About naming your YLF style icons - YouLookFab Forum

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About naming your YLF style icons

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

A few threads and comments recently prompted this. This is not a critique of any sort.

One of the main reasons I love YLF is because it's a healthy community where everyone has her/his place. We don't compare each other nor compete nor prefer one over the other. We simply live in our own spheres and (learn to) appreciate each other regardless of any (limiting) factors that influence our style.
Priceless.

For me personally naming my style icons was a no-go territory from the beginning because there is no way I would ever list everyone who inspires me - nor how they inspire me.

There is no way I can comment on every inspiring thread either.

But, I do say on persons' threads which I do manage to read that they are inspiring if I think so. Because it's an individual discussion which starts with someone sharing a piece of themselves - visually and mentally - and I hope that through my comment I am be able to give something back.

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44 replies

Latest reply was from AviaMariah

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I said this on the other thread and I will repeat it here...

Regarding my style icons on board - there are so many... and my list increases as I spend more time here I get to know them all better and come to appreciate them more and more for what they offer! Sometimes the more regular posters come to mind first simply because they are so regular. Sometimes people spring to mind because they take good quality photographs of themselves. Sometimes it is a case of aspects of their style appealing to aspects of my style ideals and my personality.

I really don't think anyone should feel left out if they're not on a list - as a somewhat junior member, if anything, its an aspirational thing for me to one day appear on someone's admire list. I also don't think that lists like this are a bad idea... it's great to recognise some of our members for their fabness. Like an impromptu awards ceremony of sorts. And who might spring to mind on one impromptu list may not spring to mind on another day, another thread.

We can't be responsible for everyone else's feelings - this site is a wonderful forum for sharing and I think each thread generates it's own joy. Sometimes something I post elicits a whole bunch of responses and I am thrilled. Sometimes something I posts falls flat. That's life.

Anonymous

Here, here, Ornella. NO-ONE should be left out as far as I'm concerned and ALL are inspirational in one way or another. I have stopped 'watching' and try to respond to as many threads as is humanly possible. I don't like people to feel left out as we all have something to give.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

YLF has given me tremendous confidence in my personal style, when I first joined I was on maternity leave and very active on the forum, as a result I was fortunate enough to be mentioned on such threads. As time has passed my free time has been squeezed and I now feel as though I'm on the outside of the community looking in, I know my style is now a blip on the radar and really appreciate all of comments I receive. I do believe I am not active enough on the forum for my style to warrant a shout out but I have the self assurance to not be fazed.

I truly believe the threads are started with good intentions but YLF's unique selling point is it's strength in depth.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Um, I hate for anyone to feel underappreciated on here---but I have to say, as someone still struggling to 'name' my style, it is often a heck of a lot easier to say 'colours like Suz would wear' or 'curated like Claire' or 'hair short and perky like Angie or Shannon's' than to fumble a description so that no one has a clue to what I mean! (and if that was putting my foot in my mouth again, my very sincere apologies!)

Astrid

Veteran

Manidipa, I think descriptions like that are a different thing and can be useful. But I agree with Ornella on the topic of naming style icons in general.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree, Ornella, about the importance of keeping YLF an inclusive community and one where we all feel welcomed and celebrated. Angie and Inge and Greg do such a great job of creating that space for us, and on the whole, we do a bang up job of maintaining that atmosphere. "Style icon" threads can develop a tendency that can pull us away from that spirit. For that reason, they can feel risky.

But, at the same time, most of these threads begin with positive intent. The ones I've seen are mostly started by relatively new members who are excited about the YLF riches and who are trying to define their style. Looking for a real-life style icon is a natural part of that process. A part that YLF is specifically designed to address!

So, I think if we put those threads into context, it becomes easier to see them for what they are and not to feel "left out." As long as there is no invidious comparison, it might help to remind ourselves that to praise or celebrate one is not to denigrate another. We are all special flowers here, even if some of us, like the violet, are more hidden.

As Hil says, the people who tend to be mentioned are: the frequent posters, in particular those who have a very clearly defined style already; those who have what is viewed as an attainable or easily wearable or translatable style; those whose body type is common to the poster; or those who take especially good photos. It's as simple as that!

Those who wear expensive clothing that feels out of range to other members (however much they might admire it); those who are vastly under the average age; those whose work allows them to dress in an especially wild and wacky way (or those whose work requires them to button up a great deal); those who rarely post WIWs -- they won't be mentioned as often.

This doesn't mean they don't have great style!!!!!!

In terms of celebrating each member, I think Angie and Inge do an absolutely stunning job of that with the birthday threads. I am always so touched to see the thought and care that goes into these extremely personal messages that are always so appreciative of what each member brings to the forum in style and personality. What a gift.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Suz - you said everything I was thinking - but of course, in a much more eloquent way than I would have said it

I truly do admire EVERYONE's style on YLF - from younger, older, more casual, dressier, thrifted, pricey - it all offers an opportunity for me to learn and grow.

I think we also need to remember Angie's #1 rule about fashion/style - HAVE FUN WITH IT!

Anonymous

This is the type of thing that is harmless if you are the one being mentioned and hurtful if you are not. I never respond to threads like this, for that reason. I totally agree with you Ornella, in that it's ok to say that a person is inspiring, when one is commenting on their threads.

I am personally not a big fan of posting WIWs, because I am not evolved enough not to care, if and when my posts go unnoticed. On that token, I do really appreciate "my regular audience", the gals that always take the time to respond. It does not go unnoticed and I so much appreciate it.

And yes, I never make it to anyone's list of YLF icons and yes, I am yet to see an " Inspired by Zap" outfit post... Disclaimer: Perhaps I'm jaded.

I think that the best way to go about this, is to demonstrate that gratitute in a private message. English is an extensive language, I am more than sure we can manage to have conversations, without singleing anyone out.

My fifty cents.

Glory

Veteran

.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I think marrying your self-esteem to a forum is a bad idea. Just saying.

Irene

Veteran

Ah, this is how online communities work, especially forums. I used to be in a completely different community many years ago: different theme, different age group, different everything, but something similar happened. There will always be a small crowd that stands out from the rest (just like at the workplace, school class, group of friends or even a family). I guess that's how we all work, socially. In this case, it might be because they literally rule the forums, like Angie, or because they are veterans, or because some people know each other more closely than others, because they post more often...

I've been 'popular' in an online community and I know I am not 'popular' in this one, but I think I'm completely fine with it. I really don't care and I don't post that many WIW or forum questions, anyways. I don't answer to most threads either. So, what can I expect?

As for naming YLF style-icons, I'm not offended that no one is naming me. At all. I won't say I like 'so many people's styles here' because that would be hypocritical. It's not true. I like a few people's style a lot, and they all have something in common, which is that they share my own taste. I won't say names but I believe they know who they are, since I mostly comment on their threads. As for those whose style I don't adore, I will either admire some of their outfits or will dislike them. I don't think I've ever criticized an outfit, especially if I wasn't asked to speak up. I see no point in putting someone down just because.

I do love that everyone here has a lot of respect for everybody else, and that there are hardly any arguments. I always have felt welcome here, even if I didn't get as many answers to my threads as other members.

Mona

Veteran

I agree with what IK and Irene mentioned in their comments. This forum has a lot to offer and we can all learn from each other irrespective of whether our posts get a lot of comments or not. I find that people like to respond to people who comment on their threads so it is like returning a favour or people who have very defined style. I am totally fine if my threads don't get a lot of responses as I am also not able to comment on each post that I like.
I have never felt not welcome on YLF or underappreciated at all. Every time I open the website, I learn something new about dressing and this is what keeps me coming back to it again and again.

Echo

Veteran

I'm going to go with IK on this one.

Beth Ann

Veteran

As I read IK's comments, I thought to myself.....I didn't respond to IK last WIW. I read it --- I noticed she was looking amazingly buff, and mused about how muscles and heat were changing some of her clothing choices. But I was getting dinner ready, it was already late, and I was interested in a segment on "All Things Considered" playing on the radio in the kitchen.

This is just to illustrate that sometimes people don't respond to posts for all sorts of miscellaneous and inconsequential reasons, not related to interest or fabness. I don't think she's waiting for this, but .......IK, your stye is amazing -- a little NYC in the heart of Texas.

I also resonate a lot with Suz's comments. I think we need to consider the feelings of others and stay positive, but another YLF member receiving praise in no way diminishes me. It makes me happy to know that a new member like
Fern (you're great btw, even though you avatar scares me a little....lol) found inspiration in members whose style I know so well.

Anonymous

I think there are a lot of things that are getting convoluted here. I don't think the issue is about self esteem, keeping tabs on who gets responses to what, or trying to come up with rationalizations as to why a member's style is more memorable or whatnot. I think the issue here is one of diplomacy and concern for everyone's emotions on this topic.

The reality is that most of us do spend significant time and money working on our individual styles. We are all passionate about fashion, and as with all passions, things can get personal.

I am not going to discount the feelings of someone, who gets sensitive about not receiving responses, nor will I discount the thought process of someone, who is genuinely asking about why there is a perceived lack of identification with her style. People react differently to things.

As a side note: Am I counting responses? No. Am I losing sleep over any of this? No. Is someone else receiving praise cramping my style or invalidating me? No. Do I have a odometer here measuring who gets what compliment? Pleaseee. However, there is a degree of vulnerability that goes with a WIW, that can only be experienced when you actually post them. As such, since I only have control to my reactions to certain things, I am not going to put myself out there posting WIWs, when I might be going through a vulnerable state. As I said, I am not that evolved.

Plus, this is not the first time when members get a little distaste on those "best of YLF" threads. So, if we know that bothers people, why do it?

Gaylene

Veteran

I've been a bit bemused by all these threads lately about who is inspiring whom and who feels under appreciated by a lack of comments on their threads.

One of the reasons I don't post WIW pictures is because I've never been quite sure of what I'd be looking for in the responses. My vanity tells me that I'd love a chorus of "wow, you look fabulous", but I'm not sure my ego needs any more inflating. I can get behind the idea of having others give me suggestions, but, to be honest, if our tastes and lifestyles don't align, I'm still likely to go my own way. As for inspiring others, I know what works for my job and my style but, unless the forum is populated with 64 year-old university profs, I can't see myself in the style icon role.

Personally, I'd hate to see the WIWs take over the intelligent discussions and fashion advice that drew me to YLF in the first place. I enjoy looking at the WIW threads because they represent what real women wear in their daily lives, but I've never thought of them as the most important part of the forum--and all that positivity comes with a darker side if people feel slighted when their WIWs don't engender as many "wows" as the next person's.

Not hurting others' feelings is important, but I find it unnerving the more I have to censor my thoughts regarding whose style inspired me to try something different, or where I shopped, or any number of like topics. I'd also stop commenting altogether if I thought that, by leaving a comment for one person, I'd have offended a bunch of others. It's nice to acknowledge and celebrate each other, but not when it becomes a duty.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Mandipa :: I agree, describing things through someone's take on them is, if you like, handy. What i'm saying is that listing names inevitably means someone will be left out, which is the last effect any of us want. And I'm sure we actually all agree on that one, but it's just sometimes worth saying it.

Suz :: great point about "style icon" threads being a reflection of someone's excitement about the world of YLF in general.

IK :: I coudn't agree more, however numerous threads show that the self-esteem does get a significant boost from the appreciation on the forum and it does spill to other areas of life. Everyone here is mature enough to have a healthy idea of virtual and real.

But, I was aiming more at the feeling of being left-out from the community that matters to everyone. I think it's only human. If we did not care about belonging here, we would not put our time and effort into participating.

And I'm just saying how I feel. This is a big prom and we are all Prom Queens.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I think there is a difference between actively participating in the forum in all the varied ways by responding and complimenting versus basically naming 'stars'. Yes, we are all responsible for our own feelings and reactions, but we can also be mindful of what could seem exclusionary.

Anonymous

... and Ornella, I agree with you in all accounts.
Gaylene, it is the "naming stars" as Mo eloquently puts it, what is the primary contention here. All of the interactions you are describing are not what's bothersome to some.

rachylou

Veteran

I think the ideal response is for YLF'ers to demonstrate everyone is everyone else's role model. That's a YLF value in my mind.

If someone does happen to have been inspired by a particular member and gives a shout out, I think to myself that gratitude is always good.

I don't know why anyone would be my groupie. I am very quirky, and let's be honest, it's embarrassing to be a hipster. Esp. at my age.

Bad idea: electing a clique of Queen Bees and then letting betas run amuck rolling out the red carpet for 'em.

Gaylene

Veteran

OK, obviously I've a lot to learn about forums.. I'm still working on the thought that someone indicating that they are particularly drawn to XXX's style makes others feel unappreciated and excluded. Being around the ruthless comments students regularly make about their profs has obviously deaden my sensitivities in this area.

Seriously, though, I'm getting a bit uneasy at the implications for forum discussions. A support group is great, but is that the main purpose of the forum?
*cranky old prof wandering back to her books--unsettled at the thought of being cut off from important discussions about shoes and slouchy pants*

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Nobody likes the idea of being censored or cajoled into thinking and behaving in a certain way. The tone of this community has been set by the example of Angie who is always truthful but respectful, Sometimes feelings will be hurt on this forum but I very much doubt it is anyone's intention.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I often feel left out of YLF because I feel like much of the dressing here isn't my cuppa. But I don't blame anyone for that! Most of my RL friends don't dress like my cuppa either. And if I'm not anyone's style idol, and if no one here is mine, I think that is A-OK. I'm sorry to hear that others feel left out or have their feelings hurt, but I think they might be loading the forum with value it may not need to have. I might be more pragmatic about this because I'm used to ducking stones (when you work in games, forums get nasssssty!), but I really advise everyone to take feedback or lack of it with a dash of salt. Just to mix metaphors.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Gaylene -- this particular thread is in response to another thread that was about naming style icons on the list. So that is the context.

PS Speaking of style icons and helpers, here is my recent homage to YOU.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thank you, Ornella. I am on Team EVERYONE ON YLF IS INSPIRING - just like you, Suz and Shannon.

Thanks for the kind word, Jules.

Dana, Rachy, Zap and Gaylene, I'm glad you're here. I love your lateral perspectives.

Our goal is to create a place on the internet in which everyone feels safe to share their thoughts on fashion and style respectively, diplomatically and constructively. Our forum is extremely engaged because of it. I hope that it continues to thrive and make people feel happy, healthy and welcome.

FlorenceFearne

Ack. I think I was the new person that put my foot in it and started this debacle.

Really, Suz is right. I was excited because fashion feels like a very lonely thing to me sometimes. So when I look at my closet full of clothes, and I feel at a loss, it helps me push outside my comfort zone if I try to imagine what Angie, or MakyK, or Zap, or anyone else here might do if they had to combine the same items I'm looking at. Just today, I wore an outfit I've never worn before because I figured, "Hey, MaryK can make 6 patterns look good - surely I can wear just one bold scarf!" And I did, and I loved the way I looked.

I was really hoping to hear from fabbers about who they considered a fashion mentor because it's not always easy to be sure when you've crossed the line from "inspired by" to copycat, and I was looking forward to seeing examples of how people learn from someone else's look but still make it their own. Something like, "Well X wears a lot of this, and I love that look, but I always swap in boots for flats, so you can see my signature style, but you can also see where I pull from her." I guess I was unrealistic to think that everyone would magically realize that what I was looking for was almost more of a side-by-side, or a how-to.

I have already worn outfits inspired by numerous members I didn't mention, and I do believe I can learn something from everyone. The folks I mentioned are simply those people I overlap with most, or those who are good at things I feel most insecure about. I'm feeling entirely crappy about this whole thing, because I was excited to be part of the community, and it seems to have snowballed into this awful feelings-hurting pseudo popularity contest.

MsMary

Veteran

I just want to say that in my view there's not a thing in the world wrong with being a copycat. I am the biggest copycatter in the world, and proud of it! I even have a Pinterest board called Outfits I Have Copied And In Which I Have Actually Left the House!

And high five for Team Pattern Mixing!

Marley

Veteran

I don't think that a thread where people are talking about their 'style icons'/mentors/inspirations is a problem at all - and I've been surprised that some people would feel bad about it - and/or - that some people are worried that people might feel bad about it. This is an on-line forum that is pretty darn open-minded, welcoming and positive - and if we can't mention each other as inspirations at times (for fear of hurting someone else's feelings) then I really think we should all go back to junior high and form our cliques and not talk to those that hurt our feelings.
Good grief women - come on! We're grown ups here - aren't we? (Yes, its past my bedtime - yes, I'm grumpy - but, really - I'm kind of over it.)

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

FF, there was a specific thread but this is not addressed at you personally at all, there were other random comments within other threads too. These sort of "style icons" things happen every now, it's natural, and the whole purpose of this thread, from my POW, was to clear my head and say once again that one of the biggest values of the community is the diversity and that people here inspire in more ways than one.

Please don't feel bad in any way and don't let it get in the way of being happy for finding this group and having extra fun with what sounds like a fabulous wardrobe we're all eager to see.

ETA: One thing that was a real eye-opener to me was when I figured out Angie's KILLER ratings. At first it was "how can person X and person Y BOTH get K-rating when one is obviously skilled in layering/proportions/(non)matching/whatever and the other swapped summer sandals for ballet flats in yesterday's outfit of shorts and tee". That was it - everyone's space, scope, ability and stage of style journey. Learning to 'read' through that has meant I can take everyone as inspiration.

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