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Bra help/frustration

njw

While in Chicago 2 weeks ago I went to Intimacy. They were very good (as other blog members have said) but the least expensive bra they recommended for me was 150.00. I might be able to go to 90.00...is that unrealistic to hope to find a larger size bra (I am a 38 G) in this price range. Didn't get anything at Intimacy and headed to Nordstroms where they put me in a Chantelle 36G. After wearing it the first day I had red marks all over my rib cage where the bottom of the bra is as well on the sides of my breast. Yesterday went to another Chicago area Nordstroms and showed the clerk the way the 36G was causing red marks and she said I needed a 38G (Again Chantelle). Purchased it, wore it today and again red marks on my rib cage where the bottom of the bra hits. I am so discouraged that I will ever find bras that fit that I can afford. Are they supposed to be a bit uncomfortable for the first few wears? Is it possible to find a great large size bra under 90.00? Help please! If you have other ideas of who I should go see for a 3rd fitting in the Chicago area I am willng to try again.

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24 replies

Latest reply was from biscuitsmom

Maya

Veteran

I always hear of women complain about red marks but I am unsure as to how to help because I honestly don't see it as a problem. Red marks are a part of wearing clothes, as far as my experience goes. I get red marks from wearing my jeans, belts, watch, shoes, etc. It doesn't seem to bother anyone when it comes from those sources, but when it comes from a bra, it is suddenly considered a problem. Do the bras hurt? Are they physically painful to wear? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it. If so, you'll need to be more specific about how they hurt or are uncomfortable.

As for finding less expensive bras, Intimacy tends to charge the retail price. I am forced to spend that because my bras all require alterations, but if you are a standard size that does not require alterations, you can usually find the same bras for less online.

One more thing: It is highly likely that you might be different sizes depending on the brand. You could very well be a 36 in one brand or style and a 38 in another.

Steph

Veteran

I agree with Maya about red marks vs. actual pain/discomfort. The latter is unacceptable, but if it is just red marks with no physical discomfort, then I think it is just a function of wearing something close fitting right on your skin. If discomfort is the problem, keep trying other brands (Wacoal, Freya, Fantasie, La Mystere are all great brands for the well-endowed).

In terms of getting those brands for a little less money, this is the perfect time to go back to Nordstrom, because they are having their half-yearly sale. I get fantastic deals on bras during those sales. I would actually go to the store and have them fit you again, and then tell them that you are hoping they will bring you bras that are part of the sale. They should be able to do that for you. Once you find a few styles you like, make note of the style numbers and watch the Nordstrom sales to see if they become discounted. I have been known to buy six bras of one style because the price cut is so steep.

Also, I hope you got a refund for the 36G that was too small for you. If not, you should take it back and explain that you were mis-sized the first time, it was too tight, and when you returned to the store the fitter agreed it was the wrong size. It sounds like you're going to the Nordstrom on Michigan Avenue at North Bridge--I think you should have good luck there.

njw

Thank you for responding Maya and Steph. You are correct, I should have clarified my "red marks" concern. I wouldn't care if it was just that but the area stayed red, a bit indented and tender for awhile. Of course overnight it was then gone. Is that normal? Will they stretch out in a wearing or two? Should I hand launder them a few times first to sort of soften them and try wearing again or are these issues indicator I have the wrong bras for me? I really appreciate your input and help. As I said...I am very discouraged.

Queen Mum

Veteran

njw- I would give them a few wears. I just got a few new bras and they did leave quite the marks on me the first wear or 2 which I thought was odd... but I don't notice that anymore. You don't want to develop blisters of course, but if you wake up in the morning and all is clear I'd try the bra again. Definitely launder and try them again.

Maya

Veteran

I'd keep going. Bras stretch. A lot. From what you are describing it sounds like you just aren't used to it, as opposed to it being truly painful.

Whether you need a 36 or 38 is hard to say. There are so many factors. Personally, having heavy breasts myself, I need my band to be as tight as possible short of suffocating me, otherwise the sheer weight in the front causes the band to move around too much. The band needs to anchor everything into place. Some brands and styles stretch more than others, or just fit differently. You need to go by how it feels.

Maya

Veteran

Also, I love this list of "top five bra myths" written by Carissa:

1. If my bra leaves red marks on my body, it is too small.
Socks leave red marks, as do some panties. Even a hair band temporarily stationed around my wrist leaves red imprints on the skin and it does not indicate that the band is too constricting.

2. Making the straps tighter on my bra will lift my bustline.
Tightening the straps positions the bra better on the body, causing the cup to encapsulate the breast tissue more effectively. But the straps don't affect the height of the bustline as much as A) snugness of band, B) the best bra cup for your body, and C) the natural placement of the bustline on your torso.

3. I have to wash my bra after everytime I wear it.
In the heat of the Texas summer sure, wash your bra if its covered with sweat. Otherwise, use discretion to judge when its appropriate to wash your bras. If worn for a half day in mild weather, washing is unnecessary.

4. A bra expires after a certain date.
We have clients wearing bras that are five years old. Bras come and go out of rotation in our wardrobe for various reasons: weight changes, lifestyle changes (pregnancy, etc.) or we choose to stop wearing it for some other reason. When a bra is consistently uncomfortable, then it has expired.

5. The band should be comfortably loose.
The worst offender of all! Just a couple of weeks ago an acquaintance mentioned she had gone up from a 34C to a 36C because the 34 *felt* too tight. While I knew this wasn't the right move for her, being a C cup its not quite as imperative to have a snug band.

Vix

Veteran

Sorry you are having a less-than-easy process...I think many of us have been there! As other members have said, red marks are pretty normal. Unless they're accompanied by chafing or discomfort I wouldn't worry about it.

FYI, IME Nordstrom will have no problem giving you a full refund for whichever bra ends up being the wrong size. You just need to bring it back laundered (hand wash/dry flat).

[Sounds like the 36 needs to go, but again-in-my-experience Chantelle bands run a little big; maybe you want to try alternating the 36 and 38 for a few days?]

njw

Thanks to all of you. It helps just to have others opinions. I think I will launder the 38 (returned the 36, clerk just exchanged the 36 for the 38), wear it a few times and see if it "loosens up" a bit.

Also just out of curiosity and also to know if I am being unrealistic about bra prices. As I said the ones at Intimacy were all over $125.00 or so. That seems an awful lot to me but is that what many of you expect to pay for a well made bra? Maybe I have just been used to Lillyette, Bali and even Wacoal (which until now seemed expensive to me). I will say that I an see a big deff. in quality between the Wacoal Awareness bra I have & the way the new Chantelle supports me.

Maya

Veteran

More expensive bras have more parts. More parts = more support. The fuller your bust, the more support you need = the more parts you need = the more expensive the bra.

My mom is a 34G and almost had a heart attack when she saw the prices of the Prima Donna bras the fitter brought for her. The fitter then brought out some Chantelles, which are also expensive by most people's standards but cheaper than PD. But she could feel the difference. The Chantelles did not give the same support and shape that the Prima Donnas did, and she ended up just buying them. Since Intimacy is willing to do free alterations for the life of the bra, the cost per wear isn't that bad (unless your size changes frequently, as mine does, but unfortunately I need those alterations).

I will add that they do tend to jack up the prices, which I don't like. I tried on this bra and it was hands-down the best fit on me:

http://www.laurela.com/Brand/L.....mi_Bra/108

But even at $178 it is way too expensive for me. At Intimacy it was $207 though. I wish I wasn't such a difficult size, or I would definitely just buy all my bras online. I just don't have that option. The range in a 28FF is very limited.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Ive bougt both Wacoal and Le Mystere and to tell the truth, neither compared to LB Cacique Blconette bra for support and comfort! I wear a 40G and had previously tried other Cacique bras and was NOT impressed, but their Balconette line is *really* different than the others...and the price is around $40. If you try any of the better name brands, I'd suggest looking on eBay- Ive gotten NIB Le Mystere bras for $50 with free shipping. I'd highly recommend the seller 'saks6thavenue' for some great deals and excellet quality!

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Chantelle, especially, will stretch a LOT. I loved the first couple that I bought but I stopped buying the brand because they stretched out so much so I didn't get a lot of use out of them. I think this is why I don't feel so overwhelmed by paying a lot (and taking really good care of) my bras. Large busted girls just gotta have that support! That said, I usually only have 2 in regular rotation (not counting my Freya strapless bra) at any given time- currently two of the same model in a dark and a nude color. I just cannot afford more.

njw

Now I am curious Jenava...what brand do you now like after deciding Chantelle stretched too much?

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Currently I'm wearing a Natori style similar to this:

http://www.natori.com/ProductD.....20Coverage

I have it in dark brown and nude. It's not the greatest bra in the world, but it's OK. Also, it's held up well. I've had the brown one for a year and I'm still wearing in on the middle hook.

I also think Freya is good for large busted girls - that's what my sister wears, and that's the brand of my strapless bra. I get my bras at Nordstrom, so my experience is limited to the brands they carry. I like styles that are more like the balconette style bras (which is mostly what Chantelle is, which is why I initially love they way the fit). Some brands, like Wacoal, don't fit me even when I wear the right size - the cups aren't the right shape. Usually I outline what I like and don't like to the sales person and the put me in a room and bring me a bunch of stuff to try on. (-:

I only buy about 2 bras a year, and I pretty much will pay any price if it fits well. That said I've never paid more than around $100.

Steph

Veteran

This is probably really obvious, but what hook are you using on the bra? I assume you have it on the biggest hook right now, but if you don't, wear it on the biggest hook for a few times. Once it breaks in a little, tighten up. I think a lot of women purchase bras with the idea that it has to be worn on the tightest hook, but you should actually buy it so that it is snug on the largest hook. That way when it stretches, you can still tighten it up.

njw

Thanks to all of you for suggestions. I would be interested in knowing for anyone in the size of area of 38DDD and not in their 20's or 30's or early 40's (they just start falling ha ha after a certain age I think) what specific bras you have had luck with. I almost feel at this point like I am the one who will have to find the right bra for me .... maybe not but my goodness I have seen 3 diff. woman who are supposed to be trained in bra fittings and not alot of luck (OK, I am discounting the Intimacy recommendations because I just cannot believe I have to spend 150.00 per bra to get a good fit)

Maya

Veteran

Well as I said, my mom is a 34G and she is going to be 59 this year, and she likes Prima Donna. I'm obviously much younger than she is and I am only a 28FF (haha, "only"), but I also have a Prima Donna bra that is currently being altered. She got hers at Intimacy and I don't remember how much it cost but I'm sure you can find them online for less. I had to pay the full Intimacy price since I needed them altered, and mine was $104 I think. It is only $11 more than I would have paid online, and I would have had to pay shipping anyway:

http://www.herroom.com/Prima-D.....-Bra.shtml

This is the one my mom has:

http://www.herroom.com/Prima-D.....-Bra.shtml

Honestly, I do think if you have THIS much trouble with bras, you should go ahead and invest in the best ones you possibly can. I don't like to spend money on bras either, but I do it anyway because I am hard to fit and I consider it an investment in my comfort and confidence. If you liked the bras you tried on at Intimacy, then I would just bite the bullet and get them. The thing about Intimacy is that they fit bras to you, not the other way around, so if something isn't quite right or isn't comfortable, they will adjust it, alter it, felt it, and adapt it until it works for you. Considering all the trouble you have been having, don't you think it's worth spending a little more? Maybe Intimacy isn't the best place for bra shopping for the easy to fit, but that isn't us and we have to be realistic about that.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

NJW, I'll be 50 this fall (yikes!) and Im close to you in bra size- I wore a 38DDD for the longest time, then gained some weight so when I tried the LB Balconette I had to go up to a 40F, and Ive never had a better fitting bra! It is SO not like the others they carry- not even like other Caciques- I really wish you would try one...I think you'd be very suprised at the fit and support..I know I was, and you cant beat the price...c'mon, humor a newbie-lol!

njw

Thanks so all of you again...I love the YLF women. I promise I will go LB this week Biscultsmom and try the bra you have been so happy with and then report back. If that doesn't work out then I think I will do what Maya recommends and go back to Intimacy and just bite the bullet and maybe buy one now and then another in a month. after I save up.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

nwj, in the Chicago area I highly recommend going to Betty Schwartz. They are in Deerfield and Highland Park. Great fittings and reasonable prices for large bras. The last time I was there I got Chantelles for about $85 apiece, and at Nordstroms (also great fitters) I got Natoris for $90.

As for red marks, I always have them no matter the bra or size or age or anything. I've gone between a DD to DDD so I'm not little. I figure it's just the way it is; that elastic has a lot of stuff to hold up!

njw

Thanks for the H. Park recommendation. I will actually be there to attend an event at the Botanical Gardens in a few weeks. May give B. Schwartz a try. Thanks for sharing your experiences/recommendations KristinKP

elpgal

Veteran

I have to second the shout-out for Prima Donna bras. I have the second style Maya has listed and it has held up for over 2 years without any problems.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

NJW, So glad to heear you will try the LB Balconette!! Please make sure it is that one though...the other lines in Cacique are not nearly as good for those with big busts(IMO.) I wish you the best of luck finding one that works...it is really hard, I know, Ive tried so many brands it was getting ridiculous, but when you do find the perfect one (and you WILL) it'll be so worth it! Buy 2, if you can!

njw

Went to LB and there were at least 3 Balconette styles so wasn't sure which one you are endorsing? Is there a name or identifying style no. I should look for when I go back?

biscuitsmom

Veteran

NJW, The only one I had great luck with is the 'smooth balconette' bra....the others didnt have near the support...item # is 36851 Right now they're having a buy one, get one 50% off, so the color selection in my size online is very, very limited and I just found out that not all the LB stores carry F cup and up! So you may need to wait if they dont have your size.....but it IS worth the wait, anyway! Good luck!