Well, I had that argument with myself and lost...or won, depending on perspective. Yes, I bought new pants.

Some of my issue was that 2 years ago I was having a health issue...still dealing with the fallout...and I was sick and depressed and almost anorexic. So, at 52-53 I was at my skinniest adult weight since college. I wore baggy pants for awhile and then I bought a few pairs that fit, along with a dress and a skirt. I'm talking size 4 and I'm 5.5. Oh I looked so good! Everyone said! Too bad I felt so bad.

As I got better I got my appetite back and I came back to my regular weight plus 2 or 3 pounds and those 4's I bought were very unpleasant to wear. No choice really...I can't be healthy and maintain that low weight, even if "looks better". I miss the pants I bought cause one pair in particular was way cool! And the dress was perfect and I hate that I didn't buy it loose! But, I bought 3 pairs of size 8 and in general I feel much better, health wise and closet wise too.

So I'm talking a little backwards I guess, but health and happiness are more important than size. I should lose the 2 or 3 extra but I haven't done anything about it...so maybe the bigger pants are ruining me! My suggestion is to take care of your health as you have said. Buy one pair you can wear now and don't consider it giving up. Just consider it life!

Give up on the treadmill girlfriend, that's not where it's at! Listen, lots of people love the treadmill and they should do it. But if you don't love the treadmill why force yourself to like it? Life is short and there are so many physical activities you can do and enjoy that I never even think about the treadmill as an option.
Lack of snow is keeping you in? Too much snow is having the same effect on me. It's cold and it's hard to get out and do things. I don't ski but you can't use the weather as an excuse. There are indoor activities like dancing, gym, you can go to the park and work out there, go hiking, there's a too much to even write it all down. Find something you like and then do it because you like it, that's how one sticks to an exercise regiment.

I've been overweight and on a diet most of my life. Not too long ago I took up Intuitive Eating and haven't dieting since. I eat all the foods I love, guilt free. I don't avoid breads or pasta or even sweets and I've lost quite a bit already. I can see myself wearing a bikini in the summer. It's the most absurd thing that has ever happened to me, I've stopped dieting and I'm losing weight, go figure. Please let me know if you need any resources on intuitive eating.

Regarding salads - I used to hate salads. And so did my husband. I kept forcing the side salad at every meal and every meal I'd throw most of it away. Neither of us was enjoying it. So I said heck with it, no more salads and started making veggie side dishes instead and that went over really well. But I still had it in mind to incorporate fresh raw food into our diet. So one day i was prepping pizza night - that's a fun night around our house. Each of us (the toddler too!) gets a ball of dough and we each shape our own individual pizza. Then I have an array of toppings that each of us chooses and makes our own special pizza. So I had the idea to do that with salad night. So wednesday nights are salad nights, just like pizza nights, each of us gets a bowl of lettuce and then we each stick in it the things we love. Me, I want avocado, some kind of protein (I usually girll shrimp or chicken or even a small steak that we share as a topping), peas, cucumbers, radishes and honey mustard. Hubby chooses the protein, tomatoes, tofu, olives, and sardines lol. Hey, whatever makes one happy right? Ever since then all of us love salad night! Just a suggestion.

Oh Una, I understand your frustration. I don't know if you remember, but a couple of years ago I had major waistline issues due to a rapidly growing uterine fibroid. It would swell up -- especially in the second half of every cycle - and I felt bloated and uncomfortable a lot of the time. Few things are more subtly irritating than a slightly too-tight waistband.

My saga ended in a hysterectomy, which was not what I wanted, but oh well. But there were several positive side effects, and one of them was a much flatter stomach and very little post-ovulation midsection bloating (although still a little, because I still ovulate). The fluctuating waistline problem is basically no more! This might be way out of left field, but is it worth checking if you have any fibroids? Apparently they're really common, especially as we get older.

It's more likely that it's just middle age creeping up on you (happens to us all in the end!), and in that case, I'd have a few pairs of slightly looser pants to wear during your bloaty times. You can't walk around in uncomfortable pants all the time. Life's too short.

I have no wisdom to add, except to empathize. I am right there with you.

I've been trying to cut sugar for a week at a time and to only eat frozen fruit after dinner (no other snacks). That's helped me to lose 2 of the 5 pounds I've gained over the last month or so, and of course xc skiing, skating, and pilates all help. I've also been trying to do some short HIIT or tabata type workouts in my basement at least one day/week.

This one is an example of a good one (I add a 5 min warmup and cooldown on the stationary bike or treadmill, which is tolerable)

http://www.fitsugar.com/Printa.....t-23498981

Good luck and hang in there...

Being tall and thin, I've never had to worry about my weight. Fast forward to 44, where the heck is all that flab around my middle come from? Being tall, no one can tell when I put on weight because it is evenly distributed and I have a lot of surface area where it can spread out.

I never worked out, just was active in my daily life. Now I have to work out to whittle down that middle of the body fat that happens to all women as they creep up in age. Hormonal and metabolic changes occur and we have to work harder to keep that middle belly fat off. It really is hard to accept these changes and I didn't notice them until they were overlapping my waistband! Maintenance it is. I switch it up at the gym but do as much activity outside as I can. I rarely snack and have increased my fruit and veg intake.

It's a work in progress. I'll never be 5'10" and 120 lb again, I wouldn't want to be. I'll settle for staying in the 140-150lb range because its healthy for me. I don't weigh myself very often, I gauge by how I look and feel. If I start looking or feeling a little "sloppy" I'll spend an extra 15 minutes doing cardio and then lift and do some extra good stretching. I'll drink even more water. I'll concentrate a little more on eating well and feeding my body what it really needs. I do have a treat when I want one, it is not huge, but it does the trick. I remind myself my body NEEDS these things to stay well, it is not punishment to care for myself...I should enjoy it!

Love yourselves ladies!

Not reading a thing, just getting to my answer - I'm right there with you! I'm 44 in a couple months and my waist is squaring off this last year. I think middle age really does have a lot to do with it, as I'm running, and doing a fair amount of exercise.
For people like you and I who have remained a pretty steady weight for decades, it can be disconcerting. I actually am finding fits changing in pants, where the waists are bigger than the legs, and so my same size seems to still be working, albeit it looks different on.
I'm not sure how much can be fought and how much is just genetics and aging. I aim to at least battle gently each day. I have said before, maintaining my weight is important to me so that my wardrobe still fits. I also am very interested in staying healthy and living long and well, but my vain side wants my jeans to look good. And I can't afford to replace it all.
Signed,
SpongeMo SquareButt (formerly upside down heart butt) HA!

Una, I work out like a beast and lost 15 pounds. I've done pretty much everything I could to raise my metabolism and sculpt my body - and I still have Those Days. All it takes is one jiggle of the stomach over the seatbelt of my car over a bump (GGGGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I hate that!) and I'm furious and upset.

It sucks, but sometimes we have to accept there are things we cannot control, because genetics is driving. Your body will always win over your jeans. So I guess the question is, does it feel like your body is happy where it is, in which case acceptance, or is struggling to return to some other state, in which case help it along?

It does happen to most of us I think - and so many great ideas have already been suggested, but I'm not sure anyone mentioned weight training (resistance exercise) as a key component. This has been the single most effective thing for me to do to take control of my body. I only do about 15-20 mins. of free weights maybe two or three times a week tops. Just that small amount, together with long hikes (hilly terrain) a couple times a week and just trying to keep an eye on what I eat (don't eat out much, serve myself 1/3 less than DH, etc.) it does seem to be a lot easier to manage. When you build muscle they say you burn more calories than if you have less muscle. And I have no bulkiness issues with my muscles - in fact, I'd like them to be more defined but I'm a bit exercise lazy and I love to cook.

Oh and for the stomach, have you tried doing planks? I don't do them all the time but they do seem to help quite a bit.

In the meantime, I guess I'd likely buy at least one or two pair of pants that feel okay if the others are really uncomfortable.

Ditto, ditto and ditto! I am at the top of my weight swing right now too. When I bought the AG's I really, really wanted to size down. Because, you know, soon my weight will be down and then they'll be too baggy. I kept repeating the matra in my head, "dress the body that you're in". I've also purchased quite a few trousers that fit this winter and I keep wondering why I'm wasting my money because I'm going to lose some pounds and of course never put them back on again! Oh reality!! At least we're not alone in the struggle!

Una, I'm going through the exact same thing right now! You and I work at very sedentary jobs and have busy lives outside work as well. It's REALLY hard to squeeze in exercising and planning healthy meals with all that going on. I hate this feeling of being out-of-control, so I totally sympathize.

I bought new jeans and new dresses recently, because I hate feeling like a sausage stuffed into a casing. It helps a little bit with the self-esteem, so please do get a couple of things that you feel good in right now.

I'm going to try to figure out the diet and exercise too, but one thing at a time.

((hugs))

I would agree with some of the above posters that starchy, sugary carbs and weight training are 2 key things to address the jiggly middle.
As for buying for the body you have right now - only you know if you have the time and desire to 'fight' the spread. Funny, if we were discussing feet, no one would blink at saying buy the shoe that fits you now! right?

oh boy, this is such a common trouble for us in the middle ages! First, getting a medical check for the obvious is a good idea. I had my thyroid out decades ago (Hashimotos), afterwards what i ate had an actual relation to my body size - first time in my life! Be sure to ask doc when you should see results after implementing any recommendation, and if you're still having trouble after your TSH tests come back normal push for the more precise thyroid tests like free T3, free T4, and so on. It's not unusual for people to need a T3 (cytomel, liothyronine) supplement in addition to the T4 (synthroid, levothyroxine, etc.) when they get older as the body can't convert the T4 into the T3 which is what is actually absorbed by the cells.

My dad, bonus mom, husband and i have all had good results with the 5-2 Fast Diet, using the book written by Michael Moseley and Mimi Spencer. I'd used a variation of this idea to maintain my weight all thru my adult life - basically i'd go to bed pretty hungry 2-4 nights a week when i wanted to lose some pounds. The 5-2 idea is that you do a modified fast (400-600 cal per day, depending on your size) 2 days a week, then eat pretty much what you want the other 5 days (as long as you don't absolutely stuff yourself). Dad, mom, and hubby all do fast days, but it's too hard for me (i tend towards hypoglycemia and don't eat as much on my feed days either). So i do the 'go to bed super hungry' thing (no food after around 2pm), and it works.

Apparently having a time without food jumpstarts the body to burn fat and also to repair itself - i was impressed by the amount of research in Moseley and Spender's book. In the midst of finding a way to get my several cups of tea on fast days i started drinking it with unsweetened almond milk and discovered that a large part of the middle bloat was due to milk. I never suspected! I've also been drinking unsweetened smoothies every day, my bod really enjoys all that fiber and vitamins and good stuff.

My whole family really enjoys cooking and eating, and you can do that on the 5-2 and still lose weight. Dad and bonus mom have both lost 25 or 30 pounds over several months, while still eating all type of feasty food. A few weeks ago i called over and they were getting ready to sit down to homemade and homegrown poppers (deep fried jalapeno peppers stuffed with cheese and dipped in ranch dressing)!!!!! Bonus ma especially looks fantastic - just glowing, most likely because they eat a ton of fruit and esp. veggies on fast days. When you want to maintain your weight, you fast just one day a week. So for certain people it's a really great option.

If you're on thyroid medicine check with your doc about doing this (or any major wieght loss scheme) as your med levels in the body will change if you lose or gain much weight so your doses may require adjusting.

I have a number of chronic health troubles and nerve pain over a large part of my body, so i don't wear or buy anything very tight. i love lycra and soft knits! Getting some pieces that work well for you now sounds fine, punishing yourself is awful especially around something that's so much fun for you. There's so much that can happen which affects our body shape, and i mean really it seems kind of nuts to be a biological critter in an ecosystem going thru these wild loops and changes - cold, dark dark dark, dry - and not see it reflected in our bodies. Lord knows every other creature there goes thru massive body changes with the seasons - heehee, the ones that don't just chuck it all and migrate south!

One last thought. If food intake lingers too long in one's system, this may also contribute to midsection bloat. Exercise, fibre, plenty of water all make a big difference. But, if one needs a little 'push', let's say to counteract the effects of certain medicines, IMO nothing is more effective with no unwanted consequences than Natural Vitality CALM Magnesium supplement (get it at health food/supplement stores). Start slowly to gauge how much you need and Do Not Overdo - ironically this can also result in bloating, at least until the bloat *ahem* resolves in possibly spectacular fashion. (eep!)

Best of luck Una and everybody! steph

Mo, your last comment is so true. Why are we so hard on ourselves? And I love this, "SpongeMo SquareButt (formerly upside down heart butt)"

How do those of you with kids and other hangers-on deal with family meals? Do you make them eat the diet menu with you or do you prepare something different for yourself?

I am in the buy a couple of pairs of pants camp and see what happens. Me and the dog just balloon up in winter, with the curtailment of our walking. Size fluctuations are the bane of my existence in general, tho, and I am now beyond caring. I like to shop anyways.

Oh, just a thought, cutting carbs never did anything for me. I had to cut fat. Neither has cardio ever done anything for me. Had to lift weights to burn calories.

Welcome to the next stage of your life. It is a real challenge, but there are rewards. Like others who've replied, I find that staying away from refined carbohydrates is key. It's so easy to bloat/gain and so hard to lose. Weight-training is also important along with the aerobic exercise. Your muscles start turning to mush if you don't.

I advise you to get your thyroid and other hormones checked. All the dieting and exercising will be in vain if your hormones are out of balance. There is a lot of quackery out there in this area, and a lot of MDs aren't up to date, but it's worth learning how these hormones interact in our bodies.

Please don't get down on yourself. This is something nearly all women face. One of the things I like about weight training is that I feel stronger and like I could react so much better in a tricky situation. Strong core muscles really help you maintain your posture.

Hmm, this is tough one. I have some of the same issues (normally, not my current post-partum issues). I now normally weight about 5 pounds more than I did through most of my 20's and early 30's. I can lose that 5 pounds if I work out at least 4 days a week and cut out all drinks with calories (juice, soda, beer, wine, etc) and most desserts. However, I don't enjoy that lifestyle - I like a beer on the patio in the afternoon and wine with dinner. I enjoy a small bowl of ice cream after the kids are down and I'm watching a movie with DH. I decided it was a quality of life thing and have just accepted that I weigh a little more than I did when younger.

You are not alone. I could work out and 7 days a week and won't lost a pound unless I change my eating habits. 80% is diet and 20% is exercise and I know what I need to do but it really is hard during these cold times. Wish us both luck and hang in there.

Sara, I'm on your bandwagon. That's why I mentioned only Una knows if she has the time and DESIRE to do what it takes to fight what nature is intending for us all in middle age. I might have mentioned here before, I have an old childhood friend I recently reconnected with on Facebook who is completely ripped. She's middle aged, like me. But she's a fitness model. She works hard at it. Hours a day. Like it's her job, because kind of, it is.
I'm with you: I want my wine with dinner and the occasion ice cream and moderate exercise that doesn't run my schedule or my life. I will certainly curtail when needed and work a little harder at the exercise, but I will never be prepared to do what my friend does to look like she does. Ever.

Una, I feel for you, and I've been there and am probably heading into a similar time again myself. Big ditto to mrseccentric's comments on thyroid---T3 has helped me immeasurably!

I can't add much to the good advice others here have offered, other than something I have been making an effort to practice on myself as I change here in midlife. When I'm feeling like this, I remember some helpful advice I found on a website when one of my cats developed a chronic illness that eventually took her life. It warned against viewing the animal as "different" or "defective" in illness, and to continue to view it as the one that you've loved and cared for over the years.

I've caught myself using the same faulty logic as my body changes going into midlife. Talk of illness/health aside, I think we are too wrapped up in our identity as a physical thing, when it's really so much more. Would a parent feed her child lower quality food if she becomes ill? No. But for whatever reason, as adults, we often apply the same logic to ourselves, agonizing over decisions about whether to give our new, changed selves the same "level of care" as the former one. (Slim body, leather skinnies; plump body, ratty sweatpants.)

You need pants-buy the pants. Clothe yourself, feed your soul, make yourself feel better. Actively love and nurture yourself. That will see you through all the changes better than any diet or medicine! I hope you feel better soon!

I'm sorry you and your tummy are not on the same page. Definitely dress the body you have -- giving up will make you feel even worse. It sends the message to your self- conscious I only deserve time and attention paid to my looks when I look more like the ideal. Resist the frustration! Looser tops are all the rage and go perfectly with your personal style. Also taking the stairs and parking further away from the door are great sneaky ways to get in more activity. I hope you feel better soon and turn the corner to accept your body as it is right now (you're not getting a replacement ;-)).

Amy, I make separate meals for the husband and kiddo. Often mine is a no-processed-carbs version. No if we have burgers, I don't have chips or a bun. If it's pasta, they get noodles and I get stew. Etc.

@Amy -- as a vegetarian who was married for years to a non-vegetarian, and now that I've given up grain products, starches, and sugar, I'm often making more than one meal. Or more likely, making one meal and supplementing it with additional things that I don't eat for my husband and ravenous teenaged son.

If you're willing to surrender to the fact that you're going to be spending some time in the kitchen, it's not as onerous as it sounds.

No wisdom; just that I can relate. Just a few # can be a size up for me.
It's one reason why I wondered if I was embracing new boxy/fluid styles for style or for camoflage, and was that going to lead to a new baseline.
I blame it on the worse winter ever, and not really being a winter/cold weather sport person.

Thanks, Dana & April I like cooking, generally, but I work really long hours, so it's hard to spend time in the kitchen and do things like sleep, lol.

First, the good news of what your future may bring, too: At age 60+, my hormone fluctuations are thing of the past. No PMS; no perimenopausal stuff. This means no chocolate/carb cravings that were the bane of weight loss or even maintenance. My weight is now down to what it was in early high school when, admittedly, I wasn't terribly thin for a girl that age.

BUT I am much fluffier, and the weight is distributed a bit differently and mostly lower. I will never again have a 24" waist unless I face serious health issues. Even movie stars who make their living by their looks and have personal trainers experience changes in their bodies after a certain age; it's nature.

For me, tummy bloat results after eating sugar and refined carbs. I've also taken to drinking wine instead of beer due to the difference in carbs. I love great food, so I'm not overly strict with what I eat, so I'm likely always to weigh several pounds above my aesthetic ideal.

Oh, and no treadmills. I personally like to walk outside. I'm wondering if you would like weight training, esp. with free weights? I can really envision you liking it. I used to love working out with free weights, but I no longer have the capacity to grip tightly, so I don't want to risk dropping weights. Machines are generally made for men and taller people, and you can't finely calibrate the weights you put on as you can with plates on free weights.

Una: possible easier/gentler advice from me: before you start altering diet or thinking of some alternative exercise try acceptance that it is OK to buy a couple of pants that feel comfy and yet look good.

I bought an elastic waist pant ( no longer your granny's khakhi/blue pants) from Jjill that has great slouch at the bottom of the leg and look great on. On muffin top days in this never ending dreary winter I put them on and feel better- not focusing all my attention on muffin! I like the elastic band option because it is easy on my waist and the sizes run s/m/l/so you are not overly focused on size as well?,Its not like I buying a six instead of a 4; you are still buying a 4/6 as a small.

Just my two cents. Love you a lot and hope you know we are all here, many of us empathize and you are definitely supported.

I was practically in tears this morning when I saw all these responses. Can I just say how thankful I am for all of you? After posting this last night, I went to bed and half-expected a deserved scolding about negativity, body dysmorphia, perspective and I don’t know what else – all things I was telling myself already. Instead, I found sympathy, sound advice and lots of commiseration and support. I should have known you all would come through and give me exactly the kind of feedback I needed.

What really resonates and helps me feel better is seeing I am not alone. As a couple of you mentioned, I’ve always been active and a relatively constant weight and size. Now I have a sedentary job and an ever-changing schedule that doesn’t’ allow for a consistent exercise routine. Plus I’m hitting THAT age. And I just realized that with my son playing comp league basketball, a lot of our time that would be spent exercising as a family are instead spent watching games and going to practices. DS has lost weight but I have not!

For those who recommended “Eat to Live”, I have that book and it worked really well for me, but I had to make different meals for my boys which was a huge pain. I need to get back to that and also do what Ceit recommended which is to make meals in advance.

To everyone else who gave eating tips, thank you! I will be taking them all to heart. I actually don’t eat a lot of carbs and I tend to eat in small portions (I get 2-3 meals from eating out), but I need to be a lot more aware of mindless snacking – especially at work where there is always some community plate of cookies or a birthday cake or what have you. I enjoy food – always have! – and I’ve never subscribed to Kate Moss’s “nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. But I do have a tipping point and I feel like I’m there – I need to make the pendulum swing the other way.

I did get the Fitbit but I find it to be more of an accountability keeper than useful for actual information – for instance, it doesn’t track climbing or skiing, only steps. Still, it’s better than nothing – if only to show me how little I actually move during my work day. And as so many of you reminded me, exercise is good for my mental health – in fact, I’m probably so down on myself because I’m not getting enough of those endorphins!

Shannon, hugs! My clothes don’t’ really look tight – it’s just the waistband and how they FEEL. And you know I am a champion of the waist surrendering look. Now I worry that I need to surrender But I know that if I size up I will just adjust mentally and never make a real change. You look absolutely great to me in your recent pix, FWIW.

Finally, thyroid issues and other health concerns are being investigated. I’ve had an enlarged thyroid for a while but my levels have always been fine. I am having blood drawn to see if that’s changed.

IK, you are a huge inspiration. As are all of you. And OMG, Day Vies! I have missed you!

I wish I had time to write out a response to each of you…You have all given me hope, consolation and motivation. There is so much collective wisdom on this thread, and in this entire forum. I hope others get as much out of it as I have today alone.

Amy, I try to make things that work both for me, and the family. If i make pasta and ragu for the family, I serve spinach on the side for everyone else, and ragu on top of spinach for myself. Or, if we have burgers, I skip the bun.

Oh, and Aziraphale, I remember your fibroid surgery. I can't decide if I'd be happy to know that's the problem... But it is another medical issue I'm looking into because yes, I had giant fibroids during pregnancy, though they shrank down afterward. Thank you!