I am definitely an introvert but not very shy, although I was shy as a child. I think this continuum depends on how you recharge your battery. I am stimulated by and crave interactions with people that are deep and meaningful (and yet, I can be over-stimulated very easily) but they don't recharge my battery. For that, I need alone time. I read Susan Cain's Quiet too and have figured out that I pretend to be an extrovert because we live in a culture and time that reveres the "personality" (an extrovert). Like Gaylene describes, I'm in a career that values extroversion (teaching) so I work "my wrong hand". I definitely have less social energy during the school year. I relate to Diana's description of 'non' people who don't use up social energy. For me, there are only two people like that in my life - my husband and my daughter.

Another non-shy introvert here. Suz's words are what I'd choose to describe myself too. I am good in FRONT of a crowd - can speak well , direct a meeting, etc, but cannot bear to be PART of that crowd. I'm absolutely not shy, and in fact can maybe take it too far the other way at times when I feel free to talk to just about anyone. And say just about anything. Lack of fear and common sense, my DH says. But at the end of the day - figuratively and literally - I need to know where the escape route is. I have taken the Myers Briggs (and other ) tests frequently, and score very high on the introvert scale. One of my closest friends is an absolutely extrovert and we laugh at our differences- she exhausts me just listening to her but she reminds me to go out and do things , and I inspire her to take it down a notch (her words) sometimes . Vive le difference.

Oh, and I'm with DianeG regarding having guests stay in the house: I am not even happy to have family stay with me. I'm rather horrible that way and wish I was more comfortable with it, but I'm not. I'm not a great house guest either in that regard. Man I need to lighten up!

I do recommend to everyone interested in this topic, the Susan Cain book that has been mentioned:

Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that won't stop talking

If you love the title you probably don't have any doubts left about who you are! Ahhh...Quiet. The world talks too much. Too. Much. Noise.

What she does best is explain the roots of our current culture's bias towards extroversion, and takes away any bit of guilt over your introvert traits. Any of that feeling that there is something wrong with you for not being the life of the party is just swept away by her insights and research. Very good book!

Thanks for the very interesting responses to my question. Wow. SO MANY INTROVERTS. Highly functioning Introverts for sure. Like a 50/50 split between Introversion and Extroversion - since it's on a continuum - is probably common on this forum (a wild guess of course).

Thanks for the lesson, Teacher Gaylene. As a Psycho major myself - you are bang on the money with your fine detail.

I can scarcely believe that I'm the only Extrovert so far. (Been tested a few times - ENFJ on Myers Briggs without a shadow of a doubt - 90% plus in each category). I generally do not like being alone unless I am shopping and doing a task, errand - you know what I mean.

I think there are a lot of introverts on this forum!

And I am ready to hang out at an artist's retreat with Peri, rabbit, Irene, Gaylene, Kerry, LisaP, Kiwigal, DianeG, or any others who want to join us non-shy introverts any time! I would gladly listen to your artist or teacher or editor or book and arts industry talks, give one of my own that you might enjoy, visit your studio and talk about your work, examine your creations, listen to your playing, gab like crazy with you on walks or at meals, and then go off to my room where I could be on my own for hours.

Actually, I want to LIVE at an artist's retreat.

To my mind, it is perfect.

In the best ones, you have your own space. A room, a studio (maybe both) and a bathroom that you don't have to share.

And at least some meals are shared. You don't have to go to them, so if you are working hard, you can work through. But if you're at a stuck place or just feel like company, off you go to the meal. Which you do not have to cook. (Even though I enjoy cooking, I love not having to worry about it.)

There are events you can choose to attend or not, and you don't have to feel obligated if you choose not to go, the way we often feel in real life.

You can hike, bike, or otherwise enjoy exercise in the outdoors on your own. Or with others if you prefer.

And the need for time alone or in smaller groups is understood and supported.

This is what introverts find difficult in the regular world. I used to teach high school, and I loved the kids, loved their energy -- but entire days of it drained me. I would go home feeling stressed and jangled. It would take me a while to settle down and I didn't have energy left over for doing much.

Equally, though, at my recent online job, I often missed teamwork and companionship. It is one thing to be alone for my creative work (hugely necessary!!!) and another to be alone all the time for what I consider more mundane work. In that case, I love to work with others.

Yesterday I spoke with a novelist who collaborates with a friend to write her books. I must say, it sounded like incredible fun. They text each other with tons of ideas at the generating stage. Then one of them writes a draft; then they both go over it and edit. And the one who doesn't write first drafts is more of a business person who does the selling.

This is for commercial fiction, though. Not sure how it would work for more literary work.

Gaylene's explanation is best. We're all on a continuum, and many of us train ourselves to exist comfortably enough in a mode that is less natural. But the main criterion is what recharges you -- time alone to reflect, or more time with others? In my case, the reflective time is recharging, and the social time, however deeply enjoyable, is draining. Give me a few minutes on my own and I perk back up and get ready to enjoy my fellow humans again.

Suz, you are an introverted version of myself. Have fun at your Artist's Retreat with your YLF buddies.

Jokes aside, you make perfect sense. Greg would probably enjoy an Artists Retreat like you - as long as it was wired up, modern, cozy and very comfortable. I on the other hand, would probably not enjoy it. I never feel emotionally drained by social activity. Quite the opposite. That's why I'm on a high when I've been shopping with a client. Stress - on the other hand - drains me. Especially the stress of a sick loved one.

Suz, it would be an absolute pleasure to join you on one of those retreats. Sounds fab!! Lisa, High five on house guests!

BTW I did a quick run through one of those personality questionnaires the other day. I didn't really think too hard about the answers so I may retake it again, but I came out as ISFJ.

Another non-shy introvert. People think I'm an extrovert because I function well in my job. However said job drains me. I much prefer being alone outside of work.

How many of you introverts are truly alone?
I empathize with Irene. My clinical training year in NYC, specifically The Bronx, was absolutely horrible because I had no friends there, nor was able to make any.

Angie, I think it makes absolute sense that you are the extrovert in a field of more introverts. It would take an extrovert to create your business, your website, and this forum. But what you have created is a perfect world for introverts. We can engage in deep conversations such as this one, on topics that interest us, at a time and in a method and place of our own choosing. We can disengage easily whenever we wish to, with no one really noticing we have temporarily left the party. And then come back in when we are ready. And even PM someone if we want to talk further...but that someone can answer later if they want.

In fact, every word Suz wrote about the artists retreat applies to the YLF forum. It is a perfect retreat.

And Suz, I'd love to go!

That's beautifully put Peri.

Peri makes a very interesting point: forums are perfect for an introvert and perhaps their success is dependent upon having an extroverted forum leader. I've never thought of this before, and know I'm understanding why even here I need to get away and not read certain post topics for periods of time. Even though forum participation of any kind is voluntary, there is still a sense of belonging ...which is why I often feel conflicted about being part of this particular forum . Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I can't handle it. Just like in real life - although here I can control it better Wow - epiphany of the day!

Anna, you raise a good point. There is a huge difference between choosing to spend time alone and being alone because circumstances place you in that position. Even strong introverts can get lonely

The introvert's need to be alone is really about wanting time to reflect and think by oneself as opposed to extraverts who derive energy and ideas from interacting with others. Loneliness is more about feeling disconnected, or cut off, from others around you.

Suz's retreat sounds positively idyllic to my ears. It did make me laugh, though, because it brought to mind one retreat I went to with some of my colleagues. We were housed in a small cabin with five individual sleeping rooms--four introverts and one strong extravert. After eating dinner together in the small shared communal space the first evening, laughing and talking, drinking wine, and enjoying each other's company, four of us promptly retreated to our private rooms to spend the rest of the evening reading our books. The lone extravert looked stunned, then desolate, when she realized what was happening because she was still buzzing and animated while the rest of were ready for our quiet time. Our solution was to rotate one member of our introverted set to "take one for the team" every evening just so we didn't feel so guilty about leaving her stranded!

(Hehe, ladywone, *guru RachyLou.* You've heard of sage advice. I'm dying to sit on a mountain top with a sandwich board: Random Advice.)

Trivia and small thoughts: The term ambivert seems to me to have gained some steam, in reference to the spectrum between introvert and extrovert. Also, the majority of Americans they keep saying are extroverts. Has to be this number is bumped up with training.

Answering the question: I'm really straight up the middle between (non-shy) introvert and extrovert. I, quite frankly, love a giant crush where you're in danger of being stampeded to death. My teenaged years apparently involved a lot of parties comparatively. I like *to do.* I like having guests. On the other hand, I'm not high energy, but am rather slow burn (and a complete lack of coordination makes me unfit for sport), and I *experience surgency* from contemplation. I am not *the* life of the party.

I have three thoughts on related matters:

• I cannot imagine being like Paul and Linda McCartney who, it's said, only ever spent one night apart. Paul has said their thing was to hang out. My reaction is: That would have to be true, and what a lot of hanging out. I cannot imagine all that doing of nothing. I have individual pursuits and personal interests.
• I love one-on-one's and tiny groups, and then the giant mad gala. I feel the most difficult to navigate is the middling sized party group (as opposed to the same size seminar or something). It's a bit rude to go off and chat with one person. You don't want to make anyone feel trapped listening to you, and you don't want to abandon anyone either. You can't really address the whole crowd without making a speech, and then you're called on to perform - but at that size crowd, you rather have to wait until you get there to see how the cookie crumbles. And a speech on the fly can be a tall order. A mid-size party takes the most careful social orchestration by the host/hostess.
• As I mentioned on ladywone's thread, even tho I'm straight up the middle - I can't just switch back and forth on a moment's notice between extrovert and introvert. They are like separate neural pathways for me. It's a big switchover for me, and I have to re-gear my whole self and life to do it. It's like a mobile home... mobile in a pretty non-mobile way. Lol.

I'm more extrovert than introvert, but not overly so. I don't care that much about attending social events, and the customer service aspect of my job is turning me into an introvert simply because of all the people I meet who think the world revolves around them and can't be pleased no matter what is done to appease them. It has given me a jaded view of the world that I didn't have before I started this job 5 years ago.

I'm 200% introvert. Hubby is introvert too, although less so.
And it's a great point made by previous posters about choosing to be alone vs. circumstances forcing us to.
We move to NJ from Montreal a few years ago and didn't really manage to make any friends. Sadly, it does get harder and harder with age - and we are so busy with new careers and kids now that rebuilding social life definitely takes special effort.

Oh right and having gone outside for a constitutional: It has to be said a farmer's market is such a cute idea until there's one across the street and you can't leave your house without being overrun by the demanding *needs* of strangers...

Very interesting discussion. I think I am one of the few extroverts, I am the same as Angle ENFJ although I have also been ENFP...the F and the P are close.

Peri, I love what you wrote, such wise words!!

You all make a lot of sense. Fab discussion.

Rachy, you're right. I think most people are ambivert, and very high functioning Introverts.

Kiwigal, HIGH FIVE. So far it's just you and me. We need to end up at Sue's Retreat together to keep each other company. (Great story, Gaylene).

Anna, good distinction.

Peri, I never thought about it that way. Thanks for the wisdom. Totally sensical, and quite obvious actually - now that you've explained the dynamic. I have endless energy to socialize here. The only thing that slows things down is my RSI (sore arms and wrists).

Angie (and others) - can you define a high-functioning introvert? Is it an introvert who is not necessarily perceived as such?

I am an extrovert married to an extremely high extrovert if I can say that. I love meeting people talking to them and enjoying their company

I am an introvert and am able to function quite well in a large group for about an hour. Then I need to find a place to hide, sometimes the bathroom, to regain energy to face the crowd again. I have always been able to get up in front of a crowd, though. I grew up performing but always felt it was very solitary. Give the audience what they want, adjust to their needs, take care of them. But, I never felt part of the group when performing and I do not believe performers are all extroverts. I like the term "closet introvert". I had a co-worker the told me once, I could have a good time locked in a closet by myself. She was so right. I also agree this site is perfect for introverts. We are alone yet together.

Okay after rereading these answers I have decided I'm both - not in the middle of a continuum but partly total extrovert and partly total introvert. I'm equally happy and energized by time alone (like my recent week in bush Alaska) and by large gatherings like an Indian wedding - in balance. Too much of either and I swing to the other extreme. So omnivert it is!

And I would be that person at Gaylene's retreat hoping everyone would stay up all night drinking and talking - that sounds so familiar that I had to wonder if I'd been there.

So apparently there is such thing as an ambivert:

http://www.scienceofpeople.com.....introvert/

But again, I don't feel like this is me, in the middle of a continuum. I feel more like two extremes combined - which is not the same as averaging out to the middle. Anyone else out there feel this way?

What Una wrote People can & do energize me but I also need my down time or my life doesn't feel right.

Would true extraverts rather be at a bad party or home alone? I know I would always prefer home, so maybe I'm a very socialised introvert

Anna makes a great point too - being alone is not the same as loneliness. No-one thrives on loneliness imo.

Caro, you can be lonely and in the middle of a group also.

I've pegged myself as both at different times but if I think big picture, I'm probably a quiet extrovert. I'm not the life of the party but I do generally show up to them, and I can't leave my house without finding someone to chat with

Would true extraverts rather be at a bad party or home alone?

An interesting question! Our extroverts will have to tell us!

When I was school age, I remember I'd always start at the back of the bus with the party crowd, but would move forward after awhile. I'd miss the high spirit, but would give it up for smarter people. I know it's supposed to be an unfair stereotype that popularity and intelligence don't go together - but let's just say high spirited people can *act* pretty moronic.

Define "bad party". :). Maybe that tells you where I stand.

Going to Party's/Events practically makes me cry - they stress me out. I have gotten over it for work and can now walk around and chat with people. I can't stand malls or big box stores - to many people and don't get me started about airports or movie theatres.
One on one is best. I'm known for the 3 hour breakfast with friends one on one.
I find it fascinating that people draw energy from the crowd. I am always drained.