Body dysmorphia for ITs (others too!) - YouLookFab Forum

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Body dysmorphia for ITs (others too!)

catgirl

Veteran

I have recently had to size up in a number of items to fit my shoulders (jackets and shirts). In general, my top is one size larger than my bottoms most of the time because I'm an IT. There are days when I feel like I'm all shoulders!

While size numbers themselves don't bother me, it is making me feel a little weird, like I can't really tell what size I am or what I look like. I have the odd experience of people perceiving me as petite (I'll often get remarks, especially from guys, about how "tiny" I am), when in fact I feel taller and bigger, and the sizes I wear are in line with that feeling.

Also, I feel I can pull off an oversized look because of my shoulders, and that makes me FEEL bigger. Again, I don't always mind that, but sometimes it has the opposite effect of making me look small and fragile. This is why I veer toward stompy boots and tuff girl looks - it's a deliberate contrast to that impression.

I'm not upset about any of this, just wondering if I'm not in tune with reality. It's like the first time I heard a recording of me singing - it was awful and I was all "That's ME?! Dang, I need a tune-up!"

So does anyone relate to FEELING a different size than you actually are or than you look?

Body Type

52 replies

Latest reply was from Hopsie

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yes, I feel wider than I probably am. It could be that from the front I do look widest - due to my hips/upper thighs. But once I turn at an angle, like we often do in real life, I appear to take up a lot less space lol. I started noticing it after taking a few pics from the back and from the side. And the biggie for me was goofing around dancing with the ps3 Move a few months back - I watched the playback and it was almost like looking at someone else! Weird.

Sarah A

Veteran

yes, i have always *thought* i was much bigger than i actually am. my husband has started point out ladies about my same size and i am always amazed thinking that they are actually much smaller than me! i also always thought i was more of a pear/hourglass shape (my legs always looked much heavier than my sisters growing up) and as i try to use a more analytical eye i think i am more IT/rectangle (maybe ill get a picture posted for some objective comment someday). strange how our minds play tricks on us...

MsLuna

Veteran

Oh yes! Most people comment on how tiny I am... "what really? I wear double digit clothing sizes!). I'm not IT but I have a large bust and a protruding and squishy belly that will never fit any pair of store-bought pants. Getting back into sewing forced me into objectivity and made me realise that my body is what it is...

Another thing too is those cameras. In an event people compliment me on my appearance and after all those pictures are taken I look 3x bigger and "blobbier" (as if I have no muscle tone - which I have!). I always find this frustrating

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Yep, in India, most of the women have larger busts too, so I never felt busty there. Here in France, a lot of tops, especially button up shirts aren't made for women with larger bust sizes :/ sometimes it makes me feel like having a 34D bust is a problem!

Astrid

Veteran

I actually look much smaller from the front than I am. I think my pictures might me a bit deceiving sometimes because of that. I have to say that I don't really feel like there's so much difference between my top and bottom half, but there's most of the time a difference of one or two sizes. With my grey dress that I had to tailor on top I even fit into the top half that was three sizes smaller, LOL! I have days were I feel more like I'm all hips and bum, but most of the time I'm not really seeing it.

kellygirl

Veteran

Yes, yes, yes! I feel like a moose even though I *know* I'm not. I've seen back views of myself in heels and I think I look like a man in drag. Other times, I've seen photos and think I look fairly proportional and on the small side--although never small and fragile. I do feel like substantial footwear makes me look more balanced so I tend to wear slouchy/big boots and sandals with chunky heels.

catgirl

Veteran

Kelly, I totally understand. I think I'm a shorter and smaller boned version of you. I often wear the same size as you in the shoulders anyway. And now that I've gotten back to climbing, my shoulders are growing even more - my Ted Baker dress is a little looser due to a bit of weight loss, but the armholes are now cutting into me!

I will say that it's easier to downplay my shoulders with a winter wardrobe. The only time people comment ("Wow, you have a swimmer's build" or "I can see why you rock climb") is when they see me in a bathing suit or a tank top, and then it's obvious that I'm all bulk up there.

"Man in drag" - LOL! They should be so lucky!

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

P.S. What does 'IT' stand for? And now that I'm seeming dumb anyway, what does 'K/R' stand for?

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Kirti - IT stands for inverted triage and K/R is keep or return.

Una - I find looking at my WIW posts that I don't FEEL like I look like that, you know? There are days I'm feeling ok about my body and not thinking about my mid section and then I look at the photo and go "yikes...I'm all belly", and there's other days that are the opposite, where I feel huge but the photo doesn't show it. Drives me nuts.

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Oh thanks Shannon! Sorry I'm asking such a silly question, but I just couldn't figure it out

Sona

Veteran

in my head...I'm smaller than I am? My low post pregnancy applicious belly always makes me size up in pants. I could slip a size 6 jeans over my hips and thighs..no problem..but it would no button around my waist ever ! I have come to peace wih sizing up I think but I stilld ream of a magic nip and tuck so my reality could align my dream/fantasy/perception?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I feel like I have fat rolls all the time; even though it usually isn't the case. But I have some body dysmorphic traits; so that's probably why :p

I find taking pictures helps, because you can be very objective.

Meredith1953

Veteran

I had to ask a week ago what K/R was. And have been itching to ask what IT meant but now courtesy of Kirti, I have the answer!

I have been identified as a combo hourglass/pear and I wear a 6-8 but feel like the camera puts an extra 15 lbs on me. I love classic, simple styles and In my heart I feel sort of gamine (think Sandy Duncan, or Jean Seberg) but can't seem to translate that into reality yet.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I bet never look like what I think I look like. Ever. If I think of myself, it's not like a snapshot but more a blur of emotions and expressions. In one way, that means I never really have a physically accurate picture of myself. In another way, *maybe* it means I have a more holistic view?

I'll tell you one thing, I freaking HATE when the chubbo pooching over my waistband wobbles when I drive. That feeling adds 10 mental pounds in a blink.

Scarlet

Veteran

I always felt larger than I am. Not in a bad way, I just feel like a bigger, taller, wider, stronger person than people perceive me to be. I actually have pretty broad shoulders for my height. I would be IT except my hips are also wide-set. I actually like my broad shoulders. I think I like them on other people too, because often when people complain about their shoulders in WIWs, I think they look perfect. Probably I don't have a thing about it on myself since for me the difference is wearing regular sized clothes rather than petite clothing, so actually it matches up with my perception of myself.

catgirl

Veteran

IK, I have a superfit friend (not married, no kids, exercise nut) and I remember watching her put on her seatbelt one day and thinking "Why isn't she bi-segmented like I am?!"

It is hard to tell what the camera is doing for me anymore... I think it's more objective, but with certain clothes I feel the mirror better reflects how they look and move. Sometimes taking a picture will clear my vision too, and I can see what you all see when I was not able to consider it before.

Joy

Veteran

When I was 11 years old, I was one of the tallest in my class. Now I still see myself as taller than I am and find that some of the things I'd like to wear are overwhelming on a 5'3".

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Ha ha IK. I hate the way I get driving muffin top! In fact that is my test of good jeans, how do they feel when driving?

I feel very pear-like. Yet, I purchase the same size or bigger in tops and jackets than I do in pants. And, my measurements would indicate that I am an hourglass (35.5-26.5-36.5). It's just that my thighs spread sideways and it makes me feel like I have saddlebags. I totally relate to everything Mo says about looking bigger or smaller from different angles.

My measurements say one thing but my brain, when it sees a mirror and especially a picture, says another. Yes, that is classic body dysmorphia.

Aziraphale

Veteran

This is a topic that hits home with me, Una, because I have unusual measurements that make for buying wildly different sizes in different garments. My measurements are roughly 34"-28"-34", which sounds like a perfect hourglass, but in reality is just isn't! A 28" waist means a size 8, but 34" hips means a size 2 or 4, and a 34" bust is size 6 or 8. So I find that with low-rise jeans, I'm often a very small size, but with a skirt that fits higher at the waist, I'm often a size 6 or 8.

Also, the body measurements do not take into account what the rest of your body looks like. I have lean arms, square but bony shoulders, and athletic-looking legs. So despite the fact that I don't have a small waist, or a small bust, the overall impression people get is that I am very tiny (especially considering that I'm short, too).

I've often wondered about whether this played a role in the body dysmorphia I had as a teenager and young adult. Because my waist wasn't proportionally tiny, and waist size is a kind of barometer for overall thinness, I thought I was bigger than I actually was. All my insecurities were focused on my midsection, which at the time I thought was fat.

catgirl

Veteran

That's exactly how I feel, Elizabeth, and we share many of the same body traits. Thanks for putting it so well. That's why I said in another post, "I'm bigger than I look, but smaller than I feel,"

ironkurtin

Veteran

Elisabeth, me too! I mean, the disproportionate waist. My mother is a serious hourglass, but neither my sister or I are. After years of rowing crew, she has wide shoulders and a round tush. I, on the other hand, remain relatively up and down. When I am VERY skinny, you can see that I have cheekbones and the waist lack isn't so obvious. But when I'm regular weight, I feel chunkola, because... well, no waist!

Or as I like to say, no HIPS.

bj1111

Veteran

sona, i have the opposite problem. anything that t can button without needing to tailor, i can not pull past my knees. pear with heavy thighs.

una, two words have helped me get thru many a morning...skinny mirror.

catgirl

Veteran

Where do I find one? Or do I have to just steal it from Nordie's?

Isabel

Veteran

Hi AG ! For me, it has been more of not KNOWING what size I am. That is such a weird concept to me....Kellygirl asked me the other day if a skirt ran "true" to size and I had no idea. I have been pretty much the same size and "shape" since I was 16. It got to the point where I could look at something and tell if it would fit and flatter. I also got really comfy with certain brands. I knew what size I was in AT, LE, JJill jeans and so on.

I third, Elisabeth's comments. I never realized before that places like AT and ATL fit me almost perfectly off the rack and that this was a HUGE anomaly. Now nothing does fit...or least nothing that I am used to . Two of my anti-cancer meds have given me a fifty-year-old man's stomach ( and it's not Brad Pitt's ). So pants are SOOO hard to find right now. To fit the waist, they don't fit the bum, or to fit the bum , they don't fit the thighs... I also cannot wear shirts with princess seams or anything delineating a bust. My bust will fit, but my stomach won't. I honestly feel as if I have never dressed myself before. It is giving me vertigo.

YOu get the picture. It is discouraging to me because now it really takes a lot of energy to find things that fit...and 85% of what I have gotten since my weight gain has needed tailoring. It is so difficult because for me it is a total paradigm shift from what marketers tell us ( or don't tell us ).

I feel as if I am not even at dysmorphia but rather "HUH ???"

I am probably making no sense right now, LOL !

ironkurtin

Veteran

Isabel, I think huge unexpected body changes are allowed to throw you for a loop! As if you don't have enough to cope with, now you have to struggle to find clothes that make you feel fab. I've had sudden figure swerves happen to me exactly twice so far, and one of them was a happy event (pregnancy) - but both times, finding the clothes that I liked was a major undertaking. I wish you luck and recommend Eileen Fisher from ebay!

Isabel

Veteran

IK - thank you !!!! I forgot about Eileen Fisher !!! My two pregnancies didn't cause me as much havoc as this has.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I really love Eileen Fisher. It's good quality, wears well, is flattering (I wear it happily without being plus-sized!) and the fabrics and cuts are really great. If you know your size and what you need, I can look for you on ebay if you'd like!

Isabel

Veteran

That is sooo nice. I can look on ebay. I am not all too sure of my size - so I have to break out my measuring tape.

You are a good "friend" ! Thank you !

Jonesy

Veteran

I'm not sure how I feel about my shape/size...it seems like my perceptions shift with the wind, almost. Most of the time I feel giant, because I am, but sometimes I don't. I usually like or even love feeling giant, but sometimes I don't.

ETA: I've thought about this some more...I mean, I know I'm not *giant* like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk :). But I am quite large in terms of height--I do stand out because of it. But for the most part I enjoy being my size and really love my body; heck, I wear 2-3" heels which adds height, of course. And I am more physically strong and healthy now than I have ever been (running and yoga daily, lots of walking).

Looking at my WIW pics has been so interesting for me. I used to think I had huge boobs and really large shoulders/upper arms. Now I can see that my boobs are not out of proportion at all (wearing a minimizing bra also helps!) and my shoulders are fine.

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