How rude! Please don't let it discourage you or make you feel bad! You're definitely not insulting them by dressing nicely, in fact you're showing them they're worth the effort.

I know when I started dressing nicer I received some hurtful comments too. It was hard but I just kept on and eventually the comments stopped. Now that I'm more objective I realize the comments weren't that bad, it was my own insecurity that made me sensitive to it.

On the bright side, your style must be changing if they noticed!

Well, I sure do hope the book was worth it!!!

So sorry this happened to you, Cilleena, but glad to hear the wonderful advice from the very gracious YLF ladies.

I am not sure I can add much to the wonderful advice you have already received here but I just wanted to say that you should not give much thought to these remarks and let them bother you. Keep to your style which is a part of your personality and show confidence in it. From what I have seen from your posts you have a very nice smart casual look and wish more people here were dressed this way to express more respect to others and to themselves!

I'm sorry about that, but look on the bright side, they noticed! It would stink to put forth all this effort to look more polished and have nobody notice. Obviously they could have done it in a much nicer way. People always notice when there is a change. They will get used to your new style, it might just take some people longer than others. Hang in there and keep up the good work!

Oh, Cileena, that is just SO rude of them. People here are generally underdressed, but I would hope no one would take it as an affront when I dress up a little more. Some people need to retake Manners 101. Are these good friends of yours? If so, I think it's worth a heart-to-heart. I know I have openly discussed my fashion changes with my friends and often tried to enlist them on shopping trips or closet clean-outs. If they are not close, I agree with the suggestions others have made.

I'm sorry this happened to you Cileena. I'm convinced that people make these comments because you're essentially taking away one of their excuses and it gets them feeling defensive. It's easy to say make excuses when you are surrounded by others who don't make the effort--at least until someone DOES.

I think a lot of people find the upping of your style quotient to be confrontational, or challenging. But that's their problem and their own insecurity and has nothing to do with you.

Cileena, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Stick to wearing your blazers and scarves and I'll bet that after a couple of meetings these two may start uping their own style. I've never even thought to be compeditive with my dress but have found that some of my nearest and dearest are. For awhile it's a threat (although I can't imagine why) if I lose weight, get a better hair style, or look more stylish than they. Eventually things smooth out. It's their problem if they have to compare and come up lacking.

Cileena, that sounds so rude. There is one word that comes to mind for that type of comment. "Jealousy" or as the young folks like to say: "haters" I would have been offended by that too. In situations like that, I never come up with the right response until after the fact. Just keep being your fabulous self...

How rude Your outfit sounds lovely and very appropriate, it's not like you were wearing a ball gown and tiara! I agree with the others, I would just say 'thank you for noticing' and move on - it's not easy though if you feel like they are getting at you. But it won't be about you, it'll be all about them ...

OT, but this is only my second post on the YLF forum ... yay!!

gosh, Cilleena, I'm inclined to agree with Rae and Mo - these comments say volumes about the people who made them. Insecurity, mean-ness, call it what you will, their tactless remarks are hurtful. Do continue to be your lovely self and try to focus on the women you actually like and respect. Sending hugs...

Cileena, that's so rude. You've already gotten lots of great suggestions, including some that made me chuckle, but i just wanted to chime in with another vote of solidarity.

I've noticed something similar happening. Not about my style, which has not greatly changed, but about my new running habit. I have a few friends and acquaintances who respond skeptically or with almost borderline disdain. Sometimes its quite subtle --- couched in concern ("what about your knees?" "is that really good for you?") but unconsciously meant to undermine. Each one of the people who has had a negative reaction is someone who does not exercise and is not in shape. Unfortunately, it would seem that they don't love the idea of me getting fit, almost like I'm leaving them behind. I think the reaction you're seeing is the same thing.

Late here, but had to chime in and agree with everyone else: they were terribly rude, and I hope you won't take it to heart and let it affect your emerging style! Other people can feel threatened by the most interesting things...you can't change how they feel inside about themselves, you can only be true to who you are and what you want to be.

Thank you for all the great advice! After reading everyone's comments and reflecting more on what happened that day, I actually feel sorry for her. She is insecure about her weight and was dressed so sloppily. Her shirt was actually a waffle knit tee that was stretched out and stained. I think her self esteem is really low. I guess I should be flattered that I stood out as so well put together and self confident that she felt she could put me down to try to bring herself up a bit. As I mentioned before, I have never come to book club looking like I just rolled out of bed. How dare I show up looking so nice. She really doesn't like me. I kind of always knew that, but she is usually so friendly. It's just a facade. She was letting her true feelings show.
I think I probably had the most appropriate response. I just said, "well, I don't have the opportunity to get out much right now, so I felt like looking nice ." She said, "well, I can relate to that." It was my way of saying, "it's ok that you look awful, I won't hold it against you."

Perfect!! You are a natural diplomat, Cilleena!!

Well, poop to her!

I think that's really all that needs to be said about that.

Back in San Diego I was part of a monthly ladies bunko group and at first everyone dressed in super casual gear-like outfits. Then one time, one of the gals came "dressed up" and (of course) someone commented on it. And Ms Dressed Up replied "oh, I know but I thought you gals were worth it. This is the one night a month I really look forward to" I thought that was the smoothest way to make a come back without embarrassing the commenter. After that, over time, everyone started coming to bunko "dressed up".

Wow, Marlene! What a great story!!

When my 15-year-old daughter asks me why certain girls do or say something mean spirited I struggle to look beneath the interaction and perhaps explain their potential motivation so that she at least learns from the experience ... When the 40-something girls do or say something mean spirited I just shake my head in wonder. I hope their book chat is absolutely PhD quality scintillating; otherwise it might be time to fire this club and find another that accepts you and delights in you exactly as you are. L

Thimbelina-Believe me, I have considered ditching this book club many, many times. Thing is, most of the ladies in the book club are lovely, sweet women that I would not have the opportunity to interact with if it weren't for the book club. Also, I live in a very, very rural area, which means there aren't a lot of people to interact with in general. Therefore, to cut myself off from a group of 10 women that are nice for the most part is socially isolating. I will deal with her occasional jabs as best I can.

The second lady only spoke up because of the first one's comment. Maybe to smooth over the original put down.

Oh, Cilleena, I'm so sorry! You handled the situation so tactfully and politely, and you've received so much great advice from other YLFers. I hope your response paves the way for more positive interactions in the future.

This may not be the case, but sometimes I think people have no idea that they are being rude. If this person is very insecure she is probably more focused on -her- feelings and -her- thoughts. And she may've been surprised by you bringing your personal style up a level. So she wanted to know why.

This is not an excuse, just a thought. Rude is rude and as an adult you have a duty to recognize what's going on with your own behavior, intentional or not. Some people are just clueless. I know I say stupid things all the time, but I try to be kind and thoughtful. Just sometimes I fail.

I think had someone said that to me I'd have been so surprised my response would be, "What do you mean?" You done good; don't sweat it.

Random is right... the bottom line is you handled yourself beautifully! And I understand rural social relations You're A-OK --just keep keepin' on... L

I'm so sorry this happened, Cilleena, your outfit sounds absolutely beautiful and I hope you'll still wear it proudly in the future;-)

Like the other lasses have said already: there might be several reasons why she said this, but none of them makes it alright, it was rude and she made you feel bad. I'm also not very happy with the other members of your book club, they should have supported you (especially since they were wearing similar outfits)!

I absolutely understand that you don't want to stop hanging out with them and there are some good suggestions here as how to respond in the future.
I would just keep on turning up looking your usual fab self and, as strange as it may sound now, I wouldn't be surprised if you started getting admiring looks and positive comments in the future.

Cilleena, you have handled the situation with aplomb, hopefully your comment will curb and further outburst from this person!

Your blazer and scarf with jeans sounds beautiful to me. I love that look. Some people have a need to put others down in order to elevate themselves. After reading that the other lady had on a stretched out and stained waffle shirt I think she was probably already embaressed about her appearance and lashed out at you.
I know it really does hurt to have someone make negative comments, especially in a crowd.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Remember though your beauty shined inside and out!

Cilleena your response sounds perfect, and I'm positive your outfit was lovely as usual. I don't understand catty adult women, and I don't want to waste time on them so I usually just go the oblivious route ("Oh, did I spill some food on it or something?"). Don't stop dressing up for your book club, if this lady noticed enough to comment you may actually be an encouragement for HER to start taking better care of herself

Cilleena - it looks like you've gotten a lot of great advice, just wanted to offer you *hugs* because i know how this can feel -- it happens to me a lot. It seems like there are always those out there that feel a need to try and belittle someone is is being different from the crowd. Don't let it get you down and continue on dressing the way that makes you feel fab!

I'm sure my sentiment has already been well said, but how rude! I had a similar experience when I met up with some people for happy hour after work. They came from the office and I had been working from home. I had on dark jeans, Blk/wht striped shirt, Blk blazer and pearls. One woman looked at me and dissaprovingly said, "you didn't wear that all day did you?". I had and was upset that she made me feel like doing that was wrong. I wish I had said one of the snappy comebacks people wrote here, all I said was "yes".

I think the comment stemmed from her own fashion inadequacies and all I can hope is that maybe I'll rub off on her.

Well done, Cilleena! Sending stylish hugs.