I've been off the forum for a long time, so many of the new members wont know me, but I'm logging in to say hello, and thank-you to all the beautiful people who've sent PMs during my absence. I've thought of you all often and have actually logged on now and then, but it's taken a while to get to updating everyone with my news.

On Sun Jan 15, just after 9am, my wonderful husband slipped away. Our 9yo and I, and his mum, were with him, and our daughter and 6yo arrived minutes after. He was strong to the end, his powerful lungs and strong steady heart and love of life and sustained him long after his liver was overcome by cancerous metastises from a bowel tumour discovered in October 2010.

We commemorated his life with a service conducted by the chaplain of my daughterss school; his brother, his former university lecturer and colleague/mentor, and my daughter all spoke, and his sister prepared a beautiful slde show of photos with two of his favourite songs. Afterwards we released white balloons into the sky and watched them float up through the gums, then dissapper into the hot blue sky. I rarely wear black, but i bought a sleeveless black sheath and wore it with a gold locket and bracelet he had given me. I wear his wedding ring now, as I used to when he was working offshore, and I still feel that any day he might just walk right on in the door with his big smile and big strong after-work hug.

Its very early days for us, and I know that time wil heal and we will know happiness again one day, but at the moment that time seems a long way away. Our friends, family, and neighbours have been great, and the children are settling into their new schools. We've moved back into our own house and my Mum is staying with us until Easter while we get unpacked and into our new routines. On Friday we are going to visit a litter of labrador puppies that are 3 weeks old, and hope that in a few weeks one of them will come home with us; we are all looking forward to the joy a wagging tail and wet nose can bring.

I do hope to be back participating in the forum again soon, and I have now and then logged on to catch up on all the smiling faces here.

Here are a few of my favourite famiy photos; at work DH dressed quite formally, but his after hours FFBO was a polo neck t-shirts or rugby jumper, usually with a sporting or oil-field logo. And his big smile :).

Lynne xo