Do you lean more dressy or casual? Why? - YouLookFab Forum

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Do you lean more dressy or casual? Why?

Roxanna

Veteran

As you all know, I tend to dress more formally. This is for a number of reasons:
1) preferences. I live luxe fabrics and textures which are more frequent in formal suiting and clothes.

2) I am a short woman and a visible minority working in a corporate world where I am usually negotiating many relationships. I learned the lesson long ago that dressing more formally gives me professional credibility. (I once asked to try on a Jason Wu dress and was flatly refused by the saleswoman because of my casual attire and, presumably, skin color.)

3) lifestyle. I dress formally for work. I also go to mosque at least once a week, and there are often festivals and celebrations that need to be dressed up for. As well, we recently were asked to lead a particular monthly gathering, which will mean formal Indian clothes at least once a month.

Luckily, I have found thrifting to be a great source of formal clothes since more people lean towards casual clothes. And in fact, it has been a boon for Indian Saris - I love them but they are often $500-600 a pop because of the material and handiwork. At the thrift store I have find them for$20 or less! (See pic attached - the raw silk one I wore last night.)

Funny enough, even though I have young kids, I still like to dress formally during the week (casually on the weekends.) I abhor the kids messing up my clothes and we are a very huggy family so I am usually casual around them

Are you more casual or formal and why?

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Dressing

60 replies

Latest reply was from cindysmith

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Wow, the beauty, color and detail on the Saris is amazing.
My wardrobe is on the casual side, usually ponte or woven pants and a top or a print skirt and solid top. But I only own one pair of jeans.

Runcarla

Veteran

Roxanna, when I was in the workforce I tended to dress more formally than my peers. There was the famous incident when during a Meyers-Briggs workshop the facilitator asked 'What does an ISTJ look like?' And everyone pointed to me. I was in a wrap dress with a blazer jacket over. Everyone else wore jeans! Like you, it was about *professional credibility* for me.

My outfits are much more casual now that I am out of the workforce, but I will iron my cotton shorts or clean house in white jeans! LOL! I won't wear 'rags' IYKWIM. Now it is about *self-respect and self-love*.

I think I score a 7-8 in formality in any given situation. I'm not the dressiest, but my outfits are more 'considered' than the norm.

Question: (And sorry for my cultural ignorance) is the Sari formal and the Salwar Kameez casual? What is expected when going to mosque?

Helena

Veteran

Roxanna, that is a terrible story about the Jason Wu dress - I hope you Pretty Womaned that ignorant sales clerk! Just shows that as self-congratulatory as we can be up north, we still have plenty of work to do in terms of ensuring everyone is treating equally and properly.

As to the question, I am casual, which is purely lifestyle-driven. When I lived in the city, I was always more dressy or business-y. Again, I can only imagine this was driven by surroundings - ultimately I like to blend in

Anonymous

I had no idea Saris were so expensive, but of course with the handwork and quality of the fabric, they should be! Those are stunning .

I lean dressy, although my style has become increasingly more casual over the past say 5 years. Maybe getting older and more established in my marketplace as a sales rep in the particular field I'm in has let me relax my dressing standards somewhat. I would say I'm also more in tune with social norms around me now - whereas in the past I'd always be the most dressed up, and perhaps not always connected with what others were wearing. I know it's great to follow your own path and all, but always being the one who is dressed for some other occasion than the one at hand can make others see you a light that perhaps isn't always great .........IYKWIM.

Anyhoo - I'm always dressed. Never super casual.

Runcarla

Veteran

Lisap - the nail that sticks out gets hammered down?

ophelia

Veteran

Depends on the situation. I prefer dresses and skirts for comfort, yet that reads as “dressed up.”
I’m short, small and middle-aged, and I learned that I often have to dress for battle, at some jobs and when I need the cooperation of others (medical professionals and their gatekeepers, I’m looking at you). So in those cases, formal and in dark colors.

Anonymous

Hahahahaha!

Anonymous

I dress casually because it's appropriate to my role as Chief Household Domestic haha. I have a wide view of what qualifies as beautiful fabric and I wear satisfying variations that are washable. My community is significantly more formal and I find that by spending more on casual clothes I can achieve a compromise that prevents me from losing time changing my outfit more than once a day.

I love clothing and I try to read all expressions of style, even when they seem hostile.

I'm not sure the benefits of the dressing down trend in the workplace outweigh the advantages of a more formal style. It seems like such an easy way to show authority? I never think that people are overdressed at work but I often think they undermine their image and the image of their company by dressing too casually.

Roxanna I think your style expresses all of the positive, forward thinking qualities you describe in your text, including your love of beauty which I think is such a good thing to share.

Anonymous

I love your saris so much
Dressy, for the same reasons. I just don't look or feel right in casual clothes, work 5-6 days a week, and feel I have more credibility/gravitas. The only time really dress down is at the gym and home (so the fur kids don't mess up my nice things).
As for blending in, I gave up trying many years ago! It just makes me feel false and self conscious.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I lean casual out of necessity and lifestyle, but I tend to skew a little dressier than most people in my circle. So...both?

Preppy Pear

Veteran

Great thread. I am so sorry about your horrible experience with that salesperson. And it’s so short-sighted, too - if salespeople are going to make judgments about skin color and casual dress, they are not going to make very many sales.

I’m definitely casual - but in my workplace, academia, where anything goes, my casual is often dressy in comparison to my colleagues. I do wear jeans, sneakers, sandals, t-shirts, casual skirts - but generally not without incorporating dressier elements, which for my preppy style incorporates shirtdresses, shirts with collars, blazers, trench coats, dressy coats. I do dress more formally for important meetings and presentations. For the most part, I can wear pretty much what I want and so I can focus more on style rather than dress codes.

I also have a small child and a dog and that also makes casual pants/skirts and jeans vital to my wardrobe. I’ll often come home and change half of my outfit or just swap shoes.

At this point, I don’t have anything on hand I could wear to a wedding or fancy non-work occasion. It’s been forever since I dressed up. Maybe we’ll get a babysitter so I can fill that wardrobe hole, ha!

SarahD8

Veteran

I'm with Janet. My lifestyle is resolutely casual. But a lot of the things I like (Liberty lawn, silk blouses, cashmere cardigans, vintage jewelry) read as dressy compared to my environmental norms. So, I wear those things -- but almost always in a very casual, practical, unfussy way.

(Last week I literally wore a cashmere sweater to climb around on a mussel raft at a commercial shellfish farm. That was the best option I really had for the occasion and it was fine! Though it did make me realize that I should probably get myself a fleece or something...)

kerry

Veteran

I’m on the casual side of casual

But though casual, I don’t think I’m out of touch or inappropriate for the occasion. I dress mostly for work (elementary school teacher), home and outings with friends/family. Few in my circle are dressy.

I don’t want to wear anything that I feel I have to be careful about, is too precious or requires special laundering.

Casual fits my personality well. I prefer RATE to polished. Also a bit lazy which causal fits with well!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Dressy.

I wear chunky white pearls on trails and walking Sam. I wear formal Theory blazers on 32 hour flights. I wear my pretty, shiny, and dressy clothes for an at home work day. Even my sneakers look dressy. I hate wearing gear. I don't wear shorts, leggings and tees. Seldom wear sandals. I DO wear lots of sneakers though, and with dressy clothes. I don't wear heels, but love dressy flats.

It's who I am. Quite formal, very disciplined and intense. Dressy clothes feel sartorially right for my personality - casual clothes don't. Our home is dressy too. When you have dinner in our home, you know you have to dress up! Grew up with a very dressy Mother who was of great influence. It stuck.

Roxanna, you always look beautifully turned out! Your love for dressy makes sense and resonates.

Roxanna

Veteran

I love reading all these responses!

I realize that looking put together and polished - as everyone on this forum does - is a completely separate question from dressy vs. casual. Both dressy and casual can absolutely look polished and put together.

Carla - you do always look put together and polished - your ironed shirts and perfectly fitting shorts illustrate that! Your Myers Briggs story made me laugh. I am your completely opposite - ENFP - which explains why i have a closet full of fun possibilities that don't necessarily go together, while you have a well-curated and well-considered wardrobe

Lisa, Helena - for sure part of it is driven by your environment and wanting to blend in. I think I dress up more relative to norms, but not outlandishly so - I always look like I fit in. But as @suntiger said, if I'm too casual, I don't feel true to myself (except on weekends, when I just let everything go, lol)

Lisa - saris can range anywhere from $100 up. But because I love luxe fabrics and handwork, I always gravitate to the expensive ones!

Isabel - I love this: "I have a wide view of what qualifies as beautiful fabric and I wear satisfying variations that are washable. My community is significantly more formal and I find that by spending more on casual clothes I can achieve a compromise that prevents me from losing time changing my outfit more than once a day." I think that I try to do this on the weekend as it is. You and @Sarah D8 are absolutely right - beautiful fabric does not have to lean casual or dressy - cotton lawn, linen, a nice jersey, french terry - all are luxe in my book. Thanks for that viewpoint.

Janet & Preppy Pear - upon thinking about it, I guess I am the same - casual or dressy as the occasion requires, with more a focus on style.

Also - I got my 'pretty woman' experience with the dress - I put it on hold with another sales assistant and then went back and bought it! I wrote about it here: https://youlookfab.com/welookf.....man-moment

@Sarah D8 - I love the idea of wearing dressier things but in an unfussy way. And you made me laugh out loud with the mussels story!

Ophelia - this so resonated with me: "I’m short, small and middle-aged, and I learned that I often have to dress for battle, at some jobs and when I need the cooperation of others" I am ABSOLUTELY in the same boat.

Jane

Veteran

Interesting thread. Formal for work, absolutely. I have EVEN managed to convince myself that wearing tights is right on the hottest days (which it is because it is in the dress code - but if I don’t wear tights I ‘feel’ too informal - but it is quite mad wearing tights in the hottest weather).

At the weekend, generally informal with smart jeans and tops or a dress.

Love RunCarlas story.

Vildy

Veteran

hmm, like you, I like luxe fabrics and am also short. However, I'm not working, where it would be a different story entirely. I definitely am very dressy but not what I think of as formal. I like to look pretty. I have more blazers than you can shake a stick at but I want to pair them with pretty and touchable fabrics. I have the most trouble with casual looks because, honestly, while plenty of women can look sexy in these, I don't see outfits that are honestly pretty. If you want to say that a luxurious white lace encrusted shirt, say, could be worn with jeans and is pretty, I would then say that it isn't casual and more like a Cosmopolitan cover.

rachylou

Veteran

I tend to dress ‘fancy’. A little fashion kick in every situation. The level of formality for me is all about activity. That said, I’ve never been truly formal for work. My suits are casual - no bankers pinstripes - because that scares people in tech. On the other hand, my family used to dress for dinner... so high formality there.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, and that story about the SA and the dress makes me so mad. Grrr.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I think of myself as rough & ready, not at all precious or formal. But since joining here I’ve realized that I might own one pair of jeans at any given time, or might not, that I like fancy fabrics (if you ever want to divest of some of your saris, I might very well be interested in buying), and that I’m more comfortable in skirts/dresses than in graphic T-shirts. I have no idea why that is. I do know that I still ride bikes & scooters & climb over fences, just hung a bunch of shades & curtain rods & am about to hang a ceiling fan, so my self-image can’t be that far off. But idk why I don’t dress the way you’d expect a tomgirl to. Maybe it’s the contrast. I like contrast & surprises in lots of other things.

I’m glad you went back and showed the SA up, am about to read your story. I hope the manager heard about this and took action, but it isn’t right for the aggrieved to have the burden of making corrective action happen.

My son is also a visible minority and tends towards very neat looks. Racism & religious animus were topics of my dissertation, but I learn so much from him—wish he had someone to guide him.

smittie

Veteran

I like luxe fabrics, but am happy in denim and merino too. I don't strongly need cashmere, so you are definitely more dressy than I am on this front!

I notice a lot of women use clothing for professional credibility. It makes sense, but I also think it depends on the field you're in. In my case, I have never needed to create an aura of professional credibility through clothes. In high tech, we are all a bunch of casual dressers and people give you quizzical looks if you dress up too much.

I really have almost nothing to dress up for--and I'm actually pretty happy about this. I do like to dress up on occasion, and that is when I'll get something really fun at Le Chateau or Zara.

re: At the thrift store I have find saris for$20 or less! (See pic attached - the raw silk one I wore last night.)

Wow, that's incredible. And you have done well at your Winners.

re: kids.

Yah, with work, I see them at dinner time, and I usually change into other clothes to cook, so they don't see my in my 'good' casual clothes except in the mornings.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Casual as I have a very casual lifestyle and no real need for formal clothing but I would like to dress up a bit more!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I don’t know? Look at my WIWs to decide? I think I lean towards the more casual end of professional dress. I never wear jeans to work as a family doctor. I just wouldn’t feel able to give people my best wearing them, for me it wouldn’t feel as respectful to them. But I am also not a blazer and pumps person. For my second job in the health organisation where I am advocating for primary health care spending as opposed to hospitals, which is hard to do as hospital specialities are great money suckers, I often wear things like my stompy but shiny cobalt boots, which give me confidence and secret power! I relate to what you mean about being a short woman in a more powerful setting. My age and experience can help but can also make me be overlooked.
I feel angry for you about your experience with that dress but read the old thread- you looked so great in it you had the last laugh!

The Cat

Veteran

I love a mix of dressy and casual. So I tend to make dressy outfits look more casual, and to make casual outfits look more dressy. Why? It's just the way I am, it's a personality thing. I remember that when I was 13, I once read the style description "casual elegance" and immediately felt, "This is me!" Almost five decades later, I still feel the same way.

Style Fan

Veteran

I am sorry that happened to you, Roxanna. I prefer to dress casually. When I was working I wore blazers, dress pants and a nice tee or top. I did wear nice jeans with a blazer in some clinics. I do not like to dress up. However, I do like well made clothes in beautiful fabrics.

kkards

Veteran

hmmm...i love jeans so i guess that makes me lean casual....but i like a more tailored look...which is more dressy than casual....so i guess i'd say i lean more to the dressy side of casual....

re your shopping experience....early in my professional career i actually had the opposite experience...my sister (who works in finance) and i took a break in spring cleaning and ran into the local Saks (high end dept store)....in the past we both had been generally ignored in this store, only getting help when we specifically asked...but on this day, when we were in holey sweats and old tees every SA wanted to help....we assumed that they assumed that if you were comfortable to be in a place like that looking like that you must be "comfortable" LOL...anyway it thought me alot about how what ever present impacts how others precieve us...
sorry that you got treated so poorly....

hereforthecake

It's funny, but if you asked my colleagues, they would say I am usually 'dressed up' because I wear dresses several times per week.

But I know that I am a casual dresser, and even my dresses are casual. And the secret that many don't realize is that the right dress feels like wearing a night gown!

The deal breaker for me, between an outfit being truly dressy/formal is if it requires stockings or panty hose. They are soooo uncomfortable and I go with bare legs or tights whenever I can.

DonnaF

Veteran

I guess I would say I'm at the dressy end of casual: Never sneakers (unless they're my shiny silver or gold ones which aren't terribly comfortable); no yoga pants; no Patagonia or TNF; prefer patterned or colored jeans over my blue jeans. I'm a tad dressier and definitely wear more accessories than my environmental norm, but I rarely if ever see *dressy* on the street.

I tend to go to memorial services much more than funerals, and memorial services and celebrations of life are definitely more casual. My church is very casual, sometimes embarrassingly so, although one of the worship associates always wears a suit when he is in front of the congregation. It may be that he grew up as a PK in a conservative denomination or alternatively, that it is a rare occasion for him to wear his suit since he works in tech.

Staysfit

Veteran

It’s all relative because compared to people in my community my style is on the dressy end but here on the forum, I might be more casual than most people who consider their style dressy.

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