Possibly I need to duck after what I am going to say here but I would like to get another spin on this subject.
I think that sometimes we say things without thinking them through. I know I am guilty of this as well and then I beat myself up for saying such a silly and possibly offending thing unintentionally but it is too late to fix that.
I am not defending anybody here but unless these things were said with a malicious intent (which they are often not) I just don't pay any attention to them and don't allow them to bother me. God knows how many of them I heard on the account of my much taller that average height since I was a teen! Some of them may have been meant as compliments but because I was so sensitive to that subject they were all offensive for me. Now it is a different matter all together. I always take them as compliments and don't think about this another moment.
Oh, and if those people are being mean and malicious I am not going to give them the satisfaction of spoiling my day!
We cannot change other people - does not matter how hard we try. What we can change is our reaction to the unwelcome words. Life is too short to worry about this.
<ducking out of sight now...>

Sveta, no need to duck. Your thoughts are wise as always. Thanks for your perspective.

Lyn, you saw my blog post and know how I feel about this topic.

Some people are malicious while others are just insensitive without really knowing it. Either way, you have to hold your head up high and just get on with it.

ALL WOMEN ARE REAL. End of story.

Honestly, I have been fat and I can totally understand how people can make comments such as "I wish my artery would burst," and "I wish I had your disease." I don't think I ever said anything like that out loud, but I know I thought things like that because I felt just. that. desperate. about being obese and not seeing any hope of overcoming it. In fact, in the end I underwent major surgery to remove most of my stomach in order to cure my obesity, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Yes, it's insensitive and seems completely crazy but it's hard to understand the constant negative judgment that's put on obese women unless you've been there.

None of which is to say it's even close to okay to make personal remarks about ANYBODY's body shape or size!

Well, that's just annoying. Quips about physical attributes are always hurtful, even if not intentionally so. As a fellow teeny person, I'd just like to say, Stand strong and love the body you're in, and don't worry about what people say. Actually, that's good advice for every woman.

People can be insensitive. I know I'm occasionally guilty of shooting my mouth off without thinking. Perhaps the person meant it as a sort of compliment, like a backhand way of saying, gee, I wish I were as tiny as you. And the comment on the website about how "real" women are not a size xs or s? Probably written by someone who wishes she were a size xs or s.

MaryK, I do know what you're saying. My friend has lost weight due to an illness; at the same time I gained weight post-pregnancy. We used to be exactly the same size. Certainly no one has said to me, "I wish I could gain weight like you did", and there are times when being around her gives me some real body dysmorphia issues.

I guess being seriously overweight or underweight both can lead to serious limitations and medical consequences. That's why my New Year resolution was to focus on fitness and health rather than weight and numbers.

It is great to have your perspective as you've seen both sides of the coin and are honest about it.

Sveta, yes, that is what made me wonder if people go to bed at night thinking, " did I just say that ? " Believe me, I have there, but never about someone's body - probably just out of luck.

MaryK, ironically enough, NO ONE obese or even overweight has ever said something like that to me. Ever. My neighbor, for example is probably a size 10-12 and she is 5'11" . I think people who are large understand the health issues and feelings of hopelessness others feel when someone is really sick.

I agree with someone here who said that it almost seems as if one's mere existence is somehow a judgement of someone else.....it is too bad that some us have such painful thoughts about ourselves.

Yes AG, we all just need to be healthy !!

People can be awfully rude sometimes. I think it usually results from a person's own insecurities and self-centeredness, but I think it's usually thoughtless, not malicious. I know, that doesn't make comments any less hurtful, but when I hear of people making rude remarks, I try to remember that they are coming from a place of pain.

Many years ago, I once complained about my weight (which was about what it is now) rather thoughtlessly in front of a colleague who was rather overweight. I was also in the midst of a period of my life defined by depression and deep self-doubt. It wasn't until later when my head was in a better place that I thought about how unkind I was -- to her and to me. I am thankful that she is such a kind person that we are still friends.

So yes, I think it's very possible that later on, these people think "Did I really say that??" and cringe at their insensitivity.

Yes, people need more filters. We live in a rude society.

Unfortunately, I think that many women in our society are programmed to be obsessed with weight. Many of the rude comments mentioned above stem from this. The comment about wishing that "she had an artery burst" reflects so much on this person's attitude towards weight, ie she'd rather have her life in danger, just so she could lose some weight! A few years ago, I had to have oral surgery to remove a tumor, which turned out to be benign, but at the time there was a possibility that it would be cancerous. I mentioned that I would be having surgery and out of work to a colleague and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Well at least you'll lose weight". The statement was made when I weighed 115 at 5'4", so I didn't feel that weight was an issue for me. I attended a conference with the same person a few years later. There were snacks at break and one of the choices was a Dove Bar. I don't remember if I had one or not, but the same colleague went through agony trying to decide if she should have one. It was really disturbing to see. She finally did "cave" and I had to spend the remaining afternoon listening to her guilt over a popsicle! I far as I could see, she was a normal weight, but certainly didn't have a normal relationship to food or her body. It was sad to see.

Oh; I love Dove Bars.

Nomnomnom.

No one should have to feel guilty for the occasional treat

It always seems strange to me that other women can say disparaging hurtful remarks about other women. We all have our insecurities and I would think other women would empathize and choose their words more carefully. We come in all shapes and sizes and it is hard enough to come to a place where we accept what we perceive as our flaws without others contributing to them. We need to be our own best friend and love ourselves and honor our bodies and ourselves by dressing as nicely as we can. Thus endeth the sermon!

Linda..I just feel so bad for that woman. I can't imagine being tortured by a Dove bar ( I am not being facetitous ). This whole thread brought to mind Demi Moore, who right before her breakdown was only eating 1 lettuce leaf and a tablespoon of tuna a day. ( according to the news ).

Why do we torture ourselves like this ?

AMEN Meredith !!!!

After reading everyone's posts, I'd like to add:

People who make inconsiderate, rude comments are to be ignored.

Don't take it personally.
More than that, turn it around and say something nice back.

Apparently, their mouths are much bigger than their brains.
And no, you cannot "teach" empathy in schools. This comes from the heart.

We're all different, and have unique body issues to deal with. But the "real" person is who you are on the inside. It's not the outside that makes you who you are.

And the ones who criticize the outward appearance are very shallow thinkers.
They should be pitied.

Hope that makes sense.