Do others dressing down take some of the fun out of it for you? - YouLookFab Forum

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Do others dressing down take some of the fun out of it for you?

Queen Mum

Veteran

I know we all say here "don't worry about what others do, dress up and feel fab" but when push comes to shove, can you honestly say it doesn't take some of the fun away when other's dont' share your passion for dressing up?

Example... we have friends who we love dearly and enjoy getting together with. But, they simply. don't. dress. up. For casual get togethers, obviously it doesn't matter much, but on the occasion that we go to a restaurant with this couple, I feel funny getting all dolled up when I know darn well they will be dressed just a tad above what I consider loungewear. And I can't shake the feeling that I'm going overboard. We already have a dinner out scheduled for later in December, and I'm fretting about wanting to glam it up, but knowing that there would be a huge chasm if I do.

And now I need to post and run... gotta pick a kid up from his school play and then I'm going to bed cuz it's past my bedtime.

I'll look forward to hearing your thoughts in the morning

General

41 replies

Latest reply was from MsMary

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

One of my dear friends in high school commented to me once, when we were going out for coffee - "It's casual, Lyn, you don't need to dress up."

LOL. I think I've trained most of my friends to expect that I'm going to err on the side of dressy when I show up!

It does get me down a bit though, if everyone shows up in Lululemon hoodies.

Kari

Veteran

Kim, that is ALL of my friends. I'm the only dressy one, the only one wearing a skirt, with a couple VERY rare exceptions.
My boyfriend and family and coworkers are all very very casual too. Glamming it up is just not done very often. (Though, to be fair, when B. knows it's important to me to dress up for an occasion, he will with no complaints.)
And yeah... in a way, it does kind of make it less fun for me if there's an occasion where you could dress up (New Year's Eve!) and no one wants to wear anything but jeans and sweaters.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Nah. I can pretty much bet that I'll be more "dressed" than my friends and colleagues. That's okay. I like to wear fun shoes and put on makeup, etc. I have precious few occasions to do so and take great pleasure in those few.

Esther

Well, it can definitely take the fun out of it...I am a SAH homeschooling mom of four living in AK, however, and I pretty much go to the grocery store, to a mom's group, and to church, and that's it in one week. So I get dressed up to go to the grocery store!! I just have to do what makes me feel special and happy and pretty, regardless of the extremely casual culture I live in (think Carhart, denim, and polarfleece). This is a really necessary strategy to helping me cope with the long winters up here. And now, I have a new strategy--this website!!! So thanks, everyone!!

Refugee

Veteran

Of course it is always more fun to be with those who share the 'fashion passion.' I love meeting friends or going to an event and seeing my friends look fab. I love being able to compliment them on their ensemble and ask them about it. When spending time with folks who don't share this interest and dress down I am not going to change the way I dress, as it is who I am. When with them, I just try to remember that, even with people I love dearly, we are not going to share every interest.

Lantana

Veteran

Honestly? Yes, it does diminish the pleasure. I love to dress up for special occasions and it dulls the shine for me when people don't make an effort. There's a drab dress code hereabouts and I wish it were otherwise. Happily, my near neighbors are stylish, each in her own way, so I don't feel alone in enjoying dressing with some forethought.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Ugh, yes, I totally know what you mean! I dress up anyway, because I love it. But it does take some of the wind out of my sails...

Kari

Veteran

I think this is part of the reason I get such a kick out of the YLF meetups (I mean, aside from the joy of seeing my "virtual pen pals" in real life!) Finally, I get to spend some time with some women who DO dress up, or at least dress well (even if casually), on a regular basis.
I love my friends & family tremendously - don't get me wrong. It's just that *most* of them don't share this interest, and I think some think that my interest is kind of silly.

AJ

Veteran

Yes, when we first greet each other, I feel more self-conscious than down, but good food and good conversation makes me forget the wardrobe differences.

rae

(website)

Veteran

It DID. Mostly, I got mad at myself for not being able to be casual *and* stylish *and* myself. It was much easier to be stylishly dressy. Now I can feel very put together in my jeans, tees, boots, and anoraks in stead of feeling like a social reject who doesn't know what cut of jeans is in style.

That said, I don't have many occasions to glam it up, so my work outfits fall into the "dressy" category. For some of you, that might still be too casual!

Mochi

Veteran

Hmm. I've been on both sides of this situation. I don't think I care how other people dress (to a degree). When I was in Italy a few years back, I appreciated the gorgeous fashion, 24/7,and it was really fun to people-watch. Then I was in Madrid more recently, and it was really casual...what you'd see in a U.S. city (with some well-dressed people thrown in). And that was refreshing in its own way. Maybe when you're in the company of killer fashion people like Italians, it's hard to measure up and there's that pressure or feeling of standing out...

I had a friend who dressed extremely well, and she once said she hated to go to Cambridge (university city across the river from Boston) because people dressed badly! Really, it's students and people from all different social and economic backgrounds and it's not a big deal. There's a lot of interesting things to do there, so I thought that was lame in its broad rejection.

However, there's the expectation and anticipation with certain types of activities: restaurants, theater, parties, etc. In that respect, I agree, now that I'm starting to look better.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Nope! I find that my dressing up, over time, has inspired most of the people I hang out with to try a little bit harder themselves. I don't say anything negative about their more-casual looks, but I just keep showing up in great shoes or a fun jacket, and little by little they start asking me where I got them, etc. And sure enough, the next time I see them they're a little sharper looking too!

Of course, there are always still people who stick with their casual looks, but that's usually because that is who they ARE. That *is* their style, and it's a deliberate choice, not a fallback option because they didn't know any better. My SIL, for instance, is a sports nut; she had her wedding photos taken at home plate at Tiger Stadium, for crying out loud. I would be shocked if she stopped wearing sports sweatshirts to everything. She knows how to dress cutely, since she's fantastic at finding outfits for her daughter. But she chooses for herself to wear sports clothes. I respect her for that, because she is choosing it on purpose.

banananutmuffin

I live in a very rural area, and typical garb around here is jeans and a t-shirt. People even wear their camo to dinner! My posse tends to be casual, too... jeans and tees, maybe sweats. This past summer I saw my best guy pal in the same cotton Orioles shorts for 3 get togethers in a row. lol

And it does kind of take the fun out of it when I feel overdressed. Went to an Autumn party and was the only girl in a skirt. Was the only woman in a skirt at my kid's first birthday party, too. Again, the only person in a skirt at Thanksgiving.

The only place I don't feel overdressed when I dress up is church.

But I figure the more I wear skirts, the more people will see it as commonplace for me. And I do try to dress down my skirts with denim and such. But it's kind of a bummer that I feel like I have to make my outfits more casual, when I want to look more fab.

teri

Veteran

I think everyone we hang around with just knows that I'm going to be dressed up no matter the occasion. It's just me.
Many of the husbands will ask me, "Do you ever not wear a dress?"..... lol
and I'm thinking they might like it if their wifes wore dresses more often.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I've been thinking this over.

My first impulse was to say, no, I just do what I do and don't worry about it.

But that wouldn't be completely true. Because when I was younger and lived in a large city, even if I didn't have a well-defined personal style, at least I TRIED to dress fashionably and I was much more dressy than I became after a few years of living in the smaller city where I currently live. And I think I may have been subtly influenced, and ultimately, sartorially depressed, by the general slipshod environment and also by my husband's very casual look.

Now, there are other reasons I adopted more casual wear. Work related, lifestyle related, and so on. But I do think it just became a lot of work and not as much fun to dress up (or even dress well) because I didn't see well dressed people around me very often.

For me, it is less about my close friends, and more about the people I see coming and going on the streets. Maybe it is about inspiration. My sources of inspiration dried up and so I lost the sense of fun. So for my, YLF is a lot about regaining that inspiration.

And thank you all for that!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I don't think it affects me. There is a couple we travel with sometimes and have had meals out with them in various cities - New Orleans, San Diego, Phoenix, wherever. They are tees and shorts people through and through. The BF and I like to dress for dinners out. We enjoy our meals together and conversation, and the clothing is just a matter of preference for each side.

I have always enjoyed clothes, even in grade school, and some people don't. That's okay. I feel good in an outfit I enjoy whether my companions are dressed down or not. But, it is fun to have a GF get together and see other cute clothes around the table!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Yes Kim- and I am in the exact same boat with a couple that I love and love to do things with. I try not to let it bother me, or influence how I dress when I am seeing them, but it is a bit of a bummer. On the plus side, I felt perfectly fine telling her to stop by with the kids the other day even though I was still in what I had worn to therapy

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

Someone on the other side of the family wore a sweater set to my Russian wedding at a Russian Restaurant!! It has been 10 years and my family has still not forgotten! So in short, yes, it does bother me though how much it bothers me varies by occasion. If it is dinner at someone's house, I will show respect for their efforts and the occasion by dressing well; even if the host is not dressed up, it does not take away from my enjoyment.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in my feelings. I do wish I could just move forward in confidence. I know that my friends have come to expect me to be "dressed up" (by their standards) and never make unkind comments, but I feel silly looking like I'm ready for a cocktail party and everyone else looks like they're ready for a ball game.
Thanks all for chiming in. Gotta go get myself ready for the day....

Queen Mum

Veteran

Rita- explain sweater set and Russian wedding please. I'm not getting a good visual.

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

QM, Russian people get very very very dressed up for weddings. Like anything you would wear in daytime would be completely inappropriate. So a cream colored sweater set, that is casual even when worn in daytime, is kind of comical in a sea of tight, short, jewel encrusted black dresses, high heels, dark suits and tuxedos.

Queen Mum

Veteran

ah, got it.

ironkurtin

Veteran

You know, it's funny you posted this. I started my new job and everyone here dresses in tshirts and jeans and sneakers. Except me, I like to rock my fashion -- jackets, sweaters, boots, edgy classics. But today I biked to work and am a bit sportier than I usually am, and I feel kinda inappropriate. Or maybe just "not me." Even though I am TOTALLY not bucking the norm here in any way! (And even though my gear is super high-end, if you cared to look - yohji, stella, and nau, I love you!)

I think even with biking to work, I can't default to (nice) jeans, shirts, and sneakers. If I'm not dressed my way, I feel yucky. In regard to a situation where people dressed *better* than I did, I would definitely feel the need to rise to that level - but still with a funkier edge, or again, just not me.

Jonesy

Veteran

Yes, I do know what you mean, Kim. It can take a bit of the fun out of it, but I don't let it stop me! When I was in Chicago recently, I met old friends for dinner at a very happening restaurant. I was dressed up, and they were in their usual duds (ill-fitting, baggy layers in varying shades of faded gray and navy, sort of like sad worn-out loungewear from 10 years ago). I was prepared for it (that's how they always dress) so it didn't bother me, but I did feel every so slightly overdressed in their company :).

Queen Mum

Veteran

IK- I think in a work situation that you are describing, it wouldn't bother me as much to be the only one dressed up because at work, you are all there fairly independently of each other.... as opposed to going out to dinner with friends and you are all there together as a "group." Does that make sense? This is where I struggle more.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Yeah, I get it - I do have nice things, but I seldom have an event to wear them. Not because I don't get invited to events, but because they're so seldom "dressy"! I think the thing there is to pick the dressy items that make you happy and then mix them into casual. For example, I have some sequin tanks from JCrew. I wear them over shirts all the time! A little bit of shine for me, but it's in a casual shape.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

no. i've never dressed like the people around me since i was a kid so by now that's just how it is. Besides, when i'm around friends and family we're doing something - birding, hiking, whatever, and that's more the focus of things rather than clothing per se. Although my husband is a very sharp dresser and oftentimes think i'm way too RATE for his tastes!!

I do think it's more fun when everyone dresses up for an actual dress-up event like the Ren Faire, Halloween party, and so on. At those events i'll just pester people and come up with something fun and easy for them to wear to get in the mood, like a hat or scarf. But that's really the only kind of time i'd notice. steph

Makrame

Veteran

Oh, I am getting a nice visual of a sweater set for a Russian wedding in a Russian restaurant! Although at some point I could have been that person wearing a sweater set for a wedding; I don't own much in terms of "evening" clothes. Trying to remember what I wore when a friend of ours had a party at Rasputin a few years ago... I remember the male part of our group wearing suits but that's about it.

I don't feel like people around me are dressed down - may have something to do with a lot of our friends being originally from Russia, actually. So for dinner parties and such, I enjoy seeing nice (even if not expensive or flashy) clothes on most of our friends. Since a lot of the people at work are M.D. who teach and see patients, they tend to dress quite well, too. Overall, I feel like I may be a touch dressier than other people at work but not so much that I feel out of place.

When I was in Italy, I was quite happy that I dressed up a bit for a visit with my collaborators - everyone was dressed very well, in a "somewhat casual but elegant way", I would even say "luxe".

kimlee

Veteran

It did. Imagine if you will, me standing in my walk in closet in just my undergarments, trying to find an outfit that was "dressy...but not too dressy....but not longuewear......but stylish...". I would play this dialgoue over and over in my head, because I knew that the friends/family we were going to see would be casual (and apt to comment on my dressier appearance). My husband finally told me 'Who care if you are dressier....that is just who you are!"

Now I have friends and family members asking me for help in glamming up their own wardrobes. And the others have come to expect me to be dressier and rarely comment anymore.

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