A Gentle Body Image Reminder - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Body Type

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

A Gentle Body Image Reminder

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm repeating what I said on delurked's thread because it applies to all of us:

Ladies, I do not want to discourage you from your weight goals. But may I remind you to take a stand with your bodies. There has been a lot of negative talk about body image on the forum lately and I would like to minimize it. I am empathetic to your feelings - I deal with this emotional terrain daily with clients - and it's quite normal to feel like this from time to time. Let me help you gain some perspective.

Don't let the extra that there is of you to love boss you around. Same goes for any other body part that you're beating up at the moment. These negative feelings spiral out of control and become all consuming and obsessive. And your enjoyment of life goes out the window. It's non-sensical, counter-productive, and dangerous. Has it ever helped to focus on the negative? I can't think of an instance when it has. Strive to be healthy and you've won. There is no better body image goal than that.

From a practical point of view, there are ways to wear more flattering clothing to help you through these feelings (we can become as specific as you like - this is what I do for a living!). But the most important thing you need to sort out is what's going on in your head. YOU have the power to do just that because you are a strong and empowered women on 2016. ROCK ON.

Body Type

141 replies

Latest reply was from mamacandoit

Mochi

Veteran

Thanks, Angie. Hugs.

viva

Veteran

Thank you for this. So obvious, so true, so important. And so easy to forget.

Joy

Veteran

So wise. Rejoice in what that body can do. My arms may be flabby but I can raise them over my head. My knees may be knobby looking but they don't ache.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Yep! Yep! Love the skin you live in!

approprio

(website)

Veteran

This. A thousand times this.

Really, the energy we can spend feeling crappy about ourselves is so much better directed into being, living and doing. It's not easy, it requires real effort, you have to learn it and it's not possible every single day, but I'm convinced self-acceptance is essential to a fulfilled existence. If there's one lesson I've learned in the last year, it's that.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for this 'gentle' reminder, Angie. I think ALOT of us need it right now! I agree....it never helps anyone to focus on the negative.....but it's just so darn easy to do it. Your voice is now in my head....

skylurker

Veteran

Completely agree.
And I often think that your studies in psychology must come in handy for your job as stylist.

El Cee

Veteran

Wise words Angie. Thanks.

kkards

Veteran

if you don't love you...it's hard for anyone else to....

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Isabelle said. You have high EQ, Angie!

Anonymous

Your words have power, Angie. Thanks for this reminder. We need to love and care for all our bits and pieces and let our lights shine!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Thanks for this gentle but firm reminder, Angie. Do you think women who are interested in fashion are more likely to fall prey to negative self-talk regarding their bodies? I've occasionally wondered about that.

RobinF

Veteran

Such true words! One of my favorite things about this forum is that we are all different shapes and sizes but can see the positives in all of our looks. Thanks for the reminder.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm thrilled to hear your positive and wise responses, ladies. Let us choose joy!

Thanks for the kind words, Suz and Isabelle.

Elisabeth, interestingly, my experience makes me believe the opposite. I have been dressing women of ALL sizes and body types for years, and in doing so see that women (and men) who truly enjoy fashion and style - have better body image. They are able to rise above comparisons and stereotypes and just be - enjoying the passion that they have for fashion, and how the right outfit makes them feel fabulous.

Peri

Veteran

Thanks for the refocusing!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Angie -- so you mean, the older and fatter I get, the better I'll feel, so long as I keep an eye on the fashion trade winds? Awesome! Bring it on, and pass the pizza and cake.

Anonymous

Touche. Point taken. Mouth firmly zipped. Fingers rapped.

catgirl

Veteran

Hear, hear. Beautifully put, Angie. Objectively, I believe in just what you've said and espouse it as a woman and a feminist. So I want to word this respectfully and carefully: for those of us who struggle with that negative voice in our heads, it can be tough to hear and absorb these body-positive sentiments for what they truly mean. When people say to me "embrace yourself as you are", that inner voice translates it to "you'll never be young/pretty/tall /thin, so give up." It's SAD and EVIL and I do my best to fight it - and most of the time it works. Such is the power of the world that surrounds us.

But my real point is that this forum sets such a naturally safe, positive tone - I think it's better for people to voice their self-doubts and be reassured than to stay silent because they fear a resounding chorus of "honey, just be more positive!" We are all exposed to a constant battering of self-image by the world and sometimes our own families. YLF is the ultimate antidote, but the cure takes time, and not all of us have evolved to the point of internalizing and integrating body-positive thoughts into our daily routine. This is why we need each other here (says the extrovert).

If this comment is too controversial, let me know and I will edit or remove it!

Aziraphale

Veteran

I second what Una says.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Nice sense of humour, ladies. Laughing is HEALTHY.

Elisabeth, here's another broad generalization I can make. Clients who wear a US size 10 or larger have better body image than clients who wear smaller sizes. And my older clients have the best body image of all.

columbine(erin)

Veteran

Thanks for the gentle reminder, Angie.

SW Ann

Veteran

Yeah, I needed this today. I spent yesterday, mostly indoors-- because it was 115 degrees here. And I was in 3/4 length sleeves. And you can guess why....I'm self conscious about my upper arms. While I did not feel all that uncomfortable in the heat, I didn't look appropriately dressed when I was outside. And I was not in freezing cold a/c because it's hard to get a/c that cold when it's 115 degrees! I basically decided my mental discomfort with being sleeveless was less acceptable than physical discomfort when outside. So, Angie, thank you for the gentle reminder....

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

Thanks Angie. Sometimes we all need a reminder that we are more than our body image. I know I do.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Glad to hear it, ladies.

WELL DONE, SW Ann.

Una, I always appreciate your response, and that you chose your words carefully. Thank you. My point is balance. I am empathetic to feelings of negative body image and self doubt. As a women in her late 40s who is a fashion professional - how can I not be :). It's good to voice our feelings in a safe and supportive environment such as YLF, as that can be therapeutic and carthatic in itself. Sometimes it's helpful to share your body image woes, and sometimes it's counter-productive for you and the forum. Sympathy can actually make you feel worse. It's my job to bring things back in line once in a while so that we (and I include myself here) do not lose sight of what is most important and what is true style power.

Style is not a dress size. It's an energy and confidence that is expressed through clothing, footwear and accessories at any size and age.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

That was an interesting question Aziraphale.

I think Angie's right when it comes to people who have a long history of interest in fashion as design. It's like that French Instagram woman UmmLila linked to yesterday. If you are into fashion and style in a deep way as a kind of expressive art, then you learn to take a more objective approach to yourself. Selfies (or photos here on YLF) can have that effect -- at first it is pretty awful to look at them, but over time you come to recognize your distinctive qualities and instead of asking yourself and others the equivalent of "Do I look fat in this?" you begin to ask yourself, What do I have that is worth emphasizing or what is interesting about me.

It is a switch in orientation away from supposed flaws to finding ways to show your distinctive sense of humour, or grace, or power, or calm or whatever it is that you have that somehow sets you apart. Your experience of life plays deeply into this -- think of our own Ledonna, for example -- who tutors us almost daily in how to be a strong, sensitive, African-American woman who also happens to be a veteran (and not just on YLF, LOL!). She is not model thin. That doesn't stop her from rocking her style.

The same can be said for many others on this forum. (Probably most others.) Everyone brings something distinctive.

At first we come just hoping to get our wardrobes in shape or maybe to find a community of women who are interested in fashion and won't think we are frivolous for caring how we look. But the way we care about how we look can change if we are open to the process.

Anonymous

Amen, Suz. Ledonna is high on the list of my style goddesses. Her attitude is E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

Anonymous

I'll stand up with Una here. No amount of "rah rah" is going to undo years of fear and self loathing. (sounds like a Hunter S Thompson movie gone bad) The things/events in our lives that caused those thoughts to become so ingrained happened so long ago, and were so pervasive that they don't just go away because we should know better. I understand the need to minimize the talk on this forum because it can get annoying - and I know I'm a perpetrator - but minimizing it is one thing ....changing the voice in the head takes years of addressing the issue. I was thinking about this over the weekend, actually, and realized that I have felt this way about myself for most of my life . There have been periods when I've felt less disgusted with myself, but those have been rare. Yes, it has come up in therapy sessions I've been in over the years (for other things but this does come up) but ending the thought pattern? I have no idea how it's done. Practice , I guess. I've always felt judged on how I look - it's a horrible trap to be caught in .

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Lisa, I am empathetic to how you feel, and understand that feelings of such strong discontentment do not change overnight. It's a shame - and hard to believe - that you of all people feel this way, when all we see is a devastatingly attractive, pulled together, and stylish women with lots of sass and verve. I will spend my life telling you that - and hope that one day you will believe it too. I am tenacious will not give up that hope.

Suz, as always you are full of balanced and wise thoughts. They are words to internalize and absorb with respect. Thank you.

Anonymous

This makes me think of a quote from "Hamlet," for some reason: "Assume a virtue if you have it not." In my mind, that means if you're not feeling fabulous, you can at least act fabulous. At some point, you realize that you really ARE fabulous! And yes, therapy can definitely help with this.

12…5