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Feeling worthless

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Everyone here has been more than kind, super supportive of me(which I don't feel I deserve)but how do I go from feeling lower than dirt/aka piece of sh*t that I feel I am to being worthy ? Any suggestions welcome, .....if the moderators delete/ban this, I wont blame them, at all....Are there any methods to get back to feeling worthy of existing, besides going to a Dr, which I cant afford? I know I'm a reliable FREE mostly 'taxi service' /sometimes cleaning/housekeeper service to my so-called friends, but if that stopped, so would our 'friendship'. Any advice appreciated. I truly appreciated all the great advice I received in my previous posts about my sister, and how to handle dealing w/her. I am doing my best, but hanging by my fingertips when it comes to that..... thank you, dearly, to anyone who cared...

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37 replies

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crutcher

Veteran

I know one special person that would say if he could, "You are not worthless...quite the contrary, you are wonderful." That special person would be your Biscuit...We should and must see our worth in our wonderful dogs eyes...They define us and tell us the truth......
You took care and loved that boy with all of your heart...that certainly is special in my eye...I know sometimes it is difficult to find the rainbow but it is there and you indeed deserve it...smiles to you...

biscuitsmom

Veteran

That is so very sweet of you, Crutcher, and I did, with all my heart, yes, but my boy is long gone (we had to have him put down just over a yr ago) and I do have my beloved portrait tattoo of him, that I will treasure forever, I have a new pup (Angel), but it will never fill the void. My sorrow goes well beyond my furbabies, although that is what brings me the most joy. Thank you SO much for answering
me, I appreciate it more than I can say....

Emily

Veteran

Gosh, biscuitsmom, I don't know what to suggest, but I can assure you that you are worthy. No question.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

SO sweet of you, Emily, thank you. I assure you, and others, I'm *really* not looking for attention. Just trying to figure out trying to feel worthy of being alive, instead of feeling like a huge (in every sense of the word) burden
on everyone who has to deal with me, on a daily, weekly basis

Laurie

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Please try and take a different perspective. Worthless are people that commit crimes against humanity and that ilk. If your friends/family are toxic.. cut them out of your life. You didn't choose your sister or other family members. If they are a source of misery.. please let them go and make someone else miserable. It is unlikely they will change. The thing you can control is your decision to interact with them.. or not.

Animals give unconditional love - people.. not so much. Some are just greedy and needy and will take and take. Sad but true. You can never please that sort, no matter how hard you try. And then you have women on here with big hearts that are kind and thoughtful and caring about others. Takes all kinds to make the world go round as they say.

I'm not sure if this would be an option or not for you, but perhaps you'd consider volunteering at a local animal shelter, since you enjoy animals. They can always use the help, and it gives a rewarding feeling of helping without feeling used , if you know what I mean.

Lyn D.

Veteran

We care about you BM, and don't ask anything of you- but that you love and care for yourself as you do for your past and present Furbabies.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Have you ever thought of doing therapy by yourself (without a doctor)? Mind Over Mood can be used as a self-directed CBT manual, and in mild to moderate depression, CBT and exercise can be as effective as medication (and more effective in the long term, because you have tools).

I'm sorry to hear you feel crummy though. Your friends sound really crummy.

MsMary

Veteran

Aw, BM! I wish there were something we could do to help! If things are that dark, I think you should definitely call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It's not just for people having suicidal thoughts. From their website:

If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself,
please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic
worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting
over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness.

You deserve better than this. Reach out and get yourself some help! Make the call!

LACeleste

Veteran

Oh BiscuitsMom,

I am not a professional so I may not say the right thing.

I absolutely care. I am a super intuitive person and there is NO DOUBT we would be good friends (we're already friends--right?) if we lived closer. We could marvel at the cuteness of our animals for endless hours and of course we could discuss fashion and swap colorful boho acessories! You are my go to canine expert and my family started looking at rescue pups (I love them all!!) this weekend so please consider yourself officially on-call.

I like your big heart and your extreme genuineness and I really wish I could make you see what I see in you.

I am going to be very bold and ask a favor of you---because we are friends I can do this--right? It pains me to read the title of your thread. I am not invalidating your feelings--just extremely concerned.
If technology and your health allow, can you please try to stay and benefit from the amazing YLF community as I have in my tough times? Isolating is not healthy and when you drop out of sight, I worry like crazy. Thank you.
XOXOXOX

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I'm glad you reached out for help here. It seems as if YLF is a place of solace and safety for you and I hope that continues. Worthy, not the other word. That is you.

Irene

Veteran

I was to say that everyone is worthy in some way, but then I remembered one particular person who isn't, so I will change my statement and say that as long as you are helping just one person, and even if in a very small way, you are worthy and that person should be grateful to have you in their life.

But, basically, I would say in general terms we all deserve to be respected. There are no worthless people. To be honest, not even that particular person I have in mind is worthless to me. We all make mistakes, and some mistakes are bigger than others, but that doesn't make you worthless.

It sounds like you are suffering from some sort of depression (mild or severe I wouldn't know) and I'm not sure anything we tell you will help that much, but I just...

I used to have really, really low self-esteem. I used to feel worthless. But that was because I was establishing levels of worthiness among people, and it shouldn't be that way. I am worthy because I am alive, and I survive everyday, and sometimes I make other people smile and I might even change their lives for the better sometimes. And that's enough for me to feel like a deserve to live and enjoy life and everything it's got to offer.

viva

Veteran

Clearly you are worthy, as you have inspired such support from the women who have responded to you -- not because they have to or ought to, but because they care about you and want to, because you are worthy of that caring. I will be thinking of you tonight. No one should feel alone or unworthy, and I hope you no longer do.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Ms Mary's suggestion is spot-on. If you are not religious and cannot seek help there, meditation is a good place to start and there are excellent books at the library. I also find exercise is enormous - just taking a walk every day can get the blood flowing and help you feel alive.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Agreeing with Ms Mary & ironkurtin & wanted to add that you don't have to DO anything to be worthy you just are Big hugs.

ma342

Some therapists and mental health clinics offer sliding scale treatment. At a time when I was both suffering from depression and broke, I found one that offered (helpful!) treatment for $15/session. I don't know whether these options exist in your city/town, but it might be worth taking time to do some googling and see if anything turns up. I'd also second MsMary's suggestion.

There's a common saying that "depression lies to you." I can't say whether or not you have depression--you and/or a medical professional are in a better position to make that call. I will say that your brain is lying to you. Vicious dictators and serial killers may be worthless, but that's about it. I'm guessing you fall into neither of those categories.

I know what it's like to feel worthless. I also know that the feeling is not forever, although it seems like it at the time.

DonnaF

Veteran

You are worthy. Of course! I second and third the suggestions of others. Also, when you can, take a walk in nature with your Angel or perhaps take him to a dog park.

Thanks for reaching out to us. It was brave and thoughtful.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Caro is so right. You are worthy, because you are. Truly. Big hugs! I hope you get some relief from your feelings soon, through something like MsMary's suggestion perhaps?

Laurinda

Veteran

You are indeed worthy ! ! !
(((BIG HUGS)))

Aren't you in Hennepin Co.?
Do you need help finding low-cost or free resources???

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Big, Stupid, Destructive Lies Depression Tells You
“You’re not trying hard enough.”
“You’re broken and unfixable.”
“Nothing matters.”
“Being alone is better.”
“There's no hope.”
“You'll never amount to anything.”

Depression is a beast. It’s an illness so insidious that sometimes you don’t realize the scope of its life-threatening power until you’re drowning under its wave. It attacks your mind, body and soul by seizing your neurochemistry, weakening your neural pathways, distorting your thoughts, exhausting your body and leaving you emotionally vulnerable. And as depression rails against you, it challenges everything you know, trust and believe.

Depression is a serious, but treatable illness. Don’t let the lies depression tells you make you think it isn’t.

rachylou

Veteran

Well, I really enjoy your company here online, biscuitsmom.

Two... Do as Mary says.

Three... If things aren't dark dark... my initial thoughts are:

1. Stop thinking, get out of your head more and into your body
2. Pray the rosary out loud
3. Look for your hidden assumptions

That last is very hard, because they're hidden from you. You could tape yourself talking stream-of-consciousness. Oh say, do 6 days at a time, 10 minutes a day. Then at the end of every week, listen to it all at once. Notice anything you say more than once? Compare it to what actually happened that day (e.g., got up, ate a muffin, drove sister to the post office...)

Or you could do 10 minutes over 6 weeks... you get the idea.

It's rather interesting what we say when no one is listening, including ourselves.

I have a starter question for you re.

I know I'm a reliable FREE mostly 'taxi service' /sometimes
cleaning/housekeeper service to my so-called friends, but if that
stopped, so would our 'friendship'.

My question is... so what?

NO! Really seriously, earnestly, not criticising...Is there a problem with that? What's the problem? Do you think there's any other kind of friend? Are you sure about that? Do you maybe need a friend who provides all the services, like you do for others?

I mean, we take it for granted that there's something wrong with that. But when was the last time we all had a good look at that assumption. What exactly is the problem? Do you remember?

I'm not sure I do...

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

Consider this: feelings aren't facts. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean it's true.

Support groups are usually pretty low cost. People who have experienced what you are going through can help you regain your perspective, dignity and self-worth. It's worth a couple phone calls and an hour or two to give it a try.

Debbie

Veteran

Please do what Ms Mary suggested. The helplines have people to talk to and know what resources are available in your area. Please take care of yourself.

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

Sending you hugs!! I'm sorry that things are so tough... <3 <3 <3. I have friends who feel the way that you do, and I never know what to say to show them the incredible worth they have, and the meaning they provide to my life. I just wish that I could let them see themselves through my eyes for just a moment. That would change everything. I agree with the others who have mentioned your precious care of your doggies - past and present. That alone tells me that you are incredibly special human being. What must their eyes see when they look at you? Such beauty...

Gigi

Veteran

Biscuitsmom, yes, you are worthy! We all enjoy your company here and are glad you are on the forum.

I have struggled a lot with depressive feelings too. I think MsMary's advice is good: a therapist could be so helpful. Even the routine of getting out once a week can brighten things up—at least it does with me. There are places that offer free or reduced-fee services. You could call Catholic Charities for starters. You could also call United Way by dialing 211 on your phone. An operator there can give you the names of some local places that offer reduced-fee visits.

If you feel like you are just a taxi provider for your friends, maybe it is time to find some new ones? Is there some kind of hobby that you enjoy where you could join a group and meet like-minded people? I tend to isolate when I get depressed, and going to meetings of such groups can be very helpful, even though it can be really hard at first.

Ariadne

Veteran

Oh, my heart goes out to you. I'm not shy about saying that I've been where you are many, many times, and YES, you can feel better. There are lots of good, concrete suggestions here. My advice is to pick ONE thing and do that.
For what it's worth, I have to be on medication to feel better. It is non-negotiable for me, and it makes a world of difference. On meds, I can do the other things that help me feel better (exercise, sleep, eating right, socializing etc.) Without meds, I can't do any of that. Everyone's experience is different, of course.

Glory

Veteran

Sending you hugs and letting you know that I am thinking of you. You have some great ideas above. One step at a time - do something for yourself today, a walk with Angel, a cup of tea outside. xoxo

Janet

(website)

Veteran

You've already gotten so much good advice here, I have nothing to add in that department. I will add to the chorus of people though, who have felt this way too and have battled to get beyond it. My mother fought depression her whole life, and I've had my bouts with it too. When things get a little tough, my mind starts spinning everything in a negative way, and it is a tremendous effort to catch myself and turn it around, essentially breaking a mental habit.

But truly, you ARE worthy. We all are. Everyone needs to feel valued and appreciated. If the people in your life are not contributing to you feeling that way, you have to find it in yourself, and also reach out to find other people who DO value and appreciate you. And yes, depression does lie, and it is indeed possible that people value and appreciate you more than you know.

Please keep in touch with us here, and reach out to anyone in your non-virtual life who helps lift you up. Sometimes that means reaching out and lifting someone else up. We care, and we want you to be happy! Big hugs.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Is there any way you can get yourself to Canada? I think it's nuts that you can't get treatment because of the money involved ... but maybe because I'm Canadian?

I'm pretty tied in terms of offering any advice because of what I am/what I do ... but I think you have gotten a lot of support - I just wanted to chime in to add that I usually describe depression as a stinky blanket that covers everything! All of life looks stinky from beneath a stinky yucky blanket! My preceptor has adapted that analogy and he uses the wet stinky blanket - not only does it stink it weighs a ton!!

There are people who require medications among other medical interventions either to help them get into a mindspace to receive therapy or to keep on functioning (especially if your ability to look after yourself is compromised). I have no idea what resources are available in the US for this - maybe one of our other YLF-ers can help out?

I know in Canada, there are urgent care clinics and you can always walk into any ER and you if you're at one of the major hospitals, we (residents) are on call 24/7 and we have lovely mental health nurses to help us out too!

Vivi

Hi, I don't know about you or your history but I can tell you that my yoga practice helps me every day of my life, through good and bad. It helps with sleep, anxiety, stress, self-esteem, and makes me view my body as beautiful, not because of the way it looks, but because of what I can do with it simply by breathing and focusing my thoughts. I think someone else mentioned meditation, which goes hand-in-hand.

Maybe try a class if you haven't, or simply start to focus on your breathing, noticing the sensations within your body while letting go of outside thoughts.

Take care. We are all worthy.

Louise

Veteran

You've had some brilliant advice above. I'm no expert but it does sound like you need some professional help I'm sure feelings like this aren't normal? Are you religious? Is there someone at church who you could confide in? Or are there any mental health charities in the US? Here in the UK we have MIND http://www.mind.org.uk
These things have all worked for me when I'm sad (I don't think I've ever suffered with depression though)

1) Getting out in the fresh air- if I'm home alone with nothing to I try to get out for a walk it gets the blood pumping, some fresh air in my lungs, sunshine (hopefully) on my skin and I see people, even though I'm not necessarily interacting with them it's comforting to be reminded you're not alone in the world.

2) Don't think too much- dwelling on the thing that's making you sad makes it worse, I've taken to listening to audiobooks, you can't think or you miss part of the story! And as it's being read it feels like there is someone there which can be comforting. I love listening to them while walking.

3) Animals- I've been volunteering at a greyhound rescue, there's something very therapeutic about a stroll with a hound, you probably get out already with darling Angel but going to an animal rescue may help lift your heart, the greys are always so pleased to see me that I can't fail to be cheered. It has the added bonus of getting me out of the house and meeting new people.

4) Grapefruit & Lavender essential oils- Grapefruit is a wonderfully cheering oil, I got through 2 bottles of the stuff during my grey days post break up. Lavender is great for helping you sleep, which takes me to my fifth point

5) Sleep- if all else fails I go to sleep. I'm a firm believer in sleep as a healer both physically and mentally and it has the added bonus that you can't feel sad while you're asleep.

6) Plan things- the looking forward to something nice is almost as good as the event. Theatre trips, a cuppa with a friend, a picnic, a day out........ I also keep track in my diary of the lovely things so I can refer back to them.

7) Keep within you circle of influence- basically don't worry about the things you can't change (I got this from a stress at work course)

I hope some of these help but please don't feel alone and worthless (((hugs))) x

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