Oooh, Tanya, I would not mess with you in those boots!

LOL — as they say, “bish please!” I grew up in Baltimore. I think I was born with RBF. I can look approachable, but I think my default neutral expressions actually appear skeptical or pissed off. I had a teacher in high school who told me later that he thought I was sitting there not believing a word he was saying, when I was really just taking it all in.

But if I really need to reinforce it with what I wear, I’ll wear black or dark colors, stompy or dramatic footwear, and something tough like leather or tailored like a long blazer.

I don't like inhabiting the template of Everybody Else but when it necessitates, a dark navy blazer with dark denim sexy jeans (not skinny but shapely enough that I seem more vital and younger than my 73 years - and it works too!) and some tough but refined ankle boots.
Going for the air of wearing my power loosely and casually but don't mistake that it's there.

ETA: my son advocates for me simply proclaiming a simple,"Shut up, Bitch." Which leads me to wonder if it's only the occasional woman who gives trouble. I don't experience men being rude, condescending and dismissive to me, at all.

A blazer with very sharp shoulders and black jeans is my power outfit. I come across as too young sometimes, and that outfit feels like it grounds me.

Amusing note: I wore exactly that outfit for my first lecture this week, so that I'd look like a professor. But two grad students thought I was one of the new grad students! It turns out that faculty of all ages are having the same experience this week. We're guessing that masks really get in the way of how our brains recognize faces, evaluate age, etc.

Vildly, for my son (18), “bitch” is not gendered. But idk about B’more.

Greyscale, my first time teaching was my first semester as an undergrad. I ran German language drill sessions. On the first day, I got there early to chat with students, as advised. I sat on the edge of my desk. As the minute hand approached 12, one of them said “you’d better get off the desk so you aren’t sitting on it when the teacher gets here”. Um…. Fair enough, I was younger than him, but I suddenly realized I needed to project something more than just language competency.

Stagiaire Fash, Janet's from Baltimore but, yeah, I would guess the same is true of where we are in Camden, NJ.

Vilfly, right. I thought you were mentioning that word because of what Janet ssid, so wanted to clarify that I can’t be sure what I was explaining to you is true where she is. (But I think it is—have met people from numerous place for whom b**** is genderless; your son might mean it that way too)

This thread is making me laugh . Including the passive-aggressive stuff . Don’t worry , FI , we’ll stay out of your way !

Unfortunately I'm not allowed to call my clients of any gender that

ST, that’d take care of it!

Lisa, nobody knows passive-aggressive like you do—you’re the expert, can even “find” it when no one intended it! But that message I sent you this morning asking you to stop mucking up threads by trying to read things into what I said was real.

I was just called "hardcore" today, in an admiring way.

I'm in agreement with Greyscale that it's really harder for people to get each other in the absence of facial expressions. I've had to up my acting game a lot, adding in a variety of intonation, broad gestures,
unexpected directness, you name it, in the interest of being less anonymous. I feel like I'm always doing a version of standup. At least I've found a way to make myself seen.

Vildly, it has occurred to me that a positive wrinkle in this whole masked experience is that people with NonVerbal Learning Disorder, who have a hard time reading facial expression, tones of voice, and gestures are now on much more equal footing with everybody else, trying to figure that out. (You’d think tone of voice wouldn’t change, but have you tried figuring out how to murmur in a mask? Either it can’t be heard or it’s loud.

I’m sorry I don’t know what message you are referring to . And I’m joking , by the way !

Comment withdrawn.

*blows referee whistle*

Ok.

As a teacher I have to be super comfortable to assert my power so I like the juxtaposition of the comfortable skinny jeans, boots and a well cut blazer. Or just channel your best Andrea Martel style

This thread made me laugh!

As a small, smiley, gamine kind of person I'm used to being read as younger (when I was between the ages of 15-50 -- now, the problem is how not to come across as "little old lady, ha!); "cute" (at any age), and nonthreatening.

But I also taught secondary school for a while. Shevia's method worked best for me. The stare, glare, raised eyebrow, and shifting voice register have proved useful.

For clothing -- nothing frilly, cutesy, overly revealing. Usually a jacket with sharp shoulders and boots.

Hooray Suz thank you! Being shorter than you and also somewhat gamine I feel the same!
For me sometimes it would be stompy boots that could make me *feel* like I shouldn’t be messed with, which might boost my own confidence for a difficult meeting. But I don’t know if anyone else would ever think it!

I am with Jenni and Suz, a sharp suit or boots makes me feel pulled together and strong, but it is unlikely to be picked up by others. Most people are amazed when they find out that I do martial arts and generally that will be the thing that gets them thinking perhaps not to mess with me!

I like to think of myself as a wolf in sheep's clothing, complete with fluffy jacket.

I have the power of underestimation on my side too Someday I'd love to finish my black belt too- but I haven't been able to remember the katas!

“ complete with fluffy jacket”. Haha, yes, that’s you.

I got to feel what being underestimated is like when I put on a bunch of weight. Happened slowly, but eventually I realized I was frequently dismissed as an inconsequential middle-aged lady. Losing the weight made the stereotypes about body types even more awfully clear.

To be fair, "it was only a joke" is textbook gaslighting. Interesting that this thread was meant as a how-to on how to avoid drama. (And I shun drama at all costs!!)

Touché , and point taken . I should never have commented .

Thanks Lisa.

I’m not sure how I should’ve responded. My concern was/is that I didn’t want Vildly to think there was any passive-aggressive or other negative intention in my explanation that “bitch” is used (at least in some places) for men and women alike. The insinuation surprised me, knocked me a bit off-balance.

b*tch is the new "dude"...or maybe just the rest of the english speaking world finally found their version of it (do people outside California use it for everthing/one?)
I dunno...

B*tch is an insult to me! Dude also, for that matter.. lol. But yes, all aboard the derail train Sorry SunTiger..

My son regularly calls me Dude and, yes, alas, occasionally Bitch.

My son and I both call each other bitch, among other things—but his basketball coach, from Oakland, considers it & the other “b word” to be incredible insults & pitched an incredible fit when I called him that in jest once.

Choochooo

Back on the mainline here, I do sometimes wonder if all my pink & berry shades are too granny-esque. But I usually combine them with boots or legs (in shorts or short skirts) or a leather jacket, so they have a little edge.

A big watch so I can pointedly look at it.