Wow! I'm not sure how I've missed this thread, even with spotty attendance on the Forum for the last few days.

Thanks, Angie, for noting a "rumbling" in the threads, and for starting the discussion off with compassion and a call to kindness.

I am one of the larger Forum members. While I always feel support and positivity coming from YLF (such an amazing group), my awareness of that fact doesn't go away, and I feel a certain responsibility comes along with it. I'm aware that many on the Forum who wear double digit sizes (not talking about 00 at the moment, lol) don't post their own outfits. I want to make sure that when they see my posts, they are more likely, not less, to join the fun. I want to practice not apologizing for myself --- ever!

I have a purple box lying beside me on the couch at the moment. It's a small box that holds about 50 index cards. The cards contain favorite Bible verses, many written in the hand of my closest friends and family, along with cards that carry statements that refocus my mind on the priorities of the moment. I read through the box daily, occasionally rotating cards out and adding new ones. This morning, a quote from Phillipians 4 came right after a quote from "Hamilton" that always makes me laugh......"No one has more resilience or matches my practical, tactical brilliance!" The point is -- some of the cards are intended to draw me deep, and others to lift me up.

The box is a response to a lot of self doubt and difficulty. My move has meant that I have a much smaller support structure at a time when I'm transitioning careers and parenting teens. Doubt and challenge in any area of life can intensify body image issues, as I'm sure you know, so several cards remind me to eat in a way that honors my body, and to give thanks for my strength when I exercise, rather than wish my thighs away.

That Phillipians quote? (no intent to preach here, just to share) "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

This is all so interesting! I'm somebody who had the worst body image ever for most of my life, and although I'm okay with my body (most days) now, I feel so much empathy for those who struggle with it!

I will say that one of the things that has really helped me has been taking and posting daily outfit photos here on YLF. Just seeing myself as others see me has made me think "hmm... not so bad!"

And yes, having a man in my life who says only positive things about my body has been life-changing as well. I wish that for every woman!

Beth Ann, I am in love with this idea. May I borrow it?

And that quotation from Phillipians -- so beautiful.

So, as I've said recently I'm not entirely happy with my current weight. But honestly I'm still an hourglass, I still have awesome legs, my butt is decent.
I just need to figure out how to dress it right now.
Also I realize some of the comments refer to reactions from SO's and the like. I realize my lack of an SO is a mixed bag. I don't get criticism about my body, but nor do I get praise. I just deal with these issues solo.
Though a friend suggested I need to lose weight before a big dress up party in August that will most likely feature the "Attention Horse".
And yes Beth Ann, we need more pictures from the size 12 and ups. Myself included.

This is an amazing website for reference, showcasing a huge range of body types.

http://www.mybodygallery.com/

"I am one of the larger Forum members. While I always feel support and positivity coming from YLF (such an amazing group), my awareness of that fact doesn't go away, and I feel a certain responsibility comes along with it. I'm aware that many on the Forum who wear double digit sizes (not talking about 00 at the moment, lol) don't post their own outfits. I want to make sure that when they see my posts, they are more likely, not less, to join the fun."

Thanks for saying this, Beth Ann. I have, many times, started a WIW and then decided against posting, for various reasons. When I see someone who's a size 6 cataloging their flaws because they're not a size 2, I sometimes wonder if they view my size 16-18 body as grotesque. I guess I never stopped to think that confidence and body security at any size can have more of an impact than we imagine.

I don't talk about my body issues a whole lot here, but I do feel judged (indirectly and in life, not necessarily directly and at YLF) and I find myself holding back from explaining that I do work out, that I eat very healthfully, and that I have a hormonal condition that makes it extremely difficult to lose weight. I shouldn't need to say that, people often don't believe it, and how many times can one repeat it, anyway?

When it comes down to it, I'd rather practice acceptance than give voice to negativity, and I'd rather have fun with fashion than justify the shape of my body. And I think others feel the same way, so I do need to be a role model. And I will.

Angie, you've made YLF a place that supports and showcases fashionable women (and men!) of all body types, different races, and multiple cultures. I've seen support for transgender women here, accommodation for women with physical disabilities, sensitivity to religious requirements, and inclusive fashion no matter our size or skin tone. Thank you for that.

How brave of you to share that poem Deb. YLF is a wonderful community when the members feel so safe and share such personal information. I love what Jenn just wrote.
Mr. SF has always been very supportive of me and tells me that I am attractive. My first husband was the same. It certainly helped with my self esteem issues but it didn't solve them.
I love Beth Ann's idea.

Angie, thank you so much for starting this thread, and thank you everyone who has chimed in! This is such an important conversation, and I have been letting things sink in. There's so much wisdom here, and I intend to come back to this thread regularly.

I sure do need a gentle reminder on a regular basis. After gaining a significant amount of weight over the last few years, I've definitely been struggling with body acceptance. I have made progress, but am absolutely not "there" yet.
After my Papa passed away earlier this year after years of illness and with my sis who has syringomyelia (and often needs to use a weelchair now), I am more than ever grateful for being healthy and having a body that allows me to do most things I want (a bad back can be frustrating, but I try to work around that), yet negative thoughts can still sneak up on me.

I can relate to so many things here, and can't even say how helpful it all is. Among other things, I was nodding along with:

- Suz - Oh how I recognize that rebellious streak
- Deb - Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem_
- Anna - Oh WOW, that is an excellent website!

- lisap - "The things/events in our lives that caused those thoughts to become so ingrained happened so long ago, and were so pervasive that they don't just go away because we should know better... but minimizing it is one thing ....changing the voice in the head takes years of addressing the issue."

- approprio - "Here's the thing, though. Poor self esteem can come from all kinds of places, and it doesn't matter how much positive reinforcement you get from the world if that voice in your head is Intent on taking you down."

- Beth Ann - "I am one of the larger Forum members. While I always feel support and positivity coming from YLF (such an amazing group), my awareness of that fact doesn't go away, and I feel a certain responsibility comes along with it. I'm aware that many on the Forum who wear double digit sizes (not talking about 00 at the moment, lol) don't post their own outfits. I want to make sure that when they see my posts, they are more likely, not less, to join the fun."

- Jenn - "Thanks for saying this, Beth Ann. I have, many times, started a WIW and then decided against posting, for various reasons. When I see someone who's a size 6 cataloging their flaws because they're not a size 2, I sometimes wonder if they view my size 16-18 body as grotesque. I guess I never stopped to think that confidence and body security at any size can have more of an impact than we imagine."

- Rabbit - "every day I get myself to recommit to habitual practices that encourage healthy mental patterns and release endorphins, much as I would pay attention daily to a balanced diet. It's just as important as what I physically eat or drink or how I exercise. It took me awhile but I think I'm learning that the world is as I see it (my viewpoint shapes my experience of life) and that it's risky to underestimate the peril of my thoughts. They also contain enormous power for positive change if I respect them."

I'm finding what Kate (Rabbit) said to be so true. I'm really still learning to implement all those things, and it really does take daily commitment and constant reminding that this is not optional.
Mindfulness and regular exercise (for those priceless endorphins) are absolutely helping me to be more body positive. I've also been reading up about intuitive eating (one of the pillars of the concept is body acceptance at the weight you are at right now) and feel that this will be very useful for me as well.

Not to sound negative, but one thing I do find disheartening is that at this higher weight I am sized out of a lot of stores and brands that I love. I never had to deal with that before and do find it confrontational and can lead to negative thinking for me personally. (And yes, I know there are great brands that offer larger sizes too, but not as many as I'd like;-)
I'm also more annoyed than I used to be about mainly seeing very slim models modelling clothes (I know I'm generalizing a bit, but feel we can do so much better in the diversity department, not only size-wise).

And that's why it's so amazing to have a community like YLF where women of all ages, sizes, lifestyles etc. are represented. And I 100% agree with Beth Ann, Jenn and Anna that is is really important that we get to see more photos/outfits "from the size 12 and ups". And yes, I should absolutely put my money where my mouth is in that respect and post more too. My only excuse is that there's not a good and light enough space in my flat to take a decent picture.

Thank you. I needed to see this today. I'd made peace with the fact that my body is how it is, and that I have health stuf that's more pressing, and things i need to do for my body that are more pressing than trying to change it's shape and size. Now I'm visiting my family, and have had to explain all that...because all they see is a body that's bigger than they think it should be. So, it's soothing to come here and see this note from you. Thanks. XO

Deb: Thank you for sharing your poem. The racing mind is something I'm familiar with!

Suz: Absolutely! I sometimes move cards out for a time, if I seem to be losing interest in them, and I add new ones as they come to me. My "box" is plastic, and I bought it at Target in the office supplies area. It's important that it be small enough to fit in my purse, although I sometimes just keep it by my bed.

Jenn: I see such amazing style in your posts -- you are one who has honed your personal style enough that I could see an outfit and say, "That would look great on Jenn," much as I could for Suz (actually, I think of her every time I enter J. Crew). And for every person you feel a certain pressure to "explain" yourself to, there are two who are encouraged by the way you have fun with your style, and will realize that they don't have to wait for the "perfect" weight to feel good about their bodies and enjoy fashion. (And I love your bookcase backdrop!)

Anna: Great site --- and I love seeing your WIW posts -- whether you're hiking, or wearing a dramatic horse headdress! You will look fabulous at your event in August. I hope I get to see your outfit.

Inge: I would love to shop Zara, but am generally sized out, so I feel you on this. It would be nice to see this change, although I think there is more hope that US or online retailers will expand their sizes. Kudos to you for appreciating your health and energy, and being kind to yourself. I'd love to see some Inge outfits!

It really is the ultimate in selfishness, isn't it? ....to be thinking about what we look like in such infinitesimal degrees. Complaining about sizes, complaining about sticking out stomachs and heavy thighs. There is so much in life to appreciate, and yet, we sink to the lowest depths of misery over things most of the rest of the world doesn't even have on their collective radar. I'm ashamed, I really am. Being a perfectionist is not really a great trait. It endears you to no-one and only creates misery for yourself. I vow to be done with this .

WOW, ladies. Thank you for your thoughts, courage and energy. Great, great thread.

Janet, you and Jamie need to bless each other each day.

Rachy, happiness is what we live for!

Beth Ann, you rock my world. You have the BEST attitude and enviable positive body image. Can I clone you? KEEP ON POSTING OUTFITS.

Deb, a beautiful poem.

Anna, I've known you for years, and have never known you to have negative body image. Good job. KEEP ON POSTING OUTFITS.

Jenn, you are stylish. Don't you dare think of associating the word grotesque with fabulous you. KEEP ON POSTING OUTFITS.

Inge, you know how I feel about glorious, gorgeous and wonderful you, and all my love always. POST MORE OUTFITS.

Lisa, your last sentence in your last comment made me very, very happy. Find your inner balance and peace, and let it shine through to the outside. You can change the way you think about your body. The discipline that you apply to regular workouts and eating healthily can be applied to the way you think too. You have to consciously think about NOT thinking in a certain way - and correct yourself each time you fall back to the old way of thinking, which can be a million times a day. Practice makes perfect, and eventually, your new thought process is natural.

This is great! So much sharing. Beautiful. I continually work at accepting and loving and celebrating my body. Not always there but I would say a good 80% of th time, and enjoying clothes and having fun with what i wear helps so much.

I have said before on the forum that I work with teens and I decided that I need to model confidence and self acceptance .
I used to hide in my clothes but now I show much more of who I really am - within reason of course
I think we have so accepted these ridiculous notions of what we are "supposed " to look like that we have forgotten that people are all different and we are all beautiful.

Just wanted to chime in as one of the "size 12 and ups". I've been quiet on this thread because this is a topic that haunts me and it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. One of the reasons I post so few outfits is because of my size insecurities, and my constantly fluctuating weight. But I know that I'd also like to see more outfit posts from the "larger forum members" so I will make an effort to post more as well. I know that when I do post outfits I always get a little boost, and that's a very welcome feeling to battle some of the insecurities.

I would like to go on record that seeing outfits posted by people of all sizes, races, ages (and of different nationalities), in varying financial circumstances, is one of the main reasons I visit this site.

It would be boring, intimidating, and irrelevant to me to see a site full of size 0 models, or 26 year old bloggers showing off their cool stuff. I really don't care. I DO care and DO feel inspired when I see a size 16 40 year old dressing herself (or himself or themself) and looking fabulous. I DO care when I see a petite size 10 or size 00 figuring out how to make proportions work for her. I DO care when I hear about the shopping troubles of the person with size 12 feet who needs a great winter boot. And I care about the one who can't find a bra that fits and the one who is trying to put a travel capsule together and the one who is dressing for a job interview or a big date.

To me, every woman who dares to post an outfit on this site is beautiful. (And the ones who don't post, too.) And I especially look forward to the posts of people who don't fit the conventional mould.

It's a cliché to repeat these lines but I can't resist because, well, they are true, and because, Leonard Cohen.

There's a crack...
a crack in everything...
that's how the light gets in.

You know, every now and again in the Finds section of the site I look at who has collected a particular item I've collected. A lot of times it's been collected by forum members whose names I do not recognize because they never post. There are a lot more people here than the ones who talk.

Please -- if you are over size 12, or under size 4, or wear a 36G bra or a 28A one, or if you feel "skinny" or "fat" or "too tall" or "too old" or whatever -- please, please post, because you are adding beauty to our world. And by sharing your outfits you are helping all the lurkers in our midst.

Marianna, you know I love it when you post - and you know how much fun I had shopping with you. KEEP ON POSTING. Momo, you too.

Suz, thanks for being a ra ra cheerleader for everyone. You are a mensch.

Yea, Suz!!!!

Reading this thread, I keep wishing there were thumbs up buttons like on Facebook that I could press for all of the wonderful comments. So many I can't even keep track to respond individually. Just know that you all rock.

Thank you for sharing your poem Deb, your thoughts Inge and everyone. This thread has been so meaningful to me. I relate both to some of the extreme body self consciousness and the body acceptance on this thread depending on my mood (and the state of my hormones no doubt). I have gone up 1-2 sizes since menopause (maybe it is a coincidence but it is pretty exact correlation) and it has been difficult on my self image. This past weekend I cleared my closet out of everything that does not fit well right now, and realized I still have quite a lot to play with and some things fit better now than they did before. (Hello skirts.) Yoga has been amazing because I can appreciation the small changes in strength and balance on a daily basis. Anyway, this thread was just what the doctor ordered, thank you again Angie and everyone.

Thank you so much, Angie!! And also, that is so spot on:
"You have to consciously think about NOT thinking in a certain way - and
correct yourself each time you fall back to the old way of thinking,
which can be a million times a day. Practice makes perfect, and
eventually, your new thought process is natural."

I can really relate to what you wrote Marianna.
Jaime, I did the closet clearing thing a couple of months ago and now only have the clothes that fit well in sight, and it makes such a difference in how I feel (and makes it easier to get dressed too, of course;-)

Suz - A thousand times YES to everything you wrote!!

I admit I struggle with accepting my apple belly. Especially when people ask me if I'm pregnant! Ugh, that is like the worst punch in the gut! I think it's because I'm not fat or large in the rest of my body so it seems very disproportionate. And it's not like the images that people see on media, fashion magazines, etc. ever show apple figures. Stick thin models mostly and even sometimes proportional plus size models, but no one's showing pudgy bellies in bikinis, LOL. So I think that is why people make those comments, because when they see a belly that isn't flat they assume it's a baby instead of a normal post-kids shape. I do try to dress to flatter and I get lots of positive comments/compliments on my style and daily outfits. I try to focus on that and trying to make my body as healthy as I can instead of beating myself up about having a round tummy. I admit it's hard though!

What I like about YLF is seeing posts from women (and some men) of all shapes and sizes. That is so exciting to see that there is no one way to look beautiful and fashionable. And I have to admit that in these "take a stand with your body" posts, I always kind of scratch my head and think, "wow, I don't even notice the issue that they're obsessed with". They always look great! I think we are our own worst critics sometimes and I hope everyone (including myself) can benefit from Angie's reminder to be kind to ourselves and remember how great our bodies are, inside and out!

My DD and I watched this girl's story on TLC the other night. It really helps put everything in perspective, I think:

http://www.discoverylife.com/t.....-bullying/

I so appreciate everyone's comments! Similar to Goldenpig, I get asked if I'm pregnant. Even when I was in elementary school, there was always a roundness to my tummy even though every other part of me was skinny. It doesn't help that I have a small chest which emphasizes my tummy even more.

I used to post WIWs quite often and that helped a lot with seeing that there are more parts of me to appreciate than put down. However, it is not that hard to stand in a certain way or angle the camera to downplay my tummy. So I started to think there was nothing wrong with me.
Then came Ingefest in Seattle and at the last evening, at the cocktail party, a Fabber (who I do not see posting or commenting anymore) asked me if I was pregnant. I tried to laugh it off by explaining that it was birthday month and I indulged too much, but I really wanted to just run out of there and cry.

I have been trying to work my way up since then. It is a shame that a few negative comments can make such a lasting impact than 100s of positive comments that I get from my hubby and here on YLF.

My kids go to a wonderful school and the school always reminds them that there are many things we can't control, but the three things that are always in our control are our attitude, our effort, and our tongue. My prayer is that we all can control our attitudes, efforts, and tongues not only towards those around us, but especially towards ourselves.

This is such a long thread (a record breaker?). Super interesting! Great perspectives on body image and so enlightening and inspiring to read. Thank you YLF.

AJ, I'm so bummed that someone said that to you! After all the conversations we've had here about how hurtful that can be. I can't help but wonder if the person who said that realized after the fact that she had made a mistake and is now embarrassed to come back to the forum. I love the teaching about "attitudes, efforts, and tongues." I feel like that should be taught in every school everywhere!

I went to my first barre class last night. I was kind of dreading it walking in, figuring I would be the lone middle-aged, average-bodied woman in the class, alongside all the cute young fit things. But as people filed in, I realized the error of my assumption. There were women of varying sizes and ages there -- I was definitely not the oldest, even though I probably was in the top three ;-). And I wasn't the largest, although again, probably in the top 3-5. But once the workout starts, everyone is just focused on their workout, and being self-conscious does absolutely nothing helpful. I quickly forgot about anyone else, even as I struggled through some of the exercises, sweat dripping down my face. At the end, I was more concerned about my left knee, which was talking to me, than about how I looked. And I felt accomplished that I had tackled a class that had previously intimidated me.

Pardon my rambling, but I guess it's my example of how focusing on the "doing" can really help take one's mind off of comparing and picking on oneself. I need to constantly remind myself of that, and keep focusing on turning my thoughts away from those negative statements and toward positive ones. It's hard, I know!

I just want to come back and say that I mentioned the Fabber incident not to point a finger at one individual, but to say that even in a wonderful, supportive community such as YLF, our tongues can slip.

AJ, over the last year I've had people ask me the same question. Granted, even medical professionals use pregnancy as a measure of uterus size - and fruit ("you're 5 months or a pomelo"). It was so hard not to be snappy with strangers and say something to shock them into politeness. It's almost always well-intended so I try to remember that... Sometimes people have to learn manners the hard way.

AJ, I am so sad that happened to you. I love that saying at your kids' school and how graciously you have dealt with this.

Natalie, I have thought the same about body shapes many times. Even so-called plus models are still hourglassy and slightly more voluptuous versions of swimsuit models. See examples below - these women look quite amazing to me and are the epitome of GORGEOUS. Their bellies look way better than mine. And I am sure they have gone through more than their share of woes too. And none are ever an apple or barrel or pear or anything that looks like most of the women I know. I get that models are rare and I know ITs are the best clothes models (shoulders as hangers, etc), but still...

Popped back to drop this fabulous little column from the Manrepeller, which seems relevant to the conversation:

Shame: An Explainer

AJ, I am so sorry this happened to you (Natalie, Una and other forum members too). I wish I had known at the time and could have lent you my ear. It's so true that it's so much harder to shake one negative comment-( Please know that we are here for you (and love seeing your outfits, love your style, your attitude and wisdom, and wonderful and gorgeous you - inside and out!!!).

Janet - That is such a good example, I've definitely had that happen too. And brilliant that you loved the barre class!

Natalie - Like Una, I was nodding along with what you were saying about the models.

Beth Ann - *nodding* about Zara! Have you looked at Violeta by Mango? I recently found two very fun denim dresses there.