BM...echoing others here with all their suggestions. Especially, try to get outside of your head by getting some form of exercise (outside if possible). It's free and it's easy. My head's a busy place and I learned a long time ago that any form of movement on a daily basis centers me and keeps me sane.

Some fab advice here already for you BM and I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of "you ARE worthy!" ((Hugs))

I agree that you should seek assistance (free assistance) in whatever form you can. I can't say enough about self help books as I myself used them extensively when I was younger and trying to figure out my personal issues. Most of them I read at the library or went to book stores and sat and read right there in the store when I couldn't afford to buy them.

I wonder what it is that you think makes you unworthy?
Can you list a few things?
And what makes other people worthy?
Same question, can you list a few things?

Not saying you need to list them here, unless you want to. But I'm really just wondering how you are measuring worthiness vs. unworthiness.
It's a word that I never really use when describing myself or others so I'm not sure exactly what you mean by it. Knowing what you mean by it might help to figure out what to do about it.

Oh, BiscuitsMom... my heart breaks for you. I've been
exactly where you are, emotionally, and I can tell you now that you don't need
to feel that way. But while it's easy for me to say that, I know from experience
that those feelings of unworthiness can feel like a horrible dark place you
can't escape from.

I don't know you very well, but the way you describe your friends, and the way
other commenters have referred to your family, suggests to me that you haven't
had a lot of experience being respected and cherished by others. My
understanding is that when this happens to us, we can imprint off those
behaviors, and we learn to abuse ourselves, too. Feelings of unworthiness
are a form of self-abuse that we do because we've been convinced that something
bad will happen if we stop. We're convinced on such a deep level that we
believe we can't help feeling that way... and at first, it's true!

I have a couple suggestions for you. First, from the comments, it's clear
that you loved your beloved dog very much.
I’m sure you would not judge your dog as harshly as you judge yourself! There’s an exercise that was one of the very
first things that helped me overcome these feelings. First, find a small mirror, and a comfortable
place to sit. Close your eyes and
remember your love and approval for your dog… summon those feelings as strongly
as you can! Then bring the mirror up to
your face and open your eyes, and try to continue to feel that love and
approval toward the person in the mirror… yourself! Can you do it? The first several times, I couldn’t! But I kept trying, and over time, it became
much easier, just as I believe it could for you. Sometimes, we have to trick ourselves into
feeling healthy emotions, and that’s okay… it takes practice to learn to love
ourselves.

The second thing that comes to mind is a book that I love
very much, titled “The Four Agreements”.
The book helped me understand what had happened to cause me to despise
myself so very much, and how to overcome the sense of hopelessness in my
life. I highly recommend it.

If you’d like to talk more, please feel free to message
me. I have spent far too many years of
my life enslaved by feelings like these, and I would like to help another
sufferer escape this prison.

Words fail me....I am just so grateful for all the wise advice, outpours of support, kindness, warmth you've all shown. I appreciate it so very much I want to respond individually ASAP, but probably cant get back here till Monday, but I will try and absorb all of this and be back soon ((((giant hug))))

BM, I am so glad to see your expression of appreciation here. I didn't have any advice but I did want to check in on you. Hearing you express appreciation in this dark cloud you are experiencing, must mean you are also able to experience streaks of love and caring. It makes me happy to hear this. Don't be afraid the get the help you need. Hugs!! I wish I could just make this all better for you.

Thinking of you, biscuitmom. So much support and so many caring ideas here. You are valued and respected. Hard to speak to broader context, but if you have a small bit of energy and could plug in to a small, regular commitment where you contribute to something that matters, it can help. We all need to be appreciated and most have some experience with not feeling known or like we matter.

Good for you for speaking out. Part of you knows there is value there, whether others seem to be seeing it right now or not. I believe our value exists independent of others seeing it, despite how meaningful it is when people do notice. I hope there is a way to connect with support that will make a difference for you. Perhaps contact local agencies or clergy to see who they refer to when there are insurance inadequacies. There may be ways to access the care you deserve that aren't immediately apparent.

All my best.

Big hugs, BM! Because of my religious convictions, I believe very strongly that everyone is precious and so valuable! It doesn't hinge on what you can "do" at all, but it's just by virtue of being created by God (we all have intrinsic worth). You are not a worthless human being, even if you have no energy to do anything for others. I hope you can get some help, and come out from under this dark cloud.

I watched a TED talk once, by Brenee Brown, I think. Or it could have been by someone else. Maybe I even heard about it here, I can't remember. But the gist of it was, the difference between people who were happy and well-adjusted and the ones who weren't-- boiled down to one thing in the research. The former believed that they deserved to be loved, and the latter did not. I can't comment on the accuracy of that, but it resonated with me.