Dressing well = insecure? - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing well = insecure?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

One of my junior medical students pointed out to me in a rather rash fashion that she strongly felt that I was "very insecure". I asked her what made her feel that way, and she replied, "Why else do you have to dress up so people think you're a professional?"

Now, as she was a junior clerk, I thought I was going to ream her butt out (and I'm usually very nice to my junior clerks), but I was way too shocked to say anything.

What do you ladies think?

I would like a well-dressed medical professional; but I guess that's my preference. The person who brought this up isn't NOT well-dressed, but there have been times I thought about pulling her aside to tell her that the sweater that doesn't cover your ass + leggings is not appropriate for the wards. But I haven't. Because I've been trying to be "nice". Ugh.

Looking forward to seeing what you guys think,
Much love,
Lyn

PS: Funny side story - it takes me longer to do anything in my new fab boots because people keep on stopping me to ask me where they're from!

PPS: Fighting this terrible rash right now - apparently I'm allergic to HYPOALLERGENIC face cream. UGH!

General

47 replies

Latest reply was from rae

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Lyn, sorry about the rash! I am allergic to neomycin - which is in what you use to heal skin wounds argh. Counterintuitive as well.
I would argue that the Jr. clerk actually feels a bit threatened and/or not so secure in her own right. This is definitely about her, not you. Sometimes it's good to take a step back from a situation and figure out that it's not at all about you. Hard to do, but helps to see clearly.

Queen Mum

Veteran

ooh, this promises to be a fun thread. don't have time to comment but can't wait to join in the fun later!

Anonymous

I think that is ridiculous. Just because someone enjoys fashion and putting clothing together does not mean they are insecure, in fact I think it is the opposite- fashion and being put together has the ability to transform anyone, given the right clothing, attitude etc......

With that said, the commentary does not really surprise me either since people tend to judge others on the way they dress... sometimes well dressed women get accused of being snobby, superior or trying too hard, just like those who may dress sloppy get judged for not caring or can't do the work...even though I know that isn't the case...it's hard to not make judgement about others... what I find even harder than trying to not make judgments on others is learning to not care what others think of me!!!

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Honestly, it sounds like she is the insecure one, and she's projecting.

I'd also prefer it if I had to see a doctor or be admitted to a hospital that the doctors and staff not be dressed like coeds. Maybe that's not a fair judgement on my part, but I guess I figure if they can't manage to cover their own ass how on earth are they going to take care of mine, you know?

This subject has come up on the forum before and happened to many members, so you are not alone, lyn.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

OK, here is a pure logic:
Dressing well does get you noticed because most of people around do not dress well - and because people's eyes do linger on nice things. If you get noticed and you are OK with this you are not insecure in the least - insecure people try to blend into the surroundings.
Mind you that YOU dressing well can make other people who are not dressed well insecure because they look even worse in comparison - but this is their problem not yours!
I suggest you rip her butt off next time when she is wearing leggings as pants!

ironkurtin

Veteran

What a stupid comment on the behalf of someone extremely junior! It says more about her than it does about you. People who think other people are trying to "prove something" by dressing well have their perceptions skewed. (Is she *so* amazing she doesn't *need* to be properly dressed? She has another think coming, whether it be from you or life itself.)

If you even care what she thinks, or want to help her, I see two options. I'm sure there are more.

- take the professional road and explain to her that dressing well is something people expect in a professional medical environment, and she should take note. Also, purely professionally, making a personal negative judgement of that sort to your supervisor is not a very smart career move.

- take the personal road and explain to her that 1) dressing is a personal issue that doesn't need a comment unless it skirts professional norms, and since she's raised the topic, you've been meaning to speak to her about her dress code as you feel she isn't paying *enough* attention to it; and 2) see #2 above.

If you don't care, laugh and say "Well bless your heart" and pat her on the head. Because frankly, why waste any more time on something so wrongheaded?

Refugee

Veteran

I have to agree with Mo, this is about her issues. And I'm sure I could sit here and make all kinds of guesses as to what her issues are. For myself, there was a period of my life that I (unknowingly) was dressing dreadfully because I felt I didn't deserve to look nice, have nice things, or spend any money on myself. Dressing better, for me, is a reflection of my new outlook which involves me treating myself as well as I treat others. It's also just a whole lot of fun.

Kim

Veteran

I expect my medical professional to be well groomed. Maybe not Chanel, but with *some* thought. I have *never* seen my family doctor of 25 years in jeans or sweats and he's only a couple of years older than me. (And I'm not old yet! LOL) I would have a very hard time trusting someone with my health if I didn't think they cared about the "details".

If they can't spend a minute to dress appropriately (clean, and conservative, or better) will they really spend any time on my chart, or medical history, or (well you get the idea of where my head goes.)

I bet I'm not alone.

nancylee

Veteran

Lyn, I completely agree that it's the junior clerk who has the insecurities. It's hard to believe someone would actually say something so rude out loud...and to a superior at work no less!

I feel that a professional who is organized and focused about her appearance will likewise be organized and focused about her work. Making an effort and having discipline in one area of your life tends to transfer to the other areas.

Sounds like you've been more than polite to this insecure person. You get major karma points for that.

Kari

Veteran

That statement sounds to me like an insecure person projecting on you, who is maybe a little envious of the way you dress and carry yourself, and who hasn't made the connection that yes, people DO make assumptions about your professionalism based on what you wear.
Kim summed it up pretty well - fair or not, the way in which a person grooms themselves, and the professionalism of their attire, does cause a first impression for better or for worse.

I am so sorry to hear about the face rash, Lyn. Ugh, how miserable. Hope that it soon passes!

Have you tried CeraVe? When I had a terrible eczema outbreak that was starting to spread to my chin a couple years ago, and EVERYTHING was irritating me, my derm recommended that I try CeraVe's lotion and it was the only thing that calmed my skin down.
More recently, since I've started using jojoba oil to cleanse my face, I've noticed that my skin is also less prone to inflammation and irritation. Just an idea.

nancylee

Veteran

Thanks for the tip on jojoba oil, Kari. That sounds like a nice mild solution for skin irritations. I had a middle-age breakout last week and used some of my son's benzoyl peroxide....what a mistake! My skin reacted violently and I ended up looking like a burn victim all around my nose and mouth. Yow! It's finally calming down, thankfully.

Good luck with the skin rash, Lyn. I know how you feel.

cheryl

Veteran

Lyn, consider the source and don't let her negativity get you down. You always look so put together i am sure she is just intimidated by your style and intelligence!

Kari

Veteran

Ouch, Nancylee! Yeah, I realized after years that benzoyl peroxide is not a good solution for my skin - it's too harsh, and I also ruined several shirts and towels from accidentally bleaching it when I didn't wash benzoyl peroxide off my face & hands well enough.

Salycilic acid doesn't cause quite so violent a reaction for my skin (though I know others who are allergic to it), but around my 25th-26th year, my once all-oily skin started becoming much more combination-y and prone to eczema and dryness, so I'm trying to use products that are less harsh and drying. If I have a breakout coming, tea tree oil or a clay masque is usually my solution for a spot treatment, which definitely helps zap the breakout, but doesn't leave me with a scaly patch on my face.

anna

As a doctor it is important not to dress up to the degree of looking like a high ranking business executive but it is even more important not to dress down as to appear sloppy, careless, and clueless. Tell her you are not "dressed up", you are "dressed". Also tell her that it is not professional to comment on a colleague's appearance unless you need to address some issue of dressing very unprofessionally. She has shown bad judgement, and sound judgement is the most valuable asset to an M.D.
Anna

MsMary

Veteran

WHAT?

Sheesh!!

*shaking head*

Yes, she is totally projecting. And, you know, insubordinate.

I LOVE Anna's response, delivered in a no-nonsense, professional manner.

elpgal

Veteran

Don't let her get to you. If you enjoy dressing up, rock on!

I hesitate to comment about her level of insecurity because I don't believe there is a high degree of correlation between the level of dressing and self-esteem.

But, I do think it is rude on her part to make this sort of psuedo-psyc comment to you. I hope she does not go around saying this sort of thing to everyone. As someone in a supervisory capacity, I would point out to her that he comment was unprofessional and is not appropriate. You'll be doing her a giant favor.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Is this a person who's opinion matters to you? If not, I would chalk it up to an individual who didn't learn how to behave properly as a child and move on. Why waste your emotional energy on someone who isn't significant to you.

You look very professional and put together and have the confidence needed to reassure a patient who needs to rely on you. That is what counts.

I use glaxal base on my eczema these days unless it is really bad and on my eyelid and then I use a prescription steroid cream. Today is a steroid day.

Queen Mum

Veteran

this part made me laugh
"Why else do you have to dress up so people think you're a professional?"

ummm, I do consider doctors professionals and appreciate when they can present themselves in such a manner. It's reassuring. Having someone come in to deal with me... even if it's just to take my blood pressure... dressed like this gal you described would make me think it was 'bring your teenager to work' day.
"ummm, can I see the REAL doctor/nurse?"

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Anna's response is spot on. It's hard not to let comments like that get under your skin, though, isn't it?

I'd prefer my doctor to be neat in appearance. Not only does it reflect on how the doctor feels about him or herself, but it also implies a certain respect for patients. Slovenly dressers just don't convey respect or care for the people they interact with.

Wow. Do I sound old-fashioned, or what?

Patty

Veteran

Anna all the way--great insight!

This surely isn't a way to endear herself to you is it??!!!

Ooo OR is this a challenge???

What a speed bump tho Lyn*

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for all the great replies!

I have been advising scripts of galax base + betamethasone for my pts; so I guess it's time to take a bite of my own medicine - haha; I need a script for the beta though, so I'm using whatever I can find at my drug store.

I actually dread working with her because she says other unprofessional things about the nursing and support staff too. *sigh*

Can't wait for Monday :p

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

WHAT A MORONIC THING TO SAY!!! This is coming from the person who is insecure - and I dare say the Green Eyed Monster is rearing its ugly head. I suspect there's some jealousy there and I personally think dressing well shows confidence, not insecurity. She sounds like she's missing the I-will-say-professional-things filter!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*chuckle*

This is hilarious. It's clear as day that this poor gal is projecting her insecurity onto you. Chin up and take care of that rash. Not fun

Sharon

Veteran

I don't know how things work over there, but here we are expected to supervise medical students, and our assessment of them impacts directly on their success in a particular area.
What concerns me is not only the content of her comment (which is clearly ridiculous), but her lack of professional and inter-personal awareness. The fact that she engages in this behavior with other staff members would suggest that this is a problem that will probably also affect her interaction with patients and therefore needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY, before she says or does something that causes distress to a vulnerable person.
If you don't have this kind of arrangement, I would suggest compiling a short list of examples and bringing it to the attention of your head of department. She needs to be made aware of the impact her words can have, both on patients and on staff.

MsMary

Veteran

I couldn't agree with this more!! And I don't know if you are responsible for this person's actions, but if so, it's possible that the next time she insults somebody it could cause problems for YOU.

I know you want to be nice, but in my view it is far kinder to point out inappropriate behavior than to let it continue until she does irreparable harm to her career.

rae

(website)

Veteran

1- I would not take to heart anything said by someone dumb enough to insult her superior at work.

2- I would not take to heart any fashion advice dispensed by someone wearing leggings as pants - especially at work.

3- Anyone who tries to cut another person down definitely has insecurity issues. Especially since she is attacking the thing that makes you stand out in the hospital. She's trying to bully you, and you shouldn't let her.

If it were me, I would not say anything to her about it right away... to me, that gives her power and satisfaction from knowing that you have been pondering her oh-so-sage words. However, if she says anything like that again, I wouldn't hesitate to point out how catty/unprofessional/rude/counter-productive she is.

Fingers crossed that your rash gets better - what is it with rashes this year? I've a referral to a dermatologist to take me in soon for a mystery rash that stumped two GP docs. Fun!

Freckles

Veteran

Anna's comment was spot on.

I think in medicine you have to be particularly professional as people may wonder how you sterilize your instruments, how up to date you are on medical whatever if you do not.

Good luck with this colleague Lyn and hope the rash clears up soon, take care.

cciele

Veteran

Yup, sounds like she has a problem with insecurity that will not do her any favors in the future. You keep doing what you're doing Lyn!

I do think a lot of younger people are a bit lax about dressing properly for the occasion (e.g., work, formal event, casual outing, sports, etc.)

Jonesy

Veteran

I have never had a student insult me (at least to my face!), but when students have said inappropriate or unprofessional things, I don't hesitate to email them and point out their inappropriateness. I talk with them about it as a professional development issue. I know exactly what you mean about being speechless when she said that--I think I would have reacted the same way, since it was so unexpected and startling :). But now it's possible to respond to her pattern of inappropriate, unprofessional comments with a bit of a "chat" :). This is just my take, obviously!! Maybe your role doesn't support such intervention, or maybe you're just not comfortable, but you could be doing her a big favor if you can give her some feedback.

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