Anyone know anything about introversion/extroversion? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Off Topic

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Anyone know anything about introversion/extroversion?

Aziraphale

Veteran

...Or is it "extraversion"? I keep seeing both.

Anyway, I'd always assumed I was extroverted, because I like people and I like conversation, and I'm not shy. But recently I read something that makes me think perhaps I'm more introverted than I thought. It was an article on some other topic, but it was mentioned that introverts, even if they enjoy company, prefer to "recharge" in solitude afterwards. Proper extroverts can have a home with a revolving door and remain perfectly calm. If that's true, I'm definitely more on the introverted side, because my entire life I've retreated to my bedroom for alone time after too much "people time". I prefer solitary runs and hikes, and nearly went mental looking after small children because I never got enough time by myself. But still, I think I would be lonely living on my own. Surely there's a happy medium!

If you do a Google search for this topic, you get a lot of questionable websites that have the look and smell of pseudo-psychology. So I thought I'd ask you guys.

Off Topic

69 replies

Latest reply was from Archer

Suz

(website)

Veteran

There are tests -- Myers Briggs. You can find adapted or shorter versions that are reasonably accurate, even online.

It's a continuum, with some of us falling more towards one end of the scale than the other and some being closer to the middle.

Liking people and liking conversation and not being shy do not an extravert make. The truer test is what you read: How a person recharges. What a person needs to feel whole and happy in herself.

I like people, like conversation, and I have never been shy. I don't even get particularly nervous talking to groups. But I'm a true introvert. How do I know?

I like people, but far, far prefer small intimate groups. Large groups frighten me.

I like conversation...but after a few hours (or less, if I am not interested), I am tired of it.

I'm not shy...but I find it depletes my energy to socialize too much. I need to plan my social activities. When I was a classroom teacher, the days spent in a busy classroom meant I could barely socialize at all afterwards.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

You have to consider that the human experience isn't just A or B; everyone falls on a spectrum somewhere along the line of A to B.

Your subjective experience can be extroversion primarily.

Alassë

Veteran

What Suz said.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yes, the Myers Briggs test was what told me I'm smack dab in the middle. Only 1 meager point on one side. By contrast, my other characteristics were 30 or 50 points swaying one way or the other. INTP/ENTP for the record. I took this when I was 20, though, so maybe things have changed for me?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Things can change, Mo. I have become more introverted -- or more aware of my introversion, perhaps. Also, I used to test as a T in my younger days. I now test as an F. But I am closer to the center on that scale than on the other scales. Also closer to the middle on the introversion/ extraversion scale -- but way way way on the "N" side. (I am an INFJ, for the record).

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Ah; I'm almost a Suz ... ISFJ for me

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Yes, exactly what Suz says. I score 100% introvert on myers/briggs but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy my friends and family. Just need a lot of recharge time alone in between. Quiet (the book) is very validating for introverts everywhere.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh...and the revolving door home????

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

I have had periods of my life where it is that way. In fact, for a month each summer, it's like that around here. And, much as I love the people concerned, it makes me insane.

I love the idea of a big, noisy houseful of people coming and going at all hours and a laden table and celebrations ongoing galore...but the reality? The reality is that I would be hiding out in my garrett room most of the time!!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh...and I also have to ration my social time. I can't have too many social engagements in a week or I am sunk.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

ETA -- that is a very interesting difference, Lyn. It is what makes you a good doctor -- you have to be alert to the specifics.

Diana

Veteran

I am also almost 100% introvert on Myers-Briggs (either INFJ or INTJ depending on the day) and the thing for me is that I have to make an effort to be social. Like Suz says, it requires a lot of energy and I need to recharge afterwards. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. I DO enjoy being social IF it's with people I like. I don't enjoy meeting strangers (fabbers don't count, because I feel like I know you all anyway), small talk, etc. Interestingly, public speaking is fine because it's not really interacting WITH people but more like talking AT them, KWIM? And also no need for small talk when giving a speech.

And like others have said, after an extended period of social interaction, especially if it's with MULTIPLE groups of different people (like going to multiple parties, etc.), I do hit this point where I just can't deal and have to go hide for a while.

MsMary

Veteran

I consistently score just slightly on the extravert side of the Myers Briggs scale. And get this -- I am a SHY extravert, which is a pretty horrible predicament. I need to be around other people to recharge, but... I'm a little shy. Gah. And because I'm near the middle of the introvert/extravert scale, I also need my alone time to recharge.

I actually have a pretty perfect job for my extravert side -- I see and speak to a whole bunch of people every day, but I am generally in the power position calling the shots, so I get my batteries charged and the shyness thing doesn't really rear its ugly head much.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I just tried a Myer-Briggs test, and it came up INTJ, but showed only a "slight" (22%) preference for I over E. I guess that means I must be somewhere in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. The INTJ description does ring true. It says stuff like "perfectionism" and "disregard for authority" and "not having natural empathy" (I work on it, though!). The opening sentence is particularly appropriate:

"To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age."

I get this a lot. I do have confidence in specific areas, but not in all areas all the time. I'm good at solving certain kinds of problems, but I'm really weak in other areas. But I've found that an air of confidence is off-putting, particularly to other women. The typical feminine self-deprecation that Adelfa was discussing in this post http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ur-sisters has always left me feeling unbalanced. I cannot engage in that kind of talk.

Anyway, interesting stuff.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

There is a very good book about this -- Quiet, by Susan Cain:

http://books.google.com/books/.....jf3uaQ4TwC

It helped me realize that I am indeed an introvert even though I can happily talk with strangers, and even perform acceptably in groups. I love hosting parties, etc. But I require serious alone time afterwards. When I've been around a lot of high energy in the form of lots of people for a while, I start feeling overwhelmed and need to retreat. Understanding this has helped me -- and my husband, who is more extroverted, to understand that I'm not pushing people away, I just need my recharge time, and it looks different from his recharge time.

That book helped me realize these things about myself, and in the process to identify my personal feelings and needs more effectively so I can do what I need to do.

I test mostly as an INFP, by the way. It's been a while since I took M-B -- it would be interesting to see whether I am a more or less strongly defined introvert now that I'm older.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Suz -- I can SO RELATE to this comment you made:

"I love the idea of a big, noisy houseful of people coming and going at all hours and a laden table and celebrations ongoing galore...but the reality? The reality is that I would be hiding out in my garrett room most of the time!!"

I invite other children over all the time, especially in the summer, because I like the idea of our house being "where the kids hang out". Often other moms come over too, and then I have to socialize. I don't hate it, but by the end of the day I am exhausted. I sort of white-knuckle it through every summer, but I'm not sure how else to manage things.

Janet -- I took the Myers-Briggs test once before, a couple of years ago, and it came up ENTJ that time. I guess it can change. I bet it would come up different on different days for me, like Diana says, for the I/E component.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I think I have extrovert tendencies too; depending on the day, and it might be a case of what MsMary describes as the "shy extrovert" and I'm lucky in my job too. Most times, I get to call the shots and I just walk in and talk to people but can retreat to my office to recharge if I need to.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Shy introvert here checking in to just say it is really very very easy to mix the two up but the way these operate really is very different. introversion does not affect my social performance. shyness does. introversion only decides how much of a social life I can comfortably have. I get quite literally sick of socialising beyond a point.

for the record I have a very hard time being one half of a couple that lives together and it is harder still being an attachment parenting mum. but I am deathly afraid of loneliness... This is in fact my memories of crippling shyness speaking. without the social support I have come to depend on from the few close friends I would be pretty much a social outcast with the shyness disease.

This allows my introversion phases to be at will and of necessity vs imposed on me.

Anonymous

I agree with Janet regarding Susan Cain's book- it is wonderful!! I read it for the first time about two years ago and it totally validated everything I had been feeling all of my life. I am now reading it for the second time! It should be required reading for every teacher.

carter

Veteran

What a fun diversion while I should be finalizing my prep for an appointment this afternoon:-). I took M-B back in my 20s but couldn't remember the results. So I chucked my project for a few minutes and took it again. The results were ISTJ/INTJ, with only a 1% difference in the S/N. I'll have to go back later to read about S and N.

On the I side, I was 78%! I enjoy working with people and socializing with friends and family, but I absolutely have to have alone time to feel human. My husband must be a total E. He can't stand to be alone. Fortunately I still get quiet time late at night after he's gone to bed and in the mornings after he's left for work when I get to drink my coffee in peace;-)

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

First, I echo Suz's first comment 100%.

Second, you can be a very high-functioning Introvert, and a low-funtoning Exrtovert. Greg is a high-functioning Introvert.

We have done the Myers Briggs quite extensively over 12 years - and our scores are very consistent. I score particularly highly in all my letters:

Me = ENFJ

Greg = INTP

I love noise. I love people. I love crowds. I'm a city girl - I find the quiet countryside quite stressful. I relax with loud rock music. I'm very social. I am 100% energized when and after being with people. I am extroverted.

Peri

Veteran

Not at all shy introvert checking in. Definitely read the Quiet book...best explanation ever. Added bonus...no longer feeling the need to apologize for all my introverted traits!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Carter -- high five! fellow INTJ.

Manidipa -- re. attachment parenting -- Lol I remember hearing about that when I first became a mum. I went so far as to get a sling, wore it once, and quickly realized it was NOT going to work for me. Luckily there is more than one "right" way to raise a child.

I really will have to look into this book Quiet. Thanks everyone!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

On the shyness thing - I see it as a confidence issue, not a like or dislike of being around people. I hate public speaking, am nervous meeting someone for the first time, have left college courses right in the middle of the semester when group exercises or activities are assigned. Definitely shy. But not averse to being around people.

Anonymous

What a fascinating thread. I so relate to the needing quiet time. I did used to be pretty shy in my teens and twenties. I finally came out of my shell in my 30's and I'm pretty confident now and very chatty, but boy do I need to recharge after any social gatherings. I like to have my own space and down time and I'm good in my own company, or as it is now, the cat's company. I must do the Myers Briggs test

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Veteran

I have the Quiet book but haven't gone through it yet...it might answer my question: what is a "large" group and what is the engagement called for with it that bothers people?

I'm an INTP. I enjoy being social and have no problem with meeting new people or talking to strangers at all. But there is a limit to how much of that I want to deal with at a stretch, and I certainly recharge alone (or with husband, who is a very gregarious but also definite introvert). Yes, need lots of alone time. But I don't draw distinctions between comfort just being in groups of different sizes. The only kind of group that starts to bother me is one that's tightly packed, especially crowds like the kind you get on the Boston Esplanade on the Fourth of July. I like to be able to move around and not get blocked. But that's something else maybe...small groups could be just as restrictive in some circumstances I suppose.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I forgot - I also have to be 'ready' to go look for work (be 'on' to present myself) and in the right frame of mind to answer or make social phone calls. I often avoid going out when neighbors are out front so that I don't have to make the small talk.

But I speak to strangers all day long when at work as a bartender/waitress.

MsMary

Veteran

I'm ESFJ/ESTJ. "F" or "T" depending on the day, just one point over the line from "I" to "E." Fairly strong "S." But off-the-charts "J." I am the J-est J in the history of J's. LOL

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I'm smack dab in the middle of the introvert/extrovert scale.
I go out and meet people. Generally do much better in small groups and one on one. I go out to parties but often bail after a few hours.
Living alone, it is all too easy to isolate myself.

Anonymous

Chiming in again to say that a weird thing happens to me often, in that if I have felt stressed about a sociable situation, even if it's supposed to be a pleasurable party or something, then I find that it's hard for me to decide whether or not I enjoyed it as the stressed feeling clouds my judgement. I feel like I need to spend time processing the information in my head trying to see the positive aspects afterwards. Does anyone else have that problem?

12 3