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Dressing the body you have vs. giving up

catgirl

Veteran

Lately I feel like I've inexplicably been expanding in the waistline. It's partly winter, partly age and my metabolism, possibly my thyroid and partly my own lazy fault. Nevertheless, a lot of my pants feel tight in the waist and I can't stand that feeling. I am hoping to find a way to exercise more and eat better, but in the meantime, I am torn between just buying a size up or giving up buying anything new.

I HATE IT. I hate feeling a lack of control over my weight and body and how it affects the way I feel and look. I know it's not mentally healthy to think this way, but it is kind of motivating me to make an effort.

Your thoughts?

General

68 replies

Latest reply was from Greyscale

Anonymous

Hugs, Una. It happens to most of us and takes lifestyle changes to control, but it's worth it to start now to make a small change or two. Cut back on carbs for the waistline and add a doable number of minutes of exercise each day. I'm afraid it doesn't get better on it's own unless the change of seasons changes your diet and exercise.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

You are not alone. I could have written this thread. It is so exactly what I am going through. I have doubled my walking routine which feels good but isn't doing much for my waistline. I burn way more calories when our restaurant is open, even though I eat more french fries. Last year I didn't put on as much when we were closed for the winter. Good thing we re-open on March 15th. Anyway I feel like aging and hormones have finally caught up with me, like I have to work harder when I used not have to.

catgirl

Veteran

Thanks, ladies. I know I shouldn't whine, but honestly, I feel like my clothes help keep me in line weight-wise, and when I size up it's like I'm giving myself permission to let the pounds keep accumulating. And I FEEL icky and frumpy and out of sorts because of it. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. And there seems to be a new trend of celebs saying "To get this body, I do nothing but eat bonbons and ice cream all day, just like everyone else!" which also makes me cranky.

One problem is that we've had very little snow which has meant no skiing or snowshoeing. I need to get over my hatred of treadmills and early mornings somehow.

I am so sorry for venting here - just needed to let it out (like my waistband)!

Deborah

Veteran

Una I feel the same at time. Keeping weight down is a constant effort. I am trying to focus on health and fitness as opposed to vanity but it's hard (Im vain).. The feeling of my clothes being too tight is the worst, it can send me into a place where I get quite down on myself. It probably doesn't help but I think it happens to most of us. I wouldn't make any decisions today while you feel so strongly this way. In another week or two you might just be back to where you want to be.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I can understand your frustration!
I read somewhere that around the Menopausal years women need to exercise twice as much to maintain their weight- Yikes!
I recently was faced with this dilemma when I got out my Summer work pant and it felt a little on the tight side. I had to either alter or replace but instead decided to try portion-control instead.
So I was eating all the things I normally do but stopping when I was 80% full rather than finishing everything on my plate.
This actually worked and I lost around 2 Kgs.
Also using a smaller dinner plate or padding your meal out with extra salad and veges can help too.

catgirl

Veteran

Thanks Lyn. One problem at 5'1" is that even 5 pounds makes a big difference, especially when it all goes to the same place. And it's a lot harder to lose it than to gain it - WHY?

It is hard not to crave warm fatty food in winter (Thai curry, pot roast) but I think I'm going to try making some bean soups and other warm, spicy but healthier dishes. My DH and DS are never on board with salad for dinner, unfortunately!

Marmee

Veteran

Yes, Denise is right, you are not alone. I've really struggled with this myself. For me, exercise thing has played such a big role in weight maintenance and how I feel about my body. Doing something where I'm really sweating and getting a cardio workout has helped me lose my post baby weight (which I kept on for more than 10 years). However, despite the fact that I've lost that weight, my actual waist is no smaller. I've been wondering if there's something about perimenopausal hormones which defy waist whittling.

Do you have any other non-snow options other than the treadmill? Is there a health club near your office where you could take an exercise class, perhaps at lunchtime? I love my spin classes. Or, I can't say I've been successful with this approach myself, but some people swear by their exercise videos.

JAileen

Veteran

Well, I certainly went through this, and lost (the battle, not the weight). I worked with a very stylish slender woman who was older than me by 10-15 years. She told me her secret was wearing snug jeans at home. No sweat pants ever!

Marmee

Veteran

Also, if we're talking about food, I have to add that I've found a modified paleo type diet and minimal snacking helpful.

deb

Veteran

Stretching several times a day will also help define the waist but in the end we are women and this is what our bodies do as we age. Hopefully your body will go back to where you want it come spring. There will be a time that it no longer does that, though. Hormones play havoc with our bodies. Men have the same issues, the belly, hair loss, etc. A good thing is we are at the beginning of a waist surrendering style time. I suggest taking advantage of the great stuff that is coming out now.

Debra

Veteran

I so know how you are feeling, I think it's a challenge most of us have to deal with....really not very fair. The last 2 years I have stacked on some extra weight....very frustrating and very hard to move as menopause was kicking in nicely. So, hot flushes, little sleep and weight gain I was really cranky
My hormones have settled now so along with the girls at work i am exercising and eating well. I saw a nutritionist and this has made a difference for me. We are supporting each other which is really nice

rute

Veteran

My advice is: do not think, act!
If you don't feel happy don't waist time hating your lack of control, do something, make a plan, you will feel much better.
For me eating solves 80% and exercise 20%.
So eat clean, lots of vegetables, lean proteins, fruit.
Cut on sugar, it's simply not healthy.
For me, I discovered, after seeing a nutritionist that gluten and milk were causing a lot of bloating, after cutting I saw amazing changes, not only on the mid section, but my constant headaches disapeared!
With the winter is difficult to run outside, I'm swimming and it's not only a great cardio, but it's so relaxing!

April

Veteran

I've been having this same argument with myself, Una: am I smartly dressing my current body or am I just letting things spread? The bizarre trends in clothing sizes don't help either (when jeans get so skinny that you have to size up twice on every pair, what IS your size?)

I have not really gained weight, yet I notice the same changes around the middle that you describe. I notice that my lower-rise pants create bulges that they didn't used to create, especially around my middle in the rear. What the faux tuck?

For complicated reasons that weren't about weight loss, I recently cut almost all grain products out of my diet, along with sugar and potatoes. I'm hoping that the reduction in carbs will have the pleasant side effect of slimming down these newly acquired bulges, but I'll have to let you know over time.

In the meantime, I'm preferring higher-waisted pants, avoiding clingy knit tops, and spending an awful lot of time running to the store for yet another head of cauliflower.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I relate so completely to your post that I could have written it. 9/10 of every pound I gain goes to my midsection and the rest to my face and chin. (Oh how I envy people that don't gain weight in their faces!) Anyway, I eat very healthily, exercise regularly, walk a lot, but for the last year or so it has been a real struggle to control my weight. I actually went to an endocrinologist recently for this and other issues (results not back yet). Anyway, I hate not feeling comfortable in all of my clothes, and I am not ready to give them up yet. Luckily I have lots of clothes and some are more accommodating.

My only comfort is that these things tend to be worse this time of year for me and improve just as inexplicably as the days get longer. Maybe for you too?

Lantana

Veteran

Yep, I know this feeling. It's just something that happens every now and then and, because it's a recurring feature in my life I try not to beat up on myself too hard when I do go off the rails. I can't predict the set of circumstances that chokes my motivation (although the full moon is a prime suspect) but I do know that I will get the upper hand again: take stock, ramp up the exercise and rein in the treats.
I was managing so well before I went to New Zealand, then their insanely exquisite cheese and icecream piled a couple of kilos on. Two months later it's still there!
Add to that a summer of heat so extreme that it's hard to do little more than eat, sleep and read. Not conducive to healthy living.
But ... the planet turns, the seasons change, a stray comment makes its wisdom felt and, miraculously, my motivation returns.
I can feel mine bubbling in the depths even now.
Oh, and the waistline thing. Stand tall, hold your tummy in and slide your scapulas down your spine. Waistlines are more about posture than pud.

donnat

Veteran

I am in the same boat. I was unemployed for the past year and a half, the pounds packed on about 14 of them. Now its worse as i sit at a desk all day. I am trying hard, the cold weather is horrible, no running, even walking the dog is a challenge. I manage a couple of weight workouts a week . None of my lovely clothes fit. Moan.... I am so depressed...
Sorry I should be trying to be more optomistic

Anonymous

I know this feeling! I did get my thyroid meds adjusted and that has helped. I also have bought a little rebounder trampoline and have been jumping and running on it for 5 minutes at a time while cooking supper or whatever. Sounds silly but it does burn quite a lot of calories and is much more fun than being on a treadmill.

I also have made tons of soup which I measure out into canning jars and freeze. I have a small portion controlled breakfast, jar of soup for lunch, and then I can have whatever I want for supper. By setting my calories for a portion of the day, that means I never have to think about supper and can have an extra treat when I like. I can't get too into counting calories because I get obsessive and honestly I don't want to have to track all that. I also just don't have time in the morning, but I do have time to grab two containers and shove them in my bag while I make tea.

Otherwise I mindlessly snack or graze during the day, or buy pizza or something and I would much rather eat things I enjoy than junky snacks. I have been eating much lower carb and higher in fats and protein also which seems to be working for me.

This winter has been hard because first off I am walking much less now I have to commute by car, and I haven't been able to get outside as much as I like. I can't wait until spring when I can start walking and running outside again.

I hope you are feeling better soon Una.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

Sign me up! Part of my problem is that I've never really had to worry much about my weight, so I don't really know how to. That's not to say I haven't spent a lot of time wishing I was thinner, like everyone does, but I've always been an acceptable weight. I lost quite a bit after having my girls (yay breast feeding!) and loved being that size. I'm now about 15lbs over that, and 7-10 over where I'm best. I want to buy some AG Nikki's, but feel its stupid to invest in jeans when I'm feeling puffy... don't want to get them to be comfy now in case I DO loose it, nor do I want to get them for if I do, then not. So I sit. And drink beer. And feel yucky. In my oversized (but not as oversized as they were...) BF jeans.

I do do some exercise :), just know I need to get control over this before I can't... the years are moving on, and I know it's only going to get harder, or impossible. Sigh.

carter

Veteran

I can totally relate! I had gained 10 pounds...that's 2 sizes for me. Similar to Rute, April, and what Joy said, I eliminated ALL carbs except veggies and berries...no sugar, starches, grains. I eat tons of protein and veggies and plenty of fat. Give your body a week or so to figure out that it now has to raid its fat stores for fuel rather than relying on the steady stream of carbs. 10.5 inches and 11 pounds were gone in 5-6 weeks. Gary Taube's "Why we get fat" was a great inspiration. Mark Sisson's Daily Apple website was great for highly effective, minimally time-consuming exercise. My waist was down 2.5 inches in a month. At the time I started, I had just bought several pair of new pants. Not a single one fits now.

Joyce B

Veteran

It's a tough situation. Paradoxically, the best way to change something is to first accept it while working to improve on it. Maybe you have a couple of slacks that are a little bigger or maybe a few left- over ones in the next size? Sometimes it helps to have just a few items like that to carry you through. If you really need to maybe get just one or two pairs of pants so that you have what to wear. I would avoid body con and also stretchy sweatpants-like style because those can mask weight gain and you do not want to wake up to an even worse problem.
I hope things get better for you. You can do it!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Hugs, Una!! We've all been there. And it isn't fun.

I hate the treadmill, too. So I just get outside, regardless of the weather. I got a Fitbit for Christmas and have been trying to use it to motivate myself to move a bit more on my non-gym days. I'll either go for a walk, or I will go skating (we have a small outdoor rink a few blocks away so my daughter and I go together) or I will just do a lot of stairs in our house.

Also, join a class. I know your preferred thing is climbing, but maybe try something different. It shakes things up. Even if you don't continue with it, it gets you out and moving around. You're missing your usual winter sports so now is the time to try something you've never tried and might even feel a bit silly doing.

I second the idea of eat to 80% full. Smaller portions, fill up on veggies. Eat slowly.

nancylee

Veteran

You are not alone in this, Una. Every pound I gain goes straight to my waist, making all of my pants feel tight and uncomfortable. I've always gained in my waist, and since I entered my 50's this is even more the case. Like you, I go through periods of feeling frustrated by the way my body is changing and just eating what I want for several days (weeks!)…...then paying the price by not feeling comfortable in my clothes and feeling even worse. My wardrobe definitely motivates me to keep my weight in check. I'd hate to have to give it up because it doesn't fit.

Exercise helps as much for your state of mind as it does for weight maintenance, so I'd try to keep at it. Pilates, yoga, and some free weights can help keep you feel toned (if not in your waist, at least in other parts of your body). I try to keep the carbs down, watch my alcohol intake, and not eat after 8:00 at night to keep my weight under control. All this said, I weigh the same as I did 10 years ago, but my middle is decidedly squishier. This is just one of the crummy parts of middle age, I fear.

Angie's post on how to dress an apple body was perfect timing for those of use struggling with midsection weight gain. Hey, at least loose, unstructured tops are in fashion!

Hang in there.

Windchime

Veteran

Oh, yes, you have my full empathy about mid-life weight gain. A friend and I walk three miles three times a week, and I do some additional work with weights and calisthenics--I hate to think where my weight might be if I didn't exercise. As far as eating, I can't get away with anything, or it shows up on the scale and on my body. If I eat perfectly--calorie controlled, right kinds of food--I maintain my weight or even lose a little bit, but if I stray at all, up goes the scale, and I feel it in how my clothes fit.

You have to figure out what works at different stages of life.

Classically Casual

Veteran

Una, give yourself a hug for realizing that it's happening. At your age, I was so absorbed in my career and other things, that I didn't notice the pounds slowly creeping on. Each year it was a couple more. Fifteen years or so later, I'm finally taking them off mainly through exercise and healthy eating.
But it's a slow slog. For reasons I don't fully understand, our bodies seem to be programed to gain weight in middle age.

gryffin

Veteran

Una - I am 5'3" and 5 lbs is more than a size for me and if I am up 2 lbs I feel fat, if I lose 3 I'm skinny. When you are petite there is just no place to put the weight. I have had an easier time since I read "Eat to Live" by Joel Fuhrman. Basically a whole food plant based diet, high nutrients low calories. I feel much better when I eat clean. I'm a bit of a chocolate junkie and when I indulge that gets me into trouble. I also found "The ultimate Fit or Fat" by Covert Bailey had really good exercise tips. Between those two, assuming I'm on my game (trust me when life hits the fan things fall apart for me) I think I know what to do, it's keeping up with it that's the challenge. Just know you are a beautiful, stylish, intelligent woman. This is a problem that we all face. You are not alone!! We all feel like giving up sometimes, but you can do this. I also concur with JAileen's idea of wearing your snug jeans at home. When you wear yoga pants or leggings or ponte you don't feel the effects on your body as much. Gelsey Kirkland the prima ballerina said she used to put on her tightest jeans. If they were loose she could have a big mac (ugh, but you get the point) if they were snug she had to be good. That's a trick that has worked for me, but I choose death by chocolate if I'm going to indulge. Good luck and big hugs!!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I'm right with you Una - I lost a total of 12 pounds and had gone down a size before November and have pretty much put it all back, including the inches. It's hard not to get down on ourselves but I know that self loathing isn't going to be helpful. Yes, I had a lot of stress going on and I wasn't looking after myself but in the end, that's an excuse. So I'm back at the gym, back to eating 80% full, back to lean protein and lots of veggies.

As for buying a size up, I have purchased a couple of things because I want to look good NOW. No one looks good in too-tight clothing. But I made those couple of items inexpensive so that when they are too large (oh yes...they WILL become too large!) it won't be a great waste.

shiny

Veteran

I'm right there with you, Una. I wouldn't say I've given up, but I am gracefully accepting that losing the waistline battle is inevitable -- no matter how much I diet and exercise.

There's the reality that I've always had an apple-like shape, even at my thinnest and fittest, even back in my teens, my waist/hip ratio came in at 0.8. Add on to that I have been pre diabetic for 20 years now. I've kept the "pre" part by strictly keeping my weight under a certain number all these years - when it goes above that number, my blood sugar goes crazy. It's getting harder and harder to keep it under that number. At my last doctor's visit he said it is inevitable, I will one day be full blow diabetic and there's little I can do, but I should feel good about the fact I've managed to hold it off for so long.

Add on top of that the realities of impending menopause. This past year I've been irregular so I know that I've officially entered perimenopause now. When I skip my period, my waistline expands so much, I look pregnant. It's always done that - but now it's more persistent since the time between periods is getting longer and longer. On top of all that, there may be some other health issues going on too. We shall see.

As mentioned last week, my waistline can fluctuate dramatically from day to day. One day, I can't zip jeans, then the next day I can. Often it seems there is just no rhyme or reason to it -- though I suspect it's wildly fluctuating hormones at work.

It is what it is. I do not want to waste my time feeling miserable and crappy and uncomfortable. Comfort is #1 priority for me, even over flattery. That doesn't mean I'm walking around in public in sweat pants. It just means that no matter how flattering an outfit is, if I'm futzing with a tight waistband, I will not feel confident.

So yes, I am gravitating more and more to fashions that do not have unforgiving, uncomfortable waistbands. I've embraced dresses (empire styles and waistless) wholeheartedly for this very reason. I like higher waisted jeans with lots of stretch. I live in my ponte knit pants a lot of the time, because they stretch. And I'm starting to embrace lower rises believe it or not!

Astrid

Veteran

I think you should get one or two pairs of inexpensive great fitting pants now to make you feel better. That way you can start working your way towards fitting into your fab wardrobe again with a positive attitude (and no pinching).

Jewell

Veteran

I understand your frustration, and I'm sorry. "I hate feeling a lack of control over my weight and body and how it affects the way I feel and look." I have had those EXACT feelings. The good thing is you've recognized the problem and have some potential solutions.

To be honest, when I'm going through a phase in which my clothes don't fit I give up on buying new stuff. To buy new stuff, I would have to try on stuff and I usually can't bring myself to face a fitting room mirror during those times. I know we're supposed to dress the body we have, but I prefer to use my ill-fitting clothes as motivation, and more often than not it works. Sometimes I have to make do with fewer clothing options because I have so few things that work when I'm on either side of my ideal weight, but luckily that (usually) motivates rather than depresses me.

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