Conflicting feelings about low maintenance hair - YouLookFab Forum

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Conflicting feelings about low maintenance hair

Maya

Veteran

I never thought in a million years that I would grow this careless about my hair, given how obsessive and neurotic I have been in the past, but it's actually sort of a relief not to have any standards anymore, after years of having impossibly high standards. I know I should feel bad and should be more willing to put an effort in, but I just don't feel inspired and I'm kind of digging the extra time it gives me in the morning.

I haven't had my hair cut since November and haven't had the urge to, whereas in the past I'd be clawing at the walls after about 5 weeks. I'm not really intentionally growing it out. I just don't know what I want and so I can't be bothered to find a new stylist and spend the money. In fact, today I got an offer for a haircut, facial, neck and shoulder massage, and all sorts of other services for only $60 and I didn't take it because I just had no interest.

In terms of styling, all I do is wash it and run a wide tooth comb through it. I leave the house every day with wet hair. No product. No styling. No tools.

My dad has been on my case about this and tells me regularly that it looks "shabby," and I can't say I disagree. But it doesn't seem to bother me that it looks shabby. It bothers me more that it doesn't bother me...if that makes sense. Believe me, it is bad if my dad notices. He never notices ANYTHING relating to my appearance.

I guess I'm just not sure if it's good or bad that I have become so apathetic. I have to admit it feels good, which makes me think it is good...but I place so much importance on presentation that I guess I feel like a hypocrite.

Anyway, I am not sure what the point of writing this is because I know I"m not going to change my habits, but it has been on my mind lately.

General

31 replies

Latest reply was from yublocka

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Maya, when I stopped blow drying my hair I ended up with a similarly cavalier attitude. Although, I do use a little mousse....and blow dry my bang lest is stick out like a mock-hawk.

catgirl

Veteran

Are you doing something better with your time? I don't do a THING to my hair. I wash it and leave the house with it wet. Because I'd rather SLEEP than do anything else. If it's making you feel bad, that's different but I still wonder why it makes you feel bad to not care. Are you being careless or just relaxed? You know, my idea of neat is my best friend's idea of messy - maybe you just need to redefine.

Being neurotic about not being neurotic enough - you'll drive yourself mad, and we need you here and sane!

Louise

Veteran

May welcome to the non blow drying club. I haven't blow dryed in years. I just wash it and run some morrocan styling cream through it to smooth out my frizzies and run my fingers trough it I don't even comb it except when rinsing out the conditioner. Your dad perhaps notices because it's such a big change from how straight your hair was x

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I am hair cavalier lately too. But unlike you, I feel the need for a good cut. I figure a good cut wil allow me to continue to be hair lazy but I won't look so scraggly. I just don't trust anyone here in redneck haven lol! I was thinking about asking the concierge on my trip to New Orleans in a few weeks for a stylist recommendation. I've been starting to obsess a little about eyebrows lately instead. Maybe I'm transferring my hair focus ha! Wanna join the brow obsession club as a diversion?

Maya

Veteran

Una, I don't think everyone needs to go crazy with styling and product, but I think most people do need some help. I definitely do. My hair has straightened out a lot, but it's still not pin straight. It's not wavy either. It's just scraggly and dry, and it's going to be scraggly and dry regardless of how I cut it, so spending $85 (which is the average price here) for a scraggly haircut that's just a bit shorter than what I have now doesn't make sense to me.

I always felt that hair is your most important accessory. You can have a perfect outfit on and if your hair looks bad, the effect is ruined. So I guess I just feel bad because I'm not following my own advice. It's the equivalent of me preaching about how people need to wear real clothes yet wearing sweatpants and sneakers myself.

lynne

Veteran

Maya, it sounds like you need something that is both polished and low maintenance. I haven't yet found it possible with my hair, but I know that it does exist.

Maya

Veteran

I don't think polished AND low maintenance is possible with my hair, and to be honest, I have never attempted to be "polished." For some women, polish takes a reasonable amount of effort. For me I would need to spend roughly 18/24 hours a day.

I also admit I do have high standards. I see so many women get "effortless" bobs thinking that they don't have to put in any time or effort, end while they are thrilled with the results, I usually have to bite my tongue.

I think I like messy, casual hair like you see on those J Crew models Angie posted yesterday and that is how I'd like to wear mine. It suits my personality, lifestyle, and hair texture a lot better than perfect sleek hair--which is what every hairdresser inevitably tries to give me and expects me to maintain.

I think their hair is probably healthier, which is why it works, but I could see myself being able to have hair like that after it has grown out for a while and I chop off all dry ends. So I guess I should keep growing it and growing it until I just can't stand it anymore. I honestly find very long hair MUCH easier to maintain than a bob.

Becky

Veteran

I'm still in search of the perfect low-maintenance cut for me. I do actually try to style and maintain my hair, but it always ends up looking a bit scraggly anyway, IMO. I'm beginning to wonder if the cuts which most suit my hair type are not those which flatter my facial features.

Maya

Veteran

Becky, you hit on a good point. I'm sure a super short cut would be ideal for me, but it would also look atrocious. The shortest I can go is chin length, and I'm sick and bored of chin length and shoulder length cuts. So the only other way to go is really long.

You also hit on another good point: That even when I do put effort in, my hair ends up being scraggly anyway.

Deb

Maya - you sound like you may be a wee bit depressed, which can lead to apathy. It's been a long, dreary winter, and it's hard to get motivated about anything. We really should all be hibernating ... the bears have got it right! I see no harm in continuing the way you are doing - it's what you want to do, and that's what matters most. Maybe with warmer weather, longer days, the shedding of heavy winter clothes, you'll feel differently. But my opinion, FWIW, is that right now you should make yourself happy any way you can, and if this is one way - go for it!

Diana

Veteran

I am another proud member of the low (no?) maintenance hair club! Honestly, I am just BORED by doing my hair (ugh.. blow drying. what do all of you ladies DO while you're blow drying your hair?) and I don't want to spend a minute more than necessary dealing with it. I also hate the smell and feel of product in my hair. So I pretty much wash, sleep on it wet, and brush it - that's about all I ever do.

Also, my roots are showing and I don't really care. =P

Full disclosure: I do have straight, well-behaved east asian hair, and my stylist knows that I won't be bothered to style it so she cuts it accordingly (I recommend telling your stylist this point blank - a good one will try to accomodate it).

Maya

Veteran

Funny Deb, you must have not been reading or posting last summer...am I right? Or maybe you just missed it when I went on numerous rants about how much I hate summer. It's my least favorite season! You speak of shedding layers like that's a good thing! I loathe it! I love the feeling of being warm, cozy, and covered and despise the feeling of nakedness in summer. Sweating and sweltering, struggling to keep my bra straps covered, making sure I don't walk on any grates, trying to find tops and dresses that are designed for women with actual breasts, having to shave every single day, trying to manage the oil slick on my face...THAT gets me depressed. Summer really sucks in terms of dressing.

I'm a cool and cold weather gal through and through. Don't get one bit depressed when temperatures drop below 60. I get excited. If weather had anything to do with my moods, I would be delighted. Plus I get to work from home on foul weather days. Even better. No, I don't think I'm depressed...either because of weather or otherwise. I didn't say I was apathetic towards EVERYTHING--just my hair.

Deb

Oh - I'm sorry Maya. I only joined YLF a couple of months ago, so I didn't realize you hate warm weather, etc.

Just wanted to help - everything the other women were writing didn't seem to pass muster for you, so I thought perhaps it was winter doldrums.

My bad.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Maya, I used to feel very similarly, especially when I literally had no money to spend on my hair. I ignored it and ignored it... then it was suddenly waist-length and I realized I finnnnally loved my hair -- and I didn't even have to style it, because "long" was now my style.

It sounds like you are interested in giving long a try... the only effort I really put in is to buy shampoos specifically geared toward long hair -- stuff that prevents breakage, because broken hair will really stick out when it's long. However, as long as it's healthy, your hair texture kind of becomes part of the style. I find that Pantene Beautiful Lengths and Dove Intense Damage Therapy work for me.

Maya

Veteran

Deb, no apology necessary. I was just amused because it underscores how weird I am. It's normal for people to assume I'd like summer and warm weather--but I guess I am gloomy and like clouds and cold

Rae, I think I'm on that path now. Waist length might be too much for me (I have fine hair), but looking back at my pictures with long hair, it did look nice (although I was still blowdrying it then). I figure if I can't stand it, I can always cut it.

Anonymous

Maya - I get my hair cut so that I can just wash and go. It IS possible to get a low-maintenance cut that you don't have to do anything with. Listen to your father and get a wee trim . Getting the ends evened up will make you feel as good as new. Just make sure you tell the stylist you will NOT be doing anything to it so it can be built into the cut. I am trying to grow my hair out at the moment and what I do is cut/color one time and then just color the next. Alternating like this allows me to get the length and the color keeps it shiny and the frizz down. and getting the ends trimmed does keep it looking well-kept as I grow it out. But I will admit I love my stylist and her cuts grow out nicely so I can make it for that length of time between trims.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Maya, I think you need to play around with product. I highly, highly doubt those J. Crew models have healthy hair! I mean, think about what a model's hair goes through!

Take some time to experiement for a few hours keeping everything you do within your time tolerances. You might just need to rub a couple of products in and that's it.

A few hours spent researching it and perfecting your low-maintenance routine could make you feel more satisfied with the situation.

Also, I hear you about NYC summer....UGH! Here in Seattle the grey is so oppressive...I doubt NYC winter's are as dreary (although they are colder and more snowy).

Patty

Veteran

Maya-- Maybe try some hair pins/clips/headband just to try something different and tame any wildness until you figure out what you want to do.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Do you really think that you care less about the way your hair looks, Maya (I know I'm cheeky). I think you've just hit on a style that really works for you and you enjoy the "shabby" integrity of the look. It matches your refreshed style. Also, sometimes growing out our hair makes it more manageable.

Anyway, you were so down on your hair last year. I am thrilled that you are at peace with it now. From what I've seen it looks fab!

Anonymous

We may never fully plumb the depths of your hair mysteries, Maya, but I'm so happy that you've made peace and are moving on.

Enjoy the fact your hair is no longer the bane of your existence.

Anonymous

I totally agree with Rae about long hair. The most high maintenance cut I ever had was a pixie cut. I let it grow out and after a somewhat awkward transition phase, I've never worked less or been more satisfied with it.

Scarlet

Veteran

I have to say that in the summer I was also super-low maintenance, much to my delight. I just added a little shine product, let my hair air-dry, and I was completely satisfied with it. This winter it requires a little bit of styling, I think because the dry air makes it less wavy. I hope that Angie is onto something that you are in fact finding that your shaggy 'do works for your style because I like having you as my hair twin, but I have to say as well that I remember photos of you with long hair and that was very pretty also. I agree with Jenava that the J. Crew models probably have damaged hair due to their line of work and they definitely are using product.

Maya

Veteran

I think it looks decent in the pictures I post here--mostly because when I post pictures, they are on days off. Weekends or holidays or working from home days. I can allow it to dry fully indoors or in a towel (which takes at least 4 hours). I never take pictures on days when I work. You don't see me on days when I have been out in the wind and cold, with a hat on. It's not a pretty sight. I would not say that I am satisfied with how it looks. I just really don't care. I'm so tired of thinking about it and being conscious of it.

Whether or not the J Crew models have healthy hair, I don't know. But they LOOK like they do in the pictures. It just looks natural and unstyled, but not stringy and dry like mine. I'm sure a lot of styling went into it, ironically, but I'm just talking about the superficial look.

Maya

Veteran

Oh, I also got a comment at work that unintentionally implied I had messy hair...or rather, not as neat as it used to be. It didn't bother me but it definitely confirms that I'm not just making this up. People really notice.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I know where you are coming from Maya, as you know my hair is wavy and sometimes it would behave with no effort where as on other days I would resemble Zelda from Terrahawks (still petrified of her BTW). Unfortunately I have no solution but can offer my commiserations.

Dashrashi

Veteran

Maybe I'm being dense but are you able to put it up/back? My hair is really, really, really grown out and in need of a cut. When it's down it just sort of hangs there and the ends are incredibly dry and frazzled. While I work on getting over my phobia of anyone who's not my stylist from home touching my hair, I've just been putting it up. Admittedly, a wet-hair bun is not the most professional looking do, but it's definitely neat. You might not be able to pull off a bun with your hair length currently, but can you part your hair and pull it back into a low ponytail? With a bit of product (if necessary), this pretty much always looks more neat and/or professional than hair worn down if currently scraggly.

If it's too short to even do that, maybe just pinning the sides back for sort of a half-up look might work. It's minimally styled but it gets the scraggly bits away from your face where everyone is looking while they interact with you.

I've worn my hair down to work maybe twice since I started working here (6 mos +). I wore it down once to a job interview (had recently been cut too short to pull back; see above re phobia of other stylists) and I kept touching it the entire interview--definitely not professional. So generally, wearing my hair up and/or back keeps my from thinking about it or touching it during the day. I save messy/bed-head-y/down looks for the weekend.

HelloKitty

Hmm…I think I’m understanding this:

1. Your hair looks bad – and that makes you feel bad.
2. You no longer waste time, energy, and stress on your hair – and that makes you feel good.
3. It’s difficult balancing these two things, especially when people only comment on item #1.

It’s understandable that you feel bad because no one wants to look shabby, especially someone as appearance-conscious as you.

It’s also understandable that people will comment on it because it’s a change, and because that’s all they can see (unless you walk around proclaiming your joy at no longer having to style your hair, which I doubt!).

The challenge is figuring out a happy medium, isn't it? I agree with some of the other commenters who said maybe you should try putting it back in a headband, ponytail, or some clips until it grows out long enough or you figure out what you want to do.

Megan

It sounds to me (and I could be totally off the mark here) that low maintenence hair would make you feel good but low maintenence with your current hairstyle looks less polished than you'd want.

Is there any way you could make you hair low maintenence and still feel polished? My hair now is medium maintenence- it's a short style that needs to be washed and blow dried every day. When I had longer hair, it was an every other day wash and quick updos- much lower maintenence.

Lisa

Veteran

First-I can't believe you leave the house with a wet head right now, and it doesn't freeze! Lucky!

Second-I think being able to wash and go speaks to the overall good condition of your hair (no fly aways to fuss with, that's pretty healthy hair) and that you have a cut that works with your natural hair texture. This is great!

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