E's post and style character vs. physical reality - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

E's post and style character vs. physical reality

catgirl

Veteran

I wrote a giant $%*#@ing post on this that got lost thanks to one of the pop-up ads on the sidebar - SO AGGRAVATED.

The gist of it was that E's post made me notice how seamlessly her style persona fits with what she looks like - she has a wonderful elvin/gamine/urchin look that goes with what she wears in such a natural way.

For me it's a little harder - I aspire to UWP, but in my mind I'd be taller and longer of limb, probably bigger boned. If I were a paper doll, I'm guessing no one would dress me in what I want to wear. Blue hair is part of my effort to compensate for my lack of the stature that I wish I had, as are stompy boots.

How does this work for you? Do you think our style preferences stem from our own features (not just body type but size, height, bone structure, faces, hair color) or from our (at least some of us!) vivid fantasy lives? In some ways I feel like my style choices fight with what I'm given to work with naturally, and I have YLF to thank for helping me work it all out.

E, would love to hear from you as I see a lot of fairy tale in your style!

Dressing

57 replies

Latest reply was from

Ariadne

Veteran

Yes! In my fantasy life I have a gamine body type and face.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh definitely. My ideal style is much more suited to a leaner hourglass than I actually am. Or maybe even more of an IT. However, I'm gaining appreciation for what I have. I have some height and some curves. It would just be easier to attain my style if I didn't have saddlebags!

Anonymous

In my fantasy life, I would weight about 30 pounds less, and that will not left me with a bony, protuding torso ( hence why I don't lose the 30 pounds). I would also not be an accountant, but a creative director of some sort of obscure art gallery, who lives in a loft in SoHo and sips wine with some amazing friends every night. I would also be a black belt and would own a motorcycle, hence I would need lots of leather and lots of boots lol.
He!

Alassë

Veteran

Ooh! Another interesting Una post!

I think for some our features play a part. At least I imagine my curls/rounded lines/rounded face goes with the rounded clothing details & a-lines that I favor (leaves out pencils, though). Sort of like The Triumph of Individual Style stuff.

I would like to work in my fantasy life, but so far it remains elusive/attention-getting: Elvish or Rohirric maiden/medieval princess. Cloak, shaped yet flowing dress with hip belt, flared sleeves, wide-but-not-too-low scoop/sweetheart/square neckline, wavy waist length hair, circlet, and maybe lace up mid-calf boots or low heeled oxfords (or ballet flats). Not quite the thing for a mostly shy individual to wear who needs to cook & diaper change!

rae

(website)

Veteran

Oh, yeah! This warrior wars with her curvy, solid frame every day. Inside, I'm a greyhound-thin, graceful wisp of an elf. With fangs. o_0

It's been like that my whole life, really. Hard to pull off that Courtney Love heroin chic when you are quite clearly well-fed and frankly bootylicious. Hard to pull off girlie, whimsical stuff with a chest and muscles (high school, especially!). Very hard for me to wear Victorian or Western stuff because my features and coloring make me feel like I've been abducted from my Native American family and been forced into a repressed Puritan lifestyle.

Thank goodness moderate draping seems to work with curves, or I don't know what I'd do!

Diana

Veteran

In my fantasy life, I would not have fussy feet.

AviaMariah

Veteran

I haven't read E's post yet but I will shortly. But yes, my style is greatly influenced by my body shape but probably not always in the most constructive ways. I've always been small boned and have looked about 10 years younger which I hated until about 10 years ago! This has influenced me in that I always shied away from anything sweet and girly; anything that would further emphasize this. Now, as an almost 40 year old, I enjoy looking younger but I still shy away from these styles. I'm not sure if it's out of habit or a true fashion preference. I always want to add a little bit of edge or severity to my outfits to look "grownup". I also see my self as taller and willowy and am shocked at my "stubby-ness" when I see pics. I think WIW's are helping me to accept and enjoy my actual body type.

deb

Veteran

My fantasy style is bohemian a' la Stevie Nicks. That is definitely not how I dress because my personality does not fit that style.

AviaMariah

Veteran

After reading E's post: I think it's fun when someone's style preference matches their natural looks, like E. But I also like the contrast when someone's style doesn't match, as long as it doesn't look forced. But maybe that's just what I tell myself! Do you watch The Good Wife? I've always admired Kalinda's ability to dress tough even though she looks like she's a little thing.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm not really sure. Is it a cop out to say I feel quite average in build, and don't have any one dominating figure type to fight against or go along with? I'm not curvy or thin, not tall or short, just . . . average lol. Attractive, but not pretty. I honestly feel like a blank slate paper doll I could dress however I feel like. I guess that's a good thing.

kkards

Veteran

well, in my mind, i am 5'8, so its always a shock that i'm really not quite 5'4.

anyway, i found myself nodding my head reading aviamariah's comments. i'm also small boned and used to looked younger than my actual age, so i tended to wear cloths that made gave me more structure, and stayed away from the girly stuff.

karymk

Veteran

We are talking about style identity vs. the reality of what you are given to work with. In the best case, our style merges with our bodies seamlessly.

It's hard to be a bombshell if you are a small rectangle or IT with no boobs and butt. So I have to find a different way to be sexy.

That said, I gravitate, and always have, towards menswear cuts worn in a feminine way. I feel like I am feminine enough looking to pull off the man clothes without looking or feeling like a man.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, for sure I live in a complete fantasy world. One that involves multiple realities, lol.

I am incredibly conventional in real life... of course, this idea may also be part of my whole delusional state. Because my imperceptible nods to punk and folktale and the Edwardian and whatever are noticed. Which is fascinating, if you ask me.

Peri

Veteran

Interesting! Like Diana, in my fantasy life I don't have health problems and can dress purely in what I want. So in that way, my outer concessions don't match my fantasy image! Plus I'd lose the apple belly.

What I do manage to wear matches pretty well I think. Casual arty classic isn't too out there as far as style descriptors go, and I think I look plain, but snow white with dark curly hair might give a touch of arty.

I've been described several times and by several people as looking delicate and I don't see that at all. I think they are being distracted by my paleness and forgetting to factor in my shoulders...I don't think anybody listed being called delicate on your IT post! And I don't think I dress delicate in any way.

So here would be a parallel and interesting question... Do others see you as you see yourself? That might be impossible to really answer.

shedev

Veteran

I think an IT is a good shape for a UWP, Una. I'm 4'11, so I'd be taller and more muscular ( working on it). I dress more to my personality than my physical body.

Anonymous

I don't know if my inside matches the outside. I think I would like to be taller, which I have no control over, and I would like to be more muscular, but that is something I do have control over and need to get cracking on.

I would love to have a defined waist, but short of corseting, that isn't going to happen!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

"Do others see you as you see yourself? That might be impossible to really answer"

Ah, Peri, that is an interesting question. One that begs a new topic for discussion perhaps?

For instance, my husband (nearly a foot taller than me) sees me as petite, although I'm 5'7" and somewhere in the vicinity of 140 lbs. I feel amazon-ish around truly petite ladies. But by and large, I feel very average in stature, in body type, and in looks in general. I guess someone who is a size 0 and a rectangle body shape could see someone like me as quite big and curvy, and conversely someone who is a size 16 could see me as quite small.

It's all relative.

But going back to the original topic, I've been thinking about it a little more and I think I work my body type into my preferred style about as well as I can at this point in my style journey. I think everyone has these challenges. I have never heard a woman say, "I have the perfect body."

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think I'd be dressed in Ralph Lauren clothes, or similar classic designs with an equestrian flair and impeccably styled hair and makeup. My posture would be perfect of course and I'd be the epitome of confident chic.

My real life hair has never been impeccably styled (and likely never will be) and my lifestyle is more ranch than polo match. Not to mention my poor posture...

Edit: Not sure I answered the original question as I got caught up in the fantasy life thing. I guess my real life does pretty much match my style - relaxed, casual, down to earth, nature inspired.

E

Veteran

Hi AG!

Wow, your post made me feel quite complimented! I'm so glad my clothes look natural on me! And that I have a well defined style that evokes fairy tales! So thank you.

I didn't always dress the way I do now; it's only in the past 2-3 years I'd say that I've really narrowed down on my style & embraced my urchinness/etc. Before that, I kind of struggled against my youthful looks and cuteness; after all, being cute is the opposite of being powerful, yes? So I had a bit of a mishmash closet full of all kinds of styles of clothes, because I hadn't quite figured out what my style was yet. And I wished that I had a curvy, voluptuous, plump figure, not because of men but because I thought all of those curves were just so lovely looking. Oh and I wanted to have high contrast, Snow White colouring with super pale skin and thick dark hair cascading over said curves. Or maybe be a red head (I actually did dye my hair red for awhile but it got so dried out and the red would fade every month it drove me nuts). Anyway, eventually I realised I wasn't going to grow anymore and that I might as well embrace my figure for what it was good at and my colouring for what made it glow. And along the way, I started to narrow down things that fit my personality as well as my body, and then I found YLF which sent me down a rabbit hole of 'find your style' blogs that gave me the tools to analyse my preferences and find patterns to help me figure out what clothes to buy. So my style and love for/acceptace of my physical features kind of grew together. I guess I just got lucky that my inner fantasy life (which is ridiculously vivid, lol) doesn't require a different body type: I can walk through the woods on my short legs just as well. And my slimness would fit right in at a Victorian orphanage. I believe that if I was curvy and/or high contrast, I would have just gravitated to a different version of my style persona/inner fantasy, because I find several curvy/plus size bloggers very inspirational, but of course I can't know for sure. As it is, I figured out a few formulas that make me happy and just play with them.

I also recognise that apart from my small bust and my naturally dark blonde-ish aka mousey hair (I *hate* the phrase dishwater blonde), I have a completely socially sanctioned body/face, which made the acceptance process much easier; I benefit from white and thin privilege, as much as I wish neither existed. When I watch movies or TV shows and feel inspired by what actresses are wearing (and I was very inspired by Ginnifer Goodwin in season one of Once Upon a Time, which aired just about the time I began coalescing my style), they're often a similar build to my own, which definitely makes things easier too. And of course I don't work in an office, so I don't have to dress to please anyone but myself most of the time!

I feel my style and physical appearance are much cuter and almost more vulnerable in a sense than my personality. I have a strong personality, with strong convictions, and ever since I was little I've been willing to stand up for myself and believed in myself. I was a shark in debate in high school; my coach had to tell me to tone it down so I didn't make other debaters cry. I'm not sure that's the first thing strangers would think when they saw me: there's a woman who knows her own mind and will speak it regardless. But luckily, it doesn't take very long in the getting to know me process for them to figure it out! There's only so much I can do to counteract the baby face impression, so instead I try to emphasise my bookishness and attention to detail and curiousity about the world in my outfits, as those are all real aspects of my personality too.

I've rambled on for ages now & I'm not sure I've answered your questions! I hope I have though, if not feel free to ask me more. For what it's worth, I think you do an excellent job of dressing UWP, and in photos at least you never seem to be lacking in stature. And I *loved* reading everyone's responses to this thread, so way to go you for starting it!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Fabulous thread, Una. I'm sort of glad the original comment got lost so you could start it.

And such interesting responses. E, I loved reading what you said. I agree with karymk: "In the best case, our style merges with our bodies seamlessly."

Which is definitely true for E.

I think it's a lot harder than it seems for most of us to analyze ourselves objectively and figure out what truly expresses us. Oh, and then to shop for it, and buy it. (A whole other level of difficulty...think of Claire with her two latest shirts, and how long it took to find them.)

I do not feel I have in any way reached this fashion nirvana. But my goal would be to have my style harmonize completely with my appearance.

Now, would I like to be a "better version" of an urban prince? (I.e. taller, more regular featured, etc.) Sure -- but I still want to be an urban prince.

And like Shedev, I think an IT with strong features and dark amazing hair is a good descriptor for UWP.

catgirl

Veteran

I love that you all are so willing to engage in these discussions.

And E, thank you! I realize I may well have jumped to conclusions about you - it was just that your post triggered such an "AHA!" moment for me. I see you very much as a modern fairy tale character - the Red Riding Hood who takes down the wolf herself, perhaps?

Your response is so enlightening - the description of your thought process in attaining your style is so interesting. I've also struggled against cute in my younger days... being small and "exotic" also made people think I was docile, girly, or traditional in ways I most definitely am not.

The "do other people see us as we see ourselves" question deserves its own post.

MuseumGal

Veteran

I was actually going to post a long ramble similar to this - do we limit ourselves stylistically because of our physical realities? I have absolutely adored E's posts but have also dismissed her style as "not me," because let's face it, I'm far too well fed to pass as urchin or gamine (and even when I'm not so heavy, I'm a very sturdy gal, more Katnis than Lyra). But I love all that whimsy, and I'm going to try and think of ways to incorporate some of it into my own style. I definitley feel a style shift coming on, thanks to YLF in general, and E and Ceit in particular (urban warrior boho waif?).

E

Veteran

I have one more thought!

I kind of think developing my style and flattering my physical features became a self-perpetuating cycle: when watching movies and tv shows I noticed what actresses who had similarities with me were wearing and when it flattered them. And since I'm drawn to fairy tale and historical movies/shows, that in turn encouraged me to indulge that side of me more. And when I was working hard to accept my bustline, my love for ballet really helped, as ballerinas tend to be small up top but with strong thighs and shoulders. Which in turn made me more drawn to clothes that reminded me of ballerinas!

As Suz said, shopping adds a completely new level to things. If I had my way my closet would be full of peter pan collars! But Goodwill does not agree. lol Hopefully since they were trending awhile ago people will start donating them.

catgirl

Veteran

Janet, you are right - so I guess the question is whether anyone would say they have the perfect body for their style? Recognizing that any body can adapt clothing to any style, of course.

ironkurtin

Veteran

If I could shape my body like silly putty I have no idea what I'd end up, or if I'd be happy with it when I was done!

E

Veteran

Crossposted with you AG! Glad my reply made some sense, and that I could spark an aha moment for you! Ick to being exoticised. :/ I've had problems in the past with creepy middle aged men approaching me in cafes, but that happened even before I dressed the way I do now so I think it's more about my face and build than clothes.

MG, you should look at this blog: http://www.theblackapple.typep.....rlswander/ Sadly it's not updated any more, but she has wonderful whimsical style and a very similar body type to yours.

catgirl

Veteran

E, regarding fairy tales, a friend of mine is a professor of fairy tales and I love the idea that you are creating a style around a imagined aesthetic!

http://www.katebernheimer.com/mymother.html

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Well, ideally, wouldn't we all have the perfect body for our style? Because our style would be an outgrowth and "best expression" of our physical beings as much as our personalities.

Like E says. You look at what you've got. You look at what looks good on people who've got what you've got. And then you figure out how to make that work on you.

Start with reality and let the fantasy build from that? Vs. starting with a fantasy. Oh dear, I sound so stolid.

jenanded

Veteran

oh gosh, this is making me realise how unimaginative I am... maybe why I wear boring black corporates so much of the time... so here we go.. think I am definitely descended from Queen Boadecia - the celtic warrior queen who took on the roman army for dissing her children... so do I get to to London and check out her statue by the newsstand near the houses of Parliament... thanks for starting this Una and E!! sorry for this weird font... sitting in a hotel room - about to work with some military boys... oh no fantasy coming real as we speak... I did order a taxi not a chariot didn't I?!??!?

12