for the big chop.

Try to remember that it looks its absolute worst in the glare of an overhead bathroom light.

One thing that kept me going through the toughest months was starting to plan my shopping around my new hair colour. I continued to wear mainly cool tones but I added a lot more grey, silver, black and white pattern (or any pattern with white in it) etc.

You can do this!

Anonymous

Well , hello! (I never see pictures of you, ha). I think your natural colour looks like it's going to be great! Your hair colour and transition reminds me a bit of Alyson Walsh's ........she has quite a few posts (thatsnotmyage.com) on her hair transition you might like reading.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What Kelly said.

It looks fashionable and fab. Two-toned roots like this are sooooo in. Rest assured, sweet Robin F. It's a fun change. Enjoy the process.

That said, you might like to have your hair cut short to create a grey head of hair faster.

MsMaven

Veteran

If I had to do it again I would just have my hair cut off as short as I could stand it and then let it grow to a better length. Instead, I followed my hairdresser's advice to get highlight some highlights, which left me with very blonde hair that wasn't me. Lowlights looked even worse. This made the growing out process last years.

I think very pale gray hair can look beautiful as well as youthful.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Sending you strength and sisterhood! I can’t really advise on the process since I only dyed it once aged 46, myself, and didn’t like the all one colour. So my changing colour has been all natural since. Yours is looking pretty and I can assure you that not having to fuss with dyeing is truly a boon!
The feeling like you look older is bound to hit sometimes. I suck the feeling up and wear something that makes me happy.

bella

(website)

Veteran

Congratulations on a very important decision! Your hair is looking good, hang in there!
I don't have any personal experience, but I've been toying with the idea, so I am following inspirational sources and looking into options.
If you are on instagram, follow grombre account (or just check out the following link):

https://www.instagram.com/grombre/?hl=en

or the grombre hashtag:

https://www.instagram.com/expl.....bre/?hl=en

Also, there is a talented hairstylist in California, who dyes the clients' hair to match their roots. The results aredifferent from individual to individual and completely amazing. Maybe you can find someone similar in your area, or at least show these pictures to your hairstylist so she can advise you..

https://www.instagram.com/jack.....ist/?hl=en

anchie

Veteran

I am biased here, I love gray hair and think that it will suit you. I did as Suz - chopped it all extremely short, but grow it back again.
I have to warn you - you need to develop a thick skin, because people can say stupid hurtful things. Few weeks ago a female colleague about my age, that I even don’t know that well, we interacted only professionally few times, out of nowhere, in full elevator in front of other colleagues, told me that she doesn’t get it why I choose to look older when I would look so much better if I would color my hair. I get similar comments from time to time when I least expect it.

RobinF

Veteran

Aww thanks everyone! I knew you'd make me feel better!

Joy - I think you are right about my mom, she and her sister both still dye their hair and probably feel like they shouldn't if I don't, and she's always been told how young she looks so it's a bit scary (me too TBH)

Kelly - I didn't think it was bad until I saw it blowing back in the pics! Yikes!

Suntiger - I haven't read that one, I'll have to check it out

Suz - good thought about shopping! I like any excuse to get new clothes and actually like grays and blacks (although was kind of getting into the warmer tones this year)

Lisa P - I don't post a ton of pics, always mean to but somehow time gets away from me. Thanks for the recommendation, I think I have seen her blog but wasn't paying attention to hair at the time

Angie - haha thanks for the boost! I don't know that I'll have anyone copying me but if I can look stylish while it's growing out that's a plus!

Ms Maven - I had the same thought about the coloring just making it take longer. It seems to be growing pretty fast so if I can just bite the bullet and stick it out without color that would be better.

Jenni - thanks for the encouragement!

RobinF

Veteran

Bella - I actually do follow Grombre and love it! Very inspirational.

Anchie - I think your hair is beautiful - I can't believe someone would say that. I actually find if strange that no one has said anything at all - even close friends. Probably means they think I'm crazy but that's Ok.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I do agree with Anchie that skin-thickening is needed at times. I was recently ( at age 58) asked for the 4th time if I had a “Gold Card”, which in NZ you get at age 65. It was a much younger male hairdresser who asked. After 4 times I’m beginning to get used to it, and thinking back I don’t think I was very good at judging age when I was in my 20s either. It’s just that grey hair is one marker of age, and people are either thoughtless or scared. Again, I suck it up and remember that 1. I actually am this old and 2. I don’t want to put in the time and money to dye my hair. I just say No, I don’t have a Gold Card

smittie

Veteran

Do continue. The white looks good with your skin tone. You will look great.
Yes, you will look older from afar. But you look young from close up, so there you have it.

April

Veteran

I am transitioning my colored (dark brown, my former natural color) hair to gray. My stylist has chosen a gradual approach, in which she adds additional platinum stripes each month. All I can say is I've had many positive comments. It's a fair amount of time each month in "the chair" but at some point, this process will end.

Molly Mac

Veteran

It IS a process. I have been growing mine out since January and the responses have been interesting. I too have experienced that most people don't say anything (I think they don't know what to say). I deal with my multicolored hair by trying to not pay too much attention to it in the mirror and putting it up in a bun. I am hoping by the end of the year it will be more uniform in color with most of the old dye cut out. I wore a pixie for 20 years but am not feeling it right now so I had it chopped to a chin length bob but that is as short as I wanted to go. The first few months are the hardest but stay the course as the final results look like they will be marvelous. I am including a few photos in solidarity:)

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RobinF

Veteran

Yikes Jenni! That's no fun but we are changing stereotypes, right?

Thanks Smittie, I guess I just don't want to look old period but it really is my hair color so hopefully I can live with it.

April - I think I was reading your thread from a while ago and saw so much good advice and encouragement that it helped me to decide to go for it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anchie, how incredibly rude! In front of work colleagues!! I’d have been so tempted to fire something back at her such as, “That is so interesting. Thank you for your opinion, which I don’t recall asking for. But as long as we are trading thoughts so frankly, I have always wondered why you don’t take a course in interpersonal skills because you would be so much nicer to be around if you did! But to each her own!”

Grrr.

I am very lucky. I do get called “m’am” more often. And they asked me in the drugstore if I qualify for seniors’ discount, which kicks in at age 55. But I’ve had no negative remarks at all. I’m sure some people don’t care for it but I don’t necessarily like their style choices either.

Also I have a friend who loves it because she always gets offered a seat on the bus. That does not happen to me, strangely enough, so I guess it depends on more than grey locks.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think the silvery white looks beautiful — I bet it will be gorgeous when it’s grown out. Keep on going!

I have no advice because clearly I am resisting nature’s change for my own head of hair. I know someday I’ll have to do something, but I don’t seem to have that beautiful silvery white so many of you have. There’s a bunch of blah looking patchy grey on my head mixed with the dark brown that’s still hanging on from my youth. It doesn’t appear to be coming in in any attractive pattern, so I keep kicking the can down the road. I also can’t imagine a pixie short haircut on me anymore either, so I don’t know how I’ll ever transition. I did a short haircut when I was young and cute, and I don’t have that going for me at all now. LOL I am following that colorist that Bella posted — perhaps I’ll have to go to CA when it’s time!

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I went short (pixie), and then decided to let my salt and pepper grow out, so like Suz I may not be the best, but it only took me about 3 months total to get the dye part out. For yours, if you want to lessen the contrast you could ask someone to lighten the length. But I wouldn't touch the part you are growing out. Leave it be, or like someone else mentioned it could add time to the process. You could also rock a scarf or turban for a bit!

Sal

Veteran

I think it actually looks cool now....but I can understand the conflicting emotions about it. You look very pretty and very healthy.

My hair is not very grey at all (in our family the grey comes late but the cellulite comes early LOL) and I don't know what I will do when I reach that point. I colour my hair now and have done so for years.

Runcarla

Veteran

Your natural colour is lovely! Please persist with the grow out. Your short bob style suits you very much, so maybe just a tad shorter and keep up with regular trims. My mother doesn't like it that I'm not colouring my hair, and she lets me know every time I see her. DH says I'm a polar blonde and is jiggy with it, but then he's a grey wolf!

You might find your clothing colour preferences and make-up routine change. Personally, I think a gorgeous head of iron grey, silver, or white on a nicely dressed and groomed woman is riveting!

The Cat

Veteran

You are fortunate to grow out radiant silver white hair. And it looks gorgeous with your healthy glowing skin and beautiful eyes!

I do understand that the "growing out time" feels long and boring, but please try to endure! Both you and others will probably be amazed when seeing the striking result in some months!

In the meantime, start experimenting with some new-to-you colours and patterns, and try to identify which ones suit you best. In particular, start with items near your face. Try white pearls, statement silver jewellery, and scarves in clear cool colours and patterns including white or silver. A scarf or top in a pattern combining three colours similar to your hair colour, skin colour and eye colour will emphasize your unique beauty. Remember to experiment with lipstick colours too.

I know you love neutrals, but try combining them with more visible colours. Do you have blue eyes, or at least a hint of blue in your eyes? If so, I bet clothes in shades of blue will look wonderful with your colouring. Try bright or medium blue tops and scarves. And deep blue might prove to be a beautiful and versatile neutral for you.

My hair started turning grey when I was in my early twenties. But there were only relatively few grey hairs here and there, so for many years, I more or less camouflaged them, by highlights, lowlights, and dark dye. But ever since I was a child, I had actually admired silver white hair and looked forward to get it myself. However, it took many years before most of my hair had become grey or white.

When I was in my early forties, I realized that I had so much grey hair that I was forced to dye the roots every fortnight, and then I stopped. During the following months, I edited my wardrobe, got rid of colours that no longer worked for me, and concentrated on wearing colours that looked great with my "new" colouring.

In my experience, younger people have been the most positive ones to my grey/white hair. In the beginning, I did sense that a few people my age, and some more in my parents' generation, were a bit skeptical or somewhat surprised (perhaps because they themselves were afraid to look old with grey hair). However, the skepticism didn't last long. In fact, I have never received so many compliments from people in all age groups--sometimes even from complete strangers--as after I stopped colouring my hair. The same might very well happen to you!

JAileen

Veteran

Your new natural color is lovely. When I decided to go grey, I discussed it with my stylist. We ended up going with blonde highlights. This made it more natural looking (less contrasty). I think she did that for a few months.

Anchie’s hair is gorgeous, and anyone disparaging it is an idiot.

I get lots of positive comments, and very few negative ones. I don't care what anyone says, I like it so there!

julijuli

I think it looks great! I did go the highlight/lowlight route but now that I’m through that phase I have gotten so many compliments on my grey hair. Way more than I ever did on the colored version!! Hang in there - the best part is that your hair will feel so healthy!!

Vix

Veteran

Double post!

Vix

Veteran

Hi Robin --
Quick note of encouragement from me. Honestly you're in a good place with your growout...a few more inches and it will start to look intentionally ombre, then you'll be done!

When I grew out my grey with shoulder-length or so hair I found i couldn't really get a feel for how it would look til all the old color was gone. 16 months, fun. I told myself I could always dye it back but I needed to judge the After not the During.

So try to hold on. I have no regrets (and a mother who's horrified) and think you sound very ready to get to the other side!

I wonder if you might need just a toner to offset any brassiness in the fading dyed part? I think your natural color looks great with your skin tone.

Ps first of my local friends to stop dyeing so I feel you. Can count 1 recruit (co-worker) and you never know who you might inspire...the YLFers inspired me!

pil

Veteran

Robin, the silver is beautiful! I wish I was brave enough to do the same.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Of course I can't leave this subject alone.

I was also one of the first among my similar-age friends to stop colouring. Older friends had paved the way, though, and that inspired me. And now it seems to be a trend. Like the Cat, I get more compliments on my colour now than I did when I was "assisting it," most often from younger people but also from people my age and older who are still colouring.

I think Vix is very wise -- the "in between" stage is really the worst and it is so difficult to judge what your natural colour will look like when there is still colour hanging on in the rest of your hair.

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