Decluttering:Help! - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Decluttering:Help!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I know that this subject has probably been done to death judging by the number of you tube /blogs covering it but l have to say l am struggling with this at the moment and thought l would ask the YLF team, if you don’t mind ,for your thoughts/opinions and help.
l know the obvious,things that don’t fit,things that are worn out and so forth but the items l struggle with are .
1.things that l have worn a lot in the past but am not wearing so much now.
2.things l still love but am not wearing.?why not,l think that is the question.

3.expensive things things.There’s always this nagging doubt that l will get rid and then an occasion will arise and l will have to spend more money to replace them,not good obviously.

Some of the reasons that have occurred to me are,
-Pandemic,life still hasn’t gone bacK to the way it was before.will it ever?Where is the” new normal” going to fall?
-Life changes.l have gone from a mum on the go back to being part of a couple as my DD has left for college and although she does pop up from time to time l am not a full time carer anymore.
-age,l suddenly feel l have crossed a rubicon age wise and have moved into the older adult stage now.l don’t want to look frumpy but neither do l want to look like l am copying my daughters friends.Modern
and timeless are two words that appeal to me style wise at the moment.

l have felt a style shift towards less body con ,more fluidly tailored but rather than me gradually shifting l feel lve been dumped out the other side of the pandemic with no gradual acclimatisation.

I also worry that l will get rid of things that l will still want later.The British climate doesn’t help as no two years are the same weather wise and if l were to go by the one year rule ,some years l would get rid of my entire summer wardrobe only to need it again the next year.
l also like to think about sustainability and don’t want to get rid only to replace.

I have had incidents of letting things go then regretting it so l don’t want to make the same mistakes again but l have a lot of clothes(collected over many years) and l would like to simplify some what .

Anyway,that’s my word splurge!I Would very much appreciate your thoughts,experiences and anything else that you would like to say on the subject.

General

47 replies

Latest reply was from Cardiff girl

Synne

Veteran

How exciting! A great tip (that I don't necessarily follow) is to only assess what to declutter within the season right now. So don't throw away any winter coats during summer, wait for winter to see what you would [imagine yourself to] wear.

You ask tough questions. Without easy answers. For me personally, the goal is calm, peace of mind and a manageable wardrobe and house. When that is accomplished, I can live with potential feelings of wardrobe loss.

Vildy

Veteran

I don't see how a wardrobe can be purged without a benchmark - how the person wants to dress now, currently. So I think it needs a giant step backwards to where you figure that part out. Afterwards, it should be loads easier.

JAileen

Veteran

I have to be in the right mood to declutter. If I’m not, I simply can’t do it. But when I am in the right mood, I am very ruthless. I look at an object and decide if I like it or if it annoys me. And I immediately put it in a bag to donate. By “annoys me” I mean fit, difficulty in making an outfit, scratchiness, really anything. And having a good place to donate, such as the charity shop where I volunteer, takes some of the sting out of getting rid of something that appears to be perfectly fine, and maybe even was expensive. For example, I had a pink sweater that seemed perfect - good fit, great color. and so soft. But it pilled badly. I had to depill it every time I wore it. So guess what? I donated it and have no regrets. Buying it was a mistake that couldn’t have been foreseen. I have another sweater that on paper is perfect for me. But it is so scratchy around my neck that I can only wear it with a turtleneck. I haven’t yet decided what to do about it. If I were to donate it now, I might feel regret, so I’m hanging on to it for the time being.

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

When I started at YLF, I thought I had never removed anything from my wardrobe. Over the last few years, as I’ve repeatedly written “I used to have….” “I remember wearing….” and similar sentences, I’ve realized that isn’t quite true—I do winnow, but with a light hand. There are few items that I wish I had kept. What’s left are generally items I really like, in colors, patterns, fabrics and cuts I enjoy. You know how you might use a throw pillow as the reference for decorating a room— if everything goes with it, they will all go together? I am the throw pillow, lol. It’s easy to remix things across the decades of my wardrobe because they all relate to me.

It sounds like you want to do a major cull, and I wonder why. If the point is that you feel overwhelmed and confused by your extensive clothing archive, why not set up closed shelves, as it were, with some items out of sight/out of mind for now, but not entirely gone? You have your daughter’s closet for storage.

Here are my thoughts on your 3 categories:

1). Things you aren’t wearing now, but might if it weren’t for Covid. I refuse to believe that this thing will outlast me. Whenever we finally move, I plan to set up a place for visitors from overseas to stay comfortably when they can finally come. I can’t quite picture what you aren’t wearing because of Covid, formal office clothes or dressy going-out things or something else. I have those things in a suitcase in the cellar. In my mind, I visit them frequently and dream about wearing some of them to go out with afore-mentioned visitors, as well as new friends to be made when things finally re-open and even—gasp!—by myself to events. If you plan on resuming certain activities, what’s keeping you from being prepared when they finally roll around? Will these items feel stale and old, or will you happily return to them as part of the experiences?

2. “Delta Dawn” or “Lola” clothes (“Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? And did I hear you say he was a-meetin’ you here today, to take you to his mansion in the sky?” “Her name is Lola. She was a showgirl, but that was 40 years ago when they used to have a show. Now it’s a disco, but not for Lola; she sits there so refined and drinks herself half blind. She lost her youth and she lost her Tony; now she’s lost her mind”). You don’t want to wait for grandkids they way they waited for men who won’t return. I get that, but is it the items or the outfits? Try an afternoon outfit creation session, or a 30 days 30 items from your 30s challenge or something. Do the shorts work with tights? How are the fitted items under a duster or long cardi? Do you like the sundresses with leggings or as tunics?

3. Older clothes on an older body. I think I just use all my ideas for this one under #2. But I also think my word splurge is more extravagant than yours, so I’ll just reference Ms Maven, Joy, and Mirjana, who all adapt trends stunningly (probably Vildly & Bridgie too, but they don’t post pix).

I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the thread.

Anonymous

I have been decluttering our entire house for about a year in preparation for our move to Mexico. I’m glad I had that much time to do it because it allowed me to process & come to terms with letting go of so much. My clothes were the hardest to sort through because I’m mindful about what I buy. I wish you all the best in sorting your wardrobe & figuring out what to keep.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I can’t help much because I have the same problem! However over the 5 years of YLF I have at least winnowed down from about 200 pieces to about 150, by dint of removing more than I bring in each of the 5 years.
Try-ons for comfort definitely helped with the shoes. Some were a “What was I thinking” situation if I thought I could ever walk comfortably in those things.

always trying

Veteran

not much help here, but I start with one category-usually footwear because I can be brutally honest--worn is easy, next comes like pumps and other slip ons that stretch out and and fall off my feet-then go to a next category-etc. Whole closet is just too overwhelming.

Sal

Veteran

It’s not easy to make these decisions. It’s hard to get it right every time as well.

In terms of things you haven’t worn due to the pandemic - I would try them on and see what you think. If you love them - keep them.

I would also think about occasions you might have in the upcoming year or two and what you have for them. Longer than that I would not worry about. For example - family celebrations, funeral, graduations, summer vacation, important meetings.

I keep occasion wear a long time and specific sports gear ( ski gear, wetsuit etc). And jewelry and belts and scarves. Outside that - unless I am wearing it or genuinely think I will I edit them out.

unfrumped

Veteran

I feel your pain!

Sounds like you might not be in the mood for a marathon try- on— if not, then find as way, as suggested, to focus on the current season or at least — thinking about your erratic weather- the categories tgst might be gone/ not here yet, perhaps “ deep winter” and high summer. Or anything that lets you focus on a “ chunk” of things.
I agree that having a clear idea of your personal style is key to best decisions. However, I found the pandemic + retirement messed with tgst for me because it interfered so much with actually wearing and test - driving outfits. That said , it’s still reasonable to make a mood board or Pinterest board of where you think you might be, so you could model some combinations on your ideas.
I found trying in my clothes was still helpful because I found some items didn’t fit, or gaped or pulled or were hard to take care of. Or a color tgst was not flattering of never went with anything else. These were the easiest candidates for the cull pile, because it wasn’t about what occasion or lifestyle or even style choice, but was that they weren’t really usable. If I had some dressy items that fit well & that I’d wear to the right event, I saved them, but not in main closet.
With things that fit comfortably I’d try to make outfits in occasional SYC sessions and the make an effort to wear them SOMEWHERE—church, doctor visit, shopping— even though with masks, haha— and see how I felt, both comfort and if it felt authentic. Even though I wasn’t 100% sure what authentic is anymore, and recognizing it could be right outfit/ wrong place, since the pandemic really restricted my places and people. But those trials did help give further input- oh, these shoes are NOT really comfortable after an hour or so; this sweater is itchy. Or good things, like , this jacket works with jeans and with dresser pants.
Because when you’re not wearing your clothes, you have only an imaginary idea of how they look and function.

Vildy

Veteran

Unfrumped has a really clear point here:
"

Because when you’re not wearing your clothes, you have only an imaginary idea of how they look and function."

I hadn't thought of that because the pandemic hasn't changed what I wore. I dress nicely every single day, so I already know how my clothes work. Or don't - and then I keep a continual edit.

SarahD8

Veteran

I think the ole KonMari "choose what to keep, not what to get rid of" principle could be useful here.

I would start by pulling together the things that you ARE currently wearing and giving those pride of place in your clothes storage system.

Then I would make sure you are covered for uncommon but foreseeable events (what would I wear to a meeting with lawyers? During an extended heat wave?). Keep those things.

For those "I used to wear this and maybe I will again in the future but I'm not sure" items, I would decide how much volume of this material you are willing to store and manage/maintain. Then, fill whatever box/bag/crate/etc you are using. Put your favorite things in first. When it's full, it's full. The rest can go. You might also set an intention to review those items after a certain period of time or decide on a discard date if you haven't reached for any of them (it could be a fairly distant date, given the vagaries of COVID and other lifestyle changes).

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Unfrumped, what’s tgst? I agree with you that Synne’s point about only doing the current season is excellent.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Oh wow,such wisdom already!I knew l could count on you guys.It is so helpful to kick some of these thoughts around.
Synne,l agree .l wasn’t necessarily expecting answers or solutions but others perspectives can be very illuminating and help one to move forward.l think peace of mind is definitely a good outcome to go for.
Vildy,you are so right but l guess the reason l asked is that l am not entirely sure .How l would like to dress and what is practical are often at entirely different ends of the style scale.
Jaileen,thank you so much.”If it annoys me “has just become a new category in my decluttering pile..l think acknowledging the emotion as well as just the pure practically may be a way forward.
S.Fash,winnowing is a much better term than culling.l shall winnow my wardrobe in future,it is pleasingly alliterative.
quinta22,l feel that you understand in a very deep way so thank you for chiming in.l am not sure how l would deal with having to do a whole house.l do hope that your move goes smoothly and turns out to be everything you hoped for.
Jenni,you made me laugh!I think most of us have that “what was l thinking”moment at some point in our wardrobe career!

Always trying,l think that footwear is the easiest too as it either fits and is comfy or doesn’t and isn’t.somehow clothes don’t seem as straight forward ,
Sal,thank you.You raise a very good point .l sometimes buy something that l regret no matter how hard l think about a purchase,so why shouldn’t it work the other way around as well.
Unfrumped,what you have said really resonates with me .Without wanting to get too personal a lot of stuff happened in the last two years and l think l just feel discombobulated .Like you said,l am not sure what is authentic anymore unless it’s a fleece and leggings and l do not want to spend the rest of my life dressed only in that.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

You keep things that are annoying to wear???? Why?

Cardiff girl

Veteran

SarahD8,that is a very wise saying from Konmarie.l agree a not sure box can be a very useful tool.
vildy,yes l think everyone’s pandemic experience including what they wore through it was individual.l am glad that as a member of YLF you didn’t let standards drop!

Sal

Veteran

I do like the idea of trying something too.

I have just edited out two tops that I have been uncertain about for a year or more, I did wear them last year, but trying them on again after summer made me realise that one really didn't suit me, and the other I just didn't like any more. Plus both needed a cami underneath to wear, and that puts me off (not always but enough if I don't love the top).

ChristelJ

Veteran

I do so relate how you are feeling, having experienced such major changes and
milestones. It can really be hard to sort out alone. So many good
points from folks here. I am following this thread with great interest. I
hope you get some answers that ring true for you.

When I consider why I'm not wearing something I wore a lot or still love, I have found some new answers lately.

Some
things feel clearly like they are a past version of me, and somehow not "me"
now, even though I don't necessarily know what "me now" is! If I can re-work an outfit to wear some item like that in a new and
exciting way, that means I'll keep it a while longer. If not,
it might mean I want to let go of it in exchange for breathing room to find out what my new style expression could be.

Some
things I wore so much I am just tired of them, but still really love
them. I think fatigue is a valid reason to cull, or to keep, but out of sight.
For me, because I'm anxious about doing something rash, those items go in a special bin until I either crave wearing them again or until a future culling when I
can re-evaluate.

Gaylene

Veteran

OK, here’s another approach—one that worked for me when I did a radical downsizing in preparation for moving from a house with tons of storage to a condo on the coast.

Stage One: Go through your closet and pull out the items you LIKE best. Keep it simple, don’t overthink, and, as far as possible, keep the pieces in plain view (I spread everything out on a queen-sized bed.) Think of these pieces as your top tier—the pieces which rank as 8,9, or 10s—for how you’d like to dress now and in the coming months. In my case, seeing all the “best” pieces hanging out together made me realize that I did have a very distinct personal style even if I had never been able to articulate it in a snappy moniker. If it helps, write down a few phrases like “black as my neutral in the winter but navy in the summer” or “no ruffles!” I found clearly articulating these descriptions really helped me in the subsequent stages.

Stage Two was to take a few minutes to think about my life—travel, activities, special occasions, etc. and see what outfits /capsules I could create for different situations. If there were “holes” (like lots of tops, but no bottoms in a capsule), I dove back into closet to pull out adequate/functional/placeholder pieces as needed and added them to the piles on the bed. If there was obvious overload in an area (like 6 almost identical pairs of black pants!), I whittled down to the best of the best. The number of pieces, capsules, outfits, occasions, etc. can be as minimal or extensive as you want—it’s YOUR wardrobe, after all.

Once you get through these two stages, in essence, you have your working wardrobe. In my case, it was about 1/3 of what was in my original closet. At that point, I hauled out everything left in my closet and piled it on the bed in the guest room—and returned to my now empty closet. After a quick vaccum and dusting, I sorted, hung, and folded my now-functional wardrobe back into the closet. It felt amazing—until I remembered the ungodly heap in the guest bedroom.

Stage Three: Once I realized that everything I actually enjoyed wearing was in my newly organized closet, the problem of the guest room heap remained. Since there were no magic wands to whisk the stuff away, I settled on three arbitrary categories: Store, Donate/Give Away, and Sentimental.

In my case Store and Sentimental needed to be quite small because we were moving. If you have the space, Store might be fairly large since you can always “shop your store” if you need to add to your working wardrobe. Again, it’s your wardrobe and your decision. The phrases you wrote down in Stage One can be useful here in helping to decide what to store and what to let go—in my case, No Ruffles!

Note: I considered Guilt as a category, but decided to let that one go after some thought !

Gaylene

Veteran

Just wanted to add, that I think pulling out a functional, working wardrobe which reflected my current/aspirational style was a key element in helping me let go of the aspects of my wardrobe which were no longer working for me. Once I realized I had pieces I liked wearing—and that those pieces actually could work together to fit my needs—I became very picky about adding more back into my closet. If I was debating about whether or not to keep something, I just took a long, hard look at how well it worked with my keepers and where I was heading with my style.

ZoeyGirl

There are so many good tips here already, but I would add one:

Don't buy anything during this process. I am currently not buying anything as I wear out some pieces so I can reduce the size of my wardrobe. (I have had an expected pleasure of remixing pieces and pulling out seldom worn pieces, but that didn't happen until after a month of no buying.) The benefit I think you could have from this idea is that your mental energy can be on managing your current wardrobe, not on purchasing/ ordering/ trying on.

As you manage your current wardrobe, you may realize you are more settled than you think and don't need extensive decluttering. It seems like you are wanting to control your wardrobe during this time of change... By deciding not to buy anything, you ARE controlling it, without the potential oops/ need to rebuy. If you definitely want to declutter, I would still suggest no buying while you focus on that.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Sal,l think l need to pay more attention to the uncertain voice.l am just aware that l can find it hard to be objective about my appearance and consequently what suits me when life is not easy and that can translate into getting rid of perfectly nice stuff.
ChristelJ,some very good points,well made.l have a hard time with fatigue as a good reason to let go as it feels wrong somehow to get rid of perfectly good stuff which l am very lucky to own just because l am tired of it but l do think that it is a valid reason,just one l personally struggle with.
Gaylene,l have a no ruffles rule here too!I definitely have a guilt category,see my reply above!l definitely think your approach has merit,l just need the space to enact it. I will have a think.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Zoey girl,yes you are right,l don’t think adding more stuff to the pile is helpful is it.

Vildy

Veteran

Love Zoeygirl's point about wanting to exercise control over the wardrobe during difficult times in other areas.

rachylou

Veteran

I’m really in a similar situation. I’ve got an over abundance of clothing and it’s my corporate-environment type clothes that would be logical to chuck. I’ve been working on wearing out the uncomfortable trousers, but so far I’m hanging onto the suits and blouses because I love suits. Dresses are another big category that could stand thinning, but I’m clinging there too. I’m almost ready to part with Zoe Deschanel New Girl dresses because I can’t think of a way to make them look mean old lady enough, lol… I’m open to ideas though… sorry, that’s the opposite direction!

rachylou

Veteran

Ok … one helpful thing for me is to remember giving away current things in good condition is more helpful for those who will be acquiring them. If I think someone could make good use of it Now, that helps.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Vildy,l so agree.When we can’t control everything we look to control the things we can .
Rachylou,l am glad that you are on this forum.You carry on doing you and if that you is in a suit looking mean old lady,well go girl!

Runcarla

Veteran

I wonder if there aren’t times in our life that require a momentous personal decluttering, almost like a rite of passage? I suspect the closet is something we look to as we might metaphorically be shedding the skin of who we were as we evolve into something different?

I’ve experienced something like this in 2018 after I retired from the world of paid work, and through 2019. It took about 18 months to get to a place where I felt properly sorted, and involved both mourning and celebration.

I like Gaylene’s thoughts around finding your distinct personal style in the best of what you already have.

You can do this.

Bijou

Veteran

Cardiff girl, I am hoping to do something like this too, as I am gradually editing out older and less worn pieces. I appreciate the advice you have received. I used to move house on a regular basis, which kept things under control, having been in this house for 15 years coupled with Covid lockdowns has meant an unprecedented situation.

@Gaylene, thank you for your response, such a brilliant strategy, especially the part of letting go of the guilt.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I would allow yourself some grace as you cull your wardrobe-life has been challenging. Lots of good advice here. Maybe a good time to pack up items you are unsure of until you have a clearer vision of your new style. I also agree to shop your closet and try new combinations before culling. But do cull items that are uncomfortable, not in good shape, etc. And maybe sell expensive items if still current, otherwise donate them. But only if you don’t like them and can’t see yourself wearing them in the future, You mentioned not wanting to get rid of something expensive that you end up needing later. That’s where making sure you have something acceptable for weddings, funerals, etc. across seasons and different levels of formality is useful. But you don’t have to have the most perfect items, just workable ones. A lot can be done with basics and a third piece, scarf, jewelry, etc.

Also, what is the cost of keeping items? How do you feel when you open your closet? If stressed, there is a psychological cost.

I do keep sentimental items in a different closet-I enjoy traveling down memory lane.

12