Fighting Your Shape - YouLookFab Forum

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Fighting Your Shape

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Reading Angie's post on the hourglass figure today solidified my issues with my shape. I'm an hourglass (with a diminishing apple tendency and maybe heading toward an inverted triangle), and I am just completely uncomfortable with my shape and the recommendations for it. I really dislike my waist being a focal point, and I'm not one bit fond of my curves. I've realized that I am much more comfortable in things that hide those aspects of my shape than call attention to them. The things I love the most are the things that make me look more like an inverted triangle, because I am just more comfortable with that body shape I think. I don't want to delve into the psychology too deeply, but I know right where this comes from. I developed early as a girl and was uncomfortable with the attention that my body drew from men.
Am I alone in fighting my shape?

Body Type

50 replies

Latest reply was from Vix

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

I have only very recently (say last 12 months) started to let go of fighting my shape Khris...

For as long as I can remember my Mum used to tell me that I had big hips and butt, had a hollow back (sway back) and was exactly like my fathers side of the family (all very big ladies with hips - she hated my dad and anything to do with him, and was a toothpick herself). So I have spent most of my life trying to cover everything from the waist down and being terrified I'm going to wake up very overweight one day.

But, my mum & I stopped talking about 4 years ago and I really let go of a lot then, and then when my husband and I separated it was the final "release" I guess and I do feel like I'm letting go of it.

So, after all that rambling (and WAY too much psychology LOL), I definitely fought my shape and was embarrassed by my lower half, but now, I'm really embracing it and if anything, breaking rules for my shape because I'm not so bothered by my hips - they are womanly and nothing like my aunts or my mother - they are all mine and I really like them.

Of course, there are still days when I feel a bit aware of them, but those days are decreasing...

Maya

Veteran

Not at all. I feel the same way you do. I don't like being curvy either. I have long legs and big boobs. This is a very sexy combination and I am not a very sexy person, so it is very awkward for me. It's basically the opposite of someone who is a skinny, flat-chested rectangle wanting to be a hot, voluptuous bombshell.

I fight my chest more than anything because honestly, it is just huge. I don't know anyone my size with a G cup, and anyone who is is probably pregnant or nursing. I always feel bad hearing people with D or even DD cups on the forum saying they have huge chests. If their chests are huge, mine is outright freakish. As soon as I have a form of insurance that would cover it, I fully intend to have a reduction. I can't bear the thought of living with this for the rest of my life! Imagine if I wanted to have kids. I would probably be a size that doesn't even exist.

I have been able to create the playful, edgy look that I want despite my curves. But I wish I didn't have to fight them so much. I wish my body and persona were more compatible. I also know that a lot of the things I wear would probably be more flattering on me if I were straighter. They look good as it is, but I know they would look better and ideal if I wasn't so curvy on top.

cciele

Veteran

Part of dressing is dressing to your comfort level, and to emphasize or deemphasize certain parts as you deem necessary. But it's really up to you, right? Even if you have a specific classification, you don't have to follow the recommendations, because they are focused on achieving a certain look and assuming certain things (like women want to hide a big tummy, extend their legs, things like that).

I like having guidelines, but I use them as a starting point and modify as necessary to my taste. The part I'm most sensitive about is my expanding waistline (hello, kids and middle age), so I follow guidelines to help me effectively hide it. I've given up fighting it, because short of liposuction or a full-time physical trainer, I'm stuck with it!

Rambling aside, I don't see it as fighting my shape, but working with it.

P.S. Maya -- most people I know have shrunk in size after having kids

Sharon

Veteran

I know exactly what you mean. I have been big busted since puberty and got a lot of unwanted attention, which is why I think I walk around with stooped shoulders.

I also REALLY admire the styles that I think only look really good on less well endowed ladies eg.high neck knits with jeans, knitted vests over button down shirts, shift dresses with stockings- the whole "preppy" kind of look. It took me ages to realise I just don't look good in those things, no matter how terrific they look on other people.

I think the thing I'm fighting against with my shape is walking the line between matronly and tarty, which are the two extremes of getting it wrong when you are curvy. Dressing for another shape seems so much easier!

Maya

Veteran

All the same Cathy, I'd have to grow before shrinking. Awful. I would die if I got any bigger than this for any length of time.

I don't think I'm going to shrink at all, kids or no kids. I have grown 2 cup sizes since I first started posting on the forum in 2008. The main reason I am trying to lose weight is so I can get back to the weight I was then, and hopefully the same cup size. But so far I haven't seen any change at all I guess it takes a while to catch up but I'm anxious to see results.

Kate

Veteran

First of all, I think you can emphasize your waist without it looking too sexy - your outfits from both today (May 5th) and Monday (May 3rd) have a focus on the waist that looks fab! In fact, as I glance through your blog you have TONS of outfits that fit perfectly with Angie's recommendations. Do you think these aren't as waist defining as what an hourglass should wear, or have you felt uncomfortable in these outfits?

Secondly, if you feel more comfortable presenting your body has an inverted triangle, then why not? I know that in everyday fashion most people are trying to make their body look more like the "coveted hourglass", but if you would rather be an inverted triangle why not just do that?

taylor

Veteran

Ah, this makes me sad.:(

I am only hoping that your mind catches up to how fabulous your curves look .

Dress the way you feel most comfortable Khris..if that is not focusing on your curves...so be it. You look amazing each and every day. And continue to inspire!!

Queen Mum

Veteran

Interesting.... as a fellow hourglass of sorts, I don't think I mind my shape and curves so much as the fact that I don't get to wear all the "cool styles" that rectangles and pears get to My biggest beef is that the most flattering silhouettes on me are the simple clean lines and classic shapes, and to me those often seem too formal, businessy, or boring for my relaxed stay at home life. I know that I am not looking at this whole thing realistically, but that is how I often feel.

Take for instance my quest to find summer dresses.... all the cute carefree summery dresses just don't work on my body... usually because they add too much volume. The ones that end up looking the best are sheath type dresses, or figure hugging wraps, and they just seem so dressy for what my summer entails.

I am making peace with this fact, but honestly I could whine about it until you all finally got sick and kicked me off the forum

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Theresa- thanks for sharing your story.

Maya- we can commiserate

Sharon- you hit the nail on the head: walking the line between matronly and tarty

Cathy- I guess that's the thing. There aren't guideline for straightening out your curves like there are for other things.

Kate- it's not about looking too sexy at all. I just don't enjoy the look on myself. Yes, I have been emphasizing my waist- and I don't really enjoy it. Monday, I took the belt off halfway through the day and used a different belt that gave a blouson effect that I was much happier with. I try, because that's supposed to be the goal and I have been experimenting a lot. I see in the pictures what gets the compliments from others on the board here, but it's just not how I want to look I guess. The outfits that I feel more comfortable in are the ones that do not get wide approval here. Like this one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/c.....572395994/
which has a hip slung belt, but I'd be even happier if it were just straight down.

NK

(website)

You're so not alone in fighting your shape. I'm a total pear and feel like I've been embarrassed of my lower half since puberty. My thighs drive me batty. Exercising and losing weight doesn't change them much - I ran over 600 miles last year and my jiggly thighs still look the exact same. I don't go to the pool without a pair of men's swim trunks on to cover them up.

Before I had kids, I at least had a chest that balanced me out a little, but now, two kids later, there's not much left. (It's funny, I actually remember debating a reduction years ago and now I'm the queen of padded bras!)

Unlike you, though, I really like emphasizing my waist, probably because I feel like it's my best feature and all I've got going for me.

It's always weird to me when any of my tall, skinny friends comments on how they'd love my 'curves' because I think I'd trade them in a minute!

malcontent

I'm as comfortable as I ever have been with my hourglass shape. I know that having a busty, hippy, narrow-waisted shape will tend to be perceived as sexy and I try to dress in a way that acknowledges this, but tastefully. Three times this week I've been told I look like a pin-up girl, but I wasn't wearing anything bare, so I hope it wasn't code for "tart". However, I was at a reception tonight and a friend of mine with a very straight slim figure was there and her clothing hung on her body so much more elegantly. I felt a little pang. Here I am a G-cup and I doubt she is even an A. Her chest is literally flat. But that flatness allowed me to notice the architecture of her dress and to appreciate how she chose to dress. I always feel that how I dress is secondary to my body. But I could no more have a figure like hers than she could have one like mine, and I know both types of figures are beautiful, if different. However, part of me feels as if that narrow-hipped, barely-breasted form would be so much easier to carry, because the sexuality of it is more subtle, able to be subdued when necessary. With my shape, the only way to subdue my sexuality is to dress like a frump. I'm afraid sometimes even my personality must seem secondary next to the obviousness of curves.

On another note, is it possible for a body shape to change type? I always thought the body shape came partly from bone structure and partly from hormonally-influenced patterns of fat distribution. I can't say I've ever known anyone whose overall body silhouette changed that much with weight gain or loss. I've known women who have lost a hundred pounds and been an hourglass before and after or a pear before and after.

Losermom

Khris, I don't know your whole story but I do know that you are on a weight loss journey. When you have lost as much weight as you have it's almost like your have to renegotiate your whole perception of your body image. I recall that there was a time during my weight loss journey that I really tweaked out for a couple of weeks because I did not recognize my self or body in the mirror. I don't know how long you have struggled with your weight, but I spent 25 years either very overweight or obese. This disappointment with your shape may just be part of the weight loss. It's very likely that your body shape will change significantly during the last 20 lb loss.

Aparna

I have spent most of my life fighting my shape .I have always hated my size F bust and my 40" hips & lamented about how I carry weight on my arms and thighs which basically rules out any "fun" outfits & how finding jeans/pants to fit me is a nightmare.

But I do think I have reached a point where it doesn't bother me as much as it used to ..and I credit all you wonderful women with your picture posts and creative outfits. My body discomfort has definitely reduced since I started lurking around these forums and reading YLF.

Thank you ladies !!

xx

puffenstuff

(website)

Veteran

I actually love my shape - yes I have big calves, big boobs and I am a shorty but that's all part of me and how I am built. After being teased in my school years about these things gave me many hang ups through to my late 20's, then I realised that there are many different shapes out there and everyone is beautiful in their own way. On the flip side I also feel jealous of the lovely ladies who get to wear those styles that I cant pull off succesfully. I am learning to appreciate the outfit on them and if I really want to bend things I can and have to put up with the fact that while it may not look stunning on me compared to someone else, if it makes me comfy and I love it I might just have to go for it.

It's the old saying - you always want what you havent got. Hugs to you Khris you're doing such a great job in your weightloss journey and you you have shown me such much since I've been on here, I hope you come to that "happy" place soon

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Theresa, you've been through a lot. You of all people *really* embrace your pretty body and celebrate it's curves and fabness. I would never have guessed that you had body image issues at all. That's how comfortable you look and sound in your skin. It's killer.

Khris, I love your alternative, low slung, more rectangular ensembles. I even chimed back in on the Fedora post to say that. You're at YLF grad school - that means being able to bend the rules and look just as fab.

Karen and Aparna, I want to clone how you love your bodies. That makes my heart happy.

Maya, you've really, reallly, really come a long way to accepting the curves on your body. I'm proud of you too - and like Khris, you're at YLF grad school.

Malcontent, perhaps we'll get to see a picture of you at some point. You are cerebral and I hope that we can help you appreciate the curves on your body more.

Kim, you do a spectacular job of looking casual in your curvy frame. You have it down.

So I can't fill out dresses that were made for curvy gals, and you know how I LOVE dresses. I don't have an alluring body by conventional standards because - well, you've seen my shape and it's not a bombshell body. I look boyish and that is what it is. Perhaps I'm over confident, but I feel totally alluring in my straight-ish body. You have to make the best of it because quite honestly, life is too short.

AnneL

malcontent, I would say it's definitely possible to change shape. My shoulders have always been broader than my hips, no matter what my weight (I take a size larger on top), but I do have a waist, so I've change from inverted triangle to hourglass to apple (and hopefully now back towards hourglass territory!) as I've gained weight over the years. The general pattern of what suits me has remained broadly the same - basically anything that doesn't exaggerate my shortness or my broad shoulders - but I do have to be more careful about what I wear now that I'm no longer skinny!

Louise

Veteran

With YLF help I now LOVE my curves. I spent the last 15 years trying the hide my bum and thighs and the drastic difference in size between them and my waist ususally with wide leg trousers and baggy jumpers I love the way a pencil skirt shows the curve of my bum, or how a belted top shows off my tiny waist x

Itari

(website)

I'm in the fighting team (as opposed to the affirmation team :)) and I highly doubt if it's going to change. I'm positively disgusted by any part of my body, from top of my head to toes. For me, dressing is not emphasizing, but rather hiding. I don't like my bulky thighs, overgrown bust, Titanic-size hips etc. I don't like things that can't be changed as well, for example my height or eye colour. I sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity, heh. But in fact, I'm a tall and skinny rectangle imprisoned in the wrong kind of body

And the worst thing is that the choice of clothes that would fit me, is very limited...

Tansie

I really admire women who are at ease with their bodies; it gives a serenity and confidence which I find really beautiful. Since my first pregnancy I have sort of ignored my body and how it looks. It has changed quite a bit and what used to be my favourite part (small waist and flat tummy) no longer exists. Thanks kids! But since hanging around YLF I have seen so many women of all shapes, sizes and ages show that no shape is an obstacle to looking beautiful. I hope am on the way to a bit of acceptance (Theresa, sounds good there!) But in the meantime if San would like to send her shape my way then I wouldn't say no!!

rute

Veteran

it makes me so sad all that beautiful women with so many body issues.

Itari, a women with curves will never be a skinny rectangle.. I approve we all want to have a healthy weight and a healthy body, I'm for that, but believe me .. I have been already there! and even at my lowest weight (one that was not healthy at all) I never loosed my hips and boobs, one could never ambition to look like the magazine models because our body isn't like that! There are things we can improve and things that we must embrace and not fighting against.
We loose so many years of your lifes hidding.. life is too short for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CS, That is a fact some hourglasses like more fitted clothes others don't, it's fine, even I who like clothes embracing my curves have some days where I love to be in a loose tunic. But embrace your curves some times! you look so lovely on the photo you posted with your fitted sleeveless dress, it was only when I saw your photo that I realized how much weight you have loosed.

Theresa, you are so skinny, you don't have any curve or big hips!!! but I know that the things other people have said have a destructive effect! I know that will always change the image we have of our body, but believe me .. you are so skinny! You can wear whatever you like!

shiny

Veteran

Interesting thread and so hard to respond without getting into psychology.

Growing up, I had a mom who was a pretty pear and a big sister who was a VERY curvy hourglass with a "perfect" (so I heard, over and over and over again) 36-23-36 figure. I did not develop a chest until my 20s - I was more of a rectangle shape, except more of a soft rectangle, if that makes sense. I wore my sister's hand-me-downs and that did serious damage to my head, as I just didn't fill them out like she did, and the waist was constricting. I identified with my mom, since I didn't have much of a chest, yet I just didn't have the tiny waist and beautiful hips like she did.

I spent years and years wishing I had either a pear or an hourglass shape, and thinking these were the "ideals."

I consider myself a YLF graduate as well, and over my YLF journey I have learned to embrace my figure and celebrate it through fashion. That includes my chest and yes, even my waist!! I may have a 0.8 waist/hip ratio, but I still have a waist.

With that said!!!

At some point in the journey I realized that my body type is, in reality, fairly well proportioned. For me, this was quite the revelation. I have a hunch, Khris, when you arrive at your final weight, you may be the same.

I am a bit of this and a bit of that: a bit hourglassy but not quite (since my waist isn't teeny tiny, but my shoulders and hips ARE equal, even if it doesn't "eyeball" that way). A bit inverted triangle (I do gain weight first in the upper body, and my shoulders are quite strong while my hips are narrow). A bit apple (squishy belly).

What that means is that it is not too hard to create whatever silhouette I feel like creating for that day!!

Add a boyfriend jacket over skinnies.... I am an inverted triangle.

Wear form-fitting top and a cardi buttoned at the waist, and I'm an hourglass.

Wear a form-fitting top with an A-line skirt, I am a pear.

Lose my waist in a long flowy, sleeveless top over skinnies, and I'm a (busty) rectangle.

Does one formula flatter better than the others? Probably. But who cares. I like the ability to adapt to my mood and reinvent my figure whenever I want.

Maya

Veteran

I'm surprised to hear you say that Angie. I plan to have my curves surgically removed (or at least reduced). I'm not very accepting of them. I just acknowlege that they exist and I have no choice but to put up with them until I have the means to diminish them.

Also, you have described your body type as boyish before, but now that I know you and have seen you in person, I feel like I am allowed to challenge that! While you are not big busted by any means, you are not flat or small, especially for your frame size. And your waist is quite a bit more defined than most of the hourglasses on the forum. You also are not straight or flat on the bottom. You need your waistbands taken in, while I, an alleged hourglass, do not.

When I think of boyish, I think of an undefined waist, broader shoulders, and squarer hips than you have. Your size is also distinctly feminine. So that is my $0.02. I don't think slim automatically implies straight. You don't need a pinup silhouette or tons of strategically placed fat deposits to be considered curvy.

Itari

(website)

Rute, I know. At my lowest weight, when I was 17, I had 59 cm waist and 94 cm hips - and I thought that I were, well, fat. I'd love to have hips smaller than 90 cm.

Maya - exactly my thoughts. Good thing that plastic surgery exists.

And while I'm not a hourglass, I've got wide hips and big bust. The guidelines for pears and for well-endowed contradict each other ;( I've got no clue what to wear on top...

anne

Veteran

This is SUCH an interesting thread.

I have certainly liked styles that don't suit my body - I remember being teased about liking sweetheart necklines at high school (ie when I clearly didn't have enough bust to make them work), but is Khris's whether we like things better on our body that are not the looks recommended for our body shape?

I don't really know. Like Shiny, I don't identify strongly as one or other body type. I have curvy thighs and bottom so am somewhat pear like - but have strong shoulders. My hips and shoulders are about the same width - thus "hourglass" (I just squeak into Imogen at Inside Out Style's X shape definition http://www.insideoutstyleblog......glass.html) but being so far away from each other it is hard to see this. And I am not very busty and have a rectangular upper half.

So perhaps, like Shiny, this ambiguity give more license to try different styles, and less likeliness of feeling the frustration Khris feels.

BTW I second Maya on Angie's curviness. Not that I have met her, but she has told us her measurements!

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

You are not alone, Khris!
I'm a pear/hourglass and for years I fought with being curvy because I wanted a very straight body type, aka a JCrew model.
I'm finally coming to terms with my curvy shape and learning how to dress it in a way I love - not just in a way that fits the rules.
I still do not love a-line shape skirts and dresses on me, and sometimes I feel annoyed that I have to take my thighs/hips into so much consideration, but I'm getting better.

Ele

(website)

Angie, I think I'm with Maya on this one. I haven't yet had the pleasure of meeting you (though I'm counting down the days, believe me!), but you don't look remotely "boyish" to me. Also, I think one of the reasons you find it easy to feel alluring (besides your confidence, which of course is fab) is that certain parts of society DO tell us that your frame is the one to aspire to, the most attractive.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right. Basically, I think there are two body types which are thought of as attractive and ideal, by different sections of society. Our basic human instincts (and let's face it, a lot of the men in our lives) tell us that the curvy hourglass is the way to go. Hollywood and the whole entertainment industry, on the other hand, worship the thin-framed rectangles and inverted triangles among us. So that's great- there are three shapes right there that have external validation (if they need it). But when was the last time anyone held up a picture of an apple or pear and said "Now THIS is hot!"?

Of course, I'm not saying I feel like that, and there are women of all shapes and sizes here who are hugely inspirational to me- both for their style their positive self-image. But there are a lot of messages out there telling us which is the "best" body to have.

I don't really know where I stand on this, personally. I don't hate my body but I don't love it. I battle with being a pear, both because it's not really portrayed as being that great of a shape (at least as I see it), and because I don't really "feel" like a pear. My hips and thighs aren't going anywhere (they've been with me even at my lowest weight) but they are balanced by my shoulders, and I admit to being occasionally bothered when other posters get labeled as hourglasses with what I see as similar proportions. I know it's irrational but I feel like saying "But I look like that, too! Why do I get stuck with pear and she gets to be an hourglass!?" So silly, I know!

I'd love to be one of those women who love a certain part of their body and dress to enhance that, rather than downplaying what they don't like, but I don't really see myself like that. I mean, I like my hair- but that hardly counts, does it?

Itari

(website)

Imogen's body types are even more confusing to me. Her A shape has shoulders at least an inch smaller than hips/thighs (mine are actually a bit bigger). I'm a bit confused about the difference between 8 and X, as they're hourglassy and I was typed in ylf forum as a pear.

and Sarah - I think you're not a typical pear. I'd say you have some hourglass tendencies, your overall look is curvy and balanced. And you look younger than me!

anne

Veteran

Ele - great post!

I don't think that it is any accident that there there is a phrase "to go pear-shaped" This one came to Australia from Britain, I think.

You and I may be similiarly shaped perhaps?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Maya, it surprises me that you are surprised. I can't find your exact words now, but at one point you wrote on this forum something along the lines of: "I have become much more accepting of my body". You are now embracing your gorgeous curves instead of wishing them away.

As for everyone else, we will *always* have parts of our bodies that we are unhappy with. Believe it or not, but people who you perceive as having perfect bodies have parts that they wish were different too.

Rute, Tansie and Louise, thanks for your positive comments about your own bodies and the bodies of others. It's such a healthy way of thinking about yourselves and it shows in your style.

And while I want to be empathetic and supportive of anyone who does not feel comfortable with their body, I really want to prevent this thread from becoming a body bashing one. Please ladies, there is little sense in that exercise.

But we can TOTALLY talk about how we can cleverly bend body type guidelines to suit your personal style!

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