Edwardian in the Non-Edwardian Age - YouLookFab Forum

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Edwardian in the Non-Edwardian Age

rachylou

Veteran

So, one of my oldest friends is coming to town. We will sup together the two nights he’s here. We’ll try to see if we can get dim sum at night on Sunday, and French on Monday, if the restaurant is open.

Here is the dilemma: He’s not just an old friend, he’s home tribe - from the very last gasp of the Edwardian. He’s recently returned from the mental hinterlands we call Bofu Botswana and is again the owner of a Volvo station wagon. Of course I approve, but the man wants to wear a suit to dinner. In San Francisco!

For goodness sakes! We will be served by people in jeans who will talk so much we can’t talk to each other. People who will practically sit down at table with us. We’ll be lucky to get coffee spoons. This is NOT Edwardian. This is a clash of civilisations.

I am begrudgingly allowing him to wear a suit with no tie. But now I have to decide what to wear. What I want to wear is either leggings and my satin-thread damask mini skirt or a ruffled plaid skirt and OTK boots. Understated kooky appropriate to the environment.

On the other hand, this will make him sad. And this is without question a rare moment to relive past glory with someone who knows the complete procession of dinner and all the forks, even tho we won’t get them.

I, of course, have no proper dinner wear anymore. Should I try to fake it somehow? Try to spruce up an old office dress with pearls? Just truck out the old Marc Jacobs farm dress in black silk? A touch of kooky, designer, and probably a decent, not-over-done complement? I’m not keen on heels, think that’s overkill, but if I wore Prada pumps, I think I could go more casual with the rest of the outfit.

Thoughts on ridiculous problems no one else has? Oh, and of course I will be so cold in SF! I don’t want to fight traffic to get into the city. I don’t want to hike a mile in pumps taking BART. Why doesn’t he want to eat tacos out of a paper bag in Oakland like a savage? Why!

Ok. No one tell him I said this...

Dressing

72 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

A hallmark of the Edwardian era is conspicuous consumption, so Prada lorded over the people serving you, unless you want to go with the growing labor movement.

If your friend is refusing to engage with the place he’s visiting and insists on pretending he is elsewhere, that is sad. But otoh, maybe he is wanting to treat you to the best and finest your city has to offer. Send him descriptions of the best the city has to offer and let him see the level of attire. If he still insists on his suit, then you have to decide between pleasing the other people in the restaurant and indulging your old friend.

If he enjoys all the intricacies and formalities of formal dining of a bygone era, then maybe he’d enjoy learning all the intracacies of eating out in SF now. There won’t be a series of forks beside his plate, but there must be places that use high-quality materials where there is a Right Way To Do Things. Wouldn’t he enjoy learning that? If not, and he really wants to dress old-fashioned, then I’d say go eccentric, really super eccentric, with the cravat and you equally overdone. Embrace the incongruity!

Kathie

Veteran

I’m laughing as I read this. Questions and thoughts. Does he have to wear a suit for dim sum? For that, for you, I’d wear whatever keeps you happy, warm, and feeling like you fit in with the vibe of the place. Then you could go a bit more dressy/formal for the French dinner. (I had dinner at 25 Lark a year ago, and about 1/2 the men were wearing suits, so perhaps you can find a similar place where a range of formality is fine.) I like the idea of picking one statement, higher-end piece, like the Prada shoes or Marc Jacobs dress, and building an outfit around that. And treat yourself to a cab/Uber/Lyft to get to the BART station.

Staysfit

Veteran

Life is all about creative juxtaposition Rachy. Be comfortable! He’s there to see you and for your company. You should dress as who you are. He is dressing as who he is. Why change yourself to match him when you have your own personality? This sounds like my FIL who is fancy famous prep school educated and fancy famous college educated, and continues to maintain his formal attire and etiquette. We never follow his lead. He continues to talk with us.......

Bijou

Veteran

If it was me, I would wear the Marc Jacobs dress in silk with OTK boots, pearls and my favourite puffer. I think this is a wonderful ensemble, somewhat dressy, comfortable and warm.
Your friend is going to dress how he likes and you should too. Hope you have a wonderful time. Eccentric people are the best!

Anonymous

Black silk dress with pearls and boots. Enjoy. My son often carries his own steak knife out to dinner. Maybe you can carry your own silver fork sets (or chopsticks.).

Anonymous

Let yourself go as you think it's important what's important is that you're happy.

Violettt

Rachylou: I happen to think it's totally awesome he wants to wear a suit out to dinner! Good for him! I like his type! You should also dress up with him~ Hummmm I'd probably wear some black tuxedo pants, a ruffly white blouse, a velvet blazer and broages myself, with an antique broach from my grandma on the jacket. I'm sure you can come up with some adorable and perfect outfits to go with out with him. How fun to plan it! Please show us, and tell about them when you put them together, we'd all love to see! How fun to plan some events~ You're so lucky you live in SF BTW, I'd love to live there~

Staysfit: Your FIL sounds marvelous~

BIJOU: I totally agree eccentric people are the best~

There's a fabulous group on Facebook called The Guilded Age Society: I happen to adore it!

karen13

Veteran

My vote is dress up! Did you get any of the floral boots in your finds? With an LBD and pearls? And pics please and tell us where you go. I'm always on the hunt for unique SF restaurants.

Just spent 5 nights in the City over Thanksgiving with DH and we were quite disappointed at the sartorial choices in restaurants.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Leggings under ruffled skirt. Pearls. Dress up!

Violettt

Angie: Oh I adore the leggings under ruffled skirt suggestion! I used to wear this when I was younger......sigh.....lol with what shoes do you think? ballet flats, yes~

approprio

(website)

Veteran

A gentleman in a suit can go anywhere he pleases. Just ask Don Draper. But where exactly is Bofu Botswana?

For some reason I'm remembering an outfit comprising tulle skirt and skinny sweater with Gucci stripes. There was also a cute skirt suit somewhere back there. Your challenge is to be the bridge between your guest and his surroundings. Last I heard SF was a cosmopolitan sort of place though?

Diana

Veteran

Dress up, but quirky.

DonnaF

Veteran

Dressier on top so HE sees it; juxtaposition is the bottom half. Shoes you can walk in.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok. Lol! Randomly:

- Angie, my ruffled skirt is plaid flannel... does that change your mind?

- Yes, I’m slightly afraid he’ll wear a suit to dim sum. This has been at the back of my mind. Lol.

- There are restaurants with a more formal service, but there’s not enough time for reservations and I’d really like us to eat at Bouche - because they make panisse, unlike the famous Chez Panisse. And because the food is superior.

- Uber to and from BART is brilliant!

- SF is sophisticated but dreadful when it comes to sartorial choices in restaurants. Shorts and sweatshirts for goodness sakes! Also, SF has been displaced by Vegas for dining.

- Bofu Botswana is, like, when you sell your Volvo, go to some hut village and make people start kombucha businesses with a micro loan, wear basket-weaver shoes and then get involved with The Revolution. It’s a state of mind that you really need to come back from and, like, leave those people alone and get a job as a stock broker.

- It’s really all my fault he’s the way he is. I used to give dinners and make people ‘go through.’ It’s like reneging. I feel bad. Ahahaha!

- I forgot about my lace and tulle skirt.

- I see dressing is winning the day. With a little bit of kooky (or is that part wishful thinking?). Ok. I will try to find time and play with your suggestions. I hope he doesn’t expect me to show up and do any touring before dinner. I’ll be dressing!

- post script: I have told y’all before how I tried to travel without jewelry and perfume once? How I was locked in my room until someone rectified the situation? Never mind that I’m allergic to perfume?

rachylou

Veteran

Also: you see, he’s not gonna do the col fermé like Bernard does. That would change everything.

Violettt

Rachylou: Why on earth would you be afraid he'll wear a suit to Dim Sum? So what? What a gentleman he is! Go with the flow hear dear. You sound like a stuffed shirt. Relax. Enjoy.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, Violett! Lololol! The rules are very complex. You see, it’s SF. Biggest Chinese community outside Asia. And I’m part Chinese. So now you’ve got two sets of rules in play. I have to decide whether or not I want to be accused of not being Chinese or not maintaining standards! Lololol! The whole point of either IS to be stuffy. Otherwise, you are in need of getting out of Bofu... Hahaha!

rachylou

Veteran

But no, it doesn’t really matter It’s all in good fun. I will just tell him to find the current decade already... lol.

Violettt

No I don;t get that rachylou! I love Chinese everything, Pho is our families favorite food, but you have got to let go and let live my dear. There are so many Chinese and Asian artists and fashionistas. Tons. No excuse to not be daring and be yourself. What is YOU? rachy? How is it YOU love to dress? Please tell me

Violettt

Sound like you're afraid. I hear that. I hear you and I understand. Tell me, what fashion do YOU like? How do YOU like to dress? Do you watch YouTube bloggers for inspiration? I do!
One step at a time here my dear. Love you xox I can help you.

Violettt

I recommend you watch right now, the channel on YouTube called YinandYangliving.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, well, to be serious: I am, and my dress is, ‘informed’ (ie, formed) by many things. My peeps on all sides like to do snitty. Which means they like to haze their own children. So like saying ‘pho’ and Chinese in the same sentence would get people squawking (cheerfully, mind). But it’s all in good fun.

I wear what I want in reality. I like to entertain. I’m the one in Heroin Chic while everyone is in their crewneck jumpers, plaid button fronts, and silk scarves. Folks enjoy it. But for this friend, it would be more entertaining to dress.

rachylou

Veteran

Don’t worry, Violett! I’ll only be happy if I’m hazed and then can do my own squawking!

rachylou

Veteran

Oh hey, I like you, Violett! I see Catholicism is in your interests... Have you read Brideshead Revisited? That’s the story of my life and my sartorial sense right there...

Violettt

What do you mean "hazed"? stoned?

rachylou

Veteran

Oh goodness not ‘stoned.’ Hazing is ‘the imposition of strenuous, often humiliating, tasks as part of a program of rigorous physical training and initiation.’

It’s a practice meant to provide a bonding experience.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Odd. Upthread I was perfectly fine with you deciding to do it his way, but you talking about making him do it your way makes me uncomfortable. I’d like to think it’s because I have a deep-seated preference for individual decision-making, that even if you choose to go his way, you are still making the choice. That makes me sound good. I don’t know how true it is.

Anyway, the roles of guest and host(ess) both call for giving in to the other. You could insist he be a better guest, but then you wouldn’t be a very good host(ess).

Maybe he feels protected venturing out into the unknown, even with you as his guide, wearing something utterly comfortable and familiar. I doubt anyone will give him weird looks or say anything, unless you’re taking him to dinner at North Shore High, where on Wednesdays they wear pink.

Or maybe he loves to dress up that way and wants to have fun doing it with a friend who loves fashion. Find another venue for your dress up date, and then go to the restaurant you want to go to, the one with the incredibly strict, inflexible dress code the next day.

I’ve heard you claim several cultural heritages before. I believe this is the first time I’ve seen you claim to be Chinese.

Violettt

Hey Rachylou: Yes, Brideshead Revisited was one of my all time favorite films of all times! I saw the one in the 70's and then again the one in the 90's or thereafter, I adored it to no end! Wow, you loved it too? WOW! I've literally heard not one person ever in my life mention how much they loved this film except you! Please tell me dear one, what "hazing" means? I still do not understand. Hope you're well this day. I wish you my blessings and sending you a hug((hug))

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Violett, where do you live that hazing is not a thing?

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