A rough patch - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Off Topic

A rough patch

Kari

Veteran

I feel like such a heel coming here for support when I've not been able to participate in or read posts on the forum for several months. I hope it's OK; I really need to vent.

I don't know whether it is just pressure from having such a crazy workload since September (after two months prior to that learning the ropes at a new job, and several months prior to that frantically job searching and interviewing, not to mention the non-stop hectic pace in the prior job that I was unhappy at for the last couple years), my medications not working as desired, or if it is something more serious (a deep depression rearing its ugly head again), but I'm kind of losing it. I'm breaking apart, and I'm terrified.

For the past couple weeks I have been so stressed and anxious that I can hardly think straight. I feel like I'm experiencing a constant (though low level) panic attack. I'm not able to fall asleep until several hours lying awake at night, and I am worrying about everything but feel too overwhelmed and paralyzed to act. It's exhausting, but I can't shut my brain off or relax either. I am not taking any caffeine, but my body feels wired and nauseated round the clock. I just cannot think through anything, I'm scattered and distracted, and I just. want. to. stop. I want to shut off and sleep for days or weeks on end… but instead, I'm only managing to sleep about 3-5 hours a night when I need a solid 7-8.

I need to make a medical appointment, but my doctor is far away from my current job and only works part time, not on the weekends, so I really think I need to switch to a doctor who is closer to work and home; if I'm potentially making a switch to prescription medications, I don't want to take a half or full day off work every time I have to come in. An excellent local doctor who treats many of my family members has mentioned she would be willing to see me, but since she's otherwise not accepting new patients it might take a bit of wrangling to get through the door.

Right now everything is terrifying to me, and I'm desperate for a break.

Off Topic

58 replies

Latest reply was from

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I really hope you seek medical care as soon as you can to stop this cycle you have going on! Suffering is needless!
My heart goes out to you as I can feel your pain and suffering and wish i could give you a big giant hug! So sending a virtual one!
I know how hard the lack of sleep is and just that alone is too much to let go on and on...

Tanya

Veteran

Ah Kari, so sorry to hear all this. I do not have any good advice to give you, I am on the edge of a serious depression myself, though for entirely different reasons. I am looking for a therapist, maybe one that can see patients on weekends might be an option for you?

Sending tons of hugs.

Kari

Veteran

Thank you, Tracey and Tanya. I'm keeping this post up on my browser as a reminder that I have support, and that while it absolutely stinks, depressions happen and they end, too. I've been through this kind of situation before, but I just am terrified to be here again, and am praying that it doesn't get any worse than how I feel right now.

Adelfa

Veteran

Hi Kari, if you've been through this before, then you know it ends, so you can hang on to that! It sounds like you know that it's time to check in with a doctor. Get help problem solving if you need it in order to make this happen, but please get in soon with somebody! Sometimes when you're in the middle of things it's hard to act decisively to take care of yourself. If you can't get in with the nearby doc, maybe you could take the time to see your current doc, at least once for now. I can hear how painful and scary this is for you and my heart truly goes out to you. So sorry this has happened! I am saying a prayer for you right now. Please post when you've made an appointment!

Ariadne

Veteran

I'm so sorry, Kari. I've struggled with similar issues my whole life. Please get to a doctor as soon as you can. Can you take the time off to get to your current doctor once, and then try to find a new one after you (hopefully) find some immediate relief? It sounds like you're very much in crisis, and that you probably need to up, change, or add to your current meds. I found therapy was also quite helpful, with the caveat that you need the right therapist and that's not always the first person you 'audition'. Big hugs through the computer to you.

Kari

Veteran

Thank you for your support and encouragement.

I think that at this point taking time off to meet with my current doctor will be even more of a stressor until things slow down at work (hopefully just a few more weeks.) I will call our company's Employee Assistance Program to get a referral to a counselor, though, as I think revisiting therapy would be a good idea (my former therapist is no longer practicing) and am keeping their 24/7 hotline number plugged into my contacts in case I experience a true crisis. Family and a few close friends know that I'm struggling, as last time I crashed and burned and didn't reach out for help; I'm scared but am trying to reach out to my network this time.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Kari, you poor dear! I can relate, completely. The last bad depression I had I did not see anyone and it was terrible. And spring is months away. You may want to just try light therapy. It helps me a bit, particularly in Winter. I sit in front of it for 30 minutes while I eat breakfast first this in the morning. I got my small light on amazon.com! It was only about $30, I think.

I also have a therapist I've been seeing that I'd be happy to PM his info to you. I've no idea if he'd be someone you'd want to see longer term or not. He's in Fremont. Let me know.
HUGS
Jenava

rae

(website)

Veteran

Oh, Kari, I am sending you a big hug and a high five for sharing your feelings... the isolation of depression doesn't help anything. I hope you can see someone about this soon. Sounds like you have a game plan for making this happen and a good support group - that is a big step in the right direction; at least you are not floating in a seemingly endless limbo of stress!

In the mean time, can you do small things to relax that don't require the doctor? A little massage or aromatherapy? DH takes Niacin to help with depressive moods, and that seems to help him (although I needed prescription stuff myself). Vitamin D?

Deborah

Veteran

Kari I am sorry you are going through this. I suggest you get yourself to the (a) doctor asap. As others have suggested there are other things you can do to so give those due consideration. Sending you a big hug, you are not alone.

Jeanie

Veteran

Kari, so sorry you are struggling. I have been in this same situation when working in a very stressful job that I felt I took for the wrong reasons combined with large relationship stress. I wound up waking up every night at 4am with my mind spinning. I think panic, anxiety & depression are the way our bodies tell us we are not in the right place in our lives. Are there some things in your life that need changing? (you don't really need to answer.. I just know my life situation was causing my issues.). Do try to take a break if at all possible...vacation..family leave maybe. Put yourself first. It might not seem like the right time to take off work but you have to take care of yourself first. The local doctor sounds like it might be worth the effort if it will make getting in easier. Be kind to yourself...yoga, meditation & massage are nice. I have some relaxation scripts on itunes that I could send you.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Big hugs to you. Nothing new to add, just wanted to send supportive thoughts your way.

Louise

Veteran

Dear sweet Kari I'd only thought the other day I hadn't seen you here for a while and wondered how you were. Well done for confiding in us and for letting those close to you know you're struggling but get thee to a doctor immediately. I'm sure work would rather you took a couple of mornings off than descending into a breakdown and being off for weeks. In the meantime I second Rae's suggestion for aromatherapy. I may just be susceptible to placebos but during the stress of my recent breakup Lavender on my pillow at night knocks me out like a light no matter how wired my mind is and Grapefruit and Bergamot has lifted the edge of the melancholy, a couple of drops in water in a burner and some deep breathing helps me to somehow feel more settled (((hugs))) x

Louise

Veteran

Something else that's helped me is happy music. I've got about 6 songs on a playlist on my iPod in the car which have a great beat and I can can turn up loud and just make me want to jig! X

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I hope you can squish in to see that nice new doc - I don't know many who work weekends!

Feel better! *hugs*

Greyscale

Veteran

I just wrote a long email to friends about how hard it can be to get medical treatment when depression is ramping up, because of course one of the first consequences for many of us is that the logistics are so overwhelming. So it was strange timing to come here and see your post.

I hope you can call the local doctor asap and see if she can squeeze you in.

Insomnia and depression and anxiety are all so closely linked. I don't know if you happened to see these NY Times articles on how treating insomnia can help depression (in addition to the other way around) - interesting new research on this and hopefully better therapy treatments down the road.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11.....ssion.html

I do hope things improve, and for tonight, I hope you can get some rest.

kkards

Veteran

kari--so sorry about what you are going thru. i know that your doctor is far and not convenient, but please call her. you may not be able to see her, but she may be able to get you a referral to a local doctor, and may be able to get you an appt sooner.

Anonymous

So sorry you are going through this.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Kari - so sorry you are struggling this way. I know from personal experience how frightening it can be and how isolating. I second all suggestions to get the medical appointment as soon as possible, to get outside for part of each day into the light (such as it is) and/or get a light box, and to remember that this will pass.

Sometimes when I am feeling overwhelmed it helps me simply to focus on the next five minutes. What can I do in the next five minutes that will improve the situation I am in? And then to do it. In other words, focus on very very small actions.

Big hugs to you. I know this is a scary place to be.

viva

Veteran

Just adding my support to the group. I am so familiar with these feelings and hope you will find that opening to get the assistance you seek. Wishing you peace.

Glory

Veteran

((Kari)). Offering my support and good positive thoughts as well. I think you have a plan and some great advice. The employee assistance programme is a terrific idea. I would try to get an appointment with the closer doctor asap.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Kari, you're not a heel. Many of us have missed you here, although we knew you had likely been busy and overwhelmed with the new job. I'm sorry it's been so rough.

I've been in a similar place, and it's absolutely miserable. I would echo the others' advice to see a doctor and therapist ASAP, even if it means taking a sick day from work. Like Louise said, it's a day now or potentially more time off later if you hit full-blown crisis mode and get so sick you can't go in.

In the meantime though, I'm glad you reached out to us. I am sending you big virtual hugs and good thoughts!

Elly

Veteran

Oh Kari! Hugs you. We need to get you healthy, we miss you here.

I don't struggle with depression, but I had a very similar year. One high intensity situation after another with a lot of worry. In December I was working 6 days a week and commuting 15-16 hours a week. My weird nervous system didn't know how to take it and I would be completely fine and calm and then I would stand up or physically stress my body somehow and I would experience a very powerful adrenaline surge which of course is accompanied by heart rate rising (and angina, for me) and nausea--- not comfortable at all to feel like your body has mistaken your trip to the bathroom for being chased by a bear.

Please get yourself to the doc asap, but in the meantime do your best to take care of yourself. Keeping your blood sugar at a good level and exercising in a safe situation can keep your body from accidentally triggering those signals to your brain.

Anonymous

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Kari. Please be gentle with yourself, get some sunshine, even a walk around the block might help, but please make seeing a doctor ASAP your priority.

Diana

Veteran

Just wanted to offer you my hugs and support, Kari.

Beth Ann

Veteran

So glad you posted. I love your style and your smile, and am sorry to hear you're struggling. You've had great comments already, but I'd also encourage you to choose a friend or two to check in on you. For me, knowing that someone will ask, "Did you make that appointment? " or, "Can I drive you to the Dr. and take you to lunch afterward?" gives me a little push to move forward.

Blessings on you! Be kind to yourself!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Kari. (((HUGS))). I'm sorry life is rough. Don't ever feel like you can't post here and share your troubles. You are always welcome, and we will listen and support as much as we can.

The practical side of me wants to encourage you to prioritize making the medical appointments. Set a goal for yourself to do this and make B hold you accountable to it. Once those appointments are in place, you'll feel calmer because there is an action plan in the pipeline. You might need to take leave here and there - and that's okay. Your healthy mind and spirit come first. We have to take care of ourselves in order to effectively take care of others.

Good luck and don't be a stranger. We are here for you too. xo

LACeleste

Veteran

I am very sorry you are going through this Kari. Sending you support.

Parsley

Veteran

Oh, Kari, I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time!
I'm going to sound like a broken record with the others, but PLEASE get yourself to your doctor ASAP!
If you were hemorrhaging you wouldn't say, "Oh, I'm too busy at work to go to the ER right now." This is equally important and must be a priority NOW.

I hope you feel better soon. We all care about you very much!

MsMary

Veteran

Hugs, Kari! I echo everyone else's wise advice: Get yourself to the doc ASAP, even if it means taking a day off work. Your well-being comes first!!

12