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Being verbally attacked for being "small" ... :(

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

So; total 180 here ... remember how I was moaning about my tummy bulge? I was eating an apple and logging it into my iPad calorie counter when someone made a quip about how small I am.

Also this; from the Target website re: Jason Wu - "By the time I got there at 9 am there was pratically nothing. And what they did have was all in size small or extra small. Real women don't wear that size!"

While I understand that not everyone is a small or extra small, am I not real?

Gah; wish everyone would just be happy with the weight they are!

Shopping

42 replies

Latest reply was from DeniseP

Sunita

Veteran

Grr...How rude! I get some similar comments...and I'm not even that small (5'3" and 120 lbs). I just smile and do my best to ignore it.

Sometimes I wish I had it in me to zing them back....

Anonymous

Agreed!

I think every size comes with challenges. It's easy to envy someone with longer legs, smaller waist, bigger breasts, smaller breasts...but what's the point? We are the way we are because of our geneology and the choices we've made.

Don't let it get to you. ((hug))

Jyoti

(website)

Veteran

I don't appreciate it when others use this argument for discounting my concerns about shopping or fit. I'll be chatting with someone about how difficult it is to find pants that fit properly, and most of the time what I get back is "Oh, you shouldn't be talking! Look at how small you are! You can't talk about shopping issues! Me on the other hand..."

That and when people make rather socially inappropriate comments. I was doing a clinical session with a few other medical students where we were standing around a bed, and one of the guys mentioned that I could sit on his shoulders to see the patient since obviously I was too small to see what was going on otherwise. Mostly it doesn't bother me, but there are the few or repeated comments where I wish they'd just stop already! I'm short and not sized like a normal person! I get it!

Solidarity!

Isabel

Veteran

Lyn, may I add a wish ? I wish that people would focus on health and not weight.

I wish ( ok, two ) that people would have more filters...and that if you truly ARE concerned, pull them aside and have a gentle, compassionate talk.

I once heard someone say that a jogger can run 5 miles...because they RUN everyday to keep up with it.

( I used to be very small....5'6" 120 lbs. and people would make such nasty comments to me, too. God forbid I ever said anything about wanting to excercise to get more stamina or strength... )

Now it is a moot point ! LOL ! Now some of the people who thought I was too skinny have no problem looking me up and down and saying, " Boy you've gained quite a bit of weight. " God forgive me, but I get a "little" satisfaction saying, "Yeah, I had cancer and I am still being treated..." Shuts them right up and makes them turn apple red.....but I don't recommend "getting" cancer in order to use that that pithy comeback LOL ! ( One person who saw me during the weight gain said to me ..." It's about time you put on some weight, at least you don't look anorexic anymore. " I responded, " Yeah, too bad it took getting breast cancer. " OK, I lost my filter there for a while. )

Was this YOUR rant....

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

You're totally right, ladies!

@ Sunita - Oh; I assure you, I sometimes do.

@ Lucy - No one in my family is big; except for my grandma that likes cakes. Heck, she's super happy. She lives above a bakery with the best cakes EVER.

@ Jyoti - when I was on orthopaedics; everyone assumed that I needed a stool (okay, it was true, I was the shortest person there because I wasn't a linebacker built - haha); you'd think medical students, we'd be more caring towards each other about these kinds of things, eh? I can't get pants to fit. I give up!!!! I used to go shopping with a friend who got mad and never shops with me anymore because (for a similar reason to you); being skinny means EVERYTHING automatically fits!!!!!

@ Isabel - AMEN! I am not a very healthy person (eating tater tots right now); I wish I had the strength to run five miles! I am getting better though - I used to be able to walk exactly 1 block. My booking agency asked me to lose another 5 lbs. Luckily, I had enough common sense to ignore them - normal people are supposed to be able to walk!!! Ugh.

// Ranty.

Love you ladies.

Isabel

Veteran

Lyn, I am in the same boat ! My 80 year old dad with a pacemaker can outwalk me right now. In March I am starting a program to "condition " myself...maybe it will help my lack of filter recently !!! LOL !

My blood crashed a couple of weeks ago, I proceed to catch a cold, and it turned into pneumonia. Coming back from the doctor's and being on MORE steroids (makes you gain weight ) I went to McDonald's !!! ( Your grandmother, the one above the bakery, does she like guests ? Just askin' )

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Oh; I'm sure my dad can out-walk me; he works a very physical job and I am a desk jockey. I try to work consult service so I can walk around the hospital - makes me feel so much better

At the gym; there would always be people that stared at me. One lady asked me why I was at the gym ... I thought the answer was rather obvious and told her so in not very kind terms (I was quite quippy that day). She threw a water bottle at me. Luckily, she has bad aim. Man; I was such a lippy teen (I think that was like 15 years ago).

Anonymous

Angie's post on this subject was one of the first I read on this website:

http://youlookfab.com/2010/12/.....women-too/

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Thanks so much Claire (and Angie); what a great post!

"After all, skinny women are not all part of a secret society that is conspiring to keep the fashion industry obsessed with their body type." made me lol. Darn; then who am I paying my membership fee to? :p

dottie

So many people have their own issues, they feel the need to reduce someone else's concerns just because they don't share the same idea. I don't get it either. Remember, it's their issue and don't let them plop their issue onto you.

Isabel - Amen to that!

Mochi

Veteran

NOBODY has the right to say anything critical about anyone's body to anyone else. At least, not a perfect stranger, or anyone who has no good reason. Sheesh! My daughter at age three knew this!

catgirl

Veteran

YUCK. No need to even acknowledge this sort of rudeness. We're all real (although sometimes you seem impossibly hip and fashionable to me!).

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I agree, no one should criticize others for how you look!

Feel free to ignore those losers. They're just jealous over how fab you are.

Actually you DO look thin and petite in your WIW's, I was shocked when you posted your stats and you were the same size/height as me. You seem pretty average based your stats--count yourself lucky that you look so slender!

I know Asians tend to be shorter in general than other races, but I wonder if Asian women also tend to look smaller than they really are because of the stereotype of the demure quiet little girlish Asian woman? I know I've dealt with this before with patients and others (even though I admit I AM rather shy and quiet and young looking for my age). Now I'm wondering whether I look my height or whether people think I'm smaller than I am too.

Oh, and I would love to trade stores with that Target poster--all that was left in my Target was L and XL!

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

I had people make negative comments about my weight before and the bad part was that I don't think they even thought that their comments were rude and in poor taste. My former boss saw me eating a piece of cake at the company party once and said"oh, I thought you were thin because you never ate anything". That is pretty typical from what I get regularly(I am 5'1, 100 p). A lady that I know from church, recently took me aside and told me that she was concerned that I had anorexia because in previous gathering I didn't want to eat greasy fried foods that were served. FYI, I'm a healthy eater and actually love fruits, veg and don't care for any junk food. I guess they think that telling overweight person"oh, you are so heavy, you should eat less" is rude but telling a thin person "you are so thin you must eat more" is ok

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

As someone on the opposite end of the size spectrum, I wish I could show this post to entire segments of the curvy community who could use a reminder. People get so busy ogling the greener pastures on the other side of the fence that they forget to notice the people gazing longingly right back at them. There are pros and cons to every human state, and more people need to remember it.
My friend Sophie has been very slender since we met at age 13, and I used to watch her take all kinds of flack for her weight. Never mind that she's naturally fine-boned. One particularly obnoxious girl kept making quips about how she must be anorexic, and one day Sophie reached the end of her rope. She whipped around, yelled "Anorexia is a serious medical condition, not a descriptive term!" And treated this chick to a pretty great harangue on the whole subject. I'll bear experiences like hers and Lyn's in mind if I ever reach that supposedly exalted land of straight sizing.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Amen to the health comments!

There have been many times when people would drop off sweets and treats at my desk that they didn't want to eat because of their diets - some would get mad if I turned them down. As if I'm calling them fat just by watching *my* weight? As if I have a duty to eat until I'm as big as everyone else? Even though it makes me feel tired and clogs up my heart? I can only speculate at the reasons, but all sizes have their issues...

ETA: I'm not even that small... especially for my age. It was just relative.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

How silly people are! Whether small-sized or morbidly obese, women of every size and shape are 'real'. Shocker. I NEVER understood the term "real women" (as that Target forum writer uses it), which wants to exclude people on the lighter end of the scale. Yes, professional models are "real" - they are working women earning a paycheck in the fashion industry, and that is it. Are they thinner than average? Usually. And...? To diminish someone in order to elevate others is never a decent idea.

mirrorlight

Just chiming in to say I've experienced this myself - comforting to know others have felt the same way. We are all real women, regardless of size, shape, etc. I just wish some women could remember that before opening their mouths...!

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

When someone comments that I am small, I take it as a compliment. We are supposed to accept compliments with grace. What I don't take as a compliment, is constant teasing about being short, not being able to reach things, etc. So I am with Scarlet on the short-person bashing.

catgirl

Veteran

Just to add to the "inappropriate comments" thread, I have a friend with a serious neurological disorder that causes her muscles to spasm constantly. She is severely underweight and can't eat solid foods without choking. She talks to me all the time about how she misses the joy of CHEWING. She is an incredible cook and can't enjoy her own cooking any more but still cooks for others because that's the kind of lovely person she is.

Anyway, I can't tell you how many people have told her they "wish they had her problem" so they could lose weight. Oh right - you wish you had a disease that made you have to retire early from teaching and left you unable to sleep, sit through a movie, walk or run comfortably, swallow food, and kept you in constant pain?

It's unbearable.

Jewell

Veteran

So sorry you had to deal with that! I can totally relate. I am sometimes amazed at the comments other women feel they can make about my weight and size. Apparently it's okay to say things to thin women that one would never say to someone who was overweight. Those comments used to really get me down, because heaven knows I tried to gain weight but I simply can't get much bigger than I am now. And I don't dare complain out loud about having a hard time putting on weight or even talk about wanting to exercise for fitness purposes for fear of being nailed to a wall. Fortunately, I've learned to let most of it roll off my back.

lyn* you are as real as any of us and as long as you know it that's all that matters!

HelenInCanada

Veteran

Alaskagirl, what absolute fools to make such a comment! It steams me up. Though this can be a great source of humour too. I remember a scene in Splash (sue me - it's one of my favourite movies ever!) when Daryl Hannah is wandering around Bloomingdales, and the sales woman tells her she wishes she had her figure so she could wear such-and-such - and then says, "My daughter is SO lucky - she's anorexic." (!) Pure gag worthy.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Wow, Una, it is absolutely horrendous that anyone would wish for an illness just to be thin - but that they've said this to HER? Ugh, it makes me so sick... can we make empathy classes mandatory in schools?

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

I feel uncomfortable with weight talk in general. I never know what is the "right" thing to say and it also seems like remaining silent is ALSO the wrong thing to "say".

However i feel like i'm never allowed to talk about my weight or issues because of the fact i am slim (in real life, not on this board). I recently was trying to talk to someone about it; for the past few months i have been eating what i want, sometimes quite piggish and my body has been continually dropping weight and i was expressing how i am starting to get a bit concerned for my health/hoping something is not wrong with me and the person's response was, "Wow i wish i had YOUR problems." Gee, thanks for listening! *eyeroll*

Una - just read your post. Apparently this is a popular thing to say. -_-

Isabel

Veteran

AG... the story of your friend reminded me of something someone said to me two years ago. I don't know if you recall, but two years ago, an artery burst in my stomach ( the past couple of years have not been "kind" to my health ). I almost bled out and needed 14 blood transfusions in 2 days. I sent 13 days in the ICU and couldn't eat for 20. The doctors put a line directly in my heart to give me Liquid nutrition. That's how I ate for 3 weeks. After a couple of months recuperating at home I ventured to the grocery store where I ran into a neighbor. She commented on my weight ( or lack thereof ), after I explained what happened, she said, " God, I wish one of my arteries would burst ! "

Back then I still had my senses, today I would have helped her with a major bleed.

Do you think that they go home and say, " Why did I say that ? )

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Una, that story is just beyond shocking. It is horrible.

Lyn...I was going to do what Claire did and point you to Angie's post on the subject. Real women come in all shapes, all sizes. I do think perhaps Asian women in particular are subject to unfair stereotyping about size/weight (and are assumed to be smaller/lighter than they actually are, at times...or worse yet, EXPECTED to be tiny simply because they are Asian, which is completely unfair).

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Wow; the nerve of some people to say such horrible things to my lovely ladies and their friends!

I don't know how you stand it! Too bad people are so mean/not caring gah.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I've been both obese and bulimic and have had people comment negatively on my weight at both ends of the spectrum. It seems there are certain people in the world who just want to be judgemental idiots.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

((hugs)) People can be rotten sometimes.

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