I think that is why I don't go into some stores even though I can afford to shop at the higher end retailers. I would feel pressured to buy and I don't like pressure it is stressful. I have to keep reminding myself that it is my money and it is hard earned. I'm not buying for the sales person I'm buying for me.

Claire, I can't be certain, but feel surely Hugh Laurie must deliver at least one chop chop in Jeeves and Wooster. A complete classic.

If not, surely Hugh Laurie does so in at least one episode of Blackadder.

Hmm... what else has Hugh Laurie been in?

Ornella, I often avoid small shops for this reason. Upscale boutiques are often quite expensive for my budget and are less likely to carry my size.

I've been working on saying no beautifully in recent months. I include a nice smile and a "thanks so much for help," and sashay out the door. I do feel like an actress playing a role. Once I actually, in my head, gave myself stage direction, "Smile. eye contact. exit quickly stage right." This goes hand in hand with my SING acronym!

On a related note, I said a warm "no" when approached to teach in our church's vacation Bible school today. Of course, I did offer my two children as my as stand-ins. I hope that can't be considered human sacrifice, cause I'm sure there's Bible verse or two about that! Hee. Actually, they love to be "workers" and get confirmation service credits, so it's definitely a win-win.

Rachylou, you are cracking me up--now I'll never enter one of those shops without mentally wearing my Valkyrie corslet and chanting my war song: Well, aren't you a dear... NO!

Chop Chop indeed! *still laughing*

I call it 'boutique guilt'.

Rachy, I love Hugh Laurie.

My local zara makes me feel this way! I don't go there anymore ... Plus kids are not welcome because they think the *pesky* kids are going to dirty their precious clothes. SAs glaring down your throat! So what can a mum do? I feel guilty and nervous even thinking of zara! I pop in and try to buy at least something (mostly) so that they don't think I am a waste of their time. Lol. Now that's pressurized shopping. I am improving now though. I have walked out twice from there the last two times with nothing in hand

And most of my purchases come from the shop (F&F) where the SAs get me. They even entertain DS (and know his name!) while I leisurely buy stuff :). Now that's a place after my own heart! Obviously they get more business from me, because I don't feel any kind of pressure to actually buy. I could walk out empty handed with SAs still smiling at me and waving goodbye to DS. And they would always tell me to come back the next week because they are expecting new stocks and I might like something. I heart that store

Just chiming in to say I haven't abandoned the thread, but I have a busy day ahead of me and will be back here to read and learn from you and think some more about this subject later in the day. After reading Rachy's and Claire's comments (those are where I continued in the morning of my time zone) I simply have to declare I need a lot more time to take all this in. And caffeine.

But, one thing is obvious and I haven't mentioned it in my intro post - I only talked about shopping in small stores, but shopping in high end stores in another animal altogether (we're talking gingham bandanas Rachy ). The feeling of being intimidated there may need a thread of its own unless a discussion develops here.

Please keep sharing the experiences and thoughts.

Once upon a time, I would allow myself to be pressured into purchasing but not these days. I always try to strike up a rapport with SA's and will always be honest. I spent ages in a Metalicus boutique in Melbourne recently because I wanted to try on some specific garments and see how the different fabrics fitted etc. It was a research visit and told the SA. She was amazing and didn't mind at all, in fact we had a lovely time:) My philosophy is it is my hard earned money and I don't want to waste it:) I am always polite and I more than comfortable to say that I need to go away and consider the garment. And I am not at all easily intimated. What I does put me off is really bad service or attitudes from SA's ... that's what will have me walking to the door:)

I think with age comes the wisdom or balls to resist the pushiness of sales people. I really don't think anyone has talked me into buying something I knew wasn't right that or that I bought because I didn't want to disappoint the salesperson.

They are just doing their job.

MsKatieKat, I hate it when dressing rooms don't have mirrors, too! Sometimes you just don't want to have to trot out into the public space to get a glimpse, you know? Because sometimes all it takes is one quick second of looking to know that something is not going to work, and you'd rather not broadcast that to the sales staff.

Maybe because I'm older now, I don't get many of the look-down-the-nose experiences in higher-end shops. (Oh, with the exception of the boutique in Santa Fe that I wanted to check out 10 minutes before closing time, when a SA all but locked the door in my face. Like, yeah, a woman carrying a camera worth a few thousand dollars can't afford your Marni, even if she is wearing worn jeans and dusty boots.) I do now get the glaze-eyed I-don't-see-you treatment from SAs who are probably barely out of their teens in some shops that skew younger though. Yuck. Ageism is alive and well. At least it makes it really easy to leave without even trying anything.

I understand the feeling and have bought a few things I most likely didn't "need" after spending some time with sales associate - I am thinking cosmetics counters.
Since I have worked as commission sales associate myself (oh so many years ago!) I have seen the tricks and methods that many SA's rely on. If I see those coming, I go the other way or get very firm with the "just looking" and go elsewhere. There is no need to be heavy handed or inattentive with help. I figured out early that by using a low pressure selling technique (offer features, suggestions and options, let customer look and decide) I would earn long term loyalty and make more sales over course of the business relationship. It worked for me.
Many stores are not commission based but do rate their teams on productivity per hour or week. No customer should be made to feel pressured and expect to be a customer for long.

This is a great question. If you asked me this a few years ago I would have said I always purchased because of pressure. I would feel bad that the SA spent their time and I did not walk away with something. But the more I've shopped, the more I've realized that those purchases have not always worked well for me. And I do not want to purchase any items that will sit unworn anymore so now I ignore the 'desire to purchase' just because I got extra help during my shopping. A simple 'sorry nothing worked today' is my line lately.

On another note, the more 'compliments' that a SA gives me, the less the chance is that I will purchase ANYTHING from them. Everything that I try on is not a 10, and the more I hear how 'wonderful' it looks on me, the less I believe what they say is true. I've walked away from items more than once because the overflattery has just gotten me miffed.

I used to feel this way until I worked in retail as a sales person and as a sales manager. Announcing at the sale person's initial contact that "I'm just browsing" is my favorite way to keep sales people from "investing" their time in me. It also allows me to look around and decide if I even like the merchandise and if they have my size. "I'm just browsing" also lets the sales person know that I'm not committed to buying anything.

However when I find myself in that situation where I've been working with a sales person for awhile and I'm on the fence about an item I ask "Can I put this on hold while I look at other stores?" My other favorite especially if I think they're being really pushy is "this just isn't exactly what I'm looking for." I also leave it at that -- and don't try to explain myself. Remember you don't have toexplain your reasoning because if what ever it is you're buying isn't satisfying on every level you have a right to leave it there (this also goes with my if you don't absolutely love it leave it at the store philosophy). There is no point in bringing home "meh"-type items you aren't going to enjoy wearing.

Chico's used to have the layout where none of the individual change rooms had a mirror, and you had to come out into the larger area to see yourself. I overheard several ladies complain about that, and the sales associates always commiserated but said it was corporate policy. They must have finally gotten enough negative feedback about it because at least in my area they've added mirrors in all the rooms in all the local stores. Reminds me of the first time I went to Loehmans and there was just the one big room with mirrors all around it. Now I think that setup is kinda endearing, but I sure wouldn't want to put up with it with a high end store.

Great thread. I have lots of "lines" that I use to fend off the over eager SA. At least help is better than being ignored. I haven't felt intimidated for a long time (exception being a recent bra fitting!) but it took practice and a certain maturing let's say. I try to give positive feedback whenever possible and say what I liked about the service.

Whenever possible at the shops I frequent most I cultivate "my SA". Kudos to our new J Crew where a young male SA learned my name, recognized me when I returned and has given helpful but never pushy service. Amazing to me as a fairly generic looking middle aged gal. I now make sure he is working if I want to "do some damage".

Too funny Rachy....

Hugh Laurie is *my husband,* as the little children say!

Ok, I made a leap from "small boutique" to "chi chi" right away, and then equated chi chi with high end. I guess that's not necessarily true, but I confess I can't think of any real shop that's small, specialised, oppressive, and yet not la-de-da... except this one I worked at for two weeks when I was a kid. I thought they were ridiculous - steaming the beefy tee's and polishing their boat shoes - and what I said was, "I don't think this is for me." They didn't stay in business that long.

Oh, I have to mention I'm too scared to go into Chanel. It's so dark and empty. Who knows what really goes on inside? And the makeup is so strongly perfumed. I'm even scared of the Chanel shop inside Bloomingdale's. Just strikes terror in my heart. It's always nighttime in Chanel. I'm just sayin'...

Great suggestions here - I have mostly given up shopping retail all together because of this intimidation. (GoodWill doesn't intimidate me - so I shop there). I like the lines you all use. Perhaps I'll venture in to a store sometime soon

I do most of my shopping online, but focus on places with good returns policies.

Nevertheless, because I live in a small city with only two boutiques for women, and because I like there to be boutiques for women, and because one of them has such lovely windows, I make a point of patronizing them both. I don't feel guilty on days I don't buy anything. The one I buy the most from, I know the owner. She's very good at suggesting things I would like. She has also been known to offer me, unasked, better than the usual returns policy. I wouldn't try to bring my noisy, handsome, sheddy PBGV in, even with his peacock print collar. I guess my point here is that it's good to have an in person relationship with a shop where your tastes are known.

I would love to take advantage of a 'free' makeup application at the cosmetics counters in department stores but I know they are not really free! The pressure to buy, the guilt at taking up their time - I just can't do it.
I like department stores for the anonymity to shop around, just make it so I don't have to find a SA when I want a sale rung up.

I have mixed feelings about SA "help". I love having help when it is actually helpful. I can tell when someone is just sucking up to make a sale. I rarely buy anything due to guilt or pressure. And I have no problem telling someone that "it just isn't me", However, I do like having another opinion when I'm trying stuff on. I have some sort of body dysmorphia where I think I need to wear everything too big. I always appreciate when someone offers to bring me the right size.

My strategy with SA when BROWSING when I enter a store...boutique, larger dept store....is, when asked, is to declare "i haven't been in in a while and I want to see what is new this season". If they ask if I'm looking for anything specific, I will tell them "I don't really need anything but always looking for something fun and new". At that point I think I'm wishy-washy enough that they give me space but still available if I need any assistance. I know they are doing their job and how they approach me is based on the company policy.

That being said, if I AM looking for something specific, I do put them to work. Sizes and options...BRING IT! And since I AM serious about buying, I will definitely give credit where credit is due. They want to sell...I want to buy.