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Buying Under Pressure

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Cerinda started a great thread after Claire got her thinking about disagreeing with the bra fitter (you can follow the excellent discussion here), but then Cerinda's own words

"Intimidated, I bought two..."

got me thinking about how often we actually buy stuff just because we feel intimidated.
I wonder why we snap under that pressure, is it the salesperson's personality and/or selling skills, or we feel obliged, or something else? How often does it happen to you? Do you know right there and then that it's an unwilling buy, but you can't help yourself?
Or, you have a good strategy for such situations?

While thinking about this phenomenon I realised this is exactly why I don't feel comfortable in the small shops or specialised boutiques, although in an ideal world I would be buying most of my clothes and any other goods there, not to mention how I love browsing them and admiring the beautiful things and creative displays. But, the small space and close proximity of the salesperson do not offer me the anonymity and peace that the big (chain) stores do and I hate the feeling I've wasted someone's time but hadn't make them any business. Can anyone relate?

Over to you. I'd love to hear how you feel about the subject, big stores, small stores, how you fight off the brash and pushy salespeople, how do you resist buying under pressure, how do you secure yourself peace and quiet in the smaller shops without feeling you have to buy just because you walked in.

General

50 replies

Latest reply was from Marlene

columbine(erin)

Veteran

I'm not good at this. I hate to disappoint people. Looking forward to other responses. I've managed to hold my own on buying a car but generally don't go into the smaller shops especially now I have kids.

Anonymous

Yes, I can relate! I think the only way to get over it is to practice going into the small stores and walking away. When all else fails, I thank them for their time and ask them to write down the specs for the item I'm considering and being upfront that I need to think about the purchase. This works well for shoe stores.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Great question, Ornella. Thank you for raising it.

I am similar to you. I have felt most pressured in small boutiques. Same worry -- that I may have wasted someone's time. Most bra fittings, even in a big store, mimic the small boutique situation, because you are in there with someone who is giving you highly personal help. So it feels awkward to walk out with nothing.

I have managed to walk out without making purchases in those situations, but I do have to steel myself to it. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," and Angie's PPP ring through my head.

Another situation where I've felt pressured (and later, unhappy) is the common one of time pressure -- you need something FAST and don't have much in the way of shopping options. Of course YLF and wardrobe planning have helped enormously with that one, but it still comes up occasionally if I am invited to go somewhere or do something unexpectedly, especially in unusual weather conditions.

Gaylene

Veteran

My tactic is to tell the SA that I really like said item, but want a few minutes of quiet time to think about the item before buying it. If the SA or boutique owner is good, she'll usually smile and offer to put the item aside for half an hour or so. If I get any kind of attitude, I explain that I don't like returning items so I won't buy anything without thinking it over. At that point, if I still get pressure, I feel justified in walking away and not purchasing from that person or shop. Intimidation and pressure tactics don't make for a pleasant experience.

Even if I decide against buying the item, I usually try to return to the shop and thank the SA for holding the item and tell her I'll be back to check out the shop again in the near future. Especially if it's a smaller boutique, I usually find that doing so helps create a friendly relationship so I feel comfortable going back.

ETA: Regarding feeling bad that you've wasted someone's time by leaving without buying something, I tell myself that most small business owners would rather I come in and leave without buying than not come in at all. Getting potential customers through the door is a big hurdle for most independent shops these days. Most boutique owners are quite happy just to have people come in to browse their collections and talk about fashion. The owner of my favorite boutique once told me she doesn't expect to make a sale every time someone walks through the door, but she knows she'll make a sale if I keep returning.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I never feel pressured to purchase anything. I am good at saying "no thank you" - perhaps because I get lots of practice. I am also good at protecting my clients from pushy sales people. I am not intimidated at all.

I give pushy sales people a piece of my mind in a stern but polite way. There's a small store I LOVE, but the salespeople are the pushiest of them all. They hover outside the dressing room and tell you how fab you look when you're looking in the mirror. It's insincere and highly annoying. Do I walk out? Absolutely not. I love their stuff, and almost always make a purchase. I did tell them to give me some space in the dressing area though.

Joyce B

Veteran

I try to avoid that but when it does happen the items get returned. If I feel that I was pushed into buying I feel miserable and I need to recover my self respect. After all, the sales associate is not the one who will pay my credit card bill.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I don't respond well to pushiness -- I beat a quick retreat when that starts happening. However, I do sometimes feel pressure, and I hasten to add that it's internal, when I am building a friendly rapport with a SA. I feel like I'm getting to know them and almost making a friend, and I don't want to let them down by walking away empty-handed.

But recognizing this "guilt buying" is the first step, and I'm better at this than I was a couple of years ago. I have to remove any other people from the equation in my mind, and focus strictly on the item and how it makes ME feel. I slow down and take my time -- I'll even take a seat in the fitting room and check my email or something to give myself a mental time out and give a signal to the SA that they can move along to someone or something else.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

when I was in Tampa Nordie's last month for the impromptu bra fitting, I asked for 30D 30DD and 32C. We tried a 30D that was a no go, then a 32C and she declared it the one, wide enough on the sides. I asked if I should at least try on the other 2 there, and she said no, they are too narrow on the sides, not worth bothering. That was a wrap and boom! out the door with an $80 bra I wasn't at all sure was better than the $20 one I was wearing when I walked in. She even said, "fastest bra shopping ever, huh?" proud. Hmmmm
I returned it by mail 2 days later and hope it got received and processed.

Gigi

Veteran

Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem!

I've really been working on this and have been getting better. Part of it has to do with the fact that due to health problems, I don't have any extra money to spend on stuff I don't like, and I don't have a lot of extra time and energy to do returns. I've also been working a lot with telling myself that the store has absolutely no right to my money or to pressure me to buy. I am finally starting to get that through my thick noggin!

I was in Madewell some weeks ago and was highly pressured to buy a couple of tops. Now, I am an XXS petite on top (small EVERYTHING up top!), and Madewell's smallest size in-store is XS misses', and that might even run big. Well, the stuff was HUGE and way too long, going all the way to my crotch and having gaping necklines. The SAs (there were two!) were just glowing over how "great" I looked. The one top was a sleeveless top, and the armholes were way too big, such that you could easily see my bra through the side. They insisted that it wasn't that big a deal (!). Because they weren't being reasonable and wouldn't go away, I finally said, "I don't NEED to buy anything for my closet. I have everything I need already. Anything I buy now is just purely for my own enjoyment and needs to be perfect, and this top isn't perfect." And then I told them that I had to go because I had to be somewhere.

I think sometimes SAs are extra helpful (these gals were extremely helpful with getting different items for me to try) to make you feel guilty about wasting their time and so guilt you into the sale. But I know that I have to face myself when I get home, and to be honest, it's easier for me to face myself if I've been nasty to an SA (who had no right to pressure me in the first place) than if I've caved and now have to deal with the fallout.

AviaMariah

Veteran

I had an opportunity to go into a smaller store while I was in Seattle on a business trip (K.M. - kind of curious if this is the store Angie is referencing). The sales person was very "helpful". I ended up buying two things. One is a knit moto jacket that she brought in for me to try and I LOVE it! Total win. The other was a skinny pair of jeans that I knew were too calf sucking but she gushed on and on about how good they looked on me and I almost felt guilty not buying them. I was really mad at myself after returning home as they were not an inexpensive item and I couldn't return them as I don't have a local store. So lesson learned for me!!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I definitely feel the pressure too, especially when the SA is older than me (they usually are) and look down their nose already at me trying on their precious things ... this is why I usually prefer to shop online.

I had a SA insist I show her a dress that I was trying on. It looked good and I wanted to purchase it, but I didn't feel that I should have to show her in order to purchase it. She went as far as saying that the "policy" in the store was that she had to see it. I still bought the darn dress because it was so cute, but man, every time I look at that dress I remember her bossy-pants voice. I never went back there.

I also feel pressured to wear certain sizes too - like the sales people who tell me I look "like" a 2, even though I can't get the 4 to zip up, I'm clearly not a size 2 in your store - or your sizing is really inconsistent.

Gah. Online is my refuge.

Alana in Canada

(website)

Veteran

I am highly suseptible to friendly and helpful salespeople. It is one of the reasons I stopped shopping.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think I just make it very clear the entire time that I am the one making the decision. But if they still start invading my space, or telling me how great something is that obviously I have not decided on, I will tell them "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'd prefer to make this decision on my own. I'll be sure to let you know if I need another size or have questions."

You do have to be assertive and maintain control. It's your money and time and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilt because you shopped in their store and they provided the service they are compensated to provide.

When they ask "Is there something in particular you are looking for?" - that's my exception because I will tell them *exactly* what I'm looking for, making it clear I don't want a substitution (like polyester instead of silk/cotton blend), and this saves both of us some time if it's not to be found there.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I am not surprised to hear the issue resonates with so many and hopefully we're getting wiser with each new comment.

Angie :: I'm particularly happy you chimed in with your perspective and strategies because I am sure you are exposed to similar situations more often than most of us.

Gaylene :: I'll take a leaf out of your book and ask for extra time, then return if at all possible to inform about my decision.
Another thing is, it's about sharing the experience with others, so even if we don't make a purchase we're more likely to recommend a store to someone else if the experience was good in general.

Anonymous

I also sometimes feel pressured in small shops. I had a dear aunt who would always buy something in any small shop where she had spent time, although it may be something small and inexpensive. I borrow my DH's line. He always wants to think things over before buying something, preferably overnight if it is pricey. Angie's PPP policy and being more aware of what is best for my body has helped me to turn away from what has been pushed on me.

DonnaF

Veteran

Thanks for bringing this up, Ornella! I think this is one reason I don't like to go into boutiques or even brick'n'mortar Nordstroms and do most of my shopping online.

Peri

Veteran

I'm in the guilt group. Pushiness makes me so angry I will walk out even if I actually wanted something! I hardly want to go in WHBM anymore because of their pushy sales tactics. Push me and I'm gone.

Be nice to me however, and I am much more likely to buy. Sometimes good, sometimes guilt makes for mistake purchases when someone is so nice I don't want to hurt their feelings! I'm going to be quoting Gaylene next time this happens!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

If the SA has been particularly helpful, as opposed to pushy, I do what Gaylene does. I also keep in mind that the SA is NOT my friend

Gigi

Veteran

Peri, WHBM is the worst!

rachylou

Veteran

Higher end can be suffocating or intimidating because it's all chop chop. High powered peeps walk around and go *chop chop,* moving on. You go into such a place all floppy (which is anything less than chop chop), and everyone will want to strangle you. They'll push you looking for push from you.

Chop choppers also have a nasty habit of leaving service people high and dry. Or they get in the way - I mean the idea is you pay someone else to buy your mum her birthday present; you need to shut up, sit down, and respect the expert. So there's also the persistent cranky factor. Sometimes the shop girls get worked up and slap first, and you have have to shoot them back down. It's the wild west!

Of course, this is the old model. The new "tech model" is different. Staff is all offspring of your friends who will starve to death and, worse, whine some more if you don't buy the $500 yarn doll. That's not a shop you're gonna get out of sans yarn doll.

So in summary, the strategies are: 1) Let the Viking spirit flow in your veins, and smite* the shop staff left and right OR 2) Buy a driftwood cabinet to display your nice yarn doll collection.

...But wait! There's always a third way: Shop with your small dog whom you dress in a gingham bandana. It's got to be gingham. If you do paisley, you might get mistaken for a bum. Anyways, obviously this is my favourite strategy. Lets people know straight aways you're a moonchild and need to be left to drift in and out at will. You'll be quiet and undisturbing.
____
* You smite nicely of course. You don't rant about how you deserve to be treated better and how your money is as good as anyone else's. You say things like, *No thank you, dear* or *Aren't you a dear? No.*

crutcher

Veteran

I ended up with two expensive and uncomfortable bras because i just didn't say "no thank you"...Perhaps I was not as assertive as I should have been because I was out of town..no NOrdies in my town and I felt that the bra fitter knew what she was doing...In other words, I gave her my power...Not a good thing to do...I will definitely be more my own woman when I go for a bra fitting again...H ang it that I am not local and would have to drive a couple of hours to a Nordies...and I can keep looking for something better...Now, I feel better..smile..

Anonymous

Rachy, you are killing me. And I only *get* about half of your jokes!

Ornella, right you are. I'm actually really good at saying no. I had a friend tell me once that I was really good at setting boundaries, lol. I think that was a compliment, but since I'm an introvert, it's necessary to my survival either way. When I go into a fancy department store like Nordstrom, I have the feeling that I have no business even darkening their door. Their prices are WAY out of my league. I don't go there often, but if I do I'm looking for something really specific and if it's perfect, I just might fork out the cash. But it has to be an absolute 11. I'm quite up front with the SA's about my budget and I even encourage them to answer a ringing phone or help someone else instead of hovering over me, since I'm not likely to buy. I usually go in to look at something I've seen online like an Equipment or Vince shirt.

I had a similar experience with Talbots earlier this spring. I went in to look at a denim dress I had seen on line. and since I had called first, they had been nice enough to set it aside for me. The SA was very courteous, got the dress for me, waited outside the fitting room and declared it "super cute" but I wasn't convinced. It was much shorter on me than on the model, and the button front left a slit at the bottom that made it shorter still. It was also a little too wide in the torso and arms for my taste. Sure, it was close, but for me to pay $139 for a denim dress, it'd better be absolutely perfect. Some women might drop that amount of cash for something "meh", but I just can't afford to. Sometimes I tell the SA that I work with a Ten-Item Wardrobe, so each of my items has to be just right. That usually shocks them into silence!

The more expensive a purchase is, the more I need to walk around and think about it. I was at Last Chance (no returns) on Tuesday, and bought two pairs of really nice shoes, a cashmere scarf and some jeggings. I was in the store for almost four hours shopping for and playing with the items, taking pictures and mentally going through all the ways they could be worn before pulling the trigger. Thank God they leave you alone in that store. I am really much more comfortable when left to my own devices.

Susie

Veteran

In small shops I do like to be left alone. I'm usually not looking for anything specific there; I need to wonder around, touch things, and just see what speaks to me. That's not something that they can 'help' me with. On the other hand, I don't like to be completely ignored either. I've left stores and never gone back if they don't bother to acknowledge me at all.

I do prefer the anonymity of a department store where I don't feel like I am putting someone out by trying on a bunch of stuff that I might not buy. But some of my best loved items have come from boutiques so I continue to shop them. I feel like there are more unique, more special things to be had there than in the chain stores.

One of my favorite places to shop is Anthropologie. There's lots to see and I like the mix of home stuff and fashion. There's help if you need it but I've never felt pressured there.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Claire summed up my feelings perfectly: "I am really much more comfortable when left to my own devices." That's why when we were talking about boutiques the other week, I said that they weren't my favorite. Sometimes the salespeople are pushy, and sometimes it's just that having to interact with them in general drains me and I'm feeling particularly introverted that day.

Gigi, I also suspect that certain sales people have learned how to manipulate shoppers' feelings of discomfort or guilt in order to get a sale. There are certain stores, like the AT Outlet at a nearby outlet mall, where I tend to try on a crazy large number of items and end buying maybe one or two of them. It's not a full-service hands-on place, thank goodness, but often I am toting an armful of items by the time I've made a circle of the whole store, and often someone offers to start a room for me. I always say yes but feel somewhat guilty because they are quite helpful and maybe expecting a big sale but aren't going to get it. Same thing with Nordstrom, when I want to try a ton of stuff on but don't end up buying anything. When I was younger I used to slink away after nothing worked, but now I try to walk past the assistant who helped me and at least say thank you.

MsLuna

Veteran

I've gotten a lot better at handling pushy salespeople, but it wasn't easy in the past, especially when you're a people-pleaser by nature. In time, I got better and since I went back to school for counselling, my boundaries have strengthened.

I do have a peeve regarding this "pushiness". Ever go to a store that did not have mirrors inside your dressing room and you're forced to walk out and use the outside mirrors? It drives me crazy. Then, sales staff swoop at you then start making suggestions. That's also when certain sale staff get pushy.

Sometimes I just want to shop in peace!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I used to be so intimidated that even walking into a small boutique required major mental steeling. Now I have come to understand that the salespeople there are not just after their commission, sometimes they are simply bored and want to flex their creative muscles and help you. If you are polite and appreciative of their help/expertise they usually are totally understanding if you don't buy. Nonetheless, I do sometimes let their comments sway me or get nervous and feel pressured and have made major mistakes - particularly at cosmetics counters actually.

Anonymous

I'm with Claire in that somewhere where they leave you alone to browse in peace is my ideal shopping experience. I like to wander around and feel kind of anonymous, and I'm just uncomfortable if I feel like I'm being watched while I look at stuff. Even if it's more in my own head than anything else. And I hate having to come up with chatter while I'm browsing. Having to agree that that color is really pretty and it's so popular this year or whatever. I even feel a little weird in the Nordstrom near me because some of the salespeople recognize me by now.

I do like small shops, but I kind of have to be in the right mood to go in. And, now that I think about it, I'm more likely to get jewelry or accessories from them than clothes partly because it's easier to look at stuff like that without having a very "involved" transaction where I'll either feel pressured to buy or guilty that I wasted their time without getting something. In general, I've gotten better about not buying something just because I feel pressured, but I think sometimes I do the opposite. I'll recognize that I'm feeling like that, then just decide not to buy it so I don't have to deal with separating the guilt from whether I actually want it.

And, Rachy, I think you've explained perfectly why I sometimes feel weird in very high-end stores! Not that I go into them that often. But I'm on the extremely floppy end of the continuum (have never chop-chopped in my life), so they probably don't know what to do with me.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh Claire! The sad tragedy is the only part where I was kidding was the kerchief. See pic below - I usually call it quits with a gingham collar.

Aubergine - it's hard for people to switch gears. Rather than relax for a different kind of client, they stay all hyped.

One more Rachylou story: I was once in Gucci with my dad when I was a teen (yes, that's the only store in the world after Nordies). There was this poor woman in there too who didn't understand the setup, why the hovering saleslady. Big dustup. She freaked out, thought she was being stalked.

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Anonymous

@Rachy, is there some book, movie or TV show you can direct me to that uses terms like "floppy" and "chop-chop"? I feel like I'm missing an important cultural experience here, lol!

I just remembered. I resist being pressured so much, that twice, I have gone out of my way and inconvenienced myself to purchase a particular item elsewhere, just because I found the SA to be so overwhelmingly obnoxious. One was a perfume, and the SA showing it to me actually raised her voice and loudly scolded me for rubbing my wrists together after she gave me a spritz (I was young, and didn't know any better). I walked to the opposite end of the mall and bought it from a competing department store. Yeah, yelling at me and making me feel stupid is not going to close the sale.

The second was just last year when I was trying on sunglasses at a big box store. The manager was helping me and she was loud, overbearing and pushy. She kept telling me about all these discounts and percentages off, yet when she wrote up my ticket, some were not included. I felt like she knew she had me, I had been there for over an hour and a half, she had already run my prescription and when I asked about all the great discounts she had promised, she just shrugged and said they didn't all apply or couldn't be used together! I felt myself getting hot under the collar so I just said, "You know what? Let's just kill the whole sale. I need some time to reconsider the purchase at this price. You led me to believe it was going to be much cheaper." So I gathered my information and left. It was awkward just for a moment but I was so relieved when I walked out. I ended up ordering the same sunglasses online, and I had Costco make the lenses for them. I normally don't "use" stores to try on something and then look for a cheaper price online, but in this case, I felt entirely justified.

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