Going grey - YouLookFab Forum

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Going grey

Sharon

Veteran

What does everyone think about this? To dye, or not to dye?
I have a fairly generous amount of grey in my hair currently, but have read somewhere that your skin fades as your hair does, so it kind of fits.
I don't wear make-up, so wonder if dyeing my hair would look harsh. Or do you think grey hair is too aging to tolerate? I have seen some older women look stunning with grey hair, but I think salt-and pepper may not look quite so good.
Opinions?

General

38 replies

Latest reply was from Mellllls

Lisa

Veteran

I think how healthy and shiny the hair looks is why some look great in gray and others don't. If you do start to dye, going back to gray may be a challenge without a really short cut at some point. If you do want to dye, I think blondes may blend better with gray roots.

Anonymous

I go through this same talk every once in a while, and I always end up being talked out of letting my hair go grey. Honestly, I allow myself to be talked out of it because really dying your hair is like putting on a bit of lipstick for enhancing, polishing, sharpening your whole look.
Some women look amazing with their thick silver hair. I think it is usually the women who have a bit warmer skin tone than mine who wear it so well.
It would be fun to try on a silver wig.

Claudia

Veteran

Some people look great with grey hair. It depends on your complexion and hair texture. Many women are aged prematurely by their grey hair and look generally more youthful coloring it.

Personally, at 48 I am just starting to get grey hairs and am interested to see how it looks on me, because I don't want the expense and time it takes to maintain color. Time will tell if I'll be choosing to ultimately color, but until then I will try going grey.

I love how Jamie Lee Curtis looks, and Helen Mirren, as a couple of celebrity silvery haired women. And then there are some non-celebrity women that I know who I think look beautiful with their grey.

Vix

Veteran

There's a book about this that's gotten pretty good reviews; the author's blog has B&A pics of folks who've transitioned and I think most of them look just as good if not better grey!

[Part of that is that it's tough to get a natural-looking color without being a VERY competent DIYer or throwing some cash at a good pro.]

http://www.annekreamer.com/going-gray/your-photos

I also love this grey-centric blog -- fantastic stories + pics:

http://goinggraylookinggreat.com/great_grays/

I admit that while I've been going (patchily) grey since 17, I'm not ready to give up being a brunette. Maybe at 51, but not at 41....

Claudia

Veteran

I just wanted to add that when I tell my friends that I am not going to start coloring, even though the greys are starting to be noticeable, they usually act sort of shocked and sort of angry at me, like I am letting down the team by this.

I agree that once you start coloring, it's much harder to stop. Its easier I think seeing yourself go grey gradually.

Also, if you go grey, you need to change your make up to fit your changing skin and hair.

taylor

Veteran

There is an older , rather lively thread that covered about every aspect of this subject...I am searching for it:)

As a stylist my take is. No matter how unlined and babyface you may be, if you are under 60 it ages you.

Unless you willing to go quite short and spunky like the above mentioned celebs, it rarely works. If you don't wear make-up grey or silver hair will wash you out.

If all that is ok with you, then go for it.

April

Veteran

Sharon, I think it also depends on the kind of hair you have. To me, dark straight hair in a spunky cut, as Taylor mentioned, looks great when shot through with silver. For we curly girls, however, I think it's harder to make gray look good. The gray hairs are more coarse and seem less well-behaved -- some of us don't need our hair to be any less well-behaved than it already is.

Gray or not is certainly your call, but I would suggest that if you decide not to color, a touch of makeup will do a lot to make going gray look like a more polished and deliberate option.

Mac

Veteran

I've read some interesting threads on this subject on other blogs.

I found this entry fascinating, and the responses even more so:
http://www.insideoutstyleblog......uldnt.html

And if you do decide to go gray, here are some hints on how to do so gracefully:
http://passagedesperles.blogsp.....ssers.html

Anonymous

My mom is 58 and stopped coloring her hair. She does a couple of things to make the gray hair work:

Short, sassy haircut.
Aveda Blue Malva Shampoo.
Proper make-up.
Wears clear or rich colors. No gray. No beige.
Accessories.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sharon, I am in 100% agreement with Taylor.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Oh Sharon, I share this dilemma (drat those genetics!).

I contemplated not dying for a little while a couple of years ago as I thought I might make a "statement" having a young face with grey hair. After thinking about it I decided that being grey now is NOT for me anytime soon (I really don't think before I'm 60 - I will re-evaluate then).

For you, I guess it really comes down to what you are comfortable with. Dying does require some effort and cost. HOWEVER, I would say that for grey hair to look and gorgeously sophisticated, it will STILL require you to go to some effort and regular maintenance. Without effort to style your hair AND makeup, I do frankly, believe grey hair has the ability to look very ageing and drab.

In terms of the whole dying scenario, I have found that if I have really "dark" (which for me would be mid brown) dyed hair it would more than likely to look harsh against my colouring and dreadfully fake. I have learnt this one the hard way.

As such, I have had to go a "light brown" colour, rather than a mid brown colour because this is more flattering with my skin tones. As my skin is starting to get just a touch of redness, I have toned down red highlights and warm shades and have gone for more of a cool "ash" type shade.

For in between colour jobs, so I avoid that nasty "stripe", I have a hair crayon and just colour in the greys. It is not really that expensive or time consuming. There are some good hair dyes out there, even in the supermarket. If you have any friends who are a hairdresser you could ask him/her to help you select a good product and shade for you (this is what I did!).

I plan to stay a brunette until I go really white (expect by early-mid 40's, so over the next five-10 years.). At this point, I plan on dying my hair blonde, maybe even platinum - because heck, if I have white hair anyway, I may as well have fun being a blonde for a little while - it's not like the regrowth will be dreadful! <tee-hee!>

It will be fascinating to see what you decide to do!

Anonymous

I'm one of those who didn't dye my hair, totally anyway, when going grey. For awhile I had frosting or highlights that blended in the gray without showing roots. That worked very well for me. My hair was a medium brown. Sometimes I'd do those home dyes that last for 6-8 weeks but hated the all-one-color look until it had faded some. These also avoided roots growing out.
I think gray hair looks best when most of your hair has turned. Mine is not any harder than non-gray hair to keep up. I don't use any special shampoos other than one for volume. I get loads of compliments on the color and style (bob that's shorter in back and below the chin in front). When I thought I'd like to mess with the color, my stylist refused. It probably makes me look older but I'm ok with it. I see too many friends with harsh dark or brassy blonde dye jobs looking older than their actual years. Of course it doesn't have to be that way but one probably needs a good professional to do the coloring.
Just as any time you change your hair color, it affects what colors look best on you for clothing and makeup. This is the first time in my life I've been able to wear black. I do wear grey and beige but find that white isn't the best near my face. You just have to experiment whatever your hair color and do what is comfortable for you.

taylor

Veteran

Joy, You are a perfect example of how to wear grey hair gracefully. At , near , or over 60 and a cute, spunky current style. also your style is off the chart....winning combo:)

Anonymous

Thank you, Taylor. Being over 60 is probably key to wearing it grey. I agree that more than ever one needs a good current style or you can end up looking like a witch or Maxine. The best style I've seen on a white haired lady is a shorter spiky version of your hair style. It was so fab on a petite woman.

Debbie

Veteran

I had this same question not too long ago. I can't find the thread though. I decided to dye. Right now it is a reddish brown and I really love it. On me the grey was aging not just physically but mentally too. I felt older just looking in the mirror.

At some point I will revisit the grey and embrace it but not yet.

Scarlet

Veteran

I have friends (several!) who started going grey in their 20s, and in that case I would probably cover it. I am 30 and would probably also cover it if my hair started to grey. However as one gets older (don't know how old you are) I think there can be a harmony to the process depending on you and your lifestyle. My mother (dark-haired) never dyed her hair, although she is lucky with shiny silver hair. Probably she would look younger if she did dye it, but that's just not her. She also does not normally wear make-up. If you do dye it please find someone good and avoid that harsh, one-color, dark look. An alternative strategy is to start lightening your natural color so that the grey is less noticeable. That would work with your concerns about not wanting to change your no-makeup routine.

Louise

Veteran

I'm 30 and have a few grey hairs I'm in the dye it camp x

Queen Mum

Veteran

When I thiink of the women I know who are grey... the ones who have a short modern hairstlye I don't even think of as being grey, but the ones who have longer hair that would suit a younger woman are the ones who I notice the grey in most. Just my 2 cents....

okay, just looked at your profile and see that you are 2 years younger than me... definitely color

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

This attitude always makes me a little sad. I don't currently have any gray hairs, but I know that at 37 it can't be too far away for me. I don't color my hair now, and I don't plan on starting when I go gray. Maybe I will change my mind when it happens, but it's just a sad state that women feel like they have to hide their gray hair. My mom colors her gray hair herself, and it looks horrible. Does it age you? No, I think that is just society's perception of it. It ages you in the eyes of the people around you, not in appearance. If we can bare our pasty white, scarred up legs, and our flabby arms- why not our honestly acquired gray hairs?

Katja

(website)

I'm with you, chewyspaghetti! The "polish" argument has some merit (we wear makeup, we color our nails, we wear the right bra), but I think with a good cut and good care, we can look just as pulled together and stylish as anyone, grey or no grey.

I colored my hair for a while, and I know now that I was choosing harsh, awful colors and that while it may not have aged me, it certainly wasn't doing me any favours. I'm letting the grey do what it wants now.

Claudia

Veteran

CS wrote: "If we can bare our pasty white, scarred up legs, and our flabby arms- why not our honestly acquired gray hairs?"

I thought the same thing about the bravely baring blemished legs blog and why this is so different in the responses. Fascinating.

Mac, I apprecited the links you posted and agree that the reader comments were worth reading, even more so than the blogs themselves. Great thought provoking comments all around, pro and con.

I know it's apples to oranges, but men go grey and many times go bald at all ages. Yet very few men spend hours a month and lots of money putting toxic pastes on their heads and glueing on toupees. Their peer group of other men usually frown upon it, but for women we usually shout "Dye!" or you might look your age or, shrudder... older.

marianne

I agree with Chewy, and I mentioned it on the forum before - we discussed it in the past a few times. I am 36 and I have some gray right now (10% maybe?), and it seems to come in spurts. I have always worn my hair long, but I am planning on cutting it short when the gray is more prominent, so it will be an adjustment.

I think it's a cultural thing and a matter of "adjusting the eye". Major plastic surgery cases aside, you can always figure out the age of a person whether her hair is gray or not. I know in many cultures being gray is even less acceptable than in US, but I don't see why as a woman I am expected to spend the money and effort not to mention additional exposure to toxic substances. I absolutely respect others' decision to dye, and I don't really know what will happen and how the graying will progress, but it's just my personal feeling about it, and I am OK with losing a few style points.

FWIW, I've known a few women who have gone gray gradually and looked great - they are in good physical shape and dress up-to-date. One could argue that they would have looked better if they dyed their hair, but I'd be happy if I look like them.

Maya

Veteran

I don't think there is necessarily any pressure to dye hair, but there is always pressure to look young, and this is just one manifestation of that. Going gray DOES make you look older. There is no question in my mind about that. It's simply biology: hair loses color with age, and therefore the association with age and gray hair is not inaccurate. Some people begin to sprout a few hairs at a younger age, but rarely does your entire head of hair lose color.

The question is really: Do you mind looking older or not? If not, then by all means, go gray! If so, then dye. There is nothing wrong with either choice IMO but you have to be realistic about how you will be perceived.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

"Some people begin to sprout a few hairs at a younger age, but rarely does your entire head of hair lose color."

Sure it does- it's called premature graying. I know quite a few people who this has happened to and are fully gray or white in their 20's.

Claudia

Veteran

Maya, believe me, there is huge pressure to dye your hair out in society, similar to that of being thin.

Maya

Veteran

The word "premature" is key to me. I actually don't know anyone myself who has had this happen yet, so it's probably best not to rely on anecdotal evidence as that will vary tremendously from person to person. I mean, I know people who have a few stray gray hairs but I have not yet encountered anyone in my age group who is naturally totally gray (unless they are lying).

You can't totally write off the link between age and gray hair just because there are a few young people who have gray hair. Nothing wrong with that. It's all genetics. But the perception exists for a reason, and it existed long before people commonly dyed their hair.

I still think the pressure to dye your hair is one and the same with the pressure to look young and not independent of it.

Claudia

Veteran

Spotty and vainy legs are also a sign of age, but not always. Regardless, these skin conditions definitely increase with aging. The 'sisterhood' embraces acceptance on this (yay from me!), but grey hair is more of an issue for some reason.

Maya

Veteran

I always try to remember that YLF is special and not necessarily representative of the broader view (oh how I wish it were). Unfortunately there are a whole lot of people out there who think veiny, blemished legs are unslightly and should be covered. Heck, there are people out there who think even flawless youthful legs should be covered for "modesty" (why and how that is modest is beyond me, and I'm a total prude). Those same people are probably the ones saying you must dye your hair.

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with going gray so at least as far as I am concerned, it's not an issue. I'm just saying that it will make you look older. You're either comfortable with that or you aren't, and I don't pass judgment either way. I think it's fantastic when women embrace their age, but I also think it's fantastic when they don't want to be defined by their age. Yay either way from me.

cyan45

i'm 32 and over the last year have started sprouting a few white hairs, courtesy of genetics (bah, thanks dad!)

frankly, it's sad that men don't have to hem and haw endlessly about this topic. unless looking young is vital to his job or ego, they don't seem to have to think about it nearly as much.

my fiance has a number of white hairs, but doesn't seem too bothered by it at all.

then again, perhaps receeding hairline and/or baldness is the male equivalent.

just curious: has dying hair been a really big deal in decades (or centuries) past? during mozart's time, huge white hair wigs were all the rage...but then again, i don't think they showered much.

or, do hair expectations parallel every other beauty trend as technology advances and expectations increase (ie, plastic surgery/skin tightening options for face and body, fitness norms, access to organic food, older women must 'keep up appearances' with younger ones to compete in the workplace a la charla krupp...)

anyway, i have no idea what i'll do when the white hairs take over maybe wear a wig? it's cheaper than monthly salon visits over ~20 years. my purple halloween wig can have a second job after all!

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