I'm a shy introvert. I know they are two different things, but I am both. I love being alone. I love quiet. My husband is the same, though he is slightly more social than I am. Our home is our sanctuary - we don't entertain or have house guests. I can't go out after being at the office all day or after being at one of my son's all day baseball tournaments. I've got to have several hours of recovery after several hours of engagement.

I'm definitely an introvert and am also fairly shy. I like people, but I just get really drained when I have to deal with them too long and go into what I think of as "screen saver mode," where I kind of tune out except for the minimal acceptable interaction.

I actually love big cities -- I think partly because they let me get stimulation and variety without having to be social.

And I agree with Rachy that medium parties are the worst. They're too big to just sit around and chat rather than actively mingling, yet small enough that you feel conspicuous if you're standing around not talking. So it's a lot of having to keep going from person to person talking long enough to be polite, but not long enough to be that person they're stuck with. Ugh.

Something like Suz's artists' retreat sounds great to me too!

Like many here, I'm definitely an introvert, but I can act the part of an extrovert when I need to. I recharge on my alone time. I function pretty well in groups of all sizes, but I need breaks to regain my energy and focus.

Shyness is a different thing. I can be shy -- I was quite shy when I was young, and I have my moments now, like when I go to an event by myself where I don't know anyone. I really need to prod myself to go out sometimes because my comfort zone is at home with a book. But once I'm out, I'm rarely sorry I made the effort.

I like being part of a group, but I also tend to do a lot of things alone that other people prefer in groups or with a partner -- running/cycling, travel, etc. The first time I joined a group for a photography workshop, I was quite nervous about the prospect, but my excitement for the new experience outweighed any anxiety.

My mother was very, very introverted. I think my father was too. My sister is also. My husband seems much more extroverted than I am, but he has his moments of introversion too.

I test as an INFP. I'm not very extreme on any of those spectrums, but I'm pretty decisively an "I."

True deb very true.

Una hmm I've been to a lot of social events (including parties) that I couldn't wait to leave. I don't know if I have a proper explantation. It's when the vibe or undercurrent is off (for me) somehow. It's often due to lots of tension between people or groups. Sounds weird, I know, but I seem to suck it all in somehow & end up being exhausted by it. Fun gatherings, on the other hand, are stimulating & fun.

I test ENFP on M/B but always close to centre.

Oh, I do understand the bad party. The only time I feel uncomfortable is when things seem violent or hostile. Otherwise I am such an inveterate and curious spectator of human behavior that I will stay for almost anything. It's hard to explain...

Like Angie, I too am amazed at all the introverts here.

I need to find a free accurate MB test!

I just did two Myers Briggs, Human Metrics and 16 personalities and came up ENFJ for both with the F/P one being the closest.  When I first did one back when I was about 20 I was ENFP but I have changed through life circumstances.

Oops eta to say Entj

I haven't read through any of the replies, although I look forward to doing so tomorrow with a cup of coffee! I'm off to bed in a couple of minutes. But to briefly answer the question (because this is a fun sort of question!) -- I think I'm middle of the road. I'm not shy. I've been told I can come off as a bit aloof at the very start (I don't feel aloof, though), but I quickly warm up to people. I can be very chatty. I like conversation, I enjoy parties, and I don't mind being the centre of attention -- provided I'm in the mood. On the other hand, I definitely need a certain amount of "down" time every day, where I need to be alone and not answering any questions. I chronically daydream and doodle. I can only focus at one thing at a time (I'm useless at multitasking!) and I don't like being touched by strangers.

What I can say for sure is that I make a conscious effort to write the way I speak. I'm curious -- do I come off as an extravert or an introvert here, on this forum?

This is a very interesting discussion. I have done the Myers Briggs Inventory several times and tested INFP. I dislike structure although I am very organized. I go by my intuition first and then think through the reasoning. When I looked at possible careers for INFPs I was in the perfect career.

The artist's retreat sounds like being held captive to me. I do some writing and I have been invited to retreats. I always say no and then have to try to explain why. The same for Yoga retreats. I read a book about a writer who experienced this and she never went to one again. I would rather work on my own. Extreme introvert who hates structure.

I like going to parties with my friends. When I was working I enjoyed going to conferences and meeting new people who did similar work. I like interacting with people and discussing interests, life stories, etc. I love having people come and stay with us. We bought our house so that people could come and stay.

DH and I moved to a new town when we retired 3 years ago. For him it was 5 years ago. We also travel a lot and visit different Yoga studios. Most of the time we meet people through the Yoga studios. Sometimes we meet people when we are walking our dog. It has been different to start making friends again but in some ways it seems easier because work doesn't take up all my psychic energy.

Something that occurred to me whilst thinking about personalities and extrovert/introvert was that I wondered if any of you have come across emotional/psychological vampires? The term is used when describing people who leave you feeling drained when you've spent time with them http://www.drjudithorloff.com/.....rvival.htm

I had a friend a few years ago and every time I'd been round to her house for a few hours I came home feeling exhausted, depressed, unworthy etc. She was very needy, her life seemed like one long drama and if we went out anywhere she would just talk to shop assistants/bartenders/other men(she was married !!) etc while I stood there feeling cheesed off. She always wanted attention too.

Anyway the upshot is that I ended the friendship and as it turned out, it was the best thing I ever did. It has however, made me more careful and wary who I become friends with.

I think any introverts really need to be careful not to hook up with people like this as it makes matters a whole lot worse. Time spent with a friend should fill you up, not drain you. You should leave a get-together feeling happy and so should she/he.

Yes, I've encountered people like that, Diane. Narcissists and needy individuals are the worst, I find, and you're right, they can sap your energy totally. It doesn't help that introverts tend to be good listeners!

Its interesting kiwigal that you mentioned coming out with different myers Briggs results at different times ... I've been both also ... So I think maybe i tend this adapt to my surroundings, or else maybe I'm in the Centre and just swing one way or the other from time to time ... Don't want to hijack the thread but it would be interesting to know if others have changing mb scores ...

Torontogirl, you're probably somewhere close to the middle and you get different scores when you try different tests -- or try the same test at different times. I've tried them on a few occasions, and I either get ENTJ or INTJ. The last three categories stay the same, but it comes out as extravert sometimes and introvert at others, which is what makes me think I'm "middle-of-the-road" on the extraversion scale.

I was close to someone who is an emotional vampire. I always referred to her as an energy sucker. A short conversation with her always made me feel like I had no energy left. She needs professional help. I don't know if she'll ever get it or not, but several people (including me) tried to help her, to no avail. In the end, I had to make the difficult decision to end our friendship and all communications with her.

That said, there are plenty of great people in the world. Hang around them, and you'll be fine. Don't hang around the grumpy people if you don't have to. I'm not talking about people who are going through a tough time and need your moral support. I'm referring to the ones who aren't happy without a lot of drama in their lives and want to drag you down along with them.

I am either INFJ or INTJ depending on the day (I suspect that I am naturally more F but due to my training as a scientist I have developed more T qualities). I vaguely remember that we have a shocking number of INFJs here, way more than the very small number (4%?1%?) in the general population. I guess it makes sense though - lots of creative, introspective types.

Re:parties and social gatherings. I often tell my husband that I am going to "turn into a pumpkin" and he knows that means we have to leave.

Thanks Aziraphale - I think I am either ENFP or INFP ... so that makes sense

According to MBTI theory (disclosure--one time I was a certified facilitator), preferences are present at birth and endure for life. That said, there are several reasons why people get different results at different times. First, there are hundreds of "tests" loosely based on the MB dimensions; the actual MB inventory is quite long and takes some time to evaluate, unlike the popular "quick and dirty" tests that abound on the Internet. Also many tests are confusing because they ask what you "do", not what you "prefer". The distinction is important because most people have trained themselves to exhibit behaviors that are socially acceptable or advantageous for the circumstances in which they find themselves. Finally, as many people have pointed out, it is harder to determine your "type" preference if you are in the middle of the continumn; it takes a skilled practitioner to ask the right questions to help many mid-rangers figure out their preference (same is true for older people who have years of "doing" that can mask preferences).

Finally, I think it's important to realize that MBTI is just a theory to help us understand differences in human perception and behaviour. The tenets of the theory are certainly open to dispute. In my opinion, the value comes from not putting a label on my, or another person's, forehead, but on helping me understand not everyone perceives the world, or behaves, in the way I might expect. All of us tend to be egocentric in our ways of seeing and interpreting the world around us, and, if MBTI can knock us a bit out of our self absorption, that is, to me at least, its real value.

This is so, so, interesting to me. I really appreciate what Gaylene has just written about how MBTI knowledge can help us understand each other as well as ourselves. That is so, so true of my own experience. I didnt' really know a lot about the differences between introversion, shyness, extroversion and outgoing personalities until just a few years ago when it came up in discussion quite by accident. It has really helped me understand why and who I am attracted to in friendships and closer relationships. It's also helped me understand myself better, as I sure was confused about , well, myself! I am usually seen or described as outgoing and can be the life of the party but only because I am not shy at all and have a decent level of self confidence out in the world....and thus extroverted was often used to describe me. Could not be further from the truth.

Aziraphale - to answer your question, to me you project as an introvert , and for several reasons. One of the main ones being that I identify with most, if not all of what you write here, and the things you like. There is some intuitive notion that we would be a lot alike. Anyways, we could go on forever here!!

Makes total sense, Gaylene. To be honest, I always run into difficulty when answering these kinds of questionnaires. I'm neither perceptive nor particularly self-aware. I find that other people are better at assessing my characteristics than I am. Also, the "quick and dirty" tests often ask questions like "do you prefer to sit with a book or go to a party?", which is a unhelpful question -- it totally depends on what kind of mood I'm in that day!

ETA -- that's interesting, LisaP! I definitely come off as an extravert in real life. So I've been told.

I also just corrected my earlier post. I meant to write INTJ (or ENTJ), not INTP.

First, don't know how I missed this thread, but to answer the question I consider myself an introvert in that I relish my alone time or one on one time with someone. Large groups or gatherings do not excite me, but tire me out easily. Plus when I have a conversation, I like it to be meaningful one on one and not small talk within a large group. Many times when I attend a large event I go out on my own, meaning I leave the group to explore the surrounding area. I usually encounter another person or two who do the same and we then engage in some meaningful conversation.

I'm introverted, for sure, and an INTJ to boot (waves to Diana). I was shy as a kid as well as naturally introverted, and have dealt with social anxiety for most of my life. As I've gotten older I've learned how to adapt and deal with social situations more appropriately, and now I even look forward to parties and other social occasions when it's a group of people I enjoy, but they're always draining, and I need regular time alone to recharge.

Big cities and large crowds of people stress me out, and if I had to live in the middle of a big city for the rest of my life I'd probably become an agoraphobic and never go anywhere. I love to travel and see new places, but it's definitely draining.

When I 'discovered' introversion and high sensitivity in my 20s - Elaine Aron's books are great - it really helped me understand a lot about myself. I'm finally getting around to reading Susan Cain's book Quiet, too, which synthesizes a lot of the recent findings about personality and introversion versus extroversion, and the cultural framework - the US is one of the most extroverted nations, which suggests that at least some of the I/E split is learned, not innate.

Complete extrovert checking in! I love people - all sorts of people. And find conversations and interactions with others to feed my soul. I have no problem walking into a crowded room full of strangers and striking up a conversation. In fact Friday evening, my BFF and I went to a Wine Festival and I had just as much fun conversing with people from all walks of life as I did tasting the wine! Loved the vibe and energy.

And I love to hear people's stories about their lives - I think everyone is fascinating and has something to offer that I can learn from in their own way. In fact I'm the person that homeless folks ask for money and we end up talking for an hour about how they're doing, what happened to them that resulted in them ending up where they are - that sort of thing.

Too much quiet and alone time makes me sad.

And it's funny because my hubby is the exact opposite - he could be a perfectly happy hermit

This is actually a really tricky question for me - can I be a shy extrovert? I have a hard time striking up conversations with strangers but I like people, parties, and large crowds. I'm also a big reader, but I would take a party (with people I know) over staying home and reading a book. I don't like to be alone too much, even with a great book, because I get restless and bored. I've never lived alone and have no desire to ever live alone. I would be the one in Garlene's story who would want to stay up and talk. But I find gatherings of people I don't know well to be really draining. It really depends on the circumstances whether I find the situation energizing or draining.

I am an introvert (waves to the other INTJs) and shy to boot. It probably didn't help that my mom pounded it into my head that I shouldn't talk to strangers; getting over that lesson has been hard! I am married to quite an extrovert, so I tag along and take cues from him. When she was little, I thought DD was an introvert, but now I'm pretty sure that she's an extrovert especially since she's said she wouldn't want to live alone or have a "single" dorm room. DH and DD are my un-people (thanks Diana!) and I don't find them draining at all.

I'm both shy and an introvert. I know how to practice hospitality and a be in a group but it's always an effort for me. Now that I have a child quickly overstimulated in groups, I don't tend to hang around noisy situations long. unfortunately that includes church.

Complete and total introvert....but I am not at all shy. It took me years to figure out why I am how I am, as the child of two very extroverted parents who didn't know what to do with me and didn't have an understanding of personality types.

As I raised my own children, I was fiercely protective of my one introverted child (out of 3) and made sure he had time alone to regroup.

I'm a soft spoken extrovert. Or an introverted extrovert. Or an extroverted introvert. Seriously! I love parties - large ones are great but I prefer small gatherings. I LOVE talking to people and getting to know them.

Big cities? Love 'em. The noise outside my hotel window actually lulls me to sleep. Small towns? A slice of Americana. Sign me up for a weekend stay.

You need someone to be the spokesperson in a group of introverts? I'm your gal, I'll volunteer. You need someone to be the spokesperson in a group of extroverts? Not me, no thanks.

Need someone for Karaoke? Dancing? A competition at school in front of the students where I have to come in dancing and punching to "Eye of the Tiger" and then hula hoop for two minutes? (Oh yes that happened last week). I'll do it!

But speak in front of a group of people over the age of 18? No way, no how, please, please, no.

So, while I consider myself an extrovert, I'm more the soft spoken one. The introverted extrovert. Or...

Peri's epiphany sounds just right to me: a lot of hermit crabs peeking out at each other, encouraged to share thoughts at the urging of our extroverted leader, then scuttling back into our shells! Without question an introvert of the non-shy type, I can enjoy public speaking, and love one-on-one conversations about almost anything, but large parties, crowded cities, and other noisy places make me very unhappy, and if I go more than a day without solitude I become tired, anxious and irritable. I've always thought of this as the quick test of which camp one belongs to: extroverts are people who, like Angie, feel energized by lots of people and action, whereas introverts are recharged by quiet time alone. Communicating via computer feels to me like a conversation in a quiet room, and thus spares the "batteries."

Tulle: "I've always thought of this as the quick test of which camp one belongs to: extroverts are people who, like Angie, feel energized by lots of people and action, whereas introverts are recharged by quiet time alone." I've heard that this is the way to do it, but I can't answer the question one way or the other. If I'm in the right mood, then a crowded, noisy party is invigorating. If I'm not, it's exhausting.

Just a question to you all in general: Does liking the city life suggest that you're an extravert? It seems like it should. Life on a tiny island or in a small town would be cruel and unusual punishment for me. But part of what I like about the city is the anonymity -- I'm not likely to run into anyone I know when I'm out. That seems more introvert-y.

Aziraphale, not true for me. In a small town I find myself chatting with everyone about everything, and I love it. I find it easier to be extroverted in these settings where everyone is open, curious, and ready to share - vs. the city which is often cloaked in busy anonymity. I love cities too, but don't find them as conducive to friendly small talk. So I think you are right about introverts and city life.

I test as an ENFP on a couple of the cheap free sites. That seems astounding to me as someone who works in the legal field. But being emotionally intuitive does provide an advantage in evaluating fact-based situations, and it looks like this is the one category of extroverts that are also rejuvenated by time alone, which fits me as well.