Hi Anchie --

You're certainly not alone! I grew up in the wrong bras (well, I didn't really need them til pretty late in the game but once I did: wrong!) and my ligaments don't thank me for it.

I've become the Bra Intervention and Support (pun intended) person in my family/friends group. Have been the tag-along for about 10 women now, with repeats in there.

So I will give you all the cheerleading -- but also tough love.

I don't want to knock the online info too much but it's so much better to spend a couple of hours dealing with a real life person matching your body, needs, and preferences to what's in stock or available to order.

Whatever you end up in you'll clearly need a brand that does the smaller band + bigger cup combo. This is a great way to screen out shops that don't know what they're doing -- ask them about their range before going.

Random points below.

• If you hate shopping for X, know bra shopping without a fitter is worse. Truly. There's just TOO MUCH VARIATION in women as well as manufacturers -- even within the same brand. Just to start with you've got breast shape, spacing, FOB/FOT (full on bottom/full on top), placement (high on chest when supported or naturally lower down -- can affect what cup type feels most comfortable), distance from shoulders (not all straps are fully adjustable -- as you're on the petite side this matters). Then for design gore height, cup shape, cup distance and height...

• Once you've been professionally fitted, hunt online for bargains (discontinued colors, sales, etc). Trust me it will still likely be a PITA unless you're re-ordering, but you'll be a lot more informed about what works and doesn't.

• If you're striking out on shops, your hospital's breast cancer specialty patient support team should have a recommendation for fitters.

• You CAN opt for a bra in size A as well as a looser band size B. You're in charge. One of my friends opted only for size B vs the fitter's rec but given how off she was originally...it was still a huge improvement in looks and comfort!

• I do go up / down so when I've had a size shift I've bought as few as 3 to start and committed to replacing in a year or so (tip: dump in sink with mild cleaner when you take it off, live your life, rinse and hang to dry before bed -- but always make sure you have 1 dry one!)

• When you're hating the way all your tops look, it's probably a clue that you need a different bra or need to reorder. Can't tell you how many times I've had this "oh, rigggght" moment.

Good luck! I hope your fitting experience goes smoothly.

Anchie, do not be alarmed by the cup sizes. It is all relative, especially for smaller band sizes. I consider my self small chested, yet I wear 30DD/E (29.5" underbust, 34.5" bust) these days. I used to be a 30D and then a couple of kgs weight gain pushed me up a cup size. I find the actual size a bit ridiculous but I can not deny that it fits really well.

I looked at several web sites and watched videos before I went for a fitting this was one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jk55ep4XUQ
I got some information from this site but I did venture to Nordstrom for a fitting several years ago. I got a Wacoal Bra and have since bought the same ones on eBay new with tags for half the price.
I think my shape has now changed and my bras are all stretched out. I can't wait to rip them off when walk in the door so I'm guessing it's time for another trip to Nordstrom. I always dream of having a pretty bra however it seems as though the only ones that fit me are utilitarian looking

Yeah - I consider myself modest sized, but after years of wearing 36B I got fit in 32D and DD. SUCH a better profile! I also have one 34D. My undebust is 31 in and 36 in through the fullest part. When I'm ready to commit to a bra, I try it on with a clinging shirt or sweater to check that I like the profile. I bend my elbow to get a perspective of where the 'girls' are (should be at the mid-bicep.)

FWIW - I believe in a bra wardrobe. I have 7 (3 black, 3 'skin tone', 1 mauve). I like a minimizer for under button down shirts (helps prevent gaping) and a rounder shape for under knits. I have a pieced bra of stiff fabric and soft lace that I like to wear when doing gardening and yard shores because it is cool. The mauve bra has high sides and back and smoothes out 'back flab' but is also pretty!

Thank you all for your very helpful replies.
On my phone, on the way to the airport, picking up my DS20 who is coming from UK for his spring break.
Just wanted to quickly clarify few things.
I don’t consider my self busty - just average. And I honestly thought that I am fine with the band size - I mostly wear EU 75D and I measure 75 under bust and I thought that 75 size means that measurement. I only suspected that I need a larger cup size and was not sure if I need one or two sizes larger. That is why I am so surprised about the band size. And I don’t think I am petite - I am 169cm tall, which I think translates to almost 5’7” ?

I agree with JD—you need to shop around for shops as well as bras.

I did a fitting at Soma, a lingerie specialty shop in the US, over a year ago and was not impressed with the process or result. I suspect that the sales clerk there was doing it as a way to support herself through college or something. I tried again at Peek & Cloppenburg, mostly because we took a trip to Bonn & I didn’t have enough with me. The SA there was clearly a professional, and when she made an observation like that my breasts are spaced far apart, she knew which brands & styles are made that way. There is no way I would be able to do that looking online. It was a real lightbulb-going-on moment for me; I had never understood why I seemed to overflow some cups, but when I go up a size, they’re too big. Turns out they’re just in the wrong place.

It seems to me (& to my son!) that German women have bigger breasts than women in the US, and she did have a little bit of difficulty finding a smaller cup with a 36” band. That is something that can be searched online, though in a store it gets frustrating looking at one rack after another. The second SA knew which brands carried my size, so she could go straight to the rack. (I assume; I hung out in the dressing room & tried on a couple at a time; as fast as she was, I know she didn’t wander like I would’ve).

Anyway, have a great time with your son, visiting from so far away!

Anchie, well done for going for a wide choice and seeing where you get to.

I buy from Intimissimmi, they are mid priced and very good. The SA are good, helpful and kind.

Anchie,

I recommend Shapeez: https://shapeez.com/

The online fit calculator is spot-on and you can purchase through Amazon if you prefer.

Good luck!

FashiIntern - Peek&Cloppenburg closest to me is a small one and doesn’t have a lingerie department, but I may venture to a different one, good idea
Jane - I am familiar with intimissimmi but that is one of the stores where I have never seen cup bigger than D in smaller bands.
Column - I really like this concept, looks very flattering even from the back. Is it difficult to put it on?

Honestly, no. I just step into mine, per the recommendations. Works like a charm.

Column - I am very tempted, if anything in the current batch that I ordered doesn’t work, I will order those to try, thanks for recommendation. Only type that is available through Amazon is Silkee - is that the style that you have?

Column, would those be good for someone who finds regular bras with the clasp in back difficult to manage? She’s in her 80s, so step-in could be hard. I wish front-close bras were easier to find!

I always recommend getting fitted at Bravissimo if you can - https://www.bravissimo.com/

They are superb fitters, and they do strappy tops/pajama tops and clothing as well as bras!

FashIntern - in my bra search I stumbled upon Spanx Brallelujah at Zalando that has front clasp and great reviews.

Daisy Avalin - wish they were available here.

Anchie: I wear the shortee. Multiple styles are available via Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=sha.....b_ss_i_4_7

Fashintern: Unfortunately, I would not recommend these bras to most women in their 80s. You need to be able to steadily step into the circumference of your back.

Unfortunately Amazon.com doesn’t ship here, I can only order them through Amazon UK which has very limited selection. Amazon DE doesn’t have them at all.

You can also order directly from the website, Anchie, but I don`t know if the company ships worldwide.

Nope, not even to Canada

I knew I needed to be re-fitted recently because when I'd raise my arms the underwire would ride up. I thought I needed a bigger band but no, I needed a bigger cup.

I used that reddit calculator and it put me in a 32-34 DD. I went to Bloomingdale's, which is my favorite place to bra shop, as they give you lots of expert assistance. I was literally in and out of the store within 30 minutes! They put me in the exact same Chantelle demi bra I've been wearing for years, just in one cup size larger, so a 34D. I also picked up a Natori bra that is super comfortable. So beware those calculators are only a starting point! Also the calculators always tend to say I'm a 32 but that band size is wayyyyy uncomfortable. I'm right smack between a 32 and 34 band.

The shape of the cup is highly important and can't be figured out by the calculator. As is where the straps lay, and how wide or narrow the cups are placed, and a zillion other factors. Just went back to Bloomie's yesterday as my daughter needed to be re-fitted. I thought she was also going up a cup size but in her case she needed a larger band, same cup size (which technically a larger cup). We spent a lot more time this time, but she walked out with 4 different brands of bras and all of them worked well. They were more full coverage bras but with seaming that creates shape (no molded cups-- those don't work for her).

I'm no bra expert but my main take-away is that I am fuller on the bottom than on the top, hence why full coverage doesn't work for me, but works for my daughter.

One other tip a fitter told me a long while ago that may help you: a lot of women wear their bra band too high. It's supposed to fit lower, and not ride up in back. If it's riding up, you definitely need a smaller band. And when you clasp it, you want it to ride lower. This helps lift the bust in front.

I just went through the whole new bra purchase thing because, having lost weight (finally!), mine weren't fitting well. I'd seen a load of ads for ThirdLove and so gave them a go. The size they recommended through their online questions fit me really well and is super comfy. I haven't worn the lacey one yet but it felt good in try on.
I actually wrote a blog post about it if you want to read it. https://fifthandfinest.com/hom.....my-verdict
To be clear, I'm not promoting them in any way, I just wanted to give them a try and was pretty impressed.

Thanks--I'll look for those for her.

It IS possible to fit yourself for a bra, but most people are never taught how a bra is supposed to fit. The support should come almost entirely from the band, so the straps are not actually pulling things up or providing much support. I've found a well-fitting bra could almost have its straps cut off and would still be fine (of course they're not designed for that, but just to give an idea of how it would feel).

Additionally, most women need to go DOWN in band size and UP in cup size. As others have mentioned, cup size is proportional to the band size, so the D cup of a 36 is larger than the D cup of a 32. So as you go down in band size, you must go up in cup size.

Bras should lie flat against your breastbone. If the center is pushed away, that means that either the cup size is wrong or the style is wrong.

To find properly fitting bras can take forever and a day on your own, though. Finding a large department store or specialty store (NOT Victoria's Secret, who tries to fit you into sizes they carry) is much faster, and the associate can also recommend styles that will work for you.

Anchie, this is meant as a statement of support, no pun intended.

Bra fitting is an *insane* situation. As others have noted, cup size means nothing except in proportion to band size, band size isn't always the same size as your measurements, and -- please -- is there anything more unsettling than going to a strange fitter who tells you (if they know what they're doing) to "bend over and shake your breasts into the bra cups"? Um, seriously?

I had a Nordstrom bra fitter who was wonderful and put me at ease about all of this -- and then I moved out of state. Start all over again? Ugh.

Not sure where you are in the world, but in the US there is a trope of the DD cup representing the largest breasts one could imagine (because that's generally the largest cup size to be found in a department store.) In fact, "DD" by itself means nothing. In my current favorite bra, I wear a 30E, and I am not especially top-heavy.

Maddening as it is, I think the takeaway message is to go to a store known to have good fitters and then trust yourself as to whether the resulting bra makes you feel and look good. If it doesn't, then it's not right even if a "professional" has said it's right for you.

April, that's soon true about trusting your own opinion. I've found Bravissimo in my local city to be really fond of trying to put you down a band size from what you're wearing regardless of whether that band fits or not. Red welts on the skin is not a good look!

Anchie, I think we all have an outdated opinion that a D cup is enormous because for so long that was the biggest available. A 30E for example isn't really a big bust. I'm a similar size to Runcarla above, 31 under 37.5 over and you wouldn't look at me and think I had a big chest.

I hope I am not boring you with my bra saga. After realizing that I have been wearing poorly fitting bra my whole life without even realizing it, I am so impatient now to try good fitting bra to finally know how it feels. I just came back from my lunch break, I used it to go to shop where I usually buy my bras - Calvin Klein, Skinny, Tommy Hilfiger. I just wanted to try smaller band to
see if it feels too tight regardless of cup size. 32 was smallest band in the shop, and C was the biggest cup in that size. So I tried 32C of the same bra that I already have in 36D. And to my surprise I was able to close it on the tightest clasp and still able to fit my whole fist inside the band - it is extremely stretchy. So 30 band doesn’t sound like a such stretch ( pun intended ) to me anymore. I can’t wait now to receive my order, it hasn’t shipped yet. And if that doesn’t work out I will go to specialty shop to be fitted there. No idea where that is yet, and no one to ask unfortunately.

I’m not bored—I’m amused. Who likes to shop for bras? I get the reason for your rush—what you have now is uncomfortable. I hope you don’t mind my little giggle at using your lunchtime for a fantasy try-on session.
Btw, the bra I wound up getting that day is a Calvin Klein.

LOL Calvin Klein was also one that I tried in 32C and have in 36D

I spent most of my life purchasing bras and hoping they fit well enough. Finally, on a shopping trip with my sister, I went to a BraSmith store. I had a professional fitting and purchased 4 bras. They were expensive, but worth every penny. I do not have any BraSmith or similar stores near me. I have been able to purchase replacements of the 4 bras I bought online though.

What Janet said.

Anchie, get thee to a reputable lingerie shop for a professional fitting or you will be in trouble with me!