Follow up on Jussie’s Post- how much vs inability to let go - YouLookFab Forum

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Follow up on Jussie’s Post- how much vs inability to let go

Anonymous

So I read JUSSIE’s post while visiting my daughter. Now that I am home I can report I have 150 items in my wardrobe not counting foundation wear, winter coats, bathing suit, sleepwear or footwear. To keep from having a nervous breakdown I am omitting my extensive scarf collection. It does include all clothing for 4 distinct seasons including special occasion, loungewear, all types of exercise outfits and old clothes for yard work/ cleaning etc.

So what this taught me is that about 10-20% of the clothes are things I use to wear to work but now I am retired. I can’t seem to give them to the consignment shop or donate to a cause because#1 - I like them and #2- they are still of service and do wear them, though if honest- they get a lot less use. Couple that with change of weather with season and I have things sitting off season AND of limited use ( for example blazers and cardis) Add that I am sporty classic and it’s not like I can feel good about getting rid of clothes that are on downside of trend curve.

I have a lot of buttoned ( up&down) shirts and I know as soon as I get rid of a - for example- bunch of white shirts I will dump a glass of wine on the one I kept and kick myself for having gotten rid of them.

What’s a gal to do? Do I say 150 is ok because they are all in rotation even if CPW is less since retiring or do I work on my inability to let go.
Anyone else holding on to things forever?

Dressing

30 replies

Latest reply was from

JAileen

Veteran

I got rid of a mustard scarf a year or two ago and now regret it because of my mustard bag and shoes.

A week or two ago I finally let go of some heels I’d had since at least 2001, maybe before. So far, I have no regrets there...

jussie

Veteran

hmm well my only advice if something hasn’t been worn for greater than 12 months maybe it can go? I know it’s hard to get rid of things that are still perfectly good though... maybe you could “road test” some of the less worn items over the next 3 months and see if you can re-style them in a way that makes you want to wear them? oR you could try a holding zone?

Sal

Veteran

How I look at it......

1) Once you have bought something it is a sunk cost. OK you can consign or sell online but in the most part you don't even get half the cost back.

2) If you like and wear these pieces there is no harm in keeping them. Donating them might mean they go to a good home - they might go to landfill - we just do not know often.

3) However, if they are making you feel cluttered, or hemmed in, or you have to wear them at the expense of other clothes you like more, an edit can be a good thing.

4) I edit pieces in two categories mostly - either worn out beyond repair, or in good repair but just not my style. The first ones mostly become dusters or rags, the second are mostly donated.

I have problems letting some things go too - scarves, footwear and occasion wear. I like having them "just in case". I am more ruthless with jeans, tees and sweaters - if I am not wearing them it is generally time to pass on.

With your button downs I would think about occasions you may have, and the most you would need to avoid issues. You could slowly edit down to that number.

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

Let us help you?

But I can relate to the not letting go.

Anonymous

Hmmmm. This is such a dilemma. I struggle with this all the time. I especially have a difficult time embracing the sunk costs that Sal commented on above.

I'll read along to see what others have to say.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I can relate -- to the letting go, and to the massive scarf collection!

I have some items that I hang onto that fall into a sort of polished, professional capsule that I rarely need, BUT they come in handy sometimes -- a meeting with a more corporate kind of client, or an event that runs more business-y than art-y. But for the most part, I know there are some things I could let go of, mostly in the realm of silk button-front blouses and the like. I just put my Okalas in a bag for my niece (who needs professional wear), because I haven't worn them in over two years. Obviously it takes me a while to come to the conclusion that I'm not going to use something again. But having had fits of too-vigorous purging along with a couple of regrets, I don't mind hanging onto something until I'm sick of seeing it in the holding zone, and it finally goes.

I do find that it's way easier for me to let go if I'm giving the item directly to someone who will love it and use it (usually my niece) than if I'm putting it into a donation box so I have no idea where it will wind up. If that is true for you, maybe there is someone you would like to offer some of these clothes to who would appreciate them?

Liz

Veteran

I don't think the number of items matters all that much, if it's not bothering you. But I would recommend working on your inability to let go, just as a general life skill. (I became convinced it was a good idea to learn to let go after helping clear out relatives' houses!)

It helps me to give myself a pass on regrets. I've decided that I won't hold it against myself if I let go of something that i later feel I could use. Otherwise, I let the idea of regret hold me hostage, even though the actual experience of it isn't a big deal.

Anonymous

JAILEEN- yup that feeling of regret is why I don’t easily let things go
JUSSIE- I like the idea of road testing. Maybe packing for the move I should put some things in a different box and don’t be in a hurry to open it at the other end
SAL- I donated a lot of business wear to the local women’s shelter because it was too good for the landfill and the consignment shop does not take any buttoned shirts of color, stripe or pattern. Only white- go figure. Like you I wear things to death- call them “well lived”
STERLING- yeah that whole sunk cost irritates me at times- guilt???
JANET- yes- that is exactly why I want to hold onto things- occasions may be few and far between but when they present themselves I am really glad I have the pieces.
LIZ- I like my clothes and technically it doesn’t bother me, nor is it a space issue ( 1 closet and 1 dresser for all) . I guest it’s just appears excessive in a world where I am blessed and grateful but others not so much.

SarahD8

Veteran

Efbgen I agree with Liz, the number doesn’t seem like a problem. But, if there are things that you are not using but you are having trouble passing along you might want to see if there is a Buy Nothing group in your area:

https://buynothingproject.org/

Yes, it’s more work than just dropping donations off at goodwill but I have found it really useful for getting rid of things that I am having trouble detaching from because I know they are going to someone who actively wants them. (Plus, the community building aspect of the group means that the act of giving away is itself doing some good, if that makes sense.)

bj1111

Veteran

i have a thing against selling my old clothes. i understand the sunk cost of the purchase not to mention the ongoing storage and psychological cost. but the ability to recoup so little in resale plus the effort of listing is just too much.

i gave the lot to my niece who is just starting out in her career and scored some lovely and pricy pieces. i better be her favorite aunt.

Anonymous

SARAH- thank you so much for alerting me to this group. While there is none currently in my area- we are going to be moving to the state our DD lives in and they have a bunch in her area. Looks great

Anonymous

B- I bet you are her fav

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Just to be contrary, I would like to say that perhaps there is nothing wrong with having a lot of clothes per se. I think the minimal closet mindset, as mentioned on Jussie's thread, has warped our view of "stuff". Sometimes stuff does make us happy - as collectors of all sorts can attest.

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Just keep the shirts.

To what shevia said, I think some of us are more natural collectors and others natural curators. And both of those fall somewhere on the spectrum between ascetic and hoarder.

Anonymous

If closet space is not an issue I would say keep , at least until you see what will work into your retired life style plus special occasion items. I know many who have gone back to a job after retiring for various reasons. You don't really know how you will feel.

Sisi

Veteran

If your wardrobe makes you happy and is functional, I would say don't change a thing. Being able to let things go is another matter. I am like you, I have difficulties in getting rid of things. It is something I have to work on.

Style Fan

Veteran

I would keep spares of white shirts. I have doubles of cream/ivory t-shirts. I am always spilling things. Maybe you are like Angie and have special powers.

Anonymous

Janet and BJ1111 hit upon my exact problem. IF I had someone I knew, actually knew, it would be so easy to edit my closet. In fact, I would feel a sense of happiness.

When I was in college, I had $0 clothing budget. Family friends were kind enough to give me the things they no longer wore. THOSE were some really nice things. I STILL remember those items today very fondly because they really were THAT GREAT. I was so lucky.

I agree with Shevia and Jenn regarding "natural collectors" versus "natural curators." There is entire spectrum between ascetic and hoarder.

It is important to recognize and embrace who you are for the sake of your well being.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I feel like a lot of us are in the situation where we’ve got business professional clothes that we don’t need regularly anymore, but they’re still in good shape and we do need them on occasion. And they’re pricey to replace and not always easy to replace in a hurry for an unexpected event. I think of it kind of like keeping a killer formal dress or high heels around, even if you only need them once every couple of years. To me, there’s no point in getting rid of something just because you haven’t worn it in 6 months or whatever. If you’re running out of space or have a genuine hoarding problem, that’s one thing, but if it still fits and flatters and you would wear it if the occasion presented itself, what’s the harm in keeping a few backups? But then I am not a minimalist in philosophy or practice.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Here ,here Laura.Well said.Let go of the guilt ladies unless you have no where to store your clothes.Unless there have been some definitive scientificly rigorous studies on the right number of clothes a Wardrobe should contain its all very individual isn’t it and I wouldn’t worry too much about it unless you enjoy counting your clothes and auditing them in which case carry on!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I edit my closet often but there are categories of items that I wear infrequently and I tend not to edit those as rigorously. Partly because I like them, as you said. In my case this applies mostly to higher quality tops. Especially long sleeved tops. This is because of my climate. Sometimes I wear long sleeved tops with sleeves rolled up in summer. Sometimes I layer under a jacket or sweater in winter. But mostly I wear sleeveless tops in summer and sweaters over a cami in winter. Still, what's the harm in having a few blouses and shirts that I might only wear a few times per year?

I do feel occasional guilt about not wearing these items as often as I might wish. But I have room in my closet. And I've already purchased them. So why not keep?

Anonymous

From someone who is a constant editor and sorter, I do agree that as long as the quantity doesn't bother you, and as long as you have the room for the clothes, then it's not anyone's business how much you own. My main issue is storage. I really, really dislike visual clutter, messy closets and drawers, and piles of things. Running a sales business from my home means my office is a bomb with product samples and stuff all over the place. My closet is one area in my house that I can exercise control, and my closets are also so, so small, that storage is always an issue. The perennial quest to have less and only the best is largely due to these factors.

Anonymous

SHEVIA - I don’t consider it contrary but an alternate view that is thought provoking
JENN I did keep them- I just sometimes feel guilty- lol
JOY- I will be starting a new job- babysitting my grandchild due in January so I imagine I will be wrecking a lot of stuff(gladly)
SISI- I have no problem getting rid of stuff for many reasons- the problem is getting rid of stuff I like because it may not get lots of wear
SF- I am an expert stain maker- imagine baby will add to that expertise

Anonymous

STERLING- yes yes yes- Janet, BJ and you are 100% right. I unfortunately don’t have any family or friends that are my size otherwise I would love to share
LAURA, CARDIFF and SUZ- exactly- the 3 of you are in my head- scary thought right???? Lol
LISA- I always watch your posts ( not in a stalking way- lol) I always take away ideas that make me think
Thanks to all of you YLF Friends- I admire your styles, your ideas, your support . I learn something new everyday and it all helps me grow in many ways- all good.

cindysmith

Veteran

I have trouble letting go of the more expensive items. I know about sunk cost and all, but I still struggle with it. I have room for it now, so its probably going to get worse LOL

Staysfit

Veteran

Even with sunk cost, keeping something you aren’t wearing makes it into a closet ornament, not something that you are getting return value from. I think mistakes happen with clothing purchases and that needs to be figured into the budget as losses. There will be losses, it’s unavoidable. There will be a pair of shoes that you initially think is perfectly fitting but then discover has a seam that rubs against your foot after many hours of wear and is too uncomfortable to keep. There will be a blouse that you buy thinking it looks fabulous but after you cut the tags, you realize it has some feature that drives you nuts when you wear it for the entire day. Out with these items! Out with the closet ornaments! Out with the things you are saving because they will be dated when you decide you want to wear them, or you will want something else anyway. In my closet, I am only holding items that I consider to be perfect 10’s, that I know for sure get use periodically, not anything that “might get used sometime”.

jussie

Veteran

Staysfit: wonderful, wise words. Thanks for sharing.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I have a pretty easy time letting go of things that don't work for my lifestyle or simply aren't being worn but I usually give myself a couple of years (not the normally recommended 12 mos) if it still fits because I can be moody about my choices. I just rescued a sleeveless dotted top that had been in holding for about 2 years and I know I will wear it a few more times at min. I don't like to keep looking at the same items over and over for years but not wearing them, so the separate holding zone works for me. Once in a while I go to the holding zone and review again. I do also keep some items that I only wear rarely - because I don't want to have to shop in a panic for a special event for example.

3style

Veteran

I like to go for the “low hanging fruit” method. I’ll pick a category, say “button down shirts” and figure out which are the worst three shirts I own. If I’m not sure, then I’ll try maybe the worst five and of those pick the worst three. And then I’ll think whether I have enough options to wear in this category that (even with some laundry bottle necks) I can confidently ditch the worst ones and have enough options.

Sometimes it takes me years to find replacements which I prefer. I try not to ditch before finding replacements because I think it leads to further subpar purchasing decisions. Sometimes I just conclude that I have more options in a category than I can be bothered to think about, and I’ll store some options elsewhere for a few months. It’s a little bit different than a holding zone, because it’s not questionable items: it’s just a cross section of potentially redundant items.

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