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My Style at 55 (Long)

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Since I am turning 55 this April, the “age appropriate” question is once again turning over in my mind. With the ease of Pinterest, I have been pinning looks that spark this age-old question: is it appropriate, or not? They’re mostly pinned to a board I’ve called “Yay or Nay.” Now you might be one who says “who needs rules?” and that appeals to me. But to me, style is ALL about the details. Herewith, my thoughts on this topic; please join with your thoughts/tell me I’m crazy/tell me I’m right, whatever your age.

Looks that I left behind a while ago.

Short skirts
Flirty skirts
Short shorts
Shorts with tights
Beachy, strapless tops and dresses when not at a beach
Body con mini dresses
Cute/frilly mini dresses
Sheer tops with visible bra
Uggs worn with skinnies
Bare midriff looks
Tops or dresses showing a lot of armpit, neck, and bust

Big question marks
-- things I love but may have to start leaving behind (on no!). Up for discussion! Can you figure out how to make them work for me?

Camo chic
Graphic tees
Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream)
White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather
Backpacks (breaks my heart)
Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute”
Very Boho looks
Very rock & roll looks
All-black outfits
Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees
Open back tops
Beanies
Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck
Arm party

Current trends I feel comfortable with and happy to embrace
(this is still an incomplete list)

Bermuda shorts
Colorblock shoes
White with brights, white with black
Open knitwear
Jumpsuits
Panama hats

Current trends I can make work, if done right

High Style tees (if NOT worn with head-to-toe trendy)
Distressed denim (when worn with more structured, classic pieces)
Boyfriend jeans (if NOT worn with dramatic contrasts like stiletto heels)
Fashion sweatshirts (without cute factor)
Dramatic flares

Classics that work at any age (although may be a bit dressy for my lifestyle)

Sheath dress at knee length
Pencil skirts
Tailored trousers
White button downs
Structured blazers

Looks that I'm leaving behind because I don't like the way they look on me

Midi skirts worn with flats
Oxfords
Athletic shoes/Cons
Leggings with tunics

Keep in mind, this is for 55, not 40, 45 or 50. There is a difference! As much as a difference between 25 to 40, although the fashion world tends to lump together every thing after 40.

It actually feels liberating to come to a place of acceptance about all of this.

Dressing

59 replies

Latest reply was from ElleH

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I know you have come to the forum looking for further insight but I just wanted to say that I trust your judgement implicitly. You know your body, you know the parts of your body which are showing signs of age and most importantly you know your style.

I like your musings about anything too...too cute, too rock, too distressed, too classic are not what your style is about. Your trends are tempered by an easy elegance which is acquired with age and ensures you continue to look both fresh and appropriate.

Therefore you may choose to replace camo with army surplus wear or even a subtler version of the print in the same way you discounted sweatshirts of the cute variety.

Great thread Denise.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

This is so interesting Denise & I must admit to judging women in their 40s & beyond who wear the types of clothing in your left behind list. It smacks of some kind of insecurity or lack of awareness imo. Having said that I defend their right to wear whatever they want but I personally don't find it attractive.

I agree it is liberating to let go of anything that doesn't work for you as an individual.

Anonymous

I'm going to be 50 next year, so for me thats a big milestone. I know that 5 years can make a difference, but there are so many factors to take into consideration; from how we age, what confidence we have and body shape or body hang-ups. I guess the way to embrace some very fashion forward styles is in a more subtle way. I think as RoseandJoan said we trust your judgement. You are an intelligent lady and an innate sense of what feels right is probably just bubbling under the surface. I think you will find *your* way (with a bit of help from YLF). A lot of the items in your lists are probably what you are leaving behind due to your style evolving and not necessarily connected to age, though I know age is a massive factor; Our mindset changes too.
I don't think I am eloquent enough to say much more so I'll leave it there, though I'm going to pop back to read what others think.

lyn67

Veteran

IMHO it's not only about age, but about how you are aging (fitness, grooming etc.) and what you are doing at that age-so your style has to fit your integral person you are now, not the earlier you were or the further ahead you'll be.
I also don't like to "speak only" about clothes...it has to be seen together with the wearer, and then judged!

Lyn D.

Veteran

Hmmm, Denise, I also think your question marks could just be style evolution, mainly unrelated to age appropriateness.
Your eye seems to be very fine-tuned to on trend, and your fashion knowledge is really excellent!
I would keep trusting your instincts, and ignore the numbers.

Glory

Veteran

This is an interesting thread which I will be watching. I feel very much in the same place and often ask if an item is age appropriate. I also understand that the classics you mention may not really work for your lifestyle. There often feels, at least to me, that the inbetween ground is murky and more casual can quickly go frumpy. I am keeping an eye on your list and will be following.

jenanded

Veteran

HI Denise, first off I had to say I was totally amazed at the birthday you mention after seeing your photos so please take that as an endorsement of how fantastic I think you always look and reflects your style. Being able to write this list is a major step in the whole process I guess and somehow one needs to keep being reflective more often - a lot happens in the 3-5 years around this time... I was just reading another blog sort of around this question(even though they lumped together anyone past 40) but the insight that I thought was interesting was to have scarves (and perhaps some other accessories) in the more out there (if that is the term so I use it loosely) patterns and trends in expensive versions. Perhaps that is how you could work in at least the camo and I already thought you rocked the neons that you love. So as others say, trust your instinct as its pretty nicely honed and the forum becomes a nice place to bounce ideas around.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I agree that it is wrong to say over 40 as if there is no difference between 40 and 90 and everything in between. That said, I think it is more helpful to think of your style evolution as taking into account different things - your age and how your aging, but also what is current and what is dated, how you feel about yourself and how you want to present yourself and so on. I do not like bodycon looks for myself now but I didn't like them at 20 either. I did wear mini-skirts that I would not wear now, but I have seen women older than me look great in mini-skirts. I like your list of what you still like, I just think it is a Denise (who is now 54) list rather than a generic woman at 54 list. Hope that makes sense.

Raisin

Veteran

It's true that it's not only about age. I have to say whenever I see you WIW posts, I love your style, and I never once think you dress inappropriate for your age. You always look great, a little rock, but totally appropriate. You have the figure, style and confidence to pull off most any look you'd want to wear!

Vildy

Veteran

I always think newness is the pivot point. If a person is wearing garments that are trending fast with the young but hers are clearly worn in, then it looks like fashion has finally begun catching up with how smart she was originally or her enduring style. However an older person who is wearing shiny brand new trend items looks like she's running hard to stay in place and isn't smart enough yet to think for herself. It's all about having the wisdom and self-respect and life experience to avoid looking so spineless that you're blown over by every breeze.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Denise, I'm reading this with much interest because I love your style, I share a casual lifestyle, and I'm not far behind you in age (turning 48 this year). As someone who shares a rock'n'roll aesthetic, I try to stay very aware of maintaining an element of sophistication in my outfits to keep my looks for skewing too young, and I think this is something you do very well.

I agree with all of your left-behind items. A lot of your question mark items make me think not just of age-appropriateness but style evolution. I think many of those things are trends or ideas that you or I or anyone could dip a toe into but be careful of taking it to the extreme. Once again, I think the devil is in the details, and sophistication is the benchmark that keeps the trend looking appropriate (whether for age or situation). I had a moment of doubt about the wisdom of studded high-top sneakers for a woman pushing 50 when I put on the Fryes I posted earlier this week, but quickly realized that the details of the shoe -- the non-blingy flat studs, the rich leather, the versatile color -- make the look work for me and my style. I feel awesome in them!

That said, I had a rueful chuckle at your comment about necklaces. I have also been noticing my neck an awful lot lately, and I think my necklaces will be getting longer to help move the focus away from that area. But then again, I've been out in the desert for the last 2+ weeks, which always makes my skin look about 10 years older!

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

Denise, I can't imagine you in only classics. You ARE a trendy person, and it suits you perfectly. Please don't leave behind your skinnies and distressed denims just yet. Never once has it crossed my mind that your outfits are not age appropriate. I read your lists with interest, and I don't think you need anyone to tell you anything more about this. You have a pretty clear vision, and the way you are able to verbalize it is impressive. 55 is but a number, one must also take into consideration lifestyle, shape etc. You know this, of course. However, I think you are among the gifted ones that can keep on and on, wearing almost anything you like and still look good, just the way you probably have done all your life, you beautiful creature.

Peri

Veteran

I'm 53 and agree with most of what you say. Not sure about the no backpacks though...if you like them, why not?

I think that's the hardest thing about our age. I used to wonder, is it in style, does its look good on me, do I like it? If yes, then it was mine. Now I have to add...am I allowed to wear it? And that question carries more doubt, and is harder to answer, than the first three combined.

No wonder I'm having such a hard time purging and shopping! Glad we can all help each other!

sarah

Veteran

Denise, this is such a thoughtful post. I love it. And it's so personal and true-to-you, as these decisions must be. Just curious - what does it mean to wear a fashion sweatshirt "without the cute factor"? Does that mean that the sweatshirt can't be cute?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Denise, thank you for posting this. As somebody who is your age, I identify with your desire to keep it real. And I love the detail you've provided here -- not only a list, but visuals. (Of course I got lost in your pin board and started pinning looks I liked...hoping they are not age-inappropriate!)

I agree with those who say that you look amazing (for any age), that your style is consistent and you always look appropriate to your circumstances (whether that's a day at the ranch or a San Francisco visit), that you maintain that bit of rocker edge without ever seeming harsh, over-the-top, or ridiculous. That you look fab, in short!!

But, but. but....I also understand your wish to refine, or maybe define what you are up to at this leg of your style journey. And to consider the role that aging will play in your choices. True, age may not be the only factor involved in this style evolution, but it is one of them, and I agree that 55 seems like a transition somehow.

Maybe those of us who live a casual lifestyle feel this more than those who work in offices. Most casual clothes naturally skew "young" and it may be more difficult to avoid mutton-dressed-as-lamb looks if we don't want to go the route of downright frumpdom as in head-to-toe LL Bean catalogue. If a woman is wearing the classics -- a shirt, a blazer -- she will look good at any age, as you say. But if you live on a ranch or work at home in a super-casual town (as I do) a complete wardrobe of the classics is both impractical and uncomfortable.

So, that said, I agree completely with your list of "left-behinds." I never wore a lot of those anyway, or was tempted to, which perhaps makes it easier for me to say this. (My style always skewed classic/ conservative vs. wild...so in some ways my journey has been the opposite -- learning to incorporate trendy cuts and items but the right ones, not the ones that will make me look idiotic.)

I also agree with your list of things you can still easily do -- for you, your body, your face, your life, these are all absolutely great.

And I agree that the classics work, and blending them in, as you've recently been doing in some posts, is a really great option.

Now, to the "maybe" list:

Camo chic

You can definitely incorporate camo. Just one article of clothing at a time. And maybe in a softer colorway. See Deborah's recent camo pants.

Graphic tees

Totally do-able for your lifestyle. Especially if you throw a jacket over top. Obviously, the particular graphic matters. I would avoid some and embrace others.

Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream)

You have the body for it and can do it if you are comfortable. Maybe you'd want more coverage in a longer top, but in your case this is not required.

White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather

Totally wearable. Oh, and while you're at it, would you please pick one up for me as well?

Backpacks (breaks my heart)

I say you can wear 'em if you want to and they are sophisticated enough.

Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute”

I am on the fence on this one, too. I have a real yen for such items sometimes and recently ordered a silk blouse that might fall into that category. (oops!) In fact, I think for a casual life you can get away with it. Of course, there is "cute" and there is "cute." Some cute being too cute for words.

Very Boho looks

You posted a bootcuts and (I think) velvet jacket look a while back that is still one of my favourite outfits of yours, ever. But I do see the issue with this. I think I would be wary and would keep away from full-on boho.

Very rock & roll looks

Again, I think it's a question of mixing elements into an outfit but not going full on. Your innate taste will determine the right amount.

All-black outfits

Yeah. Hear you on this one. I am edging away from these, too. But once in a while, can't stop myself.

Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees

Yeah...probably not.

Open back tops

Less sure on this. Might depend on the particular back and the overall style. An open back T worn with distressed jeans, not so great. An open back cocktail dress seems different. It's about not freaking out the expectations of the viewer when you turn around.

Beanies

Well, why not? You look adorable in one. But if too trendy, leave behind.

Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck

Yeah. Maybe not so much if you don't like your neck.

Arm party

Seems okay if arms are good!.

Those are my thoughts, for what they are worth.

Jamie

Veteran

I'm following this one closely as I worry that sometimes I still don't get it right for my age. Case in point - on Saturday evening, my husband and I went out for a casual dinner with some friends, and I wore white jeans, a silk blouse, a clutch, and my new white Hi-ness Converses. The first comment out of my girlfriend's mouth was that the shoes were "just not me!" And then she had to repeat it a few times for unkind emphasis. I brushed it off, but it really hurt my feelings. I got to thinking - I love the shoes, and I do feel a little "not me" in them, but I chalk it up to trying something new. Every time I try something new, I feel a little uncomfortable until I adjust to it. But how do you know if the item or look is really not you or is not age appropriate? I admire your list, Denise, and I'm looking forward to learning how this evolves for you.

Deborah

Veteran

I love that you have really taken the time to think this through. At 47, not a day goes by when the issue of age appropriate dressing doesn't pop into my thoughts.

in your list of Looks that I left behind a while ago, I agree with everything here however, I do think you could "appropriately" wear shorts with tights:)

Next category :

Camo chic
yes, but maybe in a more subtle tones

Graphic tees
yes, but be selective about the "graphics"

Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream)
I see these as a significant part of your style signature

White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather
why not, you would wear it well

Backpacks (breaks my heart)
hmmm, never been a fan but they do read as juvenile to me as opposed to grown up style.

Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute”
i think cute is for 20 something's. it's a matter of what you want to communicate about yourself.

Very Boho looks
Agreed. IMHO this can actually be an aging look as we get older. I think if Darma's mother in Darma's & Greg!

Very rock & roll looks
i think you can carry this off with real style

All-black outfits
Love! at any age. If you feel the need to soften them perhaps look at accessories?

Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees
Not sure

Open back tops
Depends. Some can be quite tasteful, some not.

Beanies
have you seen Odyssey rock hers? I say wear.

Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck
Still fine IMHO.

Arm party
Again depends on how the total outfit is put together.

and I totally agree with your final three categories.

Denise this shows such great personal insight into your style. May I use this as my template? I think this is such a worthwhile exercise.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Denise - this is a FANTASTIC post! As someone who just turned 50 in February, I have been having some of these same discussions in my head in relation to my own style.

I think Suz's reply mimics my own thoughts perfectly and is written so much more eloquently than I could have done so I will just say "what Suz said" and leave it at that!

And for the record, you are GORGEOUS at any age

Vix

Veteran

Hi and happy advance birthday, Cocolion--

Lots of great insights from you and members, but really "ditto" to what RoseandJean up in the very first reply.

Since I'm a not particulary-trendy mid-40s I'll share what my uber-trendy 70+ year old friend (“my dress of choice is so young that I look like a contrast of opposites…a grape and a prune”) says:

-- carefully pick how much skin to show (less is often more)
-- if you wore it the first time around, don't wear it like that the second/third/etc time around
-- a more expensive item with all the trendy stuff helps ground

I believe those are her only personal rules. Though I often wish she'd dial back on fast fashion, friends are about the only thing Lily tolerates for longer than a season. She's ok with looking VERY different from the environmental norm in general, and definitely different than most women her age--and she gets compliments from random people all the time who appreciate her sense of style.

I know you'll continue to adapt and refine--looking forward to those explorations!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I do think about this pretty often. Mostly when shopping for things I like and trying to make sure I'm NOT shopping too young. I forget my age most of the time. Until I'm talking with young people and I realize how long ago I felt the way many of them do. Or until I have to dress for a special occasion and I don't want to be out of touch.

I think it is always a good idea to check ourselves. Like your comment about necklaces - I can definitely relate to that. My neck hasn't faired as well as my face because I wasn't as careful all those years about protecting it from the sun and aging just impacts us in places like that more than others. Now I'm wondering if I ordered the wrong necklace for my new black dress. lol.

I think your lists are very sound - I do think you can wear some skinnies but I agree that the super tight look may not be as acceptable. I've turned to slim fit instead of tight fit. I feel they are more comfortable and seem to suit my style better these days.

Regarding hats, I bought a "Fedora" straw hat last spring and never wore it. It felt too "costumey" on me. But I think in the right setting (by the pool or at the beach) it still might work. I still wear a cap when I walk and a big sun hat out in the garden if it's not too windy. And always a straw hat at the pool (I have several different styles).

I've never really worn camo but living where I do, it is very common - but not for fashion -- for hunting purposes. So for me, I skip that trend. I even feel a bit odd in my olive green utility jacket. Like I'm fitting in where I'm not sure I want to from a fashion standpoint. lol.

I bought a couple of super bright "neon" colors recently but I do wonder if they are best for me. I think I can get away with a neon top in the right outfit - esp. in summer. I did get some odd looks from a few elderly gentlemen at the store in that coral neon tee. Maybe neon is the new body con for those of us over 50! Just kidding.

Graphic tees have always been "tricky" to me. They often seem to have a message or story and I'm not so big on wearing a message. The two somewhat graphic tees I own I don't tend to reach for.

Funny story:
The other day when grocery shopping, DH nods his head towards a woman with one of those "Can you believe it?" looks on his face. I look over and here is a woman, must have been mid to late 70's, with a white perm that almost looked like a wig but I don't think so looking at the roots. Very DARK tan skin, white frosted lipstick. Very dark eye makeup and red cheeks. Black hot pants with sheer dark hose. High platform shoes, dark leather top, studded wrist band, etc. And this is in a rural town with a population of under 15,000. She was definitely going for the "rocker" grandmother look. Or maybe she was dressed for some event. Either way, it was a total fashion fail but it did get plenty of attention.

Isn't this our worst nightmare? To be seen as something of a joke out in public? And that is true at pretty much any age after about 18 I guess.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm with Jules. I also trust your age appropriate style judgement implicitly. I love how fashionable and trendy you are - AND that you address the age appropriate question along the way. It's one of the reasons you have killer style. If we could all wear everything, the concept of style would not exist.

I am in 99% agreement with your "left-behind items" because I think you will rock a flirty skirt that is not a mini

As for the question marks, you can wear them all Denise, when you add sophistication to the look. You of all people will successful pull off these items at 55. I have all the confidence in the world in you. It's all in the HOW and not in the what. Furthermore, context is key. Some things work better in certain settings.

And you will still have to convince me about not being able to wear sassy sneaks and oxfords!

Isis

Veteran

Cool thoughts, Denise! I agree with all the others that you can pull off every single one of your "questionable" items. I have NEVER seen an outfit from you that crosses the line; you have an impeccable sense of style!

Anonymous

Denise, I have similar conversations with myself all the time. I live in a very casual, very young town and I don't have a traditional job or children to embarrass, ha. Sometimes I wonder where to draw my line in the shifting sands of fashion.

You, though, always get it right, and you're someone I look to for inspiration. Trust your instincts. You will always be the coolest girl in school to me!

catgirl

Veteran

I trust your judgment so much, Denise, and I follow you closely as I'm not that far behind. I agree with everything you've listed, although some are irrelevant in my climate anyway. Also, I think personality comes into play here - there are some items I would not have worn at any age, and some I will wear until my last day no matter what. As you said, quality and execution become more of a factor, but otherwise I think the world is your oyster. Like fashion rules becoming less strict, age rules seem to have changed as well and groundbreakers like you are a part of that.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Such a fab thread, and so clearly written. I don't have the time to read the entire thread, but my thought on your question mark items is that you can totally make them work! Camo would look fab in a luxe fabrication or very classic cut - silk camo pants/blouse/jacket? Camo one-button blazer? A backpack would look FAB in non-distressed leather and probably be nicer on your back than a regular purse. A white moto vest seems like a non-issue to me. This will work no matter what! I do think you can wear beanies, too.

As for saccharine sweet/cute tops and sweatshirts and too boho and rock looks... I more think those don't work because they aren't you. You aren't cutesie, and though you have boho and rock influences, I don't think either style defines you. For me, this isn't an age issue.

Gaylene

Veteran

By the time a woman reaches her mid 50s and early 60s, I think, to be stylish, a woman needs to make peace with her body's shape and spend the time to figure out a way to dress in a way that flatters her and makes her feel happy. In other words, I like to see an older woman who owns her style; someone whose clothes make me focus on her as opposed to the trendiness of the particular pieces she is wearing.

A nod to a trend is fine, but, to my eye, ought to be approached with a high degree of caution as one ages. The line between daring and just looking weird gets finer as one gets older. If you've always worn moto jackets and Cons, you can probably continue wearing their variations for the rest of your life, but starting to wear them in your mid sixties can be dangerous ground.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I want to be you when I grow up! Really. I totally agree that 'over 40' is not a fair blanket fashion category at all. I'm a little over a decade behind you, but living very similar lifestyles, understand how the appropriateness is a tricky thing. Business wear is pretty cut and dry, really. But casual, rural, living, while doing restaurant work, not so much. I think you do a fabulous job of mixing trends with your own sophisticated style and pull it off every time.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I'm reading with interest, because I, too, turn 55 this summer! I'm encouraged that you are my age, because I so admire your style.

There is a lot of good advice here already. Looking through your list of looks you left behind a while ago, I thought, Gee, I have a body-con short dress that has frills! I was thinking about wearing it today for the Breakfast at Tiffany's challenge. It's not what I would call "cute," though, and the frills, which are all-over ruffles that are part of the fabric (kind of Tadashi-style) and camouflaged with an abstract burnished gold print over the black background, tend to tone down the body-con effect. So personally, I'm hesitant to rule out some categories of items. I'd rather try to avoid certain overall effects--but that's a harder concept to encapsulate.
There are backpacks, and then there are backpacks. Check out these, which I think would look fashionable on a woman who had a decade or two or three on us: http://www.marcytilton.com/ite.....38;cid=107

Thanks for starting this thoughtful thread, and here's to a fabulous 55 celebration!

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Happy birthday, Denise! I would like to know if you want to leave these items/looks behind, or if you feel you must because of age. I think you look incredible and do not necessarily have to give up any of your "questionable" items due to age. But because you feel different and you want to change? That's completely different, in my way of thinking.

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