FWIW, I'm also Team Give It A Chance.

And not that you asked, but somebody on Corporette dot com recently recommended this book about successful dating and I found it pretty interesting.

Hmm…I like the idea that was mentioned above. I found that dates "flow" really well if you can do something: maybe suggest a night of bowling (so dorky its fun), playing pool, a hike.

And, like you, I'm continually frustrated by the dating scene.

I am looking forward to the next instalment Anna- and I hope there is one.
From another long-time married to a 'nice-guy'.

Heh, static can build up.

I totally understand. I ditched a guy years ago who seemed so perfect in every way -- good looking, smart, musician, excellent cook, doted on me… but somehow it felt like he doted on me *too* much. Without getting into the psychology of how I respond to emotionally available vs. emotionally distant men, let's suffice to say his pursuit kind of turned me off. Sometimes a little mystery is appealing.

Well, if things are dead, you might as well move on. I mean, for better or worse, a girl has to have motivation to move forward. If you don't, you don't.

On a tangent, I think it's worth asking what's off or demotivating. I say so because I feel we decide ahead of time, in a vacuum, what we'll be attracted to. And results vary because nuances matter. I'm thinking of my boyfriend #3. He, on paper, had it all for me: tall, good looking (but not a pretty man, lol), successful, steadfast, of a practical capable bent, a dash of charming (and only a dash), not too chatty. But I found I didn't approve of him as a human being and still don't after all these years - and I know that's pretty harsh, because he's a good father and husband and worker. It's because being good is not at the core of his being; it's incidental. And I do care and weigh decisions against the scales of right and wrong. I think I've done a lot better making that micron adjustment in search focus - looking for someone less passively good. This sort of thing really doesn't matter to everyone; I just happen to have a nasty streak of religiosity and there are things I can live with and things I can't.

I was single and unhappy about it for a long time. Looking back, I think my sensors were quite off, actually. So, I'd suggest letting it get physical - since you already seem to think he is worthwhile, decent etc. For me, the first real kiss always said a lot, and often not what I was expecting. But if I didn't feel *it* on the first kiss, things didn't get better.
I know you said you have friends aplenty, and I see that you have a rich life with many hobbies, interests etc. But expanding your circle and being open to a new friend is not a bad thing either. That is how I met my DH. Hanging around the same old crowd was not helping me meet new people.

Adding my experiential two cents to the growing pile

Rachy just blew me away by summing up my marriage.
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Picking jaw up from ground.

Wait, what was the original topic?

Right, the question of B.

I agree with most of what crazyone says, except that I subscribe partially to ideas of gender polarity in intimate relationships, for myself.

When I met bf, he quickly made it clear that he was interested in dating me. I was open about not being up for dating anyone. Somehow, he found that narrow middle ground of maintaining contact without pressuring me, yet never slipping into the just-friends zone. He was very clever about it all, and never let one non-date end without having the next one planned. I found it attractive that he was willing to do all that work, while leaving me plenty of space.

Bf is not the physical type I'd have pulled from a catalog, all else being equal. But I already had a husband who was exactly my carnal type. Reference Rachylou. There are other physical types that would never, ever work for me, and I would never give a man in one of my absolutely-no-go categories a chance. So I can't vote for "give it time, Anna!" without knowing what flavor of non-attraction you feel about B.

Looks status is affected by other factors, for both men and women. Is there something you value, Anna, that if B. brought to the table it would improve your perception of his physical attractiveness?
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And just wanted to add, if he has trouble with you insisting to pay, that might be more about his cultural background than about his need for control.

You know, Amy, I don't suppose it's not an uncommon experience...

I say give it one more chance. I married my husband knowing he was a definite "no" when I first saw / met him. He pursued me for a while and look at me now married for 10 years.

Another goldenpig story here. Totally in team give the guy a chance. Sparks are great but highly overrated. There is no better spark than having a simple, reciprocal and "just not as heavy" relationship. Sometimes all of that chemistry, so avidly described as the gold standard, can really get in the way of building a strong and lasting relationship. All of my relationship mistakes, have always been fueled by the fact that I made concessions on the true wrongs because the " chemistry " was so great. I am very glad I found my simple love. I was tired of trying so hard, to be honest. I have been with my simple love for 10 years and although they have not been perfect, far from it, I think this is the one, I truly do.

For me it was: met a nice a guy, in friends-in-common circumstances, several times. I did consciously notice that he seemed like a gentleman, had an interesting/good job that he was engaged in, and eventually that he might be interested in me (from the sexy way he ripped out his Palm Pilot to get my email and invite me to a party....). But I was NOT physically attracted to him initially.

I'm kind of introverted and can be anti-social, and I almost didn't go to that party but forced myself out the door because of a NY resolution to meet new people and make more single friends. There was much drunken revelry and flirting within a small group of us... eventually and in context, he kissed me. I was shocked at the clear chemistry. We embarked on a very physical initial love affair and then turned out to be surprisingly compatible, and are now married with two kids.

So... there were no "initial" sparks. I'm reminded of the cliché that 90% of women are attracted to the same 20% of men. I had to kiss the frog to feel what were (are) some very serious sparks.

So kiss already

The last comment is a joke, btw. I realize being pressured to kiss someone you're really not into is kinda gross, and junior high, and stuff. I'm just sayin, you never know.

I would second what Adelfa said re paying and cultural differences.