Mary, being completely honest, you are gorgeous both ways!

But I like your hair straight better, and I concur with your estimation of the curly looks.

Is that because, objectively, it looks better -- or is that because I came to "know" you with straight hair and also know that you had curly locks before your weight loss and fashion transformation? I'm honestly not sure.

Or maybe it's because my own hair has a touch of wave that I can bring forward or tame as the mood dictates...and I tend to prefer to tame it?

In the end, I think I agree with Angie. The straightened hair is not dated and suits your style persona. But the wavy is a lovely weekend option.

Does the wave depend on humidity levels in the air? That is what makes the key difference for me. In dry conditions my hair behaves one way; in damp conditions, another.

If you decide in the end that straight is not for you, then I would consider going for a completely different cut and style to allow you to work with the wave in a way that feels right for you. I do know that curly hair can be a major challenge yet when you find the right cut and stylist, it's amazing!

Uh-oh. I think I was the one who prompted you to try the wavy look and guess what? I'm having the same feelings about my own locks. I wore my hair curly back in the 80s, so it has a certain retro/dated vibe that I struggle with. I agree with you that poker straightened hair is on the way out, and wavy is on the way in, but it will take a long time for that to happen in my town. At least your waves are blonde and not grey like mine.

The other day I told a friend that I liked my hair a lot in theory (especially the healthy, no maintenance aspect of it) but in reality, I look in the mirror and see a woman who smokes two packs a day, lives in a trailer with her 9 cats and buys lottery tickets at the convenience store (where she also shops for groceries). Please forgive any resemblance, real or imagined, to an actual YLFer. After overhearing this hubs said, "yeah, I think we might need to grow out your layers and start straightening it again." The straightening was what fried my hair to a crisp in the first place, so we'll see.

All this is just to say that I think I know exactly how you feel. And it's a feeling, isn't it? If you feel frumpy about your hair, you'll have a frumpy hair day. So for what it's worth, here is my brutal and honest opinion. I agree with your assessment of the good curly and not-so-great curly pictures. The first picture looks like a movie-star hairdo, seriously. So young and fun. I vote practice getting that look on the weekends. For the work week, I like it straight, because that says "all business" to me.

OMG LOL at Claire's comments. Too funny. I think you look amazing either way. It's funny b/c I am relatively new here, yet your personality shines though loud and clear whether your hair is curly or straight. You seem to have a persona that can carry either off with panache.

Having said that, I totally get what you are saying as my hair is quite similar (not nearly as stylish). You scare me when you say flat-ironing is on the way out b/c sometimes that's the only way I can get a little polish. My hair left un-blowdried is like a wet cat grown out perm. Limp, lifeless, yet wavy at the ends yet at the same time fried looking. Ok wet cat who stuck his nose in an electric socket.

I really really really like your hair straightened when you are dressed for work - all crisp and polished. Personally I'd definitely keep the curl-thing going on for the weekends. Fun to change it up.

You always look fab in my opinion

I like the straight, polished look better. However, I also prefer mine straightened, but I rarely have the time or the patience to do it. My compromise is to blow dry with with a wide flat or round brush. Takes about 5-6 min more than air-drying and about 10-12 min less than ironing. Maybe there's a compromise for you on days you don't want to take the time to straighten? Maybe a quick blow dry with a small round brush? Mine's not as naturally curly as yours, so I may not know what the heck I'm talking about;-)

This may be beyond obvious to everyone but me - but do you use any product in it? I never used anything until a couple years ago, and even now, such small amounts most people would likely chuckle. Some curl creme or detangler/curl spray when it's wet can help define the waves and avoid frizz.
I use this most wash days. A few sprays and run through the comb. No weird sticky residue or anything. http://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Hai.....B002RS6JQW
I have other stuff but rarely use it (handful of times a month, maybe, at best) because of residue or matte look.

This is unusual for me to say because I normally adore curly hair (mainly because I am envious and would love it for myself), but I prefer your hair straightened. Then I wondered if that was just because I was used to seeing your hair that way in pics, but I don't think it is. You hair looks fab in curly pics 1 and 2, but strikes me as dated in 3, whereas your straightened hair has never struck me as dated at any time.

I also think your hair looks fuller and thicker straightened (which might be because it started from a curly state because straight hair generally looks thinner than curly). While my hair is pretty thick, it is something I am conscious of as I get older, so perhaps that is just my own baggage. But fuller, thicker hair tends to be less aging than finer hair, IMO.

But it is absolutely true that you are beautiful. Full stop. Hair simply isn't going to change that. And most other people who know you will see it in various different states, from "good" curly to "bad" curly to straightened, so as far as "attractiveness" goes, I am all for showing all sides of oneself. If you decide that curly is really an avenue you want to go down more permanently, I think a different cut might work better, but not having curly hair myself, I have no solid advice to offer in that regard.

Oh, this strikes a chord. After years of wearing my hair in a blow-dried straight bob, I let my hair revert to its natural, curly state a few years ago--and I'm still undecided about whether or not I like it. On good days, I see my curly locks looking kicky and youthful, but on bad days, all I see is frizz and frump. Curly hair is just so--unpredictable! I was in control when I wore my hair straight, but curly tosses that notion out the window.

The jury is still out, but I have the feeling that living in the rainy winters of the West Coast might take decision out of my hands.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I like it both ways--curly AND straight. Not much help here.

I prefer #4 but like 1 & 2 also. I am not feeling number 3.

I recently cut my hair off because I was tired of wearing it in its newly natural uber wavy state. I grew up with straight hair and when I hit 38 or so it started going very white and very wavy. Thyroid, meds, etc ... and personally, I love straight hair.

But I did rock it out as wild as it wanted to be for a few years.

I seriously don't think you look bad in any of the pics and don't find any of the styles unflattering, but I do have preferences and I think #4 looks really polished.

Claire, you are so funny!! I love your posts so much -- so much wisdom and humor!!

Mo, this is as good as it gets, with product. *sigh*

It's funny because when I first started straightening my hair I was distressed because I couldn't get it stick straight, but these days the residual puffiness seems to be a plus!

I'm thinking I will follow my gut on this... straight for work and try to get the curls to look as good as possible on the weekends.

But keep the comments coming! They are so wise and very much appreciated!!

I love 2 and 4. I like the volume of those looks with your face.

I LOVE having curly hair, and in the past month have been doing "all the things" for optimum curl. You know what?? I don't like it! Yes, the curls themselves look fantastic, but notsomuch on my head with my face and features. I decided this morning to cut out some of the things and find a routine that I'm happy with. If my hair looks bad to me, I feel blah (or worse) all day.

If straight is how you like it best, then straighten it! (Shoot, I want to re-read your original post but I'm on my phone so I can't...) It's not permanent. Unless your original post mentioned getting it chemically straightened.

You look nice in all the photos, but the fourth one has something extra. I think the straight hair makes you look younger and more polished.

Pastrygirl, it's so funny! I love love love your very-curly hair and I wish my curls were curlier! LOL

I've done the chemical straightening thing but I'm kind of over that for a few reasons -- I don't like the limp look of the first few weeks, and it just grows out too darned fast to make it worth the money. So with a bit of residual natural wave now being a reasonably fashionable look, I'm mostly sticking with the blow dryer with a bit of touching up with the flatiron as needed.

Oh my, I have this same internal argument all the time. I so want to go a la natural curls and no make up and look youthful but end up looking trashy unless I blow dry my hair and then curl it with a curling iron and that totally defeats the purpose, right? However, my hair got too dry to straighten every day so I've decided if I do air dried curls I have to do some makeup. I don't think your curls look aging on you. I really like them in 1 & 2 and your makeup keeps you looking polished. I like your straight hair too...it gives you super polish!

I really loved this post. I can identify with the feelings of wanting to be myself even if that is higher maintenance and/or "artificial". When it comes to hair, my personal opinion is that flattery trumps trend. I also believe that the gut feeling of "this is me" - that amazing feeling of rightness - confirms what is the most flattering look. Sometimes what makes a person feel the most attractive is the ultra low maintenance, I just rolled out of bed and ran my fingers through my hair look, and sometimes it is the fighting against nature and spending time and money on changing the color and/or texture. Ironically, it can be the most artificial choice that looks the most natural if it is truly right and you feel comfortable! So that is my answer to your angst - be true to your gut. (And on a side note, I think that the confidence of feeling beautiful is what makes you the most attractive to men, not which specific hairstyle you have.)

My personal opinion, if I knew nothing of your story, style or your preferences, is that the straight look is the most flattering and youthful on you. I think it is just gorgeous. I also think that the curl is beautiful on you, and think that it is such a fun variable to be able to throw in for a change. I wish that I had more options like that just for the sake of variety!

Ok first off I am jealous of your hair. My hair is stick straight. There is no wash and go. I love that you can do something different with yours.
I think that your feelings on the curly hair are tied to the past. For a more professional look I love your hair straighten but there are days when time is a premium or you don't feel like messing with straightening it. Your hair looks great curly and I think it comes down to what makes you the most comfortable and that may come or a day by day basis.

Well girlfriend, I have been waiting for several weeks now for you to pose this question to the forum - because I've been dying to tell you that I like your hair straight by about a hundred percent over the curly style. (So thank you for letting me finally get that out! I feel so much better now.)
My hair does exactly the same as yours when I try to wear it curly - unpredictable, partly frizzy, partly wavy and partly straight, So frustrating. See pic attached - this was a good day - which happened approximately every 2 weeks or so.
I think that your straight style is much more professional, young, and stylish. And - hey, just stop it about the angst. Looking professional and attractive are good things to strive for!

I think you look great curly or straight. But I have to tell you, as a very curly haired one who has done every straightener in the book before getting comfortable with the curls, my DH hates, and I mean Hates my hair straight. It's taken me years to embrace my curls. So when you think in term of attracting men, there are men who love curls too. And as far as professionalism, curls are breaking into the workforce, the "natural" hair movement has been going strong and slowly curls are being seen as just as professional as straight hair. But ultimately it's how comfortable you feel about your curls. I think they look awesome, but if you don't feel good about them, you're not going to feel your best. I like your plan of straightening during the week and letting them go on the weekends, but just be gentle, it might weaken your curl pattern.

LOL, I think we are all artificially polished! Who can wake up and get out the door without doing something to their hair and at the very least adding a swipe of lip balm?

I don't think straight hair will ever go out of style. It looks so polished and has more sheen. It also shows all the different tones in one's hair color better than curly hair. I love your straight hair for your office looks.

The first two curly styles still maintain that basic bob shape and the volume accentuates your eyes and cheekbones. The third curly look doesn't have the structure of the other two and thus seems more of a basic perm.

I don't know if there is one hairstyle that would perfectly suit when alternating between textures. I think you have to pick the one you want to dominate and then plan that the other way would be just good enough.

I finally found someone who specializes in dry cuts for curly hair, but she warned me that the cut would not work if I wanted to straighten my hair because the ends would not be even. (Since she trims each curl individually and each curl has different tensions, it would make sense that a straightened look would show different lengths.)

With your strong personality and fun, vivacious presence, I really like how the straightened version reflects that.

I do not think the straightened do is aging, so let's get that right out of the way. I like your plan to straighten during the week and experiment with curls on the weekend. I think the curls might look better with a different cut -- your cut looks conceived around the style in #4, not wearing it curly.

What does your hair stylist say about all of this?

Another hand up for having a preference to your hair straightened-for your individual style- at least for your corporate life Mon-Fri.
It looks gorgeous either way- lucky you

Mary, this post really resonated with me.

I actually spent most of my life wearing my hair straight, with various degrees of effort/sleekness, from just brushing and blow-drying to flat-ironing to doing chemical straightening. I only started wearing it curly within the last few years. (Although, ironically, it's straight at this very second, since I just went to get a trim to look polished for a wedding I'm attending, and it ended up being blown straight.)

Basically, it's always been a conflict, because I feel like wearing it curly sometimes makes me look sloppy, especially when I'm dressing up, but wearing it straight sometimes makes me feel overly polished and high-maintenance. I finally decided to embrace the curly because going straight either felt like an irritating amount of effort to look kind of neither here nor there or a huge, unbelievable amount of effort to look good, but sleeker and more conventional than I really feel. I think straight hair can also put the rest of my RATE-ness overly into focus by contrasting so much with it, while relaxed curls just fit with everything else about me.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but it's interesting that I've come to the opposite conclusion as you about the same type of issue. Just goes to show that hair you're comfortable with is the most important thing. And I think you look good both ways, but straight and sleek just seems more you.

MaryK, I do prefer you in straight hair but you look cute in curly hair too. Especially 1 is beautiful. Is there anyway it stays that way?

I also think the straight hair "feels" more like your personality. More business bombshell, too. Curls have this romantic, soft presence - and I think the romantic look kind of always hearkens back to an earlier time (may account for the dated feelings a bit?).

Reading the comments makes me feel just a bit sad for those of us who feel our curls (waves in my case) are dated, aging, or less refined. These are all connotations that could be erased if a fresh breeze blew through fashion featuring curly headed women of all ages and shapes!

I find that taking an iron just to the top of my waves -- which takes about 5 minutes, can add polish to my wavy look. Combined with an air-dry (night shower) this results in less damage. For my "straight" look, I'm asking my stylist to cut for a blow-dried look without benefit of a straightening iron. I don't have time for both, and the iron seems to be the most damaging. I feel like an easy blow dry -- not perfectly straight -- looks freer to me anyway. Still shiny and polished, but less flat and controlled. I also like the added shine in a straight look, particularly with darker hair.

I think color and tone can also affect how a cut and style works. Layers are often lost, for example, on darker hair, particularly in photos. I hesitate to say this to a blonde, because blonds are generally attached to their shade, but I wonder if some lowlights, or a slightly deeper base with highlights would give lots o dimension to your waves. Please don't read this as a criticism of your bombshell blondness (says the faded mid-brunette who must do her roots ASAP).

Hi Mary --

As a wavy-haired person, I acknowledge I'm partners with my hair, not the boss of it. [Given my controlling tendencies I actually find this is a good thing -- the world won't end, I don't get stupider, I'm still funny etc etc even if my hair has a wayward day.]

However, 4 things make for a better-looking partnership:

1. Cut
2. Hair health
3. Product(s)
4. Weather

1. As a few have said upthread, your cut probably isn't optimized for well-behaving waves/curls because you've been wearing it straight the majority of the time. Dry cuts with an experienced stylist are the way to go if you want to maximize volume, flattery, and good hair days.

2. [Ignoring diet/health issues that can affect hair health, but these do matter] I dye to cover grey (damaging). I do the "low-poo" (fairly beneficial) so you're ahead of me with the no-poo. I air-dry the majority of the time (beneficial), use a diffuser and no brush when I do heat (lower end of damaging), and don't use chemical or heat straighteners, curling irons, or brush/blow dry (damaging).

I've read the suggestions to just alternate between straight and wavy looks, and that's fine -- but you'll never get the same performance and predictability out of your waves/curls if you do that.

You have to think of your hair as like a thirsty plant -- when you starve it of moisture via drying/straightening it's not just going to bounce back to a lush shiny state the next day.

ETA I've seen some AMAZING transformations on naturallycurly.com when women chose to commit to waves/curls all/the majority of the time.

It can totally be a PITA to transition to your natural texture (BTDT) but my very thick, very coarse hair is so much softer, shinier, and yes, more manageable since I embraced its natural texture several years ago (if not its natural greys!).

3. I hate product, personally. And I hate experimenting with products, especially as what ends up working the best never seems to match up to recs for my hair type and length! But I have a couple that work in different weather conditions, and yes -- product can add to or detract from ease of management.

4. Whenever I visit SoCal I'm in heaven. Instead of dealing with PNW damp (hello, frizz and slow-drying hair!) I can shower, add product, and have air-dried movie star waves in 40-60 minutes...and if I'm near beach air they just get a little plumper.

So if you want to nurture your waves, I think you live in an IDEAL climate to be 100% wavy all the time yet still have a high degree of control over the end result. #ENVIOUS

Ok, I'm back to this thread, and since I struggle with the same thing, I've been reading the reactions with interest.

First off, you look great either way. There is nothing wrong with embracing your curl. But my personal reaction is that I prefer your hair straight and sleek -- it seems to complement your style and personality the best. I also agree with the observations that your current cut seems to work best straight, and if you were going to commit to the curls, a different cut may work to your advantage. I find that my hair quickly takes on that triangle shape like Alice in Dilbert if I go curly.

I have mixed feelings about my own curly/wavy hair. It was curlier when I was young. I got teased about it, my curls pulled on by classmate, etc. I was a nerdy, girly kid, and the curls just reinforced that in an era when all the cool girls had long, straight (preferably blonde) hair (this would be the late 70s). My sister actually tried laying her hair across the ironing board and ironing her hair with the clothes iron!

So, yes, we can definitely carry feelings and associations from our past into our present preferences. To this date, I feel "cooler" with straight hair. It photographs better, looks shinier and sleeker, etc.

I let my hair go wavy some days mostly out of laziness, and also to give it a break from the stress of blow-drying. I rarely use a hot iron anymore -- I just do what I can with the dryer and a round brush, and make peace with the residual wave that only leaves my hair with professional assistance!

My husband says he likes my hair best when it's either straight-straight or decidedly curly. Which is a slight bummer because either requires more work. I actually sometimes have to work harder to get my curls to behave than I do to smooth them out.

Mary the straightened locks are my fave way for you, but you are lucky to have the option of a wave and curls.

To me, you have a very "cute" and doll like face. Features that look young and fresh. The curls add to the "cuteness" and you have to decide on which occasions you want to play that up or down. When I look at you I think "Straight goes with RATE". Curly goes with full skirts and cardi is and pearls. (This imho). Both looks are feminine, but if straightened hair goes with your personality and what you want to project both professionally and personally, then your "true hair" is straight.

Hope this makes sense. K

So, I wonder, do most YLF members with curly/wavy hair straighten their hair nearly all the time? Seems that many do. I saw Marley's post and loved her waves immediately (though I'm not so sure she loves them). And I've fought mine most of my life - sometimes I think I'm crazy for worrying about it, so I def. have a love/hate relationship with my own.

Claire cracked me up too - and I can relate to that feeling somewhat. You know, I've found that for me it's best to do my makeup and clothes first, then hair. Something about having my face and clothing "done" makes it easier to be more relaxed about my hair. Of course if one doesn't wear makeup, that part's a moot point.

And just to be clear - I didn't mean straight hair in itself seems dated. What I mean is if is obvious that one is forcing the hair to be in a particular style it can come off as a bit too "done" or something. I take mine to that point sometimes where it is too straight and too perfectly rolled under, etc. where it doesn't look like i could possibly have hair that does this naturally.

So what I guess I personally think is more current is hair that at least appears to be naturally styled as opposed to "set."

And as Vix said the cut is so important! If you are getting a haircut for straight styles it can be different than for curly/wavy styles so I think it's important for the stylist to really understand your desire. My hair has layers so going perfectly straight doesn't work very well.

I can't thank you all enough for all the thoughtful, honest, and tactful input on this thread!! You all have reaffirmed my gut feeling that straightening is my best bet for the work week. Interestingly, though, given the fashion move towards wavier hair, I'm doing much less actual flat-ironing. Mostly just blow drying and touch-ups as needed with the iron. I feel like that still lets it look a little more natural and not quite as "done." And for weekends I will keep experimenting with the curly look -- but definitely straightening the front, which I agree is much better!

You all are the best!!

I'm looking forward to seeing photos of the wavy version! Sounds great, and a fun way to play with a change without feeling like it's too dramatically different.

True fact: I didn't even know people straightened their hair until I read an article about Chelsea Clinton's hair when I was in college. I grew up with a hippie mom with naturally straight-ish hair, and I honestly didn't know that most/many people highlight, color, straighten, etc. Now I see the benefits, for sure. My hair turns wavy rather than curly after a few days of no washing plus combing it out, and I like that look. There's a blowouts-only salon near me and I'm now tempted to try a real blowout once just to see.