Warning huge wall of text & there might be more than a few typos as written on phone
So as I've alluded to in last few years. I've been trying to get Dad to move closer to me; honestly since 2008, when I moved back to Seattle.
He lives in eastern part of the state about a 6 hour drive, or a very expensive flight. He keeps saying he wants to move & is working on it.
The house, well...he added a big addition back in the late 90's. It was never finished. I mean it has a roof & walls, but the inside isn't finished. Unfortunately he has filled up with crap so it'd be impossible to finish. I've come to admit he's a hoarder. Not reality show level, but still bad.
When I was growing up, it was a real neighborhood. Now it is student slums. Houses that have that have been converted into rentals.
He's going to be 87 in July & while healthy there are obvious medical issues. Every time something happens I have to take lots of time off work to go deal with because he's so far away. And sometimes he doesn't tell me things. Like one year he didn't want me to come home at Thanksgiving. He told me two days before it. Turned out he had anemia, but didn't tell me until he started IV iron infusions.
Last year I finally realized that he's showing signs of early dementia. Basically paranoia about things being stolen, by some guy who did some remodeling several years ago. The guy has since moved on, but Dad is convinced that he's back.
I was able to get permission from Dad to talk to his primary care doctor. Dad trusts me in that respect because I work in healthcare. Doctor agrees that the paranoia is an early sign. I went home in January & got appointment with doctor & Dad under the premise of prostrate issues. Doctor encouraged Dad to move closer to me. Dad agrees of course, as always, but has excuse of working on the house.
That same trip I was able to get financial & medical power of attorney. I also got a hold of a realtor. She toured the house. Also sympathized with how much crap I have to deal with, "big job".
I've been trying to scope out retirement homes near me. One was fantastic, but way too expensive. Dad has been going how he couldn't live in apartment, "because once you close the door no one cares about you". I'm thinking no one cares about you now Dad. You're the weird old geezer surrounded by college students. He has no friends left over there, they've all moved away. I've tried to get him to go to the local senior center for activities, but once again so many excuses. I've tried to show him things that a lack of social interaction is linked to mental decline. He does sodukos all the time. Makes an effort to read the Tuesday New York Times, that the Science of the Times. Subscribes to Johns Hopkins & Mayo Clinic newsletters on health. He has a PhD in physical biochemistry, in some ways that makes him a bit tricky to deal with because he knows enough to talk to doctors, hiding some issues. So he keeps himself mentally active that way. His hearing is really bad, which definitely inhibits social interaction. But has excuses re hearing aids.
Recently he decided he didn't want to work my realtor because she didn't take his remodeling seriously. Now he's working on the yard, because curb appeal. None of the student rental have anything approaching a reasonable yard, or they just park on it.
He's told me that I shouldn't be like him & not take vacations like him when he was working. Even though I've told him I'm using all my vacation to deal with him. FYI guilt trips don't work on parents. Ha!
I know a huge part of the problem is that I'm the only input. The rest of his family is in Australia, so they can't do much. Every time I try to talk to him seriously he says I'm ruining his day, dinner etc.
I'm just so, so frustrated. My life is on hold because of him. Some of my friends say I should let him be, but he's pretty much my only family here.
Thanks for reading. I just needed to get this off my chest.