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Feeling like I look like poo

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Honestly, lately I feel very unattractive. My self esteem is in the dumpster. Outside stressors aren't helping either.
I'm trying to find some new clothes that fit and realizing that the styles I used to like won't work with my current size. I'm trolling ASOS now looking for stuff. I don't want to spend lots of money as I'm trying to save for a big trip.
Currently I'm wearing my Lysse black leggings and fashiony sweatshirts.
Yesterday I tried my Gap darker stiffer boyfriend jeans with raw hems, I just felt dumpy, not cool. Luckily almost no one saw me as I was at work for 10 hours.
I took most of last Thursday off and spent a good chunk of the afternoon looking for a walk-in hair appointment. Best I could do was a bang trim.
I'm think of lightening my hair, by a lot. I found this look on Refinery29, more for the color than the style. They say it's a very heavy balayage.

Apologies if this comes off as whiny.

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34 replies

Latest reply was from

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Oh I'm so sorry you are feelibg this way.

Question:
Do you think you are trying to dress for the body you had?

Are you willing or able to give a new style journey a try?

Only you know what's holding you back and what your roadblocks are.

Are you trying to establish a capsule wadrobe for now?

Oh dear Anna i hope the ylf family can help.

Staysfit

Veteran

I'm so sorry your feeling bleh about your current style options.. I like the hair color idea. I think you can pull it off with your coloring. Sometimes one change is all it takes to kickstart everything else in a positive way.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Come here for HUGS.

*(((HUGS)))*

First things first, dear Anna. I'm proactive, and so are you. So lets get a plan going for you asap:

A hair boost is a great idea. Love the style too. Book a proper appointment, and look forward to it.

Next. When did you last treat yourself to fab undies? It makes a world of difference. Get thee to Mary at the flagship Nordies lingerie dept and tell her that Angie sent you. You'll get excellent service.

How are you coping with your back, arms, and exercise? What can you manage at the moment? Because your mind and spirit responds well to endorphins, how can you make that a priority? Yoga, hiking, walking.

It's a VERY good idea figuring out how you can order online. I know that it's a logistical challenge, but perhaps we can help you work it out.

And I'm here if and when you need me. For your challenges with Dad too. You know I completely get it. Much love to you.

Traci

Veteran

I think you are on point with looking to give your hair a refresh. I find that one action has the biggest impact on how I feel about my looks.

I only realized last Fall how much the season changes make me feel blah about my appearance. I think the unpredictable weather throws me off and then it snowballs from there with a complete lack of intuition about what will and won't work in my wardrobe. Long way around saying...I feel you.

elpgal

Veteran

Sorry you are feeling poorly.

Definitely go to your regular hair person. Impulsive haircuts have a lower chance of success. Ask me how I know!

Are you into makeup? It's a good distraction.

I know your schedule is set far in advance but can you make time for other self-care? Yoga, spa visit, a massage, brief trip out of town?

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

Ordering on-line: is there a private mailbox place conveniently nearby? I once had a dining room table delivered to mine, LOL. I wish we had such a place here. Cost was about $10 per month. Some of them will even email or text you when a package arrives.

I find that nutrition, esp. vitamins, make a huge difference during high stress periods. Sustained stress like you've had just depletes everything, and reduces my energy for cooking, shopping, things that promote healthy choices.

I like the idea of that hair color for you, if you have someone you trust to do the work.

Anonymous

All I can say is " I get it". I am quite sure that many, if not most of us go through this ....especially at this time of year when it's not yet spring and you're dead sick of winter. Weather and light plays a huge role in how we feel, right? I get into these funks myself - more often than I wish- and I am not sure there is any great solution other than to let it ride. I'm all for hair and makeup fun - as you are too. Sartorially? Who the heck knows. I like Angie's idea of an underwear refresh if it's in the budget. And this reminds me I want to book myself a real pro-pedicure. Colour is good. Oh, and flowers and some new succulents. And mini-lights wound around a cactus .

Jane

Veteran

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I hope you are feeling more like yourself in the very near future. Haircut, undies and make up are great suggestions. When I find myself feeling low, I really like nail vanish and a manicure, in a neutral pretty non-challenging colour.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I so get how you are feeling! I've felt like that a lot for 8 years! Sending you hugs as well, Anna...
A new haircut may indeed help.
I found reading all the stuff on body shapes helped me when I became more apple-like as well as pear.
Sending love across the world, have received heaps of love myself from YLF to cheer me up...x

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Anna, you are not whining at all. I think we all go through periods where we feel this way. I spent most of December feeling like what you describe.

What pulled me out, was I found this wonderful book by David Zyla, called "Color Your Style". (Let me note, I had this guy confused with David Kibbe. Not the same person). I keep meaning to write about the Zyla book, but I haven't made time yet. I've been able to identify my best colors, and it just makes me feel a lot better about myself. I think you might find some good stuff in this book

I love the suggestions here, I think there are some great suggestions here for a reboot - a reboot where Anna is kind and loving to herself, and rediscovers how awesome she is <3 <3 <3

Anonymous

Angie's ideas are great and I like the from inside out direction. The next two or three months are the ones I find the most challenging because I'm unveiling my winter self rather than extra draping my summer self. It also feels like the time of year when there should be a style turnover which just adds extra pressure.

Sometimes it seems impractical to start with the things we think people notice less, like grooming and underwear, but how we feel about how we look is so much about how we feel.

I like the sound of the "big trip" though.

Diana

Veteran

Big hugs. I'd take you out for drinks if we lived closer!

The big trip sounds exciting! Where are you going?

I think hair and makeup is always a good pick-me-up and not dependent on sizing/finding things that will fit. I hope you can figure out the online shopping thing too - it will really open up a lot more options.

Momo

Veteran

I think that hair color would be beautiful on you Anna.
I do so understand how this feels ( at least my version of it !)
I think the suggestions of others are good and I add the suggestion of trying to be nice to yourself. I have started to try to to myself like I do to my students or friends or my kids. Kind, respectful .
It is a new thing for me and it makes me feel much much better!

Anonymous

I am sorry to hear this, Anna. Suggestions that involve indulgent self care such as a good hair cut/hair dye and condition/pedicure/makeup are good. I also like Angie's suggestion of new underpinnings. Although exercise is the absolute best thing for my mood, I find that exercising when I am the least bit depressed is as hard as moving heaven and earth.

Emily K

(website)

Veteran

I can really empathize with everything you wrote as I am just crawling out of a kinda dark place. I think new hair and make-up is a good place to start, though. Message me if I can do anything for you (mini-meet-up?)--I think we are both Seattleites!

Sal

Veteran

I think your plans are good ones, I think a trip will give you great joy.

I am not the one to ask about labels. I do think hair and nails can be a great boost, as can decent underwear. I upgraded mine last year (mostly at outlet - I hate outlets in general with a passion but we do have an outlet lingerie place where you get good service and a good range) and enjoy having a few decent bras that fit and flatter (and two industrial sports bras too not purchased outlet too).

Given your job and long hours you probably only need a couple of looks you love.

Take care

Carla

Veteran

Yes to the hair colour and yes to new undies. I second a Nordies fitter. (The one in Toronto was fantastic, and I feel fab in my new bras, even though I'm wearing the same (old) clothes.)

I LOVED your makeup and the bright pink hat you wore to the Women's March earlier this year. Do you have a puffer or coat that colour? It would be amazing! You don't do nails, cause you're in H/C, but what about a no polish mani and a pedi with?

I've been wondering where all the special makeover periodicals are recently. Seems they used to come out around Velentines - just in time to inspire us during winter's last gasp.

minimalist

Veteran

What others said about undergarments, hair, grooming, and exercise.

And for your big trip, a couple of outfits that fit comfortably even if they're plain, and accessories to perk them up.

Something that works for me is spending time and energy, when possible, in areas of self-worth not related to my appearance. This might be easier for me because appearance isn't something I ever got validation on, so I never developed dependence on the feedback that comes from meeting those standards. A blessing of being below-average , IYKWIM. But still, we're bombarded constantly by messages emphasizing women's worth being primarily looks-based. So personally, I find it a relief, when time allows, to do a hobby I'm really, really good at, or spend time out hiking away from anyone.

Time in a culture that views a wider range of women as attractive can also be good, although that's still based on looks as value. :-/

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Hey Anna im backto say it sounds as if you need a good self-care break.

Not just new clothes pr makeup but rest relaxation and peace of mind.

When i was in my dark place meditation helped greatly improve my attitude towards life.

I work extremely long hrs even while pregnant. This life sometimes is beyond our control insted of reacting we can learn how to navigate in peace.

Much love and respect to you during this valley moment.

Sheila

Veteran

Anna! I am with you in spirit.

My gosh, the weather gods are really jerking us around here in Seattle this year, aren't they! Yesterday I moved my heavy winter wool coat and long puffer to their off-season resting place...and BOOM today it's cold and nasty again. I just can't get a good read for how to dress most days so I sympathize with your blahs. And I know Angie's practical advice is really worth listening to.

Here's to some sunshine and warmth, I think it would do all of us a lot of good.

ETA I love your haircoloring idea. Think it would look smashing!

rachylou

Veteran

Do you ever wonder if looking suppresses your creativity? I've been trolling Pinterest... and have been wondering if I need to stop for a bit because I'm losing focus and the ability to discern...

...yes, I'm off in left field, as usual...

Style Fan

Veteran

Anna I am sorry you are feeling badly. I love the picture you posted. The colour and the style are perfect for you. Good undies do make a difference. I have just updated and I love mine.

Bijou

Veteran

Anna, you just voice what many of us think from time to time. There is no whinging here, just honesty. I love the new hair colour and hope that planning and looking forward to your holiday gives you a well deserved boost.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Anna, the others have posted lots of great advice, so I won't offer any more. Just want to say I totally understand, and you have so much on your plate that I'm always impressed at how you manage. You have a demanding job, you care for your dad, and you are a good friend. You need to care for you too! And I know it's hard to find time. I would be buying you a drink right now if I were in town! Well, after having you show me around for Seattle photo safari part II.

I have this idea in my head that you would would be an outstanding clothing designer. Have you ever been interested at all in sketching out ideas for garments, and if so, is there anyone local to you that you might collaborate with on constructing something? I might be totally off base, and I know you don't have much free time...I also am not suggesting this as an alternative to retail shopping, but thinking of it more as a creative outlet. Again, just thinking out loud, so if this doesn't appeal to you, I understand. Maybe I'm mentioning it because that's something *I* want to do!

Anyway, rambling here, but I'm sending big hugs and I'm hoping your travel adventures work out! *crossing fingers* Travel is so good for the soul.

Anonymous

I'm following this thread with interest, and was more than a little blown away by the power of what Ledonna said "Not just new clothes pr makeup but rest relaxation and peace of mind.". She is SO right. Sure, this is a fashion forum, but new stuff and cute nail polish isn't always the answer to everything . I like to think we are a little deeper than that and that self care in the form of yoga, meditation or a trip to a thermal spa (which may or may not be on my mind right now - lol) can be the ticket to a quieter , more positive mind. Thanks to Ledonna.....

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So sorry you are feeling low, Anna, and I hope new undies, lighter hair, and the prescriptions for inside out self care will help. SPA. SPA. SPA... you do a lot of caring for others in your life...time for some gentleness to you.

tulle

Veteran

You know, Anna, I've often wondered whether your taste in clothes (edgy, angular, fashion-forward) might be in conflict with your body type. It's a common problem, I think. (I would prefer to dress like Inez de la Fressange if I weren't a pear-shaped 5'2"!) My younger daughter has lush curves and gorgeous, glowy skin like yours. Luckily, her preference for bohemian styles works with that body. She's still a college student, so it may become trickier when she needs a more professional look, and I'm not suggesting that you go the full Free-People route, but I wonder whether just one softer, draped piece in a great color--one that shows off those curves and that complexion--might lift your spirits? I like the idea of blonder hair for you, too. And as for new underwear, my daughter found a side-minimizing bra from Spanx that did amazing things for her. Good luck, and don't lose heart! Shopping success seems to require infinite patience these days, but one magic piece can still turn your mood around.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Hair change can make a huge difference. What about looking at Etsy for designs you like and ordering them custom for your measurements. Also look at the shops on Tictail that might be able to do the same thing. Definitely yoga if that is your thing. It has saved me many times. And more hugs from me.

Debbie

Veteran

I think you need to spend the weekend with me so I can spoil you! Something that helped me recently. I went to get a massage. It was 30 minutes of total relaxation. Spending the time on yourself. Just a few minutes can do wonders.
Anna you are beautiful inside and out. You are a caring daughter and friend. Care for yourself too.
I want you to do something my therapist suggested. Make a list of everything you do for everyone else tomorrow and then beside it list what you did for yourself. I guarantee it will come up extremely short on the what you did for yourself side.
I am a phone call away. Let me know what I can do to help.

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