Add me to the Peter Pan club as well! Even though the BF and I have responsibilities, we also have designed our lives with lots of personal freedom in mind.

Here I am giggling in my kitchen because I'm on Team Maya and Hanna as well. But as Jonesy said, I interpreted the question as becoming a grown up. It seems unlikely that Julie would realize she had become a man. ;p

Add me to team Maya, Hanna, and Patience. I think a lot of people go through major periods of personal growth when experiencing a great tragedy, having children, etc. And I don't think that being nurturing and taking care of others are inherently feminine attributes.

Jonesy, thanks for adding the academic perspective. I think it's great when academia actually provides a way for non-academics to better understand their lives and the society they're in!

I've gone through some more intense periods of personal growth (after a close friend's suicide, living with and supporting my boyfriend while he was unemployed for 4+ months). There are also some moments that have stuck with me and rapidly changed my perspective (when my parents were updating their will and asked if I would be my siblings' legal guardian if something happened to both of my parents, spending time in a shack settlement in South Africa).

I'm not sure we ever "become" but are always in the process of "becoming"...whatever (adult/woman/amoeba/person). I have greatly appreciated this thread and all of the sharing. Thank you.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, in the midst of taking on more leadership roles at work and having greater responsibilities and passion to make systemic change. In my late 30s, I am definitely in the process of becoming more.... confident, self-assured, direct, open. (Occasionally, the little girl inside me peeks out and wonders, who is this woman? ... That's when I know I have taken a step.)

And, having a degree of confidence that inevitably comes with paying attention to one's personal style has bolstered this growth. Feeling good about what I am wearing (as shallow as that may be) helps to support my ability to take on new challenges and face them without fear. So, in a sense, style is playing a strong supporting role in my journey.

And I love my black dress pants.

What a beautiful touching discussion.

I felt quite grown up when DH and I married. I'd just turned 20 and he 21. Looking back I know I wasn't grownup at all but I don't remember a time when I felt I'd shifted into grownupness. There was an awareness somewhere along the way that I'd never been alone and needed to get more of a sense of myself. I do think living on your own alone must be a good maturing experience that I missed. DH and I started dating 50 years ago and I wouldn't want to have missed any of those years. We don't have the kind of marriage where we have to do everything together but we always have each other to talk to or go do something fun with. But I think my interest in finding and dressing in my personal style is related to this identifying myself as individually me.

Late Bloomer, I think the secret to a long and happy marriage is exactly what you said. You don't HAVE to do everything together!

Hubbie and I have common interests AND separate hobbies too. For me it's fashion, for him it's all about CARS, although I love them too! And he totally respects my fashionista side. Been married for 34 years and I still like him! LOL

Oh my word, 66 responses and each considered and varied.

A few more thoughts on the subject.

I have no aversion to the term Woman, I am an adult female and feel no contraints. I am happy to celebrate both my similarities and differences with those of the same sex. I do feel in the last six months I have emotionally matured to the point my young adult' self has been left behind. I am ready to embrace this chapter and any challenge which may come along.

Lifes journeys are filled with immense highs and lows, each of which does leave a mark, we continue to change/ develop. evolve and I love this fluidity.

I do not view the passage to adulthood (Womanhood) as purely biological. If this was the case the laws for the age of consent, marriage, drinking alcohol and driving would be universal. Biology certainly does play a factor, but sociology and phsychology really do play as important a role in my opinion.

Julie, many hugs your way for all you have been going through. And what a thoughtful question to raise and many thought-provoking and touching responses.

I have a tough time with this question. For some reason, even though I am married, with kids, own a home, in my 40s, etc., I still don't quite feel like I am a grownup most of the time, but only still playing at the role. Even as a kid I was always the "mature & responsible one" so somehow those qualities do not play into my definition of a Woman/Adult. I have much more self-confidence than I ever did when younger, and have a bit of that over-the-top mindset that Sara mentions and which I agree comes when you are completely comfortable in your own skin. But I still often wonder, "Am I making the right decision?" when there are tough decisions to make in life for my family or me, and because of that uncertainty, I do not match the decisive grown-up image I carry around in my head. Yes, my head knows that is exactly part of being an adult, yet at the same time I often feel that once the uncertainty about life decisions goes away, I'll be a "real grown up."

*Whipping out the checkbook to write a check of $0 to Laura*

Regarding "woman" vs "adult", I think (hope) in this case they refer to the same thing since, unless I'm mistaken, we are all females here and thus obviously we're women. I -do- think the experiences we have as females differs significantly from men in many ways in part due to different biology and as well as social expectations and prejudices.

As an example, my DH and I have been together nearly 20 years. We don't have kids. Many people find that unusual and I especially take heat for it on occasion. DH never gets that. Ever. Society has expectations about what I should want and be like as a female. That certainly affects who I am. Those sorts of things affect all of us.

I'm happy to say, however, that at 40 I definitely get less guff about it. I think things have started to change too, and that choosing a life without children has become more accepted and common. Biology is not the only difference between men and woman; Sure, at birth it is. We have different parts and hormones. But gender affects life experience. Even thinking in a cold, scientific way (especially that, really) you can see how that would make a difference.

It's nature vs nurture. Both play a role in forming the individual. I come up against this all the time in my profession, and we can even make generalizations about behavioral differences based on sex, even when they are spayed or neutered.

Julie, you put it very eloquently. When I think back to how I was in my 20's, that is definitely a closed book but I never had a retrospective moment until it was long done. That's okay too. 33 was definitely the best age so far although I do have a soft spot for 9, 19 and 29. Of course, the decade points are arbitrary but it's fun to give significance to them anyway.